Not Sure What to Think

[confusedCA]

I have been seeing a wonderul man for past 3 months. We have known each other for 8 months but I was involved with someone else. I guess I should also mention that I am 26 and he is 40. I moved away from him (an hour and 45 mins) about 1 month ago and about 3 weeks ago he was out of state for work. Everything has been just perfect until this past weekend. We had not seen eachother for 3 weeks and I drove down to spend the weekend with him. His flight didnt come in until 4 PM on Saturday. We had a nice dinner that night and then went to church the next morning. On the way to church, I mentioned that I was planning on leaving around 5. After church he said he needed to work out and asked me to leave early. This really hurt my feelings. We spent less than 24 hours with each other and he wanted me to leave?? I didn't get it.

This of course spawned a more in depth conversation about what he wants in life. I know what I want (which is to have someone in my life to love and to be loved) and he has no idea what he wants, he takes it one day at a time and leaves it to God. That I did not understand. I asked him if he was wasting my time and he said that I was the only one that can answer that. Then he said "the most I can give you now is I like you a lot, I care about you and you are very special to me".

Things were very casual between us in the beginning and he wanted to take things up a notch and be exclusive, I agreed and now it seems that he is at a stand still.

 

My question is....Do I walk or should I be patient? Can this type of long distance relationship last?

 

He really is a wonderful man I have extremly strong feelings for him. My heart has been hurt since Sunday and it is not going away. This is effecting our conversations and making things worse.

 

Any advice is appreciated.

[Rollercoasterr]

Your guy might be playing hard to get, or maybe he's stressed out about something, but it doesn't seem right. There is no conceivable reason why you would spend less than 24 hours with someone that you "like" and then ask them to leave early. That just sounds crazy to me.

 

My mom was in a similar situation with a guy for 3 years, until this past christmas(yes, he broke up with her finally on christmas day for someone that he had met 2 days earlier). He used to only come over on Saturday nights, but toward the end of the relationship he would come over at around 9, eat(she always cooked a VERY nice dinner for everyone-he brought his kids), watch a movie, and then leave at around 11. And he lived about an hour and 20 minutes away from her. True, around here you have to travel at least 50 minutes to get to civilization, but still. I wouldn't drive an hour and 20 minutes for 2 hours with someone.

 

Also, I hate to say it, but if he's pulling out the whole "All I can give you right now is..." speech then it's not looking good. I've pulled that particular trick on one of my exes before, and I was really just trying to tell him that there was no future for us, but in a nice way. Again, this may not be the case with your guy, I'm just telling you MY personal experience with that little speech.

 

I would have a conversation with him where you tell him NOT to give you that "all I can promise you..." crap, tell him to suck it up, be a man, and tell you the truth flat out. If he can't do that, you know there's something wrong and you need to move on.

 

Good luck!

[confusedCA]

I talked with him and he assured me that he wants to be with me but he has a lot on his mind right now. The problem I see is that he won't let me in on his problems. I explained to him that if this was going to work, we needed to communicate.

 

Things are still not the way they should, but I am hoping it will get better.

 

Thanks for the advice!

[gd26]

He seems rather cold.... I could never be with someone who was so out of touch with my feelings and doesn't seem to understand.