lovesick13 Posted August 12, 2003 Share Posted August 12, 2003 I'm obsessed with my bf's ex. They dated for almost 2 years and they were each other's first everything. They broke up last year because her parents. They still loved each other. And when I met him last year, I fell in love with him. He was my first love. So I was too naive to see the signs. He still had a picture of him and his ex in his wallet. And when I visited his house one day, I saw their homecoming picture on his table. We're both dorming in college now, and during a break, I couldn't see him because I lived far from him. I didn't really talk to him during the break, but his ex kept calling him and asking him to hang out. I didn't know that he was still in touch with her. But then when we came back from the break, he broke up with me, saying that he wasn't in love with me. I didn't know she was the reason. She had called him to hang out. And he visited her at work during the break and got that ex-gf syndrome. So he told me about it a few days later that she was the reason why he broke up with me. I guess he had that unsettled past that was preventing him from moving on. Then after a month of me not talking to him, he realized that he was really in love with me. Then he dumps her and asked me out again. And i said yes, because I love. But I found out she was still emailing him and I got really jealous and he asked me if it was okay if he emailed her back, and I said now. so then he emailed her back saying he can't talk to her again because i was uncomfortable with it. But i'm still paranoid. I look up information on her online and i know where she works and etc. It's not a healthy obsession. I can't get over the fact that he's been with her, and she's wasn't a great person either. She should've respected the fact that he has a girlfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
ThisGirlNameKD Posted August 12, 2003 Share Posted August 12, 2003 Yes, she should have respected the fact that your boyfriend had a new girlfriend. But you seem to be upset at the wrong person. Don't get mad or upset or obsessed with her because of the past that they had. If there's anyone you should have been upset with, it was your boyfriend because she could not have done anything without his permission. When she was calling to ask him to hang out, he could have put a stop to that. And he didn't have to go and hang out with her, so don't feel like just because you didn't get in touch with him during your break that it's your fault that he went back to her . Your boyfriend is even more responsible for the infedility than she was. And so maybe you're obsessing now because you don't trust them, and you think someone else might start back up again. That's not healthy for you. Either you really forgive and let it go, learn to trust him again, or leave him alone. Don't ever allow yourself to be in a position where you have to compete for a man. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovesick13 Posted August 12, 2003 Author Share Posted August 12, 2003 He visited her as a friend, he didn't realize what he was getting himself into. But he didn't cheat on me. He went to see her at work for an hour or so. And I believe him. I was angry with him, and he has apologized a million times. But I know he loves me now, it just took that to make him realize that. I just can't let go of the past. And this summer vacation isn't really helping. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovesick13 Posted August 12, 2003 Author Share Posted August 12, 2003 I need more advice. Recently after he asked me if it was okay to email his ex back, I told him I was uncomfortable with the idea, and he emailed her back ending their friendship. But he gave me his password a while back and I logged into his account and saw the emails he sent her and she sent him. She has a boyfriend now, but it seems to me as if she still wants him back. She was saying in an email "if nothing happens between us in the future, I hope you know you will have a friend in me" And in an old email he sent her, he was saying how he missed talking to her and he still cared a lot about her as a friend. He also said he will always have a special place in his heart for her. But I don't see how he can say that and tell me how she was a bitch to him because she hooked up with other guys after she said she was going to be with him inspite of her parents. I confronted him about the email and his reply was that it was before I told him not to email her, and wasn't the fact that he stopped emailing her mean anything. Because frankly, he didn't want to, but it had to be done. Only a few people know the real him and care for him and she's one of them. They're not friends now because she wrote him this snippy email saying how it was wrong that his gf didn't trust him and that he doesn't know what he wants sometimes. Please help me.. Link to post Share on other sites
ThisGirlNameKD Posted August 12, 2003 Share Posted August 12, 2003 Don't force him to do what he doesn't want to do. He didn't want to stop e-mailing her and did it just to please you or get you to shut up about it. You need to ask him to be straight up and honest with you and let you know what he's truly feeling for his ex so that you know where you stand. Perhaps he is feeling confused right now and telling you differently because he doesn't want to hurt you. I agree with his ex...he doesn't know what he wants because he was going back and forth between you two, and he's still keeping contact with her. Link to post Share on other sites
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