dgiirl Posted August 26, 2008 Share Posted August 26, 2008 It would appear that when it comes to dating all men want younger women How does one pass thru mid-life into your senior years knowing that people only value you for money or because you provide free babysitting or care for elderly,infirm relatives? That at best you'll be ignored, at worst laughed at and made a laughing stock only in the end to die alone in some nursing home. Oh my girl, why are you being SO judgmental about people you havent even met?? I realize you are basing these beliefs on your experience with your husband, but clearly your husband is a very VERY cruel man with no self respect or compassion. But believe me when I say he is the exception, not the norm. Although men like your husband are out there, I was married to one myself, I've learned that not ALL men are like them. In fact, there are quite a LOT of (deliciously sexy) men who are NOT like that. While going through my own divorce, my self esteem went to a major low. I felt that people would shun me because I'm a divorced lady whose husband left her for another woman. I thought no man would ever want to date me, that I was damaged goods, and that I'd never have kids or sex again. Once I actually got over the self pity, and gave people the benefit of the doubt, I realized that 1) people dont care too much about my past only how I am today, and 2) that there's a LOT of people who have their own past and so are a lot less judgmental than I gave them credit for. I realized that it was ME who was the one being judgmental and not giving people the benefit of the doubt of being good honest caring people. I'm at this point just gutted and don't know what to think or how to proceed. For the time being, the ladies above have given you great advice on how to proceed. Dont worry too much about dating at this point. Live and enjoy your life. Build your hobbies and friendships. Travel and explore the world around you. It's time to PAMPER you! At this point, you have one of two choices: 1) Either make the divorce the worse thing that has ever happened to you by constantly crying and mourning and reliving the past and dwelling in the negativity of being alone "for the rest of your life" and spewing over all the ugly nasty things that has happened in your marriage and being jealous of your husband's "new life" and never moving on yourself. 2) OR make the divorce the best thing that has ever happened to you by making your life BETTER than your life ever was while married and that starts by redefining yourself and doing new and old things that bring joy to your life. Link to post Share on other sites
sedgwick Posted August 27, 2008 Share Posted August 27, 2008 What in god's name?!?!?!? He SAID that to you? Is he mentally ill? (Seriously, I'm asking that for real.) Link to post Share on other sites
pelicanpreacher Posted August 27, 2008 Share Posted August 27, 2008 You are at a very vulnerable stage in your life. You're facing life alone for the first time in a very long time and you probably have a very limited experience in men. I'm not saying that you're not mentally astute but, that loneliness can sometimes cause one to disreguard one's own sense of values and instincts for the opportunity to feel loved again. Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted August 27, 2008 Share Posted August 27, 2008 Soserious, I hope you are ready for a male point of view. I understand your situation completely. 8 years back when my ex decided to ask for a divorce I was a shade over 50 and I felt all the same emotions you are feeling. My ex was cruel as well, saying things I won't even think much less type. Life went on though. On balance the last 8 years have been livable. Most of it not especially happy, but liveable. I haven't lost hope though. I grant you that I can't hold my hope in my hands, or kiss it goodnite.. but it's still there on the horizon. And that's a good thing. I suspect that someone will drift into your life that brings you hope. I certainly hope so. Remember, we can affect out conditions, nothing is "fated". We as people can choose to meet challenges, or quiver in fear. Meet the challenge! Don't enter the next period of your life with a whimper, enter with a cheer. Link to post Share on other sites
Kristine Posted August 27, 2008 Share Posted August 27, 2008 You know you never know what in store for you. There is no way I could have predicted my life to be this way. It's awful, I totally worry about being alone, yet I won't be I just know it, mainly because I get flirted with, saw a psychic who told me otherwise, and realized I was keeping myself single by my choices. You also don't know what man is waiting to sweep you off your feet. I got flirted with by the librarian! He's cute, younger I'm sure, and well if I wasn't so shocked I would have gotten a date. Instead he felt rejected. Anyway, you just don't know whose watching and waiting for that ring to come off. Not all older men are looking for younger women, but yes your right they are some you'd like to think they could get a younger gal. I'm sure you look younger, prettier, and are more of a catch than you think. Wait until you put yourself out there, you'll see. You may get someone even better than your ex and totally be like why did I ever think I'd miss that guy!? Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted August 27, 2008 Share Posted August 27, 2008 Your husband is a pig for saying those things to you. And he doesn't know what he's talking about. How can he? All he cares about right now is getting his dick wet. All his blood is flowing in one direction only - out of his head. How can he possibly have any idea what is out there for you? You are going through the worst right now, your lowest point. Once you take the time to process your thoughts and emotions, eventually you will come out the other side and then you will feel like a butterfly coming out of her cocoon. And once you come out, you will see that your ex-husband's predictions are laughable. Take the next six months to concentrate solely on yourself. Do whatever you need to do, but replace your thoughts of the future and what will happen or not with thoughts of your present and what good things you can do for yourself that day, week, month. In six months, you'll have a different perspective of your life and yourself. And six months after that, you'll have yet a different perspective. You won't be thinking about being alone for the next 20 years; you'll be thinking how lucky you are that you get a chance to start fresh. Link to post Share on other sites
Author soserious1 Posted August 27, 2008 Author Share Posted August 27, 2008 I have one fact for you to face. Stop feeling pity for yourself, pick yourself up. The only one who can fix the way you feel, is you. You have the power to be happy. Exercise that power. Also, that old man you were married to...ignore him. He's a waste of energy. Do your thing. Blaze trails. Take care. I've just begun the divorce process, he won't even be out of here till Sept 15th when he can move into his new place. I'm not feeling "pity" for myself, I'm not actually really feeling anything yet, I'm just trying to put one foot in front of the other, trying to gather all our documents to prepare for court.I'm just numb really. I have taken the step of placing an ad looking for a roomate, there's plenty of room here and it will help with my bills wwhich will be needed after I send him his spousal support check each month. Link to post Share on other sites
TrustInYourself Posted August 27, 2008 Share Posted August 27, 2008 I've just begun the divorce process, he won't even be out of here till Sept 15th when he can move into his new place. I'm not feeling "pity" for myself, I'm not actually really feeling anything yet, I'm just trying to put one foot in front of the other, trying to gather all our documents to prepare for court.I'm just numb really. I have taken the step of placing an ad looking for a roomate, there's plenty of room here and it will help with my bills wwhich will be needed after I send him his spousal support check each month. That blows my mind that you have to pay him spousal support. I can only imagine his behavior has been his insecurity rearing it's head. If he's acting like a child, it's because he's scared and unsure of the future. I think you are on the right path. What concerns me is the fact that you feel numb. Is the emotion and pain going to hit all at once when it's all over? I'm concerned for you. Keep your head up. Link to post Share on other sites
iceis44 Posted August 27, 2008 Share Posted August 27, 2008 I'm at the beginning stages of divorce from a man who decided that I'd become too old for intimacy and expected that I'd remain,loving, giving and supportive in a sexless marriage. It would appear that when it comes to dating all men want younger women, my soon to be ex will move on,dating young women fueled in large part with the alimony I pay him. I'm faced with the prospect of remaining alone for the rest of my life. How does one pass thru mid-life into your senior years knowing that people only value you for money or because you provide free babysitting or care for elderly,infirm relatives? That at best you'll be ignored, at worst laughed at and made a laughing stock only in the end to die alone in some nursing home. I'm at this point just gutted and don't know what to think or how to proceed. Get Pissed, works for me. I was married 25 years, left my husband with the intent and resolve that i didnt care if i was never with another man in my life, well 8 months later I have an amazing friendship with a man that I had no inclination that was interested in me, we were and are friends formost. You are not defined by the men in your life, pull your panties up girly and get on As my new guy told me "Get revenge, have a happy and content filled life." Dont give the x a second thought, if he Gave a shet about you to begin with he wouldnt treat you that way. YOU have to learn to love yourself most!! Link to post Share on other sites
iceis44 Posted August 27, 2008 Share Posted August 27, 2008 Ta Ta Da .. LIZZY60 GIRL,if your 60and those are your boobs, I pray i age as well as you, you go girly Link to post Share on other sites
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