How good of a person do you think you are?

[Mustang Sally]

Anyone up for a little self-assessment?

 

I have been reflecting this month on my degree (or notsomuch) of "Good Person."

 

I have always felt I was a basically good, honest person (don't we all feel that way about ourselves?), but this month, I've been in some situations that have made me reflect on this more. I really could do better.

 

What do you think? How do you rate on a scale of, say, 1 to 10 (1 being not a good person, 10 being near-perfect in goodness)?

 

I think I'm somewhere between a 6.5 to 7.5 lately.

 

Some aspects you might consider (feel free to add to this or make other suggestions) in assessing your "goodness:"

Altruism

Honesty

Work Ethic

Spirituality

Selflessness

Honor

Contentedness/Happiness

 

Edited to add: I've been in a position to do quite a bit of mentoring at work lately. That is what has got me thinking about this. Nothing like feeling like you need to set a good example for others to inspire a little self-reflection!

[Kasan]

Great question MS!

 

When I was younger I was probably a 2 on the "Good person" scale, but as I have gotten older, I have done much better.

 

Right now, in this stage of my life, I am really struggling with Selflessness and Contentedness/Happiness. Where to draw the line at giving too much of yourself away, and how to reconcile it with your core being. So I would put myself at a 6.5 or 7.

 

Although I do wonder if Selflessness and Honor are somehow linked?

[Trialbyfire]

Love this thread although it's difficult to define "goodness" because so much of it is semantics, value systems, etc.

 

Some people define goodness in the form of TLC, even to the point of enabling and validating dysfunctional behaviour. Others' define goodness in the form of no-nonsense, straight to the point directness. I use these examples because they're prevalent on LS. My only question is, when validating and enabling, if there's personal gain, there's no altruism involved, either self-justification or for the purposes of being liked.

 

I can't rate myself but I do tend to hold true to my personal value system. I can be the best friend you've ever had or I can be someone you wished you never knew. It's a matter of who you are and who I am. Like draws like. Oil and vinegar.

[Mustang Sally]

I'm sure they are linked.

And I think too much selflessness (to the point of martyrdom, or self-destruction) is not necessarily a good thing.

 

I guess I view selflessness as a component of being a Good Person related to a Christian model, however. And I believe that it IS a necessary component of Goodness.

 

Also, as in the parental model. One has to keep one's self healthy enough to survive (like putting the airplane oxygen mask on yourself before you secure one on your child) in order to take care of one's children, but every caring and loving parent understands about the sacrifice of self that goes along with having children, no?

[Meaplus3]

Interesting thread. I would rate mysef a 9 in goodness. I have a very big loving heart. I'm kind, caring and considerate and enjoy those who are staples in my life and those that come and go. Going through some very rough times over the past couple of years, has made me so much stronger. I'm very happy with who I am..more so now than ever before.

 

AP:)

[Mustang Sally]

it's difficult to define "goodness" because so much of it is semantics, value systems, etc.

No doubt, this is true, TBF.

 

I have rated myself based on my own values-system. But I also like hearing from others what they think is important, and what their values are. I learn a lot that way, I think.

 

I have grown to appreciate the so-called "gray zones" in life, because I am exposed to a lot of them in my daily life. And I've certainly found myself with more personal connectedness to these types of situations the last few years than I ever thought that I would when I was younger. Sometimes I'm not sure if that is because the "gray zones" really are inherently VALID, or I've just gotten more wishy-washy and better at rationalization as I age.

 

But I do still ultimately find, at the end of the day, that there are some Universal Truths, if you will, about right and wrong, and goodness and badness, however painful to me on a personal level that that might be to admit at any given moment...

 

Some people define goodness in the form of TLC, even to the point of enabling and validating dysfunctional behaviour. Others' define goodness in the form of no-nonsense, straight to the point directness. I use these examples because they're prevalent on LS.

How true.

It certainly seems that, for many, Goodness is in the eye of the beholder. I'm not so sure that this is always true, as I stated above.

 

My only question is, when validating and enabling, if there's personal gain, there's no altruism involved, either self-justification or for the purposes of being liked.

Yes.

I know what you mean.

To me, this is not really Goodness, per se.

It may be understandable behaviour, as social acceptance is - I believe - a basic human need (to varying degrees for various individuals). And as such, I can't completely fault people who do this...I do it, too, from time to time. But altrusitic it is not.

 

I can't rate myself but I do tend to hold true to my personal value system. I can be the best friend you've ever had or I can be someone you wished you never knew. It's a matter of who you are and who I am. Like draws like. Oil and vinegar.

And this is what I enjoy and respect about you!

[Mustang Sally]

Interesting thread. I would rate mysef a 9 in goodness. I have a very big loving heart. I'm kind, caring and considerate and enjoy those who are staples in my life and those that come and go. Going through some very rough times over the past couple of years, has made me so much stronger. I'm very happy with who I am..more so now than ever before.

 

AP:)

I find you inspiring in this way, AP.

Thank you!

[Lishy]

I know I am a good person as a rule ... I am honest, caring and the best friend you could have. I pick my friends carefully and have a handful of very good, lifelong friends who would be there for me and me them in all situations. I know I am a good mum and a good sister and partner. I also put others before myself and will help anyone who needs me.

 

I think you can judge yourself on the friends you have made and kept.

 

I can also be a bad enemy and will treat people how they treat me but deep down I know I have good core values.

[Mustang Sally]

Thanks for your reply, Lishy.

I have gotten that same impression of you by what you post here.

 

On another note:

I thought of some more "Assessment Criteria" to add to the list:

Fairness

Objectivity

 

 

Anyone else any other thoughts?

 

Do you think that there are Universal Truths of Goodness vs Badness and Rightness vs Wrongness, as I have described above? Or do you subscribe to a more "Everything is relative" approach to Good v Bad and Right v Wrong?

[Kasan]

So I am wondering about how your definition of "Good Person" changes as you age.

 

In my case, I seem to up the "standards" or criteria as I get older.

 

What would have qualified as a "Good Person" to me twenty years ago is vastly different from what my model is today.

 

Perhaps thinking about your original post MS, makes me wonder if this is why I am struggling with a couple of issues in my current life. When I was younger, I wouldn't have given this stuff a second thought, as it would have been all about me.

 

And like you MS, I have learned to appreciate the "gray zones" in my life. I don't look at it as being "wishy washy" at all, but being able to step back and see the situation from more than one viewpoint.

[Lishy]

I believe that every person is a product of their upbringing - My mum is a loving and caring soul who would do anything for us, me and my sis are exactly the same and we cherish and nuture the people we love.

 

I have met many people in my life who were not good people and when you look at their family you see why that is!

 

When I get into a tricky situation, I stand back and put myself in the other persons position and wonder how I would feel and then I act on it from the other persons POV

[CommitmentPhobe]

This sort of self analysis and rating system is indulgent and counter-productive IMO. Also subject to being grossly incorrect about yourself. You cannot seriously think that a subjective measure of yourself is in any way accurate surely? Where's the yardstick?

[Lishy]

Yes it IS indulgent

 

I just looked at what I wrote and I am basically saying how wonderful I am and I am not liking the taste it has left in my mouth much lol - It is far easier for me to put myself down then big myself up

[Mustang Sally]

So I am wondering about how your definition of "Good Person" changes as you age.

 

In my case, I seem to up the "standards" or criteria as I get older.

 

What would have qualified as a "Good Person" to me twenty years ago is vastly different from what my model is today.

Ah, Kasan.

I think I can relate to this!

 

To me, this is the power of hindsight (twenty-twenty, right? ). The older one gets, the more hindsight one has the luxury of engaging. Perspectives do change, don't they?

 

Perhaps thinking about your original post MS, makes me wonder if this is why I am struggling with a couple of issues in my current life. When I was younger, I wouldn't have given this stuff a second thought, as it would have been all about me.

This is an interesting observation, I think.

I would have slanted it more the opposite way. Some things that I thought were a big deal 15 to 20 years ago, I now view as "don't sweat the small stuff."

 

And like you MS, I have learned to appreciate the "gray zones" in my life. I don't look at it as being "wishy washy" at all, but being able to step back and see the situation from more than one viewpoint.

 

Thank you for sharing this wisdom. I would tend to agree with your interpretation.

[Kasan]

This sort of self analysis and rating system is indulgent and counter-productive IMO. Also subject to being grossly incorrect about yourself. You cannot seriously think that a subjective measure of yourself is in any way accurate surely? Where's the yardstick?

 

You never answered the original question.

 

How good a person do you think you are?

[Trialbyfire]

This sort of self analysis and rating system is indulgent and counter-productive IMO. Also subject to being grossly incorrect about yourself. You cannot seriously think that a subjective measure of yourself is in any way accurate surely? Where's the yardstick?

Mustang Sally is suggesting to members that everyone has their own personal yardsticks. Do you feel you have a better yardstick to hold everyone against? If so, do share your yardstick. Keep in mind that in sharing your yardstick, the rest of us who've participated in this thread have every right to negate it too.

[Mustang Sally]

This sort of self analysis and rating system is indulgent and counter-productive IMO. Also subject to being grossly incorrect about yourself. You cannot seriously think that a subjective measure of yourself is in any way accurate surely? Where's the yardstick?

What a valuable point! Thank you, CP.

I agree that it can be self-indulgent and counter-productive, if one makes it so.

 

But I also don't think it is entirely invalidated as a method of self-reflection. It is certainly dependent upon how brutally honest (or over critical? ) and objective (a hard line to toe, for sure) one is capable of being with oneself.

 

I do agree with (what I think is) your point: self-assessment, alone is not a completely representative picture of any given individual. It is also important to take into consideration how others assess us, no?

[marlena]

I think you can judge yourself on the friends you have made and kept.

 

 

 

Great thread!!!

 

I absolutely agree with you, Lishy. If having long-lasting and devoted friends is a criterion, then, I guess at this point in my life, I rate pretty high although I am happy to say that even in my more youthful years I have always been blessed with an entourage of amazing friends. Alas, I haven't been that lucky in love (or wait maybe I have)!!

 

At any rate, I strive daily to bring out my good qualities and tame my more baser instincts. It is a pact I made with myself very early on in life and it has no expiration date. I will strive to that end to my last dying breath. There is always room for improvement, this I know so well, and towards this goal, I strive daily.

[Touche]

Mustang Sally is suggesting to members that everyone has their own personal yardsticks. Do you feel you have a better yardstick to hold everyone against? If so, do share your yardstick. Keep in mind that in sharing your yardstick, the rest of us who've participated in this thread have every right to negate it too.

 

Aren't you being really generous?

 

Ok, back on topic. I'm not that great a person. I have moments when I am but mostly I'm a selfish, spoiled goddess. I'd rate myself about a 4 maybe.

[CommitmentPhobe]

Mustang Sally is suggesting to members that everyone has their own personal yardsticks. Do you feel you have a better yardstick to hold everyone against? If so, do share your yardstick. Keep in mind that in sharing your yardstick, the rest of us who've participated in this thread have every right to negate it too.

 

There is no yardstick that's the point.

 

People that think they have a yardstick often end up waging war against each other. Just take a look at World history.

[jerbear]

Depending on who or which group of people I'm interacting with: between 1 and 8.

[marlena]

Yes it IS indulgent

 

I just looked at what I wrote and I am basically saying how wonderful I am and I am not liking the taste it has left in my mouth much lol - It is far easier for me to put myself down then big myself up

 

I plead gulity as well!!! Sheesh!!! OK!!! I'll ask for references!!!:eek:

[Mustang Sally]

There is no yardstick that's the point.

 

People that think they have a yardstick often end up waging war against each other. Just take a look at World history.

Hmmm.

So I guess I would put you in the "Everything is Relative" camp rather than the "Universal Truths" camp....

[Kasan]

 

On another note:

I thought of some more "Assessment Criteria" to add to the list:

Fairness

Objectivity

 

These IMO are extremely important traits for a person to have. However they don't strike me as core values per se, but more of life experiences.

 

These are major core values IMO.

 

Altruism

Honesty

Work Ethic

Honor

 

 

Do you think that there are Universal Truths of Goodness vs Badness and Rightness vs Wrongness, as I have described above? Or do you subscribe to a more "Everything is relative" approach to Good v Bad and Right v Wrong?

 

Explain this more please.............

[Mustang Sally]

Depending on who or which group of people I'm interacting with: between 1 and 8.

Sounds like you feel the old "Go to bed with the dogs and wake up with fleas" applies to yourself, huh Jerbear?

 

Why do you think that is? Do you find yourself one who "goes along with the crowd" in most any given situation?