MarieD Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 Hello All I am in a 5 month relationship, with a man that is very insecure, accusing, & paranoid. I thought I could show him that he has nothing to be worried about, but its not working out. He is draining me. I told myself that this was my last relationship that i will try before I become a Single Mom by Choice. I have dated my entire life & just have no luck finding my Mr. Right. I have the rest of my life to find him, but don't always have time to have babies. I could accept my life not having a husband in it, but i can't accept it not having kids. I know i will regret it!!! I am seriously thinking about just giving up on dating for now & put all my thoughts on becoming a single mom by choice. Any opinions??? Link to post Share on other sites
lovestruck818 Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 Hello All I am in a 5 month relationship, with a man that is very insecure, accusing, & paranoid. I thought I could show him that he has nothing to be worried about, but its not working out. He is draining me. I told myself that this was my last relationship that i will try before I become a Single Mom by Choice. I have dated my entire life & just have no luck finding my Mr. Right. I have the rest of my life to find him, but don't always have time to have babies. I could accept my life not having a husband in it, but i can't accept it not having kids. I know i will regret it!!! I am seriously thinking about just giving up on dating for now & put all my thoughts on becoming a single mom by choice. Any opinions??? Why would you want someone to father your child if he is not the ultimate one for you? I'm sorry, I would not want a part of me (my child) to also be a part of someone I am not in love with... Link to post Share on other sites
Author MarieD Posted August 25, 2008 Author Share Posted August 25, 2008 Lovestruck, no u have it wrong! I don't want the guy I am in a relationship to be the father!! I want to get a unknown donor & do it all on my own!!!! I"m 35 & not getting any younger!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Tyra Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 If all he's doing is draining you and pulling you down,and so forth,I wouldn't continue to hold onto him.The only one that should be draining you should be your child.You know what I mean. I hope that you are financially stable without this guy though. Link to post Share on other sites
lovestruck818 Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 Lovestruck, no u have it wrong! I don't want the guy I am in a relationship to be the father!! I want to get a unknown donor & do it all on my own!!!! I"m 35 & not getting any younger!!! but that's my point...you don't know this donor and clearly would not be in love with him...why would you want the sperm of some unknown man in your body to create a baby, just for the sake that you are 35 and want one? Link to post Share on other sites
Author MarieD Posted August 25, 2008 Author Share Posted August 25, 2008 Yes I am very financially secure & have family & friends for support!! I don't think a Mr. Right is in the cards for me!! & I can accept that. But I can't accept never having children. I have met many women via the internet that have babies from a donor & are very happy!! Link to post Share on other sites
lovestruck818 Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 Yes I am very financially secure & have family & friends for support!! I don't think a Mr. Right is in the cards for me!! & I can accept that. But I can't accept never having children. I have met many women via the internet that have babies from a donor & are very happy!! but i believe you said in another thread that you still live at home...which is fine, and if you can remember I came in your defense. With that said, I don't know if that is the right environment for a baby to grow up in. How can you say you are financially secure when you have no idea what paying rent or a mortgage is like? You may have a lot of money saved, which is very admirable, but you need to have real-life skills...esp. if you are going to raise a baby. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MarieD Posted August 25, 2008 Author Share Posted August 25, 2008 Yes, you came to my defense many times & i am grateful for that!! Yes I have a lot saved & will raise my baby home with my parents. I don't need to pay rent to know what life is about & to raise a baby. I don't need to pay a mortgage, the house i live is going to be my house one day. I know many friends that have kids & have their parents live with them to help them with the babies. Its not like its not normal. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 I say go for it.. a partner is not a guarantee that he'll always be there for you and the kid.. plus with men cheating now days.. You are financially secured... have a good moral support (friend and family) then go for it... A child is the 'grandest' treasure you'll ever have on this planet.. it's the summom ... I was a single mom for over 2 1/2 years ... it was a hard decision at first, as I had no money, still in college, no support from my family.. but it was sooo worth it.. she's my adoration and she just gave me another treasure.. my grand daughter.. Link to post Share on other sites
lovestruck818 Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 Yes, you came to my defense many times & i am grateful for that!! Yes I have a lot saved & will raise my baby home with my parents. I don't need to pay rent to know what life is about & to raise a baby. I don't need to pay a mortgage, the house i live is going to be my house one day. I know many friends that have kids & have their parents live with them to help them with the babies. Its not like its not normal. It really isn't so normal though...and of course your baby is going to want to know what happened to his/her father. You can't just rely on the fact that the house will be yours one day b/c sorry sweetie, but things don't always work out as planned. My aunt never worked and always relied on my uncle to make money for her. One day my uncle was thrown in jail for bribery and shot at and eventually died. My aunt had to fend for herself. She had no money, no job and had a house and bills and things that she now had to pay for. You don't know what's going to happen to that house...hopefully & probably nothing, but you never know. It just seems so weird to want a baby and not have someone you love to have it with. I also think you may be taking your parents for granted that they are there ot help you. Had you been living on your own, would you still want to have a baby? Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 It really isn't so normal though...and of course your baby is going to want to know what happened to his/her father. You can't just rely on the fact that the house will be yours one day b/c sorry sweetie, but things don't always work out as planned. My aunt never worked and always relied on my uncle to make money for her. One day my uncle was thrown in jail for bribery and shot at and eventually died. My aunt had to fend for herself. She had no money, no job and had a house and bills and things that she now had to pay for. You don't know what's going to happen to that house...hopefully & probably nothing, but you never know. It just seems so weird to want a baby and not have someone you love to have it with. I also think you may be taking your parents for granted that they are there ot help you. Had you been living on your own, would you still want to have a baby? wow.. why would she need another person to love... the child will have her undivided love.. how lucky is that.. maybe she's not taking her parents for granted.. how do you know that.. maybe they are just as excited to have a little bundle of joy in their life.. why be so pessimistic.. having a child is not the end of the world.. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 Yey! I think that's wonderful Marie!!!!! Do it, you'll never ever regret it. And no matter who the father is, you'll love the baby more than anything in the world. More women should think like you and not be afraid, and have all this fairytale ideas that are only going to leave them childless. Link to post Share on other sites
lovestruck818 Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 Yey! I think that's wonderful Marie!!!!! Do it, you'll never ever regret it. And no matter who the father is, you'll love the baby more than anything in the world. More women should think like you and not be afraid, and have all this fairytale ideas that are only going to leave them childless. yeah but what if the father is a criminal...? has less-than-desirable traits? even some sort of gene for a defect? She doesn't know what she would be getting. I don't doubt she would love her baby no matter what and be an excellent mom, but no one knows the source of what/who it's coming from. Little scary, IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MarieD Posted August 25, 2008 Author Share Posted August 25, 2008 Thanks Lizzie!! Thanks Ariadne!! You ladies see my point. There are men out there that lie & cheat on their wives all the time. A majority of my friends are married & miserable & wish they had kids on their own like i plan to. Love - no i don't take my parents for granted. They said they refuse to have me move out & have kids on my own, they said that my kids are going to be so special & that they want them under THEIR roof , not away from them. If anything happens, GOD Forbid, I have my money saved that I can fall back on. So i am financially ok there!! A - I grew up with the fairy tale & white picket fence idea in my head, but for some reason, i don't think that is in the cards for me. BUT thats ok, I have a choice to have a baby on my own!!! I think its great that we still have that choice!!! I don't need a man to love to have a baby!!! I REFUSE to live in this world childless!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author MarieD Posted August 25, 2008 Author Share Posted August 25, 2008 Love - That stuff is all screened at the sperm bank. They do all kinds of tests for defected genes. They screen the person & do criminal checks etc. The sperm banks are VERY thorough!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 that's what I thought.. not just any 'ti-clins' (loser) can bring their little can of sperm for a deposit.. I think, Marie, that you get to choose from a 'sperm menu'... you lucky you.. lol Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 yeah but what if the father is a criminal...? has less-than-desirable traits? even some sort of gene for a defect? She doesn't know what she would be getting. I don't doubt she would love her baby no matter what and be an excellent mom, but no one knows the source of what/who it's coming from. Little scary, IMO. I once met a girl who got pregnant as a result of a rape. She had no idea who the father was and conceived in such violent way. I cannot tell you how adoring she was with her son, he was the light of her eyes. Link to post Share on other sites
lovestruck818 Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 Love - That stuff is all screened at the sperm bank. They do all kinds of tests for defected genes. They screen the person & do criminal checks etc. The sperm banks are VERY thorough!!! maybe so, I was not aware of that, but...they still wont scan for physical undesirabilities. Having once been fat and teased for it, I would never ever want my child to be fat and have to go through what I went through. Of course I would love my child no matter what, but for the most part when you pick the man you want to have a kid with, you can generally detect the physical traits it will have. With sperm banks, you can't. Some people don't care, but I have been teased, thereatened, had rocks thrown at me etc. etc. b/c i was fat. Kids can be cruel and I would not want my child growing up like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 Thanks Lizzie!! Thanks Ariadne!! You ladies see my point. A - I grew up with the fairy tale & white picket fence idea in my head, but for some reason, i don't think that is in the cards for me. BUT thats ok, I have a choice to have a baby on my own!!! I think its great that we still have that choice!!! You are welcome. And yeah, the fairytale is the ideal. To have true love, the perfect husband, a beautiful house in the suburbs, and so on. What are the chances that that is going to happen before you are 35? And then, that's it. You'll never be a mother. I really applaud your decision. Go for it! Link to post Share on other sites
Author MarieD Posted August 25, 2008 Author Share Posted August 25, 2008 Ariadne - Wow! I can't imagine having a baby via a rape!! That is wonderful that the girl did & could have such a wonderful relationship with her son! Thanks A - for being so supportive. I think i am going to wait until i'm 37 to actually go through with my decision. So i still have some time to plan it all out!! Link to post Share on other sites
tomwiz Posted August 26, 2008 Share Posted August 26, 2008 This is an awful idea and I can't believe the whacko feminists on this site are honestly suggesting this. Its not a dog. How about adoption? Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted August 26, 2008 Share Posted August 26, 2008 This is an awful idea and I can't believe the whacko feminists on this site are honestly suggesting this. Its not a dog. How about adoption? I totally agree with you. Not to mention that it's the utmost in selfishness. I grew up with no father since mine died when I was 4. I would have remained childless before I would have brought a child into the world who had to grow up with no father like I did. If anything, adopt a child. There are so many kids out there with no mother OR father. It's sad. Link to post Share on other sites
porter218 Posted August 26, 2008 Share Posted August 26, 2008 Love - That stuff is all screened at the sperm bank. They do all kinds of tests for defected genes. They screen the person & do criminal checks etc. The sperm banks are VERY thorough!!! I just thought I should warn you...they claim to screen these men well but they don't. I knew a guy a few years back that donated regularly and he had a long criminal history, crack addiction, and a few personality disorders, he was a real psycho. If I were you I would try to find a real live man who was willing to father a child out of wedlock first...or maybe a gay man who shares your desire to have a baby. At least that way you have met the man face to face and can judge them for yourself. Also this gives your future child the ability to say they have a father. But if even that fails then go for it. Link to post Share on other sites
lovestruck818 Posted August 26, 2008 Share Posted August 26, 2008 I too think it is terrible idea...and furthermore, Marie, I understand you are currently in a relationship correct? How would your boyfriend feel about you having a child from someone else's sperm? Are you planning on dumping him or having him act as the father? Link to post Share on other sites
Author MarieD Posted August 26, 2008 Author Share Posted August 26, 2008 I think it is a wonderful idea! I know that there are going to be people out there that don't agree with me at all, but each to their own. Yes I am in a relationship. I don't think it will last, hopefully it does. More & more women are doing this these day! Link to post Share on other sites
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