Suiyobi Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 With the exception of SilkLeaves's recent thread, I've noticed more and more that guys tend to become attracted to their girl "friends" overtime, whereas girls on the other hand can easily keep a guy in their friendzone for eternity. Am I wrong to make such an assumption/generalization? Do guys really have no hope of seeing a "platonic relationship becoming more intimate" with any of their female friends? If not, then what can a guy do (after being thrown into the friendzone) to make a girl come around and realize that he is boyfriend material afterall, and not just some buddy to hang out with? Please help, a curious mind would like to know... Link to post Share on other sites
mark982 Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 all i can tell you is i once had a girl- friend, and we took it to the next step. one of the dummer things i've done. ruined a damn good friendship. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 IMO, the best thing you can do is be honest with her and tell her you can't be platonic friends with someone for whom you have romantic attraction. Painful as it is, you must let her go. She needs to hear that. A woman who respects you will sympathize with your feelings, as she's certainly experienced similar ones herself, and deal with it appropriately. Perhaps, after you have resolved your feelings, and moved on to a healthy romantic relationship of your own, you can resume your friendship. Perhaps, in the future, her feelings might change, but you cannot predict or control that; you can only control yourself. I call it "not burning your bridges" by being honest, but yet bringing health to your own emotional state. Link to post Share on other sites
Yamaha Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 In my opinion it is not that the guy develops feelings for his girl friend but that he already had an attraction to his friend from the start and as he got to know her his feelings grew. The women may not have had any attraction from the start but has she got to know him she liked him as a friend. The guy usually approaches the women first but if he doesn't let her know his interest is in more than friends he runs the risk of developing feelings while she just likes him as a mate. Link to post Share on other sites
SilkLeaves Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 Yeah, I recently had to tell a guy to move on from me (obviously not the one from my recent thread ), because I didn't feel anything other than friendship and care for him. I think the main mistake that these guys make is to become too clingy and dependant on the girl they like. Girls often want a challenge, so when everything is laid out in front of them, they're not happy with it. We're an odd species . Also, guys tend to move into the 'she's the one!' 'I love you!' phase too quickly. This often happens before the girl has even accepted a relationship, so she gets freaked out. IMO, even if the girl liked the guy to begin with, all of these things at once would be enough to put her off entirely, and give the impression that the guy is weak and wussy. Personally, I wouldn't feel like I could rely on a guy who was that loved up and sensitive so early into a relationship. We're more attracted to guys who are in less of a rush and who are less dramatic and serious about life. Well, I am . I think most of these guys are around my age -maybe 16-20- and have often never had a girlfriend. Maybe once they get older they'll start to slow down and just enjoy being on dates with girls before flinging themselves head first into the girls life and clinging on for dear life. The sad thing is that these guys have the kindest hearts, and if they cooled off they could be great partners . But girls wont give up proper attraction for a shoulder to cry on when they can have both - the attractive guy as a boyfriend, and the sweet guy as a friend. Once the damage is done, and that's how the girl sees you, it's hard to reverse. I think the best bet for these guys is a fresh start with a new girl. They should establish themselves in the girl's life, draw back and appear to have an interesting, in-demand life, and then appear infrequently in the girl's life. If things go well and all the right signals are being given, that's when a date should be suggested. Not declerations of love or any clinginess. Just a date. If the girl doesn't like the guy after all, then at least he can be told with less damage to his self esteem, as he hasn't placed all his hopes on this one girl. To actually get out of the friendzone would probably take a while, and the guy would have to get some independence and become a bit more mysterious, whilst still keeping his kind -hearted nature. The friendzone is a very complicated place Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 what can a guy do (after being thrown into the friendzone) to make a girl come around and realize that he is boyfriend material Carhill is right -- you have to consciously take yourself OUT of the friend zone. And, really, the only way she is going to see you as good boyfriend material is if she sees you being a good boyfriend...which, needless to add, at this point means you being a good boyfriend to someone else. I'm not too sure that I'd recommend telling her about your romantic aspirations with her, though. It could become a barrier (in her mind), and she may then respond to what she'd feel as a 'pressure' of sorts, by totally distancing herself from you. Or, it could give her an opportunity to tell you that she has similar feelings towards you, of course. It's a crap shoot, really, so just do what your gut is saying is the best thing to do about it. If you are lucky, once you announce that you're swimming in the 'dating pool' (again?), she will snap you up before any other girl gets her "grubby little paws" on you . But if she's all encouraging and trying to help you score your ideal girl...likely that's a good sign to start getting over your romantic feelings for her. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 IME, if a man is attracted to a woman, she knows, often before he does and certainly before he says anything about it. With most women, there's really no "faking" platonic friendship if that's not honestly what you feel. Hence, if a man "tells", he's merely confirming in a mature manner what she already knows. With it out in the open, communication can take place and the man and woman can both resolve their perspectives. I've done this and it really does work. Leaves the door open for the future, but without expectation or "unfinished business". YMMV, of course Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 if a man is attracted to a woman, she knows, often before he does and certainly before he says anything about it. ... if a man "tells", he's merely confirming in a mature mannerAgree 100%. But strategies that are perfect for (or even expected by), er, one generation, don't necessarily translate into success for the younger generation. And I'm interpreting that OP and his woman belong to the latter. So, possible differences in perceptions and expectations may need to be considered, as well. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 You callin' me old?? Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted August 30, 2008 Share Posted August 30, 2008 You callin' me old?? You wish! YOU are but a pup, young man . I was saying that I try to keep my own 'ancient-ness' in mind when dealing with 'em young'uns ~~ requires me to travel back centuries but...what can one do? (Did you experience your "3 women and a pup" weekend yet? -- Did I miss your post with all the juicy details??? Couldja maybe gimme the link. Pretty please. ) Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted August 30, 2008 Share Posted August 30, 2008 Oh, brutal. I'll do a journal on last weekend. A bit too much alcohol and R-rated behavior for forum consumption. Getting my @ss grabbed was the least of my troubles Kids, it's really better to not be married when these platonic things grow rocket engines, trust me.... Link to post Share on other sites
Byren Posted August 30, 2008 Share Posted August 30, 2008 Me and a friend are thinking of moving it up to the next level... I'm slightly worried that it could screw up a fantastic friendship but I really think that she's worth going for... We had something a few years back but she wasn't after a relationship at the time. I let her go and just became friends and then over time she admited that she felt more for me than that. So in answer to your question, sometimes, very rarely, friends can become more than that. Hopefully they stay together too... Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted August 30, 2008 Share Posted August 30, 2008 Me and a friend are thinking of moving it up to the next level... , sometimes, very rarely, friends can become more than that. Hopefully they stay together too... Hopefully, for sure! Cos I knew my current b/f for 20+ years before we got together 10 years ago...kinda just fell into it more than some major, conscious decision, though. And, over the years, we maybe saw each other 3 or 4 times a year; then we were good friends for about 6 months before the BIG first kiss grope . So it was and it wasn't like a "best friends" thing. I think those may be harder to transition (but I'm not sure.) But yes...it definitely can work out very nicely, indeed Link to post Share on other sites
Author Suiyobi Posted August 31, 2008 Author Share Posted August 31, 2008 Whoa! Definitely thanks for the responses everyone! Great insight, and I'm starting to feel a little bit more confident that platonic relationships moving onto something more serious and romantic do happen. I'll still play it cool though and not put myself into a state of wishful thinking. Funny how I never specifically mentioned in my first post that this thread was about me, but somehow you all saw right through it! Lol seriously, there's no way fooling anyone here I guess... Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts