Michelle1234 Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 I have been happily married for 15 years (got married young - I'm in my early 30s) and have 2 children. We have a great relationship. we go on dates frequently, have great talks, great sex, etc. Everyone comments how GREAT our marriage is and how they strive to have our relationship. He cheated on me while we were dating and had one (if not two) affairs in our 15 years. I forgave him and there are no hard feelings. A neighbor started flirting with me last summer. At first I was just flattered, but then became open to the possibly. To make long story short, we eventually slept together starting in January. He is single and definitely a "playboy." What I thought could just be casual sex (i know, i know) has turned into me having feelings for him. He does not appear to feel the same way towards me, but definitely enjoys my company when we are together. He rightfully has apprehension because he doesn't know where the relationship can go and doesn't want anyone to find out. I'm I kidding myself to think this guy could actually have feelings for me? We have called things off twice in the past 8 months, only to get back together. He is definitely a guarded guy with commitment issues (never been married and in his 40s). Could he be afraid of falling for me? Link to post Share on other sites
porter218 Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 Well he probably isn't interested in anything more then sex because he know you are a cheater. Men don't usually look at a woman who is cheating on her H as a good prospect. There is no way to get around that, you have already 'tainted' his view of you. Link to post Share on other sites
Shygirl15 Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 I agree with Porter. And why do you worry about this guy and his feelings anyway, Michelle? At this point, you need to be more concerned with what you have done to your husband and the possible outcomes of that, once he finds out you betrayed him. Link to post Share on other sites
Potatocakes Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 Yes you are kidding yourself. He doesnt want anyone to find out about you two and he doesnt know where the relationship will go because to him there is no relationship there is sex. You are already in a (very commited) relationship anyway, why not focus on that and let this guy go. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 [Am] I kidding myself to think this guy could actually have feelings for me? ... Could he be afraid of falling for me? If he is, as you say, forty-plus years old, never married, emotionally guarded, and a playboy with commitment issues then my guess would be that it's likely his feelings for you would lean towards 'caring and companionable' rather than 'loving/in love and falling for'. But that's just my guess. Under the circumstances, he might be able to convince himself that yes, he is at risk of falling, or has in fact already fallen, for you. But how could you tell for sure? Because his own true test really would only come AFTER you are also free to pursue an out-in-the-open romantic relationship with him -- and at that time, his habitual beliefs and behaviour around emotionally intimate and committed relationships could well take over again. (The facts of his current relationship with you would preclude him from really knowing what he'll do -- he has the safety-net built in, and it's highly unlikely that he knows, for sure and without doubt, how he'll react once that is removed.) For your own heart's sake, I'd suggest you proceed with caution. Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 Whats your payoff for being with him since you say you're in a happy marriage? Link to post Share on other sites
changchewsoon Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 You gotta be kidding me. The fact that you cheated on your husband with him tells him that there's nothing else he should expect out from you besides sex. Don't bother how he feels, I'm rather more concerned about your marriage. He's your neighbor, do you seriously think that you could keep this under wraps for long? Its getting dangerous now that you have developed feelings for him, you need to get yourself out from that situation. All the best to you! Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 Let me get this right. You say you are in a happy marriage but you are having sex with another man behind your husband's back putting his health at risk for STD's. When you husband finds out (they always do) your entire marriage may end. Is this what you want? The OM is using you as a booty call for some good sex and you are willing to destroy your marriage and family for this and you claim you are in a happy marriage? If this is true then you are clearly in a self-destructive mode. I doubt that you have such a great relationship with your husband to do what you are doing and willing to end up divorce. My guess is that you have never forgiven your husband in reality for his affairs and this is your anger and payback to him for them. Do you wish to be divorced? If you do then continue to humiliate, disrespect and show continued distain for your marriage and your husband and you will get your wish to be single once again. Link to post Share on other sites
couchmonkey Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 Wow. Your neighbor even. Does your husband know him well? Get ready for divorce, relocation or, depending on your husband's temperament, some "legal complications" with your close friend. You better end this and hope that other neighbors don't have any reason to be suspicious. Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 I agree with the other posters who question the reality of your "happy" marriage. You ponder the state of your affair, wondering matter-of-factly if your OM has "commitment issues" as if you're talking with the girls in the dorm about your college boyfriend, and yet you didn't share one thought - one word - in your post indicating that you have reflected upon the effect that this affair might have on your marriage, and the effect that it is having on who you are as a wife to your husband and a mother to your children. You are asking the wrong quesions. How can you say: I have been happily married for 15 years (got married young - I'm in my early 30s) and have 2 children. We have a great relationship. we go on dates frequently, have great talks, great sex, etc. ... and then go on to ask: I'm I kidding myself to think this guy could actually have feelings for me? We have called things off twice in the past 8 months, only to get back together. He is definitely a guarded guy with commitment issues (never been married and in his 40s). Could he be afraid of falling for me? You need to decide whether you want a "great" marriage or a continuing affair, because you can't have both, and you have already chosen to set events in motion that will very likely result in you having neither. Push the "Play" button here, and imagine what comes next - what do you forsee the possible outcomes being? What is your end game, because there will be one... Link to post Share on other sites
georgejungle Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 I'm still trying to figure out WHY you forgave your Husband for the TWO times he's cheated on you since you've been married. And there's kids involved? Priorities seem out of whack here, no offense. you must be longing for some excitement, something different, If you were in a happy marriage, you wouldn't be cheating.. simple as that. Link to post Share on other sites
Shygirl15 Posted August 30, 2008 Share Posted August 30, 2008 Did somebody take a dive? Mmh...lol Link to post Share on other sites
porter218 Posted August 30, 2008 Share Posted August 30, 2008 Michelle, we don't always hear what we want to hear but we all usually continue to post on LS because it is helpful. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted August 30, 2008 Share Posted August 30, 2008 I'm kidding myself to think this guy could actually have feelings for me? I don't know. You could ask your husband as he appears to have more experience with these things ..... Maybe, as a few posters here on LS can attest to, your affair can improve your marriage. How's that for a positive outlook? Link to post Share on other sites
couchmonkey Posted August 30, 2008 Share Posted August 30, 2008 I don't know. You could ask your husband as he appears to have more experience with these things ..... Maybe, as a few posters here on LS can attest to, your affair can improve your marriage. How's that for a positive outlook? LOL! That means her marriage is 3 X GREAT! Link to post Share on other sites
GPFan Posted August 30, 2008 Share Posted August 30, 2008 I'm I kidding myself to think this guy could actually have feelings for me? We have called things off twice in the past 8 months, only to get back together. He is definitely a guarded guy with commitment issues (never been married and in his 40s). Could he be afraid of falling for me?In order: Yes and No. Your time would be better spent making a good marriage better. Well he probably isn't interested in anything more then sex because he know you are a cheater. Men don't usually look at a woman who is cheating on her H as a good prospect. There is no way to get around that, you have already 'tainted' his view of you.Ain't that the truth! Link to post Share on other sites
SoulStorm Posted August 30, 2008 Share Posted August 30, 2008 I think this is a troll Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted September 6, 2008 Share Posted September 6, 2008 Maybe, as a few posters here on LS can attest to, your affair can improve your marriage. How's that for a positive outlook? The people who claim that have pretty much just brainwashed themselves. I'd wager anyone who honestly thinks an affair helped them are a few cards short of a full deck. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted September 7, 2008 Share Posted September 7, 2008 It's called sarcasm Link to post Share on other sites
ladyintights Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 of course you still resent your husband and have hard feelings about it, thats why it was so easy for you to cheat. you both want to have sex with others, why not just have an open marriage alredy. no need to fu#$ where you eat! HES a NEIGHBOR for heavens sake. Link to post Share on other sites
wareagle Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 Let's look into the future shall we. Happy marriage, two lovely children, husband finds out wife has been boning the playboy neighbor guy! Despite his infidelity, doesn't forgive the cheating wife = broken marriage, two lovely children with divorced parents, maybe a playboy with a broken nose or worse maybe dead!! Cheating wife left out in the cold, crying and begging for her "Happy Marriage Back". All for what? Some piece of ass on the side!! You my friend are a fine piece of work! I really feel bad for the children!! Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 I have been happily married for 15 years (got married young - I'm in my early 30s) and have 2 children. We have a great relationship. we go on dates frequently, have great talks, great sex, etc. Everyone comments how GREAT our marriage is and how they strive to have our relationship. He cheated on me while we were dating and had one (if not two) affairs in our 15 years. I forgave him and there are no hard feelings. A neighbor started flirting with me last summer. At first I was just flattered, but then became open to the possibly. To make long story short, we eventually slept together starting in January. He is single and definitely a "playboy." What I thought could just be casual sex (i know, i know) has turned into me having feelings for him. He does not appear to feel the same way towards me, but definitely enjoys my company when we are together. He rightfully has apprehension because he doesn't know where the relationship can go and doesn't want anyone to find out. I'm I kidding myself to think this guy could actually have feelings for me? We have called things off twice in the past 8 months, only to get back together. He is definitely a guarded guy with commitment issues (never been married and in his 40s). Could he be afraid of falling for me? Since neither you or your husband has any respect for one another, why don't you just get divorced? And why do you care if he is falling for you? What you should be concerned about is the state of your marriage, not what is in the mind of some guy that doesn't give a crap that he is getting a married woman to do the splits for him. Link to post Share on other sites
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