Single Mom by choice?

[lovestruck818]

I think it is a wonderful idea!

I know that there are going to be people out there that don't agree

with me at all, but each to their own.

 

Yes I am in a relationship.

I don't think it will last, hopefully it does.

 

More & more women are doing this these day!

 

you didn't answer the last part of my question.

 

More & more women are doing it? I don't know a single person who do something so crazy like that!

[MarieD]

If i'm still with my current boyfriend in 2 years, i won't have to have a baby on my own.

 

But if i'm single in 2 years, I will have my baby & always find my Mr. Right afterwards.

 

Look online u will see.

I know of 3 women that are doing this.

[lovestruck818]

If i'm still with my current boyfriend in 2 years, i won't have to have a baby on my own.

 

But if i'm single in 2 years, I will have my baby & always find my Mr. Right afterwards.

 

Look online u will see.

I know of 3 women that are doing this.

 

3 is not a lot considering millions of women live on this planet- most are not doing it- sorry to tell you.

[MarieD]

I didn't say most are doing it.

I said more & more women are doing it these days.

 

I have done alot of research online!

There is ALOT of us out there!

[lovestruck818]

I didn't say most are doing it.

I said more & more women are doing it these days.

 

I have done alot of research online!

There is ALOT of us out there!

 

there *ARE* a lot....

 

:::sigh:::

 

kids having kids

[Jilly Bean]

Well, since you live at home and your parents support you, then why not? You will have built-in child care for free if you ever chose to run an errand or leave the house.

 

But, if you selfishly want to breed and deprive your child of a Dad, then go for it.

[Touche]

I didn't say most are doing it.

I said more & more women are doing it these days.

 

I have done alot of research online!

There is ALOT of us out there!

 

There ARE a lot of people doing drugs out there too...more and more are doing it these days.

 

See where I'm going with this?

[trubella]

I think its a stupid idea. i wouldve never chose to be a single mom by choice.

If i could do it all over again i wouldve waited until i was married or atleast with someone who plays an active role in my sons life.

 

its alot harder doing it on your own, even with the support of family and friends you cant expect them to be on-call.

[CommitmentPhobe]

There ARE a lot of people doing drugs out there too...more and more are doing it these days.

 

See where I'm going with this?

 

You're suggesting they take drugs? I suppose you want to sell them some too?

[MarieD]

Jilly Bean, u know u r right!

I have my parents support & have a built in babysitter, so why not!!

 

Thanks!!

 

Touche- not even going to reply to your comment, its ridiculous!

 

I know not everyone is going to agree with my decision.

But I am going to make the best of what i have. I refuse to miss

my chance of having babies. Sorry. And i'm looking forward to it,

can't wait.

 

I will give my baby enough of love , enough for having 2 parents

[Touche]

Jilly Bean, u know u r right!

I have my parents support & have a built in babysitter, so why not!!

 

Thanks!!

 

Touche- not even going to reply to your comment, its ridiculous!

 

I know not everyone is going to agree with my decision.

But I am going to make the best of what i have. I refuse to miss

my chance of having babies. Sorry. And i'm looking forward to it,

can't wait.

 

I will give my baby enough of love , enough for having 2 parents

 

No, it's not ridiculous. You said more and more people are doing it as if that makes it the right and good thing to do. And I used the drug thing as an example. More and more people are doing that too. Does that mean we should all start using drugs too?

 

Oh and no. You can never give your baby enough love to replace him/her not having a father.

 

How utterly selfish!

[Trialbyfire]

Not all two parent family units are functional. Also, many, many, many two parent units become one parent units, primarily the mother.

 

I'm with you MarieD. If and when the time is right, Mr. Right or not, I'll have a baby.

[alphamale]

I am seriously thinking about just giving up on dating for now & put all my thoughts on becoming a single mom by choice.

 

Any opinions???

if you really want to have a child I see nothing wrong with becoming a single mother by choice. I personally know 3 or 4 women who have done it and they seem to be happy. One lady even adopted a child from China and it took her like 3 years to finalize it.

 

But, you must remember that bringing up a child by yourself will be quite demanding.

[Touche]

Not all two parent family units are functional. Also, many, many, many two parent units become one parent units, primarily the mother.

 

I'm with you MarieD. If and when the time is right, Mr. Right or not, I'll have a baby.

 

I agree. But to go into this with the kid already having a strike against it is not right in my book. I mean look at my case..my mother didn't have a crystal ball. She didn't know that her kids would end up fatherless. But that's way different than going into it deliberately.

 

Can you imagine not growing up with a father? Especially as close as you are to yours? It's a terrible thing to do to a child.

 

For me, adoption is a different thing altogether. Those kids have NO stable family or home at all. So in that case, one parent is better than none.

[Trialbyfire]

I agree. But to go into this with the kid already having a strike against it is not right in my book. I mean look at my case..my mother didn't have a crystal ball. She didn't know that her kids would end up fatherless. But that's way different than going into it deliberately.

 

Can you imagine not growing up with a father? Especially as close as you are to yours? It's a terrible thing to do to a child.

 

For me, adoption is a different thing altogether. Those kids have NO stable family or home at all. So in that case, one parent is better than none.

My Dad is still young and vital, only in his early sixties. He's already agreed to be a stand in. Both my parents are salivating at the thought of more grandchildren and want to be the ones to take care of any child I have, if I'm working at the time.

[Touche]

My Dad is still young and vital, only in his early sixties. He's already agreed to be a stand in. Both my parents are salivating at the thought of more grandchildren and want to be the ones to take care of any child I have, if I'm working at the time.

 

Well, it's not the same thing.

 

You know we'll never in a million years agree on this. Everyone has to live their own life though.

 

I just always knew that I'd have no kids before I'd ever do that. And I too wanted to be a mother some day. I know what it feels like to have "stand-ins". My grandfather was great too. I have many fond memories of the things he did with us.

 

But he wasn't my father.

[Trialbyfire]

Well, it's not the same thing.

 

You know we'll never in a million years agree on this. Everyone has to live their own life though.

 

I just always knew that I'd have no kids before I'd ever do that. And I too wanted to be a mother some day. I know what it feels like to have "stand-ins". My grandfather was great too. I have many fond memories of the things he did with us.

 

But he wasn't my father.

Haha...when we disagree, it's always polar opposites.

 

While I understand your experience, I'm not certain you spent as much time with your grandparents, as what might happen for my child in the future, potentially Monday to Friday, 10 hours+ per day. Who knows, I might become a SAHM or continue working from home by then. If it's a boy, I'll teach him how to work on cars, play hockey and fish.

[Citizen Erased]

Bringing a child into the world without a father is terrible. It makes me miserable each time I see my friends with their fathers, and I still have one! Just a lousy one that doesn't give a crap about me.

 

Your parents are supportive and loving, you don't get it. Never will I bring a child into the world that won't have a father that loves them unconditionally. There is only so much that a mother can give their child.

 

Your current relatiosnship is clearly not going to last. If it does you will be miserable. Dump him now, don't waste your time. You are only 35, not exactly in your dotage.

[alphamale]

i've dated a few women that really wanted kids badly but never had them (for a number of reasons)....most of them were not happy campers and it seems to have negatively affected their lives.

[Touche]

Haha...when we disagree, it's always polar opposites.

 

While I understand your experience, I'm not certain you spent as much time with your grandparents, as what might happen for my child in the future, potentially Monday to Friday, 10 hours+ per day. Who knows, I might become a SAHM or continue working from home by then. If it's a boy, I'll teach him how to work on cars, play hockey and fish.

 

I know. The few times we disagree we REALLY disagree.

 

Ok, first of all my grandfather was in our lives quite a bit. But no, not 10+ hours a day.

 

Why have a child that you're only going to see a few hours a week? I'd question the fairness to the child just based on that right there! That's so wrong.

 

And the worst thing in the world is for a single mom to have boys. Wow. Please do your research on that. No mother can replace a boy's father. You can teach him how to fish and work on cars. But you can't teach him how to be a man.

 

And granted your Dad is vital and all but still. There's no way a man in his 60's and 70's will have the energy required to take care of a baby/toddler/young child and especially a teen.

 

Do your parents really want that responsibility at their ages? It's a full-time job for many years. Is that even fair to them?

[Trialbyfire]

I know. The few times we disagree we REALLY disagree.

 

Ok, first of all my grandfather was in our lives quite a bit. But no, not 10+ hours a day.

 

Why have a child that you're only going to see a few hours a week? I'd question the fairness to the child just based on that right there! That's so wrong.

I'm calling you on this one because there are many non-SAHMs!

 

And the worst thing in the world is for a single mom to have boys. Wow. Please do your research on that. No mother can replace a boy's father. You can teach him how to fish and work on cars. But you can't teach him how to be a man.

 

And granted your Dad is vital and all but still. There's no way a man in his 60's and 70's will have the energy required to take care of a baby/toddler/young child and especially a teen.

 

Do your parents really want that responsibility at their ages? It's a full-time job for many years. Is that even fair to them?

My Dad is more than willing, even demanding to be the father figure. He's far more of a man, than most other men I've ever met or know.

 

If you negate my father at his age, you also negate any other man who's close to his age, as having the vitality to do this. This includes men who are fathers at that age.

 

Yes, they want it and have told me so. When we discussed it, it was a casual convo about what if. They both jumped on it and elected themselves.

[Jilly Bean]

i've dated a few women that really wanted kids badly but never had them (for a number of reasons)....most of them were not happy campers and it seems to have negatively affected their lives.

 

But were they single, or just childless?

 

I've always felt that finding the right partner was more important than breeding.

 

To me, women that have kids on their own are doing it to satisfy some self-serving ego needs. I mean, what kind of Mom willingly goes into a situation knowing their child will be deprived of a father?

 

And I agree, Touche. I don't think aged grandparents or male friends are appropriate substitutes.

 

My grandmother is the youngest of 11. Her Mom died when she was 7. She was then raised by her Dad, Step-Mom, and a whole bevvy of VERY close older sisters and brothers.

 

To this day, at 96, she still mourns for her Mom. She tells me that it makes her sad that she is losing the picture of her in her mind and she still tears up talking about her.

 

Point is, children naturally crave BOTH parents.

[Lizzie60]

I agree that the ideal situation is two mature, loving, caring, responsible parents.. reality is a totally different ball game.

 

What if she never find a partner that she feels she wants a child with... is she going to be deprived of what I think is the biggest joy on this earth..

 

A mature, responsible, loving single mother is way better than two average parents or worst, an irresponsible father/mother.. etc.. etc..

[Touche]

Ok, well don't get me started on the non SAHM's who work those hours. That will only open up a whole other area of controversy!

 

I know your father is vital. I'm not negating him. But yeah, I do "negate" fathers AND mothers who have kids at very advanced ages. I think that's selfish too.

 

It's all about what the adults want...no consideration for what the child will go through.

 

That's great that your parents are willing and eager to help out. You have a lovely family and your child will be lucky to have them as grandparents.

 

But they're still the grandparents. Not the parents.

 

What will you tell the child about his father?

 

I don't think anyone who grew up in a wonderful family such as yours could ever really understand where I'm coming from with this.

 

I thought CE said it very well. She understands where I'm coming from with this.

[MarieD]

Hey thanks Alpha & Trial!!!

 

U r right not all two parent families are functional. I have my dad & my brother who lives right around the corner for my baby to do man things with.

 

Touche, it is not selfish for me to have a baby its human!! Every has a biological clock & its only human!! But unfortunately some of us don't find the right one when our clocks are ticking and we have to make the best of what we are given. I actually so glad that I have this choice still to become a mom without a man!!

 

Touche, i'm also sorry that you grew up without a father & it wasn't pleasant for you, but that doesn't mean that all kids without a father will have an unpleasant childhood like u did.

 

I actually think that more women should do it instead of settleing for the wrong guy but only to be miserable, just to have a baby!!

 

I know when i get older & don't have kids, I will regret it big time!!!