Right person, wrong time? (a city girl + country boy)

[seamaid]

I've been chatting with this guy who is far away in another state for a few weeks now. We've met before years ago and were instantly attracted to each other, but were too shy to do anything about it until we met online. And now we've discovered that we're actually quite compatible.

 

We both have expressed romantic feelings for each other, but have decided to just be friends until it is possible to be more. But we still talk every day. His path and mine for the next few years are destined to be separate; I'm going to make my career in the city (about 300 miles away from him) and he's actually a farmer, born and bred.

 

I can see myself settling down where he is eventually, and helping him look after the farm, after becoming "successful" in the city. I see this happening at the earliest in my mid 30s (I'm 27 now). It's actually a long-time dream of mine to live that lifestyle in his state, long before I met him.

 

But I don't think it's realistic to believe that he'll wait for me that long. It's unfair to him and to me, as fairy-tale as it would be if we could. But part of me wonders... could we do it? A long-distance relationship between 2 people with such different near-term goals but the same exact long-term goal?

 

For both of us, love is such a high priority that I can see us agreeing to such a crazy scheme, only to realize later that it's too hard to keep up for years. And yet... (and maybe I am over-idealizing) if it could work, shouldn't we at least try? Or should we just be "friends" because it's the smartest choice? Even though we know we'd be a good couple 5-10 years down the line?

 

With the frequency of our chatting, and the level of our attraction to each other, both of us are already going down a road more serious than friendship... and I'm afraid we're going to both be hurt by this at some point.

[Lucky_One]

You are wondering all of this before you have even seen him, held hands with him, or kissed him? Geez - how about meet and see if you are compatible in person first!

[Green]

could work if your both willing to take turns visiting eachother to spend that quallity face to face time

[seamaid]

Lucky_One: I see your point about more face-to-face contact before spinning dreams about a relationship; however, I have met him in person before... stayed with his neighbor's family in fact, but it was about 4 years ago. Neither of us have forgotten the chemistry between us then, and the attraction has grown since we've started talking. Pretty soon we'll be video-chatting, and this is partly what concerns me. Maybe I'm getting in too deep already?

 

I've been in an LDR before, and it didn't work out. It was actually pretty painful. Don't know if I want to try it again.

 

I have a lot of trepidation about where this could head, what with increasing our channels of communication and taking it a little further (flirting-wise) each time. I don't want to make another mistake and risk my heart.

 

But I'll take your advice and definitely see him in person again (this'll have to be early next year due to relocation) before I get too emotionally involved. As you can see, I'm already overthinking this way too much. Any ideas on how to NOT take any of this too seriously??

[Beyond Eternity]

Just to throw in my two cents here, not too sure if it will help much but remember this. If he's a farmer born-and-bred, chances are, he's going no where, you'll know where he is and how to reach him. If he's spending every day talking with you, surely he feels something too. Don't forget the farmer life isn't as lively as the city life is, perhaps he may feel more for you that he won't show yet. You could ask him how he feels about the progress of the friendship, there's no harm in that, but be careful not to give your feelings away if you're afraid of showing them yet.

[Meaplus3]

I've been chatting with this guy who is far away in another state for a few weeks now. We've met before years ago and were instantly attracted to each other, but were too shy to do anything about it until we met online. And now we've discovered that we're actually quite compatible.

 

We both have expressed romantic feelings for each other, but have decided to just be friends until it is possible to be more. But we still talk every day. His path and mine for the next few years are destined to be separate; I'm going to make my career in the city (about 300 miles away from him) and he's actually a farmer, born and bred.

 

I can see myself settling down where he is eventually, and helping him look after the farm, after becoming "successful" in the city. I see this happening at the earliest in my mid 30s (I'm 27 now). It's actually a long-time dream of mine to live that lifestyle in his state, long before I met him.

 

But I don't think it's realistic to believe that he'll wait for me that long. It's unfair to him and to me, as fairy-tale as it would be if we could. But part of me wonders... could we do it? A long-distance relationship between 2 people with such different near-term goals but the same exact long-term goal?

 

For both of us, love is such a high priority that I can see us agreeing to such a crazy scheme, only to realize later that it's too hard to keep up for years. And yet... (and maybe I am over-idealizing) if it could work, shouldn't we at least try? Or should we just be "friends" because it's the smartest choice? Even though we know we'd be a good couple 5-10 years down the line?

 

With the frequency of our chatting, and the level of our attraction to each other, both of us are already going down a road more serious than friendship... and I'm afraid we're going to both be hurt by this at some point.

 

Perhaps you could try to see each other more often IRL and then sort of take it from there. Best wishes.

 

AP:)

[seamaid]

Thanks, everyone! It really helps clear my head to write it all down and have random people respond to it. Otherwise I think I'd just be spinning my tires (in my head, that is).

 

I realize now I am thinking too much about this and should keep my emotions out of it until I actually see him again, whenever that is. In the meantime, I'll still talk to him but not take the chats as anything more than light-hearted conversation between 2 friends. Because otherwise the online flirting can drive me crazy! I don't know about him, but it creates a lot of longing on my end.

 

By the time I relocate and get a new job in the city, I know I'll be too busy to talk to him as much as I do these days. So who knows, only time will tell how things will go between us. I'm going to be cool-headed about it now.

 

Thank you!