Ally Boo Posted August 24, 2008 Share Posted August 24, 2008 Short background: I am in Louisiana, my bf is from Brooklyn. He moved here in May. We met online 1.5 years ago, where we spent every day talking for hours. He was my best friend and I asked him to move here because I was hurting and thought I needed him to be here...was tired of being apart and going through life without him. He's 10 years my junior. My boyfriends brother attempted suicide a few weeks ago. This stemmed some deep conversation that showed me a side of him I never knew. His brother is my age. He said that he and his brother look at life in the same way. He told me he does not have any real emotions or feelings inside because the things that a normal person may find important- isn't important to him. From what I gather, he chooses to not feel anything so that he can always be rational and think clearly. Because of this, he feels like he is a better and stronger person because he can see things in a different way- which makes him feel superior. So, I asked him: "So, you are saying you actually don't feel the emotion/feeling of love, and you just choose to allow your actions to show love to me so I will think you love me?" He said "Yes. If you think I love you, what does it matter what is inside?" This did not sit well with me and we went around and around the subject for almost a week and we can't see eye to eye on it. He doesn't set goals because of it, etc. Then, I remembered something that happened about a year ago. When he was still in NYC, I told him I didn't want to be in a relationship with him, just to be friends...and a week later his brother came to me and asked what was going on. He didn't want me to tell my now bf that we spoke- because the boys just don't talk about emotions or anything like that. He told me he had stopped eating, couldn't really sleep, etc. I mean, it's not that I was there to see him act the way he was acting, so if he felt as upset as he seemed to be to his brother, how could he not actually feel anything? So, I brought that to my bf's attention. I said, "How do you explain this behavior if you don't actually love?" And he just sat there and said, "Well, there you go." I talked to my mom and she said that no one is perfect- he's probably just been really hurt in the past and maybe escaping something from NYC- afterall he did move at 19 to be with me and that's kind of a big deal for someone- especially that age. She thinks that since he seems like a nice guy, I should just be patient with him. Although, my mother likes him a lot. In fact, she pretty much disowned me once when I decided that I wanted to be single before. She said that I never want to be happy and I just can't stand having a good guy. This is also the woman who convinced me to marry my ex husband- which was a huge mistake. So, I'm not sure what to think about her. He constantly shows his arrogance (which even my mother recognizes). Last night, we were talking about a movie and he said, "I don't think you'll get it." He had said something similiar to that earlier. I finally got really upset and told him to stop insulting my intelligence...and that I actually have shown HIM things from deep movies that he'd never recognized before. He just kinda shrugged his shoulders and said he was sorry. I know I'm under a lot more stress because he's here. He still hasn't learned to drive, for example, but this was something I knew he couldn't do to begin with, so I feel like its pointless for me to allow it to get to me. Sorry for rambling, I just need yalls perspectives before I write him off for being a sociopath. Link to post Share on other sites
lovestruck818 Posted August 24, 2008 Share Posted August 24, 2008 I didn't even read your post but all I saw was Brooklyn, so I'm not surprised he's a jerk. I'm not a big fan of Brooklyn. I know there are nice areas but I hae yet to see ANY and i have been all over Brooklyn- most of it crap. They all have that cheesy accent (goddamit things have "R's") annnnd they all think they are so tough b/c they are from Brooklyn, like they are best- "it's the Brooklyn way or the hughway". I hate brooklyn. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted August 24, 2008 Share Posted August 24, 2008 He's 19. And he sounds like it. I'd say that's more the issue than his being from NY. Link to post Share on other sites
monkey00 Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 Sorry but the whole new york thing is just a poor excuse for his lackluster immature behavior and arrogance. I'm a native yorker here and I don't think I've met anyone like that. If anything it seems as though he's out of touch with his emotions. Some people are emotionally distant because they fear of taking the risk of being vulnerable and getting hurt. It doesn't have to do with women per say, it can be with anyone involving relationships and the issue of trust. Though I do have a friend who on occasion has too much pride that's fed by his insecurities...but that's another story. Is he afraid of something or has some insecurity about opening up? Link to post Share on other sites
BrooklynBridge Posted August 27, 2008 Share Posted August 27, 2008 I didn't even read your post but all I saw was Brooklyn, so I'm not surprised he's a jerk. I'm not a big fan of Brooklyn. I know there are nice areas but I hae yet to see ANY and i have been all over Brooklyn- most of it crap. They all have that cheesy accent (goddamit things have "R's") annnnd they all think they are so tough b/c they are from Brooklyn, like they are best- "it's the Brooklyn way or the hughway". I hate brooklyn. As a native from Brooklyn I can tell you that you are the most clueless and ignorant person to ever utter any words about Brooklyn. But just to keep with the theme of how you lump together a borough of 2.5 million people into one stupid stereotype, you can go **** yourself. Brooklyn eats people like you alive..... Link to post Share on other sites
lovestruck818 Posted August 27, 2008 Share Posted August 27, 2008 As a native from Brooklyn I can tell you that you are the most clueless and ignorant person to ever utter any words about Brooklyn. But just to keep with the theme of how you lump together a borough of 2.5 million people into one stupid stereotype, you can go **** yourself. Brooklyn eats people like you alive..... It's the people there and the way they act that give it a bad name though...and possibly there are nice areas, but they can't hold a candle to places like Southampton & Asharoaken. Link to post Share on other sites
BrooklynBridge Posted August 27, 2008 Share Posted August 27, 2008 It's the people there and the way they act that give it a bad name though...and possibly there are nice areas, but they can't hold a candle to places like Southampton & Asharoaken. Wait. So you're comparing remote suburban towns where the mega rich live to the most densely populated county in the entire country where over 2.5 million live versus a town of 625 people (Asharoaken). That's ridiculous...... Link to post Share on other sites
lovestruck818 Posted August 27, 2008 Share Posted August 27, 2008 Wait. So you're comparing remote suburban towns where the mega rich live to the most densely populated county in the entire country where over 2.5 million live versus a town of 625 people (Asharoaken). That's ridiculous...... I didn't say the whole county- READ- I said the "nice areas" (if there even ARE any)...possibly Manhattan Beach- maybe. And, Ash. & SH are still much nicer. I am entitled to my opinion, you don't have to like it, but sorry, most of Brooklyn is very run-down & dirty. Link to post Share on other sites
BrooklynBridge Posted August 27, 2008 Share Posted August 27, 2008 I didn't say the whole county- READ- I said the "nice areas" (if there even ARE any)...possibly Manhattan Beach- maybe. And, Ash. & SH are still much nicer. I am entitled to my opinion, you don't have to like it, but sorry, most of Brooklyn is very run-down & dirty. Fair enough. Your opinion is that Brooklyn is run-down and dirty. Too bad facts and reality directly contradict that. Some people's opinions ruin the good reputation of human intelligence, or, in your case, the lack thereof.... Link to post Share on other sites
dazed.1 Posted August 27, 2008 Share Posted August 27, 2008 What about autism? There are different levels, some people with it can function in society yet don't understand emotions, and thus have to learn how to interpret and show them in order to communicate with others. This may sound a little extreme but just putting it out there because it was the first thing I thought of when I read your description of his behaviour. Link to post Share on other sites
lovestruck818 Posted August 27, 2008 Share Posted August 27, 2008 Fair enough. Your opinion is that Brooklyn is run-down and dirty. Too bad facts and reality directly contradict that. Some people's opinions ruin the good reputation of human intelligence, or, in your case, the lack thereof.... all 5 boroughs are worse now than they have ever been...Long Island is turning over too! My point is that these once nice areas are now crap. Brooklyn (and LI) used to be nice. Link to post Share on other sites
lovestruck818 Posted August 27, 2008 Share Posted August 27, 2008 Sorry...officials are just too busy with politics instead of trying to beautify the city and the isle. Link to post Share on other sites
jen's mind Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 It sounds like his age and your age difference are the factors here, along with the misguided motivations of your mother. Some guys who grow up in the five boroughs find that they have to hide emotion and maintain a certain profile and mode of communication to preserve themselves and their street credibility. Where in Brooklyn is he from? What kind of music does he listen to? Link to post Share on other sites
lovestruck818 Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 It sounds like his age and your age difference are the factors here, along with the misguided motivations of your mother. Some guys who grow up in the five boroughs find that they have to hide emotion and maintain a certain profile and mode of communication to preserve themselves and their street credibility. Where in Brooklyn is he from? What kind of music does he listen to? That's exactly right and that's what my previous posts were alluding to...brooklyn people always think they have to be so tough & macho. Link to post Share on other sites
jen's mind Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 I'm not dissing Brooklyn. I lived in Brooklyn for ten years. My boyfriend lived in East New York, BK and grew up in Rochdale section of Queens... hardcore neighborhoods. He's not tough and macho, but he knows how to handle himself in every situation. Lovestruck, I suggest that if you stop judging people, you'll give yourself the opportunity to get to know them and understand their behaviors and maybe learn more about yourself in the process. You're missing out on life when you write whole groups of people off. Plus, it's elitist and icky. Link to post Share on other sites
BklynGuy Posted September 5, 2008 Share Posted September 5, 2008 Belive me, I'm from Brooklyn, and NOT a "HARDCORE" dude but it will make you act in certain ways, even if YOU DON'T KNOW IT. It's an NY thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 I went to Long Island and took the LIRR train into NYC Manhatten. Everyone that I encountered from the Rental Car to the Hotel Desk to the people right down in Penn Station , all the shops and deli's I visted up into a nice man who showed me New York City( really for 3 hours ) , all were GREAT ! I took the train and saw all the bouroughs . I thought it was all pretty cool. I was fearful of muggers due to years of stereotyping but no~one wanted to mug me , most were just like me ,a tourist who was amazed by NYC Let me tell you New Yorkers are FAR more friendly than the city I live in. My only complaint was the street signs were not lit well , hard to find my hotel late at night. I love NY Link to post Share on other sites
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