jj33 Posted August 30, 2008 Share Posted August 30, 2008 I always thought that too but many people divorce in their late 50s and 60s after the children are grown and out of the house. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Spinning Head Posted August 30, 2008 Author Share Posted August 30, 2008 Update: I spoke to MM yesterday afternoon. I reiterated again that I did not think he would follow through with leaving his M. MM stated he was leaving his M. I did not beg/plead/argue - merely made the statement. Since that conversation, I've received several text messages from MM. We have not spoken to each other. These are the contents of the texts, which were sent after MM told me he told his W he was leaving the marriage: "I've had a smile on my face all day! I love you and am looking forward to a wonderful future with you." "I love you in case you had any doubts." "Missing you! I love you very much. Have a little faith! Sweet dreams." This morning MM texted me: "Can't sleep. Aching for you! Thinnking of our wonderful future together! I love you!" I keep reading the comments posted in this thread over and over and over! And, thinking of what I will say to MM when MM tells me that he is remaining with his W. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 31, 2008 Share Posted August 31, 2008 These are the contents of the texts, which were sent after MM told me he told his W he was leaving the marriage: "I've had a smile on my face all day! I love you and am looking forward to a wonderful future with you." "I love you in case you had any doubts." "Missing you! I love you very much. Have a little faith! Sweet dreams." This morning MM texted me: "Can't sleep. Aching for you! Thinnking of our wonderful future together! I love you!. My reply would be: "When you are divorced and have a lease on your new place, give me a call. Otherwise, it would be best if we do not have contact." Do not budge. An ounce of action is worth more than tons of words. Let him know when his actions back up his words, he is welcome in your life. Otherwise, he is not. Period. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted August 31, 2008 Share Posted August 31, 2008 GEL~ This caught my eye because from what I've always seen if they don't leave within the first couple months then they may never leave. Am I misreading thing wrong? ~99 No. What you read and what is reality is usually different. I am speaking from experience from my friendship with OW. I have NEVER known a MM to leave within the first couple of months. I would attribute the distinction to people lying about how long they've been together. Would you seriously throw everything you've worked your whole life for away for someone you've known 6 months or less? Only if you have serious problems. You read it right. Alot of bull**** that if they don't leave in 6 months they won't. EVERY SINGLE MM I have known to leave hasn't done it for 2 years or longer. Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted August 31, 2008 Share Posted August 31, 2008 LOL that makes so much sense GEL - so much prettier to say its only been a few months than to say its been going on for YEARS.... Link to post Share on other sites
Agent_99 Posted August 31, 2008 Share Posted August 31, 2008 Thanks for clearing that up GEL. It's interesting to me, because I feel that MW relationship won't last beyond a few more years, does not in ANYWAY mean that I'm going to wait around. I'm a hopeless romantic, but not that hopeless I just wonder the impact when I do end it completly and for REAL. ~99 Link to post Share on other sites
greengoddess Posted August 31, 2008 Share Posted August 31, 2008 You were 6 years old when he married his wife. You could have been their little flower girl. Are you sure this is the man you want? You are about to turn his world and many others upside down. I hope you really want him and not just the thrill of winning the affair. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Spinning Head Posted September 2, 2008 Author Share Posted September 2, 2008 UPDATE: All of you were right. After receiving all of the texts from MM, I did not hear from him at all yesterday or today. MM usually calls me in the morning - no call this morning. I called him - no answer. I did not leave a message. Words cannot express the hurt that I feel nor the anger. When I met MM and began seeing him, MM told me he was divorced. It was not until two months ago that I discovered he was married. I should have ended the A at that point. I did not due to my intense love for him. I've spent the past few hours thinking back on everything he said and did and I realize that it was one lie after another lie. I cannot believe the lies MM told!! I know most of you will disagree with this but I did call his W. I told W that I had had an A with her H two years ago and had been contacted by a private investigator who was investigating MM on behalf of the H of a woman MM was seeing. I told her about the relationship - just that it had happened two years ago. I answered all of her questions. She never cried or got upset. In fact, she told me about issues from the past - which, of course, MM had told me as well. MM told me that he told his W on Wednesday of last week that he was moving out. I asked W if she was still with MM and she said 'yes', they were still together. I realize many of you will say I did the wrong thing in telling W, but, I believe she needs to know. And, MM needs to stop screwing other women and putting them in the position in which he placed me. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 2, 2008 Share Posted September 2, 2008 Let me ask you this - IF she kicks him out of the house, are you going to take him back? Or was this really out of concern for his wife and her needing to know? Are you out of his life for good now? Because what happens next is out of your control. IF she chooses to stay in her marriage after finding out the truth, will you let go of him and move on? And, MM needs to stop screwing other women and putting them in the position in which he placed me. Please take responsibility for your part in this, don't put all the blame on him. You chose to continue with him and have an affair once you found out he was married. You own that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Spinning Head Posted September 2, 2008 Author Share Posted September 2, 2008 At this point, I will not take MM back. I admit I own my actions for the past two months. I really thought MM was telling me the truth. But, that is no excuse. I feel compelled to call MM's Wife and completely come clean with everything. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted September 2, 2008 Share Posted September 2, 2008 I realize many of you will say I did the wrong thing in telling W, but, I believe she needs to know. And, MM needs to stop screwing other women and putting them in the position in which he placed me. I've got divided responses about telling the wife about your affair, but I think it almost becomes a need to help better protect HER and YOU – my thought is that if he's going to step out on her, he's going to step out on you, and heaven knows what kind of cooties he could transmit when he's having sex with the both of you, possibly even other flings. However, I draw the line at being spiteful and reporting the affair just to get even. Empowering the wife to whip his butt into shape, and therefore cut his chances of exposing her and other women hygenically and emotionally, is one thing, but to get even is another. spin, for your sake, I'm really, really sorry that you've learned a harsh lesson, but don't let that spoil you for a true loving relationship with a guy who not only cares for and love you, but respects you enough to deal with you clean. Not lie and screw you around like this guy did. the best revenge is to walk away with your head held high and go complete NC with him. Everytime you answer a call or text, he thinks he's still got an in with you, you know? And you deserve way better than what he's doling out. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 2, 2008 Share Posted September 2, 2008 At this point, I will not take MM back. It sounds like you're leaving the door open a crack for him in the future? At this point just sounds like you mean "at this point in time.." until he changes, gets counselling, then maybe I'll take him back... Unless I'm reading into that wrong? He is and always WILL be a liar, he played both of you like fiddles. People like that rarely change unless they hit rockbottom..And even then, who says they won't do counselling and fix their marriage. I just hope you're not expecting him to come to you later on down the line.. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted September 2, 2008 Share Posted September 2, 2008 OP: So you were a MW having an A with a supposedly single man? Your A started 9 months ago but hey you were married. And now you're mad that he won't leave his W like you separated from your H. Who are you to judge him? Look at what you did: You betrayed your H and now you betrayed your MM... You can't throw stones here... Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted September 3, 2008 Share Posted September 3, 2008 Even if he is madly and I mean madly in love with you- he will not leave his marriage of 32 yrs. My father left once all the kids were out the house. He stuck it out until then, and then left. My MM was together with his W for more than 30 years (he was a kid when she pounced in him; she's older and was married to someone else at the time. By today's standards, she'd have been locked up...) but left her - with the kids still in HS - after falling in love with me. It can, and does, happen. There is no "one size fits all" for As. Each needs to be examined on its own merits, on its own terms. Link to post Share on other sites
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