BCCA Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 I think you're a bit like me, you know it isn't right for you, he isn't good for you, but you don't want to totally break away because then you're ALONE. And that's a f*cking scary thought... I havent spoke to my ex since she dumped me, except one email exchange, and Im fine with never talking to her again. Yeah, Ive been lonely and it really sucks, but I honestly would rather be alone and available for some one who wants me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused and broken Posted August 29, 2008 Author Share Posted August 29, 2008 why is it soo scary to be alone I don't get it... Link to post Share on other sites
Mending1985 Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 I don't get it either. I'm getting a lot better with it though. When my ex and I broke up originally I went thru months of trying to get him back, then I went through months of online dating sites, sleeping around and flirting with every guy I knew, DESPERATE for a boyfriend to fill that void in my life, and then eventually I cancelled all my dating memberships, stopped answering booty calls and now I see my friends instead. I feel ok with the fact that I'm single. I can't accept that it might always BE that way yet, but for right now, I'm ok. I have family and friends that I love, and I'm making new friends every day so its getting there. Go out and meet some new people, not for anything more than just friends or anything, because the more people you have in your life, the easier it is to find someone to hang with when you're feeling a little lonely, and over time you'll get used to being alone and it won't bother you so much Link to post Share on other sites
ahhhchooo Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 I don't know why it's so scary to be alone now either... There was a time before her that I was comfortable with myself - I didn't have a relationship for 3 years and I was perfectly comfortable with it. Even when I noticed she was following me around and showing interest, I wrote it off as I didn't need it and I was busy with other things. Even once the relationship started with her, I didn't cling to it - it was fine to not be in contact, or to ignore messages that weren't important. It was fine to spend time apart and not be overly concerned if it ended tomorrow. I eventually fall in love and began to rest on her, give myself to her completely. Every little desire she had was snapped up by yours truly and made into a reality. Making her happy became my life. And my life walked out on me - my purpose was gone I wish I could revert my mental state to that time where I didn't care so much... and my own goals and hobbies took providence There can't be a drug in the world that is harder to kick than true love. Link to post Share on other sites
Mending1985 Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 There can't be a drug in the world that is harder to kick than true love. I wholeheartedly agree...if only they made "love patches" Link to post Share on other sites
LikeCharlotte Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 There can't be a drug in the world that is harder to kick than true love. Stay away from the hard stuff. *looks in every possible place for her fix* Kidding aside, drugs replicate the euphoria created by love, affection and family. They actually produce most of the same effects and release the exact same chemicals to your brain. Biologically we are set up to find a partner, reproduce and raise our children in a social/familial environment. Apparently our physical make up forces us to actually hurt (withdrawl) to deny that instinct. The only drug worth the withdrawal - IMHO. Link to post Share on other sites
LikeCharlotte Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 Sometimes it is very hard to see that you will be fine without someone else. You've been hurt a lot and a little time and space will give you some perspective. Stay strong confused and broken. You will be fine alone and eventually you will find someone better. I know that sounds cliche but as you get smarter and stronger so do your choices. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused and broken Posted September 1, 2008 Author Share Posted September 1, 2008 I don't get it either. I'm getting a lot better with it though. When my ex and I broke up originally I went thru months of trying to get him back, then I went through months of online dating sites, sleeping around and flirting with every guy I knew, DESPERATE for a boyfriend to fill that void in my life, and then eventually I cancelled all my dating memberships, stopped answering booty calls and now I see my friends instead. I feel ok with the fact that I'm single. I can't accept that it might always BE that way yet, but for right now, I'm ok. I have family and friends that I love, and I'm making new friends every day so its getting there. Go out and meet some new people, not for anything more than just friends or anything, because the more people you have in your life, the easier it is to find someone to hang with when you're feeling a little lonely, and over time you'll get used to being alone and it won't bother you so much I've totally noticed that the more friends I have the better and that the busier I keep that also helps Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused and broken Posted September 1, 2008 Author Share Posted September 1, 2008 I don't know why it's so scary to be alone now either... There was a time before her that I was comfortable with myself - I didn't have a relationship for 3 years and I was perfectly comfortable with it. Even when I noticed she was following me around and showing interest, I wrote it off as I didn't need it and I was busy with other things. Even once the relationship started with her, I didn't cling to it - it was fine to not be in contact, or to ignore messages that weren't important. It was fine to spend time apart and not be overly concerned if it ended tomorrow. I eventually fall in love and began to rest on her, give myself to her completely. Every little desire she had was snapped up by yours truly and made into a reality. Making her happy became my life. And my life walked out on me - my purpose was gone I wish I could revert my mental state to that time where I didn't care so much... and my own goals and hobbies took providence There can't be a drug in the world that is harder to kick than true love. I am such an addict... he called this weekend and I still havn't called back but I am craving the drug.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused and broken Posted September 1, 2008 Author Share Posted September 1, 2008 Sometimes it is very hard to see that you will be fine without someone else. You've been hurt a lot and a little time and space will give you some perspective. Stay strong confused and broken. You will be fine alone and eventually you will find someone better. I know that sounds cliche but as you get smarter and stronger so do your choices. Thanks I'll try.. I'm getting stronger Link to post Share on other sites
smiley23 Posted September 1, 2008 Share Posted September 1, 2008 Hey confused and broken, ohhh im in the same prediciment.. I dont know what the feck to do, its like when they say jump i say how high, i let him walk all over me, let him call all the shots when he calls i answer when he texts i answer when he asks me to do something i do,but then when i ask him he says no its like a big horrible game.. I just have to stop contact,how long are you guys broken up?... I ended up kissing a guy at the wkend and felt great but knew i wasnt ready i wasnt into it at all really... Now he says to me he doesnt wanna contact me that was yesterday, what did i do today??? Text him..I'm an idiot, he did text back but I know i shouldnt of done it..Arghghhhhh..... Did he text or ring you back? I'm kinda the same also as in I know that we are different people and he doesnt enjoy anything i do but yet i still want him,ehhh why?... are you goin to start your nc again?we can do it together.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused and broken Posted September 1, 2008 Author Share Posted September 1, 2008 Hey confused and broken, ohhh im in the same prediciment.. I dont know what the feck to do, its like when they say jump i say how high, i let him walk all over me, let him call all the shots when he calls i answer when he texts i answer when he asks me to do something i do,but then when i ask him he says no its like a big horrible game.. I just have to stop contact,how long are you guys broken up?... I ended up kissing a guy at the wkend and felt great but knew i wasnt ready i wasnt into it at all really... Now he says to me he doesnt wanna contact me that was yesterday, what did i do today??? Text him..I'm an idiot, he did text back but I know i shouldnt of done it..Arghghhhhh..... Did he text or ring you back? I'm kinda the same also as in I know that we are different people and he doesnt enjoy anything i do but yet i still want him,ehhh why?... are you goin to start your nc again?we can do it together.... I guess we are no longer officially broken up we have been playing the make up break up game for over a year... He phones hes not really a texter.... I want to start nc again but not sure if I can do it... ARHHH thanks for the support Link to post Share on other sites
smiley23 Posted September 1, 2008 Share Posted September 1, 2008 Well Ill do it with you if that helps... I dont know how ill do it but i think its a matter of self respect and not looking like a complete walk over!! :-) Link to post Share on other sites
Jay_Bird Posted September 2, 2008 Share Posted September 2, 2008 He may just want sex. If you're OK with just that. He may want nothing more. Don't act desperate around him. You have to bring the power back in your court. God know that's how I lost my power. Now I'm trying to gain it back with NC. If not for her, for the next relationship I get into... Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused and broken Posted September 4, 2008 Author Share Posted September 4, 2008 He may just want sex. If you're OK with just that. He may want nothing more. Don't act desperate around him. You have to bring the power back in your court. God know that's how I lost my power. Now I'm trying to gain it back with NC. If not for her, for the next relationship I get into... Probably he does just want sex... I am trying to move on and watch out Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused and broken Posted September 4, 2008 Author Share Posted September 4, 2008 How do you change.... I mean change the type of relationships you put yourself into..... I'm ready for a real relationship.... I want to move away from these sex based drug highs how do I go about doing that... How do I get out of this pattern that I have been in... into something healthier for me Link to post Share on other sites
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