I Need Guidance

[Beyond Eternity]

Hey everybody, I'm brand new here. I'm not the type of guy who normally seeks others for help, nor is that what I'm doing right now. I don't take other's people's advice normally, I'm usually the one who gives it. That's just to paint a picture of how I am, but that doesn't mean I'm blind and don't at least listen to the wisdom from those who know more than I do.

 

Anyway, to get right to it, I need help for the first time. I've been in a long distance relationship for one year now, exactly a year really.. and it breaks my heart to say today is our anniversary and she doesn't even want to be with me. Let me explain... we met online, not in person but through a website where we shared the same tastes. We didn't speak through there though, I got her contact details and added her on a messenger program. When I added her, I was just bored on a summer day and wanted someone to talk to, nothing more; I didn't know I'd end up falling for her.

 

The moment we began talking, it felt like I'd already known her all my life, we share the exact same interests, we feel the same on everything. I really mean that, you can pick out anything and we feel the same, we love the same things, hate the same things, find the same things funny, cute, silly, boring, etc. We've learned that from many times before so we know we really do feel the same. I exposed my feelings to her after knowing her for a few weeks, I was scared to do this because.. ever since I started talking to her, she already had a boyfriend. This concerned me, because she was spending all of her time with me instead of with her boyfriend who she could have pick her up at the dial of a phone number. After I confessed my feelings, she told me she felt the same way, and that she loved me, as i loved her.

 

Soon after her boyfriend (now her ex) left for military training and disappeared for months so i didn't need to worry about him. After that we got to know each other more, talked every single day for as long as we could. Meaning all afternoon, all evening and sometimes even all night. We're both still in school, I have one year left, and she has two years to go as of right now. We fell deeper and deeper in love with each other until about May of this year. In May, for the first time, she treated me like I was garbage for a whole week. I felt lucky to survive each day, I felt like she just wanted to leave me and forget me, she even spoke those exact words to me. But I knew she didn't mean it, because I know how she is and she was trying to give me another message.

 

The problem is, I never figured out that message until a month ago when she told me it all. She expected more from me. That was all... and for so long I felt like an idiot for trying to figure it out and not being able to. She never treated me badly before May, never.. and now she does it commonly. She still expects more from me she says, she tried breaking up with me, staying as friends. That went on for one day until she broke into tears and told me that friends wouldn't do because she feels more for me. Ever since that day, she hasn't shown any feelings, nor will she now. She says she wants me to make her feel better, and I try to tell her all the ways I feel for her, for her to feel better.. but she just won't feel better. She blames me and calls me a horrible boyfriend, that i don't care, and says she feels the most depressed because she "knows" i can't make her feel better.. I try haard.. so very hard, harder than anything in my life because I love her with all that I've got, even if I've never been with her in person.. so you know I don't care about her looks or anything like that, I love her for who she is. But how do I make her feel better? She will barely speak to me now and I just miss her all the time.. especially tonight.. on our anniversary and she won't be with me. I'm going to call her right now and well, I hope it goes well. Tell me what you guys think I should do, what she feels, what she wants from me.. I know she expects and wants more, but what exactly does that mean? I write poems for her, dedicate songs to her, speak for hours about how wonderful she is and how she makes me feel, take pictures for her to see me and all the things around me.. i do soo much for her.. i just feel lost right now. I'll update later, because I know things will change with this call tonight. (I couldn't call until now because she told me she'd be out with her family). Thanks in advance.