confused29 Posted August 12, 2003 Share Posted August 12, 2003 I have been dating my boyfriend 8 years. We started dating when we were 18 years old so I feel that I have kind of grown up with his family. I love him very much. We have a nice house, a dog and we plan on getting married in the next year or so. There is just one thing that keeps interfering with me enjoying my life with him. His brother. His brother and I have always been really close - best friends. (They are really close in age.) About 3 years ago my boyfriend and I were hanging out with his brother a lot. In fact they were living together. One day I needed a ride home and his brother kissed me. At first I didn't know what to think. It progressed a little bit but I said stop. He took me home and things felt weird after that. About 2-3 weeks later we were all drinking at their apartment. My boyfriend had to go somewhere and his brother kissed me again. This time it went a little farther and again it stopped. This kept happening for about 6 months (we never had sex) and then we decided that it had to end. I told his brother to find a girlfriend and he did. Unfortunately this really messed things up for our friendship because I was jealous of his girlfriend. I did not like her (partly because I was jealous and partly because she was a witch). This caused us to fight and the brother moved back home. About a year after the brother started dating the witch they broke up. My boyfriend and I went to stay with him in the new city he had moved to. We went to the bar and when we got back we kissed again. Three days later he got back with his girlfriend. This made me even more jealous of her and our friendship came to a complete end. We barely talked for the next year. Finally he realized that she was a witch and ended it for good. We became friends again and my boyfriend and I moved in together. this was in January. His brother was hanging out a lot at our house helping us do things. One night we had a bunch of people over and we kissed again. I asked him why we keep doing this when we know nothing will ever become of it (even if I broke up with my boyfriend I could not date his brother). His answer was "for fun." Things got farther this time than they ever had and I really enjoyed it. What is wrong with me? Then 2 weeks later we all went downtown and he started rubbing my leg underneath the table with my boyfriend right there. On the car ride home we had to sit in back together and my boyfriend sat up front. He kept touching me everywhere. I told him to stop and got kind of angry at him. We didn't talk much after that. He started dating a new girl and stopped hanging out with us. They dated for about a month and broke up about a week and a half ago. A couple of weeks ago his brother gave me a ride home from the bar. I asked him if he had a problem or if we were OK. He started holding my hand and soon we were going at it again. I told him I could not have sex with him (even though I really wanted to) This past weekend we went on a family trip with his family. All I could think about the whole time was messing around with his brother. I noticed him staring at me often but nothing happened. We were just flirty as usual. I feel disappointed that nothing happened like he isn't interested in me. Now we are back and still I keep thinking about him. What should I do? Should I leave it alone, put my feelings aside and say nothing to him? I am scared that if my boyfriend and I get married that this will continue to happen. What should I do? I love my boyfriend but I am infatuated with his brother. What is wrong with me? Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused29 Posted August 12, 2003 Author Share Posted August 12, 2003 I have been dating my boyfriend 8 years. We started dating when we were 18 years old so I feel that I have kind of grown up with his family. I love him very much. We have a nice house, a dog and we plan on getting married in the next year or so. There is just one thing that keeps interfering with me enjoying my life with him. His brother. For the past 3 years his brother and I have been kissing and slowly it has progressed. We still have not had sex but I think I want to. Of course if it were up to him we would have a long time ago. We hang out all of the time (with a group of people) and I always find myself wanting him. How do you think he feels? Why would he be interested in his brother's girlfriend? Do you think that he has feelings for me or is he just a hornball? Just wondering? Link to post Share on other sites
maskee28 Posted August 12, 2003 Share Posted August 12, 2003 What should I do? I love my boyfriend but I am infatuated with his brother. What is wrong with me? Just curious, how old are you? I'm not really sure what is wrong with you, but I suspect it's the fact that you're not ready or mature enough to be in a committed relationship. Or maybe you just love this sort of drama - betraying your boyfriend with his brother no less... Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused29 Posted August 12, 2003 Author Share Posted August 12, 2003 I am 26 years old. I am just very attracted to the brother. Link to post Share on other sites
maskee28 Posted August 12, 2003 Share Posted August 12, 2003 I think it's normal for people in committed relationships to still find some members of the opposite sex attractive - but usually they don't act on it. Link to post Share on other sites
Thor Posted August 12, 2003 Share Posted August 12, 2003 Regardless of your age, it definitely appears that you are not ready to be married to your boyfriend. If your actions are occurring now then they will still occur when you're married. Being married doesn't mean that all of your attention and affection are instantly transferred to your husband. Being married still takes effort on both parties to endure hardships and to make the love last. If you have lustful feelings for your possible future brother-in-law then you must do the honorable thing and break it off with your current boyfriend. Sure, he may be hurt in the short term, but it will be a better hurt than if he found his brother and you together or someone else for that matter. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused29 Posted August 12, 2003 Author Share Posted August 12, 2003 Originally posted by maskee28 I think it's normal for people in committed relationships to still find some members of the opposite sex attractive - but usually they don't act on it. In the beginning I did not act on it. Sure I had thought about it but I never thought anything would happen. Then one day on the way home he put his hand around my head/neck and pulled me in for a kiss. It was awesome. I told him no we couldn't do this. He said but doesn't it feel right and of course it did. He asked me to forget about everything for 5 minutes and it would be just him and me and nobody would ever know. I still stood strong and told him to take me home. Then it just kept happening on and off for the last three years. It keeps going farther everytime and now I don't know how to stop it or even if i want to. I wish that I knew how he really felt about me. Is he just trying to get a piece or does he really care about me? He told me he will always love me no matter what but does he mean like a sister or what?????????????? Link to post Share on other sites
maskee28 Posted August 12, 2003 Share Posted August 12, 2003 Who knows what his true intentions are...I highly doubt they’re very noble. I mean, this guy is going behind his own brother’s back for crying out loud – I don’t think that speaks very highly of his character. Why would you even want to date this guy? He’s obviously not at all respectful of his brother – what makes you think he’d be respectful of you? Link to post Share on other sites
jalexy Posted August 12, 2003 Share Posted August 12, 2003 it isnt fair at all to your man......at all at all. you either stop it or you get out of this relationship. how would you feel if he was doing this with your sister?!??! Link to post Share on other sites
Arcane Posted August 13, 2003 Share Posted August 13, 2003 Why would you kiss your boyfriends brother? At least have the courtesy of breaking up with your boyfriend before pursuing his brother any further. I hioe you also realize that doing this has a very good chance of destroying their family and causing the brothers to hate each other. I mean really, it doesn't get much lower than stealing your brothers girlfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
bryanp Posted August 14, 2003 Share Posted August 14, 2003 I think you need to be honest with your boyfriend and tell him what you have done and tell him everything about his brother since he has a right to know. It is unbelievable how you have betrayed and disrespected your boyfriend with his brother right under his nose. How would you feel if the roles had been reversed? If you truly love your boyfriend then tell him everything. If not then break up with him and let him find a girlfriend who will not fool around with his brother in a resturant and a car right in front of him. You define yourself and your morals by your actions. It sounds like you are using your boyfriend for material benefits only. What a slime to have a brother do this to your boyfriend. Be honest and open with your boyfriend and you will show him you truly love him and show remorse. If you do not then it is clear that you are a manipulative user. How sad that you would do this to someone who loves you and wishes to marry you. What would you think of this person if you read this letter from someone else4? Don't you feel you are better than this? Prove it and be honest with your boyfriend for it is the least you can do for him. I wish you luck. Link to post Share on other sites
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