Is there anything I can do to peak her interest in me again?

[hopelessromantic]

Hello I am a newbie here and have really enjoyed all the forums, the people on here have great advice.

Well my girlfriend of 2 years just broke up with me and although I should have seen it coming, I didn't and now I am devastated.

Her interest level in me has been declining for some time and I didn't do anything about it. I have been depressed for over a year gaining 30 pounds and struggling through school. I am in my 5th year of college and she just finished her 1st year at law school at the top of her class. We both love each other very much but she doesn't want to go through my ups and downs with school/depression anymore. She has told me that she is really stressed out, emotional, and just needs time to think. I take that for this is the end. I just want to show her that I still am the man she fell in love with and the passion can come back to our relationship. Am I kidding myself? She always told me to chase her but now she says she doesn't want me to. What do I do????

We are both confused. One one hand I feel if I give her time/space I will lose her, and on the other I feel if I chase after her I will lose her. Is it really a no win situation for me. Is there anything I can do to peak her interest in me again???

Thanks for any help anyone can give me.

[yes]

My opinion is that it's good for you to be out of a relationship right now. Get some couselling, or whatever else it takes, to cure your depressions & solve your personal problems (this may take a while!). That'll probably help you sort things out with school as well.

 

THEN, you'll be ready to be in a relationship again, and if this gal is available, you'll try getting back together with her.

 

Your first step, in my opinion, should be taking up exercising - it'll help both with feeling down, and with the extra weight.

 

best of luck!

-yes

[quankanne]

ditto what yes said -- your first obligation is getting the help you need so that you can heal, both physically and mentally.

 

and I'm a firm believer in the saying "if you love somebody, set them free." Not only does it show that you trust in that love, but it gives the other person the space they're asking for and a chance to heal as needed, as well. If this relationship is meant to be, you guys will hook back up and be stronger than before. Hanging on to someone against their will is pretty much giving that relationship the kiss of death...

[hopelessromantic]

Hello everyone... My girlfriend of 2 years just recently dumped me :-( and I can't get her off my mind. She told me that she fell out of love and she can't throw herself back into our relationship when her heart isn't there. Is there anything I can do to spark her love for me again????? I believe that over the past 6 months I was blind to the signs of her losing interest and I didn't do the things she wanted me to do to prove to her that I wanted a future with her. We are both 23 but I am still an undergraduate student struggling with my goals and future plans while she just started her second year of law school ranked at the top of her class.

She has met new people this year at school and started dating again already. It hurts me to think that she is dating already. Last week we had a final closure talk to lay it all out there and when I looked into her eyes the love just wasn't there...I want to regain that love and passion she once had for me. I so badly want to rebuild our relationship. I have done many things recently to improve my life. Important things that she always wanted me to do, but she still wont give me another chance. I wanted her to tell me that we would never get back together so I wouldn't hold on to any hope, but she said she doesn't see things in black and white like that. She wants to remain best friends but I told her that I will always have deeper feelings for her and I can't think of being just friends ever. She wants to get together at least once a week for lunch/dinner...is that because maybe she wants to see if her feelings will change for me or is that strictly because she doesn't want to lose her best friend??? I told her to call me if she ever wanted to give me another chance, while she told me to call her if I ever wanted to be friends. I don't think she will call me, but I can't help but wonder if it is her every time the phone rings.

On one hand I don't want to lose my best friend, but on the other, I can't see myself ever believing that all we are is friends. I will always be trying to show her that I am the man that she once envisioned spending her entire life with.

 

Am I driving her farther away by not accepting her invitation to be best friends right away??

I am trying everything under the sun to get her off my mind, but I just can't...is time the only cure?? How long will I feel like this???

Any tips on helping me realize that this breakup is a good thing because it will allow me to get my life back in order and will eventually help bring me out of this depression that I have been in for so long.

 

Thanks for any input you might have, it is all much appreciated!!!

[sonofhud]

Its gonna be hard for you to be friends with her when shes seeing other guys. That would bug the hell outta me. You know you are the best dude out there so why's she seeing them? Its gonna be hard to do, but I say just try to block her off completely. Put any pictures of you guys away. Delete her number from your cell and whatever else. Try to avoid things that would remind you of her for a while.

 

Thats what worked great for me when I got dumped. I got her off my mind.....and wouldnt you know that a year later she wanted me again and said that I was the best thing to ever happen to her. Some time apart from you might make her realize that, but don't sit around and wait for her. Just try to move on and see what else you can improve in your life to make you happy.

[jalexy]

I dont think its very possible to be true friends after a break up. Jealousy when the other starts to date will always be there.....i speak from experience on this one. but of course not everything is going to be the way i have it!

[girliegurl66]

I agree too. I don't think it's a good idea to be friends with her if you want more than that. I was in the same situation as you, I didn't want to just be friends, but more than that, and I couldn't stand him dating other girls. So I decided to just leave him alone, and forget about him. Sometimes I have the urge to call him, but I stop myself from it. I want him to come chasing me now, besides me chasing him. So don't worry, maybe a year from now they'll realize it and want you back. That's how I see it.

[breyedgirlbc]

Hey there, i am currently in the exact same situation as you....my boyfriend and i broke up a year ago from a two year relationship. When we started dating we made a promise that if we ever broke up we would remain friends(not knowing how hard it would be at the time) Sure enough 2 years later our lives started moving in different directions and we broke up. For about the first 6 months we continued sleeping with each other, which was just a really bad idea!! Eventually he got a job back in his home town and ended up moving back home. We kept in touch all the time through e-mail, phone, letters, and he even came back here for visits whenever he could get the time off work. Throughout all this i realized that it was way too hard to keep sleeping together, and still try to be distant enough to just "be friends". I decided that the next time he came to visit that it would be strictly on a friendship basis, and no intamicy at all, i need some closer to our relationship as a couple, and wanted to try and just be friends. Well since that last visit, we gradually started to grow apart, the calls became less, the e-mails, visits all we way less. We both dated other people here and there, and got into freqent arguements, and discussuions about the past. Finally we agreed to forget all the happened with are relationship and try and start new.....well at first it was okay, he was just here for a visit a few weeks ago, and i relized that we both have changed alot inthe past year, and that we really didn't have so much in common anymore, and that it was hurting me more then anything try to be his friend when i could do was think about what we once had, and the fact that i thought he would be the guy i would marry. Dating other people wasn't working for me either because i was always comparing them to him, and still thinking about him, and after awhile i relized that it was because he was still such a big part of my life still, just when i would start to feel good, he would call, and then boom, i would be all sad and depressed again. After he left this last tiime i knew it would be the last time he came here, i haven't spoken to him since, i don't write or phone, and when he sends e-mails i just delete them and try to forget about them, i keep myself busy, and i don't answer when he calls. I tried for so long to prove that i was the one that loved him so much and would never hurt him, always thinking that maybe he would realize and come back....now i know thats its not gonna happen because it wasn't meant to happen. I need to move on with my life without him, and it has been way easier with no contact. I still think about him lots but it get easier everyday, just keep busy doing things that you love to do. Remember things happen for a reason, and we may not know the reasons at the time, but eventually we will. It takes a hell of a strong person to stay friends with someone they once loved with all they have. Be thankfull that it happened though because i am sure you've grown alot as a person because of it(i know i have)and you can take the learning experiences with you into your next relationships until you find your "soul mate" the one that meant to be. "whats meant to be....will be" I hope it helps to know your not alone in feeling what your feeling, and in answer to your question, YES it does get better with time!! Good Luck....