Single Mom by choice?

[Trialbyfire]

Touche, we could get into a lot of controversial topics, with discussing who should be allowed to breed and who shouldn't. Overall, I think a panel of psychologists should vet any one or two parents, previous to allowing them to have children.

 

I will tell the child the truth, which includes who his/her father is. This includes the potential for a relationship between father and child. There's no way in hell I would breed with anyone dysfunctional.

[Lizzie60]

What's wrong with grand parents raising their grand kids?

 

My last ex was raised by his grandparents.. they were amazing.. he was spoiled in a good way.. he adored them..

 

They thought him everything he knew, the good family values, how to be a hard worker, etc..etc..

 

His mother abandoned him.. she had no time for him.. she was too busy with men.. his father ended up on welfare all his life..

 

He is soooo grateful for his grandparents.. he always said that he is lucky he was raised by them instead of his 'loserish' parents..

 

How can we say, here, that her parents will not contribute to this child 'sucess'... he/she will be surrounded with loving people.. she/he will be the luckiest child on earth.. sooo much love..

 

Good luck MarieD.. do not hesitate to have your baby if that's what YOU want.. and I'm pretty sure that your parents must be excited as well.. I went 'crazy' when my daughter got pregnant.. I adore this child.

[MarieD]

Trialfire, how old r u?? Where r u from? We seem to have the same exact Plan B!

 

Lizzie, yes u r right when you say....""the ideal situation is two mature, loving, caring, responsible parents.. reality is a totally different ball game."" (p.s. nice boobs! haha)

 

I have dated my entire life, since i was 17, I always had a boyfriend & was barely ever single. Unfortunately, none of them were "the one" for me. I can't be deprived of having kids just because I can't find my mr. right!

 

My family sounds exactly like Trialfires. We also are VERY close. My parents both can't wait for me to have my babies so they can enjoy the little bundle of joys too. They said that my babies are going to be so special & want to share that experience with me. My mom can't wait, she wants me to do it now. She feels i have been through enough with all these men.

 

Touche - With Trial & I having such a wonderful family, we don't know where u r coming from. Maybe if we were in your shoes, we would understand, but fortunately I had the greatest childhood possible!

[Lizzie60]

Marie. may I ask how old you are.. and how old are your parents...

 

would that be their first granbaby?

 

ps.. thanks..

[MarieD]

Thanks Lizzie!

Yes this is what I really want if I don't find 'the one'.

I could just imagine how happy u were when ur daughter got pregnant!

 

That is what life is all about! Little bundle of joys!

And i thank god women can still have the choice to have babies even if they don't find the right man to have them with!

 

And I agree with you on the grandparent thing. Its possible for kids to be raised by their grandparents & have happy lives!! When you got love, you got it all!

[Trialbyfire]

MarieD, I'm 33 years old. I've always wanted to have a child or two children but absolutely refuse to have any, with the wrong guy. There's no way I will settle, just to have a family. All you have to do is to look around and see all the broken and dysfunctional family units, to realize that settling is not the answer.

[MarieD]

Lizzie

 

I am 35, my mom is 64 & dad is 69.

No this would be their 4 & 5 grandkid. My brother has 1 boy & 1 girl & my sister has 1 girl. So my 2 would be number 4 & 5!

 

I plan on going with Plan B at 37.

[MarieD]

Trial

Oh ok I totally agree with you!!

I guess I'm not alone here & you understand me!!

Lizzie is on our side too!!

 

Trial where r u from?

I'm from NJ.

 

We should keep in touch during our journey!

 

I am meeting the 2 ladies that lives 20 minutes from me in a few weeks who both just had twins from ADI. I can't wait to meet the little monkeys, I think it is wonderful!

[Touche]

Just for the record, Marie.

 

I never said I had a horrible childhood. I grew up with lots of love and had the exclusive private school education, etc. etc.

 

I was happy for most of my childhood. But it hurt to not have a father. I used to cry about it. Other kids had fathers. Why didn't I? That's how I felt. Even though I had a wonderful grandfather, uncle, etc.

 

My stepdad came into our life when I was 13 and he was great too.

 

It's just STILL not the same. That's what you and TBF will never understand since you had your families intact.

 

And TBF I wasn't willing to settle just to have a family either. It's why I was so terribly depressed when I left my ex. At 33 I thought that was the end of my dream for a family. Because, like you no way would I settle. But unlike you, no way was I going to do it on my own either.

 

I was prepared to let go of my dream of motherhood.

 

And if other women who give up the dream are miserable to be around because of it, (as was mentioned) then they need to grow up.

 

Life isn't always fair. We don't always get what we want. That's the way it is.

[Lizzie60]

Thanks Lizzie!

Yes this is what I really want if I don't find 'the one'.

I could just imagine how happy u were when ur daughter got pregnant!

 

That is what life is all about! Little bundle of joys!

And i thank god women can still have the choice to have babies even if they don't find the right man to have them with!

 

And I agree with you on the grandparent thing. Its possible for kids to be raised by their grandparents & have happy lives!! When you got love, you got it all!

 

 

When she got pregnant I got the phone call first.. even before her bf.. we became much closer.. I was completely 'gaga'... I went nuts in the shopping department.. I had closets full of clothes, toys, stuffed animals.. it was insane.. I couldn't stop..

 

I am an interior designer.. so I design the nursary.. I made the bed linens since I couldn't find what I was looking for. I don't like 'Walt Disney' and all those cartoons stuff... I wanted something classy... all white with huge bows..

 

When she started her contraction, she called me.. I met them that afternoon.. stayed with them all night until the next morning.. I was there with her .. she suffered sooo much.. we all cried... that part was really painful though.

 

The next morning she had a beautiful little girl.. by C-section.. it was a magical heavenly moment.. we all wanted a girl.. I will always remember that moment.. when he came back to the room with the little bundle in the hospital cart.. he had been crying all the way to the room.. she is the best baby in the world.. they adore her.. I adore her.. she spent a few days here last week with the baby while her bf was having some friends over (preparing a CD, he's a musician).. it was sooo much fun..

 

I never thought I would love a child as much as my own children... I think I love her even more.

[Lizzie60]

Lizzie

 

I am 35, my mom is 64 & dad is 69.

No this would be their 4 & 5 grandkid. My brother has 1 boy & 1 girl & my sister has 1 girl. So my 2 would be number 4 & 5!

 

I plan on going with Plan B at 37.

 

Your 2.. did I miss something.. are you already pregnant with twins?

[Trialbyfire]

I'm from Canada, on the far westcoast. We'll find each other on LS.

 

Two sets of twins, wow, that's unusual. Have fun. You know you'll be cuddling a few, since their mothers' hands will be full.

[Lizzie60]

Lizzie

 

I am 35, my mom is 64 & dad is 69.

No this would be their 4 & 5 grandkid. My brother has 1 boy & 1 girl & my sister has 1 girl. So my 2 would be number 4 & 5!

 

I plan on going with Plan B at 37.

 

 

OK I see...the clock is ticking.. you don't have the leisure to wait too many more years..

 

Your parents still have many good years .. and babies keep us young..

 

Mine energize me..

[MarieD]

oh wow lizzie! That is a WONDERFUL story, you gave me the chills!!

I am so happy that you experienced that much joy with your new grandchild! You make me want to go out & knock myself up tomorrow!

 

I know my mother will feel the same way as you do!!

That is so special! Your daughter & her baby are very lucky to have you!!

 

Yeah I can't wait much longer! ONly maybe 2 or 3 years!! Yes my babies will keep my parents young!!!

[MarieD]

Lizzie, no i am not pregnant with twins yet, i wish!! I am planning on having 2 babies, not just one!

 

Yes I will be cuddling the one while the moms are busy, I can't wait!!

[porter218]

I just had a thought.lol (actually I am serious). You should get pregnant by your current man then haul @ss. Leave him in the dust once you have gotten what you want(a baby). Then you can treat it like a sperm bank baby but you know that you can tell the child it does have a father...and even better you used to care for him. You know like how men run off when they get a woman pregnant, you can completely flip the script on this one. Why not? Think about it...It makes a little sense. Maybe a little twisted but so what.

[alphamale]

But were they single, or just childless?

I don't understand, if I was dating them they were single....and childless.

 

I've always felt that finding the right partner was more important than breeding.

yea but if you can't find the right partner and really really really really want a child then one must be realistic, innit?

 

To me, women that have kids on their own are doing it to satisfy some self-serving ego needs..

so what? life is never ideal or perfect. you know that

[MarieD]

Porter, get out of here!!!! I could never do that!!!

Thats twisted!!!

 

Thanks Alpha, nice to see that a male sees exactly where i'm coming from!

[Ariadne]

I totally agree with you.

 

Not to mention that it's the utmost in selfishness. I grew up with no father since mine died when I was 4. I would have remained childless before I would have brought a child into the world who had to grow up with no father like I did.

 

If anything, adopt a child. There are so many kids out there with no mother OR father. It's sad.

 

Oh yeah,

 

The only way to become a mother, is if you have the perfect husband, are married, and have a stable family life.

 

Like Touche did.

 

Otherwise you must "never" have a child of your own.

 

( :sick: )

 

Btw, I'm a single mom and my son and I are the closest ever.

 

And my son doesn't even care to go visit his father who keeps inviting him.

 

(Oh yeah, a single mom, a revolutionary idea people)

[Lizzie60]

Porter, get out of here!!!! I could never do that!!!

Thats twisted!!!

 

Thanks Alpha, nice to see that a male sees exactly where i'm coming from!

 

Yes .. and the danger is that this guy would want to be part of your kid's life.. and force you to give him his parental rights.. and visits, etc...

 

Trust me you don,t want to do that.. when I got pregnant with my daughter, I didn't want the father to be part of it.. he was a total azz.. so I put 'unknown father' on all the papers.. she met him when she was 17 (her choice).. and dump him about 4 years later.. she doesn't want to have anything to do with him anymore..

 

Kids DO NOT need 'parasite parents'... they need good caring parents.. and sometimes one great parent is better than 2 'average'.

[Touche]

Oh yeah,

 

The only way to become a mother, is if you have the perfect husband, are married, and have a stable family life.

 

Like Touche did.

 

Otherwise you must "never" have a child of your own.

 

( :sick: )

 

Btw, I'm a single mom and my son and I are the closest ever.

 

And my son doesn't even care to go visit his father who keeps inviting him.

 

(Oh yeah, a single mom, a revolutionary idea people)

 

No, it's not a revolutionary idea at all. As I said I was raised by a single mom. (And look how I turned out! )

 

My whole point is I think it's wrong and selfish to have a child that has no father...to do that deliberately.

 

Look, I wouldn't say women who do it are the worst people or anything. But I would have never done it because I know what it's like not having a dad around and I couldn't deliberately do that to a child.

 

Some women can. Some women can justify it. Great. To each his own, right?

[MarieD]

Lizzie, so your daughter grew up without a father in her life & i'm sure she turned out great!! I know many people that have fathers & the fathers choose not to be in the kids life. I don't want a known donor, god forbid if he sues me for custody, etc. once the baby is born!

 

Yes I agree, one great parent is better than 2 average parents.

 

There is no guarantee that if i find the one, get married & have kids, that we will stay together & he will part of the kids life. There are no guarantees in life, life isn't always perfect.

 

Yes, all kids should have 2 to start off with, but unfortunately finding the one might not be in my cards, so i have to make the best of what god gave me!

 

Touche- who knows maybe i will meet Mr. Right years after i have my baby & then he could officially adopt my babies & then my babies will have a daddy too!! Sounds great, doesn't it? But who knows what will happen.

[Touche]

Or maybe you'll meet Mr. Right BEFORE having those babies. Now there's a thought! And I hope that does happen for you.

[ProudMumOf2]

My whole point is I think it's wrong and selfish to have a child that has no father...to do that deliberately.

You are living in the past, it's practically the normal case these days.

I was prepared to let go of my dream of motherhood

Are you jealous because you gave up your dreams and Marie is going to go ahead and achieve hers? A woman is *made* to have children. A child is a wonderful thing to have in a loving 2 *or* 1 parent family unit and just because you were not prepared to do what it takes to experience that does -not- mean this woman should not either

Life isn't always fair. We don't always get what we want. That's the way it is.

Do NOT listen to this Marie. You go enjoy your life, live your dreams and forget about people that always want to pull others down to their level. Life is not a rehearsal and you only get one shot at this. The ability to bring child into this world is the most precious gift that a woman can have. Anyone who suggests otherwise is just pure evil.

[Touche]

You are living in the past, it's practically the normal case these days.

 

A lot of things that are wrong are the norm these days.

 

Are you jealous because you gave up your dreams and Marie is going to go ahead and achieve hers? A woman is *made* to have children. A child is a wonderful thing to have in a loving 2 *or* 1 parent family unit and just because you were not prepared to do what it takes to experience that does -not- mean this woman should not either

 

Uhm, hello? Have you not been reading? I have a child. He's in a family with a MOTHER and a FATHER. Imagine that? I said I was prepared to give up my dream of motherhood. But as it turned out, I didn't have to. I found a wonderful man to start a family with. I know, I know. It's a foreign concept these days.

 

Do NOT listen to this Marie. You go enjoy your life, live your dreams and forget about people that always want to pull others down to their level. Life is not a rehearsal and you only get one shot at this. The ability to bring child into this world is the most precious gift that a woman can have. Anyone who suggests otherwise is just pure evil.

 

The above is uncalled for. "Evil?" Hmmm...it's evil to want a child to have a mother and a father? Wow. Just wow.

 

Nice "first" post there.