Not making an effort

[SarahT111]

Hi all

 

I am in a realitivly new relationship.

My partner lives 3 hours drive away.

We have been friends for years and years before getting together.

I really adore him and want so much to make it work but unfortunatly im having a few problems that I would really like your input on!!

 

My problem really is that he always seems to busy for me!

When we are apart I will get one txt a day if im lucky then another one at night saying 'sorry he has been busy all day'

I give him the benifit of the doubt that maybe he is busy but recently I think there may be another problem.

He has come up to my home town for the weekend to see me. He came up with two friends and has been here two days already.

I have seen him one night.

I tired to contact him both days to see if he wanted to meet up but he just ignores me!

Im so torn I dont know what to do.

When we are together it is perfect and he is all over me and so caring towards me but it is ALWAYS me who makes the effort to get us together!

 

Is this just typical male behaviour?

Or am I being to clingy?

Please please give me some advice on this!

Im terrified of getting hurt again and I dont know what to do. Like I said I adore him but he just doesn't want to seem to make the effort.

But everything is great when we are together!

 

please could I have some insight!

Thankyou so much!

[Meaplus3]

Hi all

 

I am in a realitivly new relationship.

My partner lives 3 hours drive away.

We have been friends for years and years before getting together.

I really adore him and want so much to make it work but unfortunatly im having a few problems that I would really like your input on!!

 

My problem really is that he always seems to busy for me!

When we are apart I will get one txt a day if im lucky then another one at night saying 'sorry he has been busy all day'

I give him the benifit of the doubt that maybe he is busy but recently I think there may be another problem.

He has come up to my home town for the weekend to see me. He came up with two friends and has been here two days already.

I have seen him one night.

I tired to contact him both days to see if he wanted to meet up but he just ignores me!

Im so torn I dont know what to do.

When we are together it is perfect and he is all over me and so caring towards me but it is ALWAYS me who makes the effort to get us together!

 

Is this just typical male behaviour?

Or am I being to clingy?

Please please give me some advice on this!

Im terrified of getting hurt again and I dont know what to do. Like I said I adore him but he just doesn't want to seem to make the effort.

But everything is great when we are together!

 

please could I have some insight!

Thankyou so much!

 

You could always back off a bit.. sort of make yourself not as available to him and see what happens. Perhaps he's the type that needs a little space? Good luck.

 

AP:)

[Lucky_One]

How new of a R? Have you told each other you love each other? Do you talk about future plans?

 

What is the deal with texting? Why not pick up the phone and call each other? After 9, most cells have free minutes, so it isn't like this would cost you a month's paycheck. How often do you talk on the phone?

[confusedCA]

I am having the same problem. Every time I try to discuss the issue, he says I am backing him in a corner. Although, last night I managed to get to him to admit that he was stressed out and confused about some unknown thing in his life. When I try to make plans with him on my days off, he refuses and says "we will figure something out".

 

After days of crying and not eating, I have decided not to initate phone calls, text messages or instant massages, but answer when he calls me and act like everything is peachy. It is going to be hard, but it is something that has to be done. If he comes to me, then I will know how he feels and if he doesn't, I will have to move on.

 

Hope this helps a little.

[Hoosier09]

You know, I think it might be good to talk to him. Whatever you do, don't play games. Don't try to stop trying to get in touch with him just because you want him to call first. Next time you are together, sit him down and tell him what you're feeling and ask him where you guys are at. Long distance relationships are hard and one thing that makes it worse is lack of communication. You both have to be willing to talk about what you are feeling so that neither one of you is worrying at night. That just isn't worth it. You know what I mean? I hope that you can work the situation out. Good luck

[Sinner86]

I agree, playing games is not going to do you any good. Leave him a message and tell him exactly what you said here, hey it was fun hanging out that night but I haven't heard much from you. Hope everything is okay, give me a call when you can.

 

- The end.

 

Let him follow up and when he does, tell him how you feel.

[JackJack]

It could be that you're making your self to available for him. Back off some. If that doesn't work and you still feel its always you that makes the effort, then it wont work, when only one wants to put forth the effort. He probably doesn't have as much time and energy invested in the realtionship as you do.

[confusedCA]

I am the last one that wants to play games, but sometimes you have to back off and let him come to you.

[Lizzie60]

This guy is just not that into you.. simple as that..

 

I say back off.. let him do the 'calling'...

 

To be honest, I doubt he will get better.. this is the kind of guy who is just not ready to settle down.. he's still having his friends around, etc... you are just there whenever HE FEELS like it..

 

If you are not comfortable with this.. you need to tell him to eff off.. and move on.. don't waste your time or energy on someone who do NOT care for you.. simple.

[bigmanpayne]

I am having the same problem. Every time I try to discuss the issue, he says I am backing him in a corner. Although, last night I managed to get to him to admit that he was stressed out and confused about some unknown thing in his life. When I try to make plans with him on my days off, he refuses and says "we will figure something out".

 

After days of crying and not eating, I have decided not to initate phone calls, text messages or instant massages, but answer when he calls me and act like everything is peachy. It is going to be hard, but it is something that has to be done. If he comes to me, then I will know how he feels and if he doesn't, I will have to move on.

 

Hope this helps a little.

 

in my experiences, if i am into someone or one of my friends are into a chick we always make time. we might be busy at the moment but you will get a call back or something letting you know that you are being thought of, etc. if they are too busy for you and making no effort to compensate for their business, then it is most likely something else. that is just me though, i could be totally wrong.

[gd26]

in my experiences, if i am into someone or one of my friends are into a chick we always make time. we might be busy at the moment but you will get a call back or something letting you know that you are being thought of, etc. if they are too busy for you and making no effort to compensate for their business, then it is most likely something else. that is just me though, i could be totally wrong.

 

No, you are totally RIGHT. It doesn't matter how busy a guy is... if he likes you he will keep in touch. Even the busiest guy will let you know he thinks about you. Earlier this year I met a guy who was in medical school... I met him 2 weeks before his final exams. Up until his exams, he called or texted me every day... and even during his finals week, he was too busy to call, but he did send me a text at the beginning of the week... and as soon as his last exam got done Friday afternoon, I got a text message from him on his way out of class. He might not have had time to sleep, but he still had time for me. If a guy likes you, he will show it by his actions and put in the effort.

[SarahT111]

Hi all!

 

Thank you all so much for your replies!

I have been out of the country for 3 weeks so I am sorry it took me so long to thankyou all!

I took both lots of advice and backed off a bit then talked to him when he came to me.

He apologized and said he had been very busy. He took me out that night and said he had been waiting for me for 2 years and that he would do nothing to stuff it up. He also said he loved me!

So anyway since then he had been much better at keeping in touch for about a week. After that he began to slip into his old ways of always been to busy to contact me.

 

Im just not sure If I am being clingy or pushy here. I know he likes his space but I also get sick of trying to keep things going on my own.

Should I just be appreciative of what I have and stop being so clingy and paranoid?

Im not sure what to think and feel right now. I absolutly adore this guy but I find it difficult when I dont hear from him so much!

I understand he is very busy and has alot of commitments so how do I get round this without flying off the handle and freaking out everything he doesn't contact me?!

 

Its Saturday night here and I havent heard from him since a txt in the morning. Im sitting here thinking is this right?

Shouldnt he want to know what im doing on a Saturday night? I could be out doing anything and he hasn't even asked! I have no idea what he is up to either. I asked but no reply.

 

Please by all means tell me if I am being selfish needing to know his every move, It just feels like it isn't right?

 

 

Thanks soooo much for the advice!! I need it so much right now

[Lucky_One]

"I understand he is very busy and has alot of commitments..."

 

So am I. So is everyone else in the world.

 

But I manage to make time for my commitments in the order that they are ranked. 1) My son 2) My job 3) My family 4) My BF 5) My home. As time goes on, my BF may "move up the ladder", but we haven't dated that long. And there are also times when things move up the ladder regardless; my dad needed some help, so I took a day off work while son was at school. That day Dad was #1, son was #2, work was #3. If BF needs me, then he gets "adjusted" to the right place.

 

But my point is - it is easy to keep my BF as a commitment. We talk at least twice every day. Honestly, how hard it is to pick up a phone and call someone? (Or text, since that is how you seem to communicate the most - which I just don't understand at all.) We make plans to see each other at least once a week - we have some distance with us, so it isn't that easy; we often meet halfway.

 

Are you a commitment to him? Or are you way down on his list? Do you put him at the top of your list?