New Here, Also New to this Long Distance Relationship Dilema

[GoGators2008]

Hi everybody. Great site by the way.

 

My gf recently moved 2 hours away. We've been together for a year or so roughly and we've spent pretty much every single day together. Very attached to each other, every single moment of free time we had, we spent together shopping, going out, etc.

 

She moved last week and she has been really busy, getting adjusted to her new transferred university, getting a job as a waitress at a very busy restaurant, making new friends, etc. I know this, however, I feel like she's not giving me enough attention because when I call/text her she always has to go, or she doesn't respond at all, and I'm so used to being able to reach her and see her whenever I wanted, I don't know how to react to this. I get frustrated, I get jealous(she has guy friends she hangs out with now that she never did before), and I feel I'm pushing her away from me more and more by doing this.

 

The hardest part is she moved away and has a new life and I'm here with the same life just without her and it's really hard going from seeing somebody every single day to not being able to do that. My life was her pretty much and because she has a new life and is so busy and can talk to me only 5 mins a day or so, it gets pretty frustrating. UGH!

 

I am going to see her every single week for two days because I am willing to make that sacrifice because I love her so much and when I went there couple days ago, she had a strep throat and couldn't do much so I was there taking care of her for two days.

 

Any and all advice would be appreciated. I really want this to work out because she is a great person and I love her deeply.

[dazed.1]

The best way to look at this situation is that you both have an opportunity to develop a little independence. Relationships without two independant partners are full of insecurity and jealousy (I know from experience;)). You have no control on her actions, only your own, so no use getting worked up over things you can not control (and trust me control is a big part of it, at least it was for me when I struggled with my insecurities during the ldr). I don't mean to say at all that this is what is happening but worst cast scenario is that she decides to move on and break up with you; if that happens there is nothing you can do to change her mind. You can't force someone to be in love wiht you and want a relationship with you, but you can force (push) someone away with insecuries.

 

You have to remember she is in a new place, with new people, and that is scary. She is working hard to get educated, work (not easy to do together) and meet new people all at the same time. I doubt she is trying to avoid you, but she just has a lot of stuff to deal with right now and that is ok.

 

The best thing for you to do is to work on forming new relationships in your own life, and developing your independance. Get reconnected in old hobbies or with friends you lost touch with when you and your girl became eachothers one and only. If you can be happy alone, than you just become that much better of a partner because the insecurity disappears. When the insecurity is gone, you will have done all you can do, and then you just have to trust in your relationship.

 

Give her time to get adjusted, work on yourself and your independance, and everything will work out just as it is supposed to.

[norajane]

It's time to get out of the house and create a life for yourself so you're not sitting around.

 

She can't answer you when she's in class and waittressing. She has a lot of new things to get used to, and she's opening her world to new people.

 

You should try to do the same. Don't stagnate and try to hold onto a past that is no longer. Focus on your present and find some new interests and new people to add to your life. This girl cannot be your primary focus.

[Jordane]

I agree that this is a great time for you to create a life without her. You don't want to depend your happiness on one person too much...you become boring to that person and everyone else and when they are gone then you are feeling hopeless. If she isn't answer during school and work, well you know why. If she is avoiding you altogether then you should talk to her about it. Don't accuse her of anything but just ask. Tell her you'd love to talk to her for about an hour a day or an hour every 2 days and see what she says. You guys should establish ground rules for how to make this work, compromise.