paddington bear Posted August 30, 2008 Share Posted August 30, 2008 Ok so I was given the 'let's just be friends chat' by male friend that I was (and still am) very attracted to. I was told 'I don't want a relationship now' but that I was important to him and that he didn't want to lose me, etc etc, he also said that his feelings about me might change in the future, but right now, he's not going there (dangle me on a string why don't you?!) He's leaving town soon for a long time to work and I was so relieved, an easy way to distance myself I thought, when he comes back I can just keep him at arm's length as I don't want to see or hear about other girls in his life, or just to be reminded over and over again that he doesn't want me. In my mind 'I don't want a relationship' means 'I don't want a relationship with YOU' and being around someone who doesn't find you attractive enough as a prospective girlfriend is not very nice. Anyway, I'm having a bit of a work related crisis at the moment, was thinking I may have to move to another city, all a big complicated, stressful mess. He called and told me that there was no way he was letting me leave and offered me a contract job working with him in small town for a few weeks. That means him being technically my boss and us working together and staying in hotel. It is incredibly kind of him and I really, really need the work and money, so unless anything else comes up I will be taking him up on the offer, but I know it's a bad idea for me to spend so much time together with him just now when I was hoping to move on. Does anyone have any experience of getting over your attraction to someone, when you have to see them all the time? Or really is the only answer to cut that person out of your life altogether? Link to post Share on other sites
coffeemaker Posted August 30, 2008 Share Posted August 30, 2008 You know i struggle with this myself. I often, at least logically wonder, why we can't be friends and enrich each others lives w/o being in a relationship. Emotionally however, my personal experience is the attraction, if it's that strong, can be down right impossible to kill w/o time and distance. I'm trying to get over someone right now who I was 110% attracted to - never been so strongly attracted to someone in my life. The only way to kill it for me (your situation may be different!) was to literally cut her out. I dabble with the idea of reaching out as a friend from time to time, but stay away because I know deep down the attraction will just come gushing right back... Unfortunately, I've found that time + distance are the only ways to diminish its power over you altogether. If it's like an addiction, you just have to resolve to stay away. Since you need the work and money, give it a go and see if you can become comfortable with it and keep it strictly professional with him. In the meantime, I would continue looking for another job in case it does not work for you emotionally. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted August 30, 2008 Share Posted August 30, 2008 ah PB those sounds like tough breaks! I have gotten over people I saw everyday in the past. It just takes a lot more patience and self-understanding. You have the right attitude though: you do deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you and you listened to what he told you (that he doesn't feel that way about you). So I get the feeling that no matter what, you will get over this. In the meantime, have you considered asking your friends to set you up or going to check dating sites to keep your mind off of him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author paddington bear Posted September 1, 2008 Author Share Posted September 1, 2008 thanks guys...I'm trying my best to just somehow stop thinking about him in that way and I may be succeeding...I just keep telling myself 'I deserve someone who wants me' over and over. Doesn't make me hate him or anything, just see him in a different light 'how stupid are you not to see what you've got here right in front of you?' (I know why! but it helps to reframe it in that way). And yes, I do need to meet someone else, but it's not easy, it really isn't, hence when you meet someone that you get on with like a house on fire and then they just want to be friends it's rather s**t - that kind of bond is a rare occurrence. Anyway, I guess I will combine not seeing him (when I can avoid) and a concerted effort to meet other people. I was warned about this from the beginning, was told not to make friends with someone I found attractive and I went ahead like a big FOOL!!! Ha ha! Ach well, you live and learn. It's the last time though. No more male friends who aren't shackled for life to another woman lol Link to post Share on other sites
goldencloud Posted September 11, 2008 Share Posted September 11, 2008 womannn!! it seems we're living the same romantic life haha!or lack there off! i had a similar situation happen to me. Me and a guy friend got really close, but suddenly he bolted...and by 'bolted' i mean that he gave me the friendship talk...but at the same time,when i start liking other guys, he would freak out...and id wonder..why does it mean so much to you? you dont even want me as i once did it was a vicious cycle, but in the end...why settle for lacklustre love..it drowns your reserves, and makes u feel less then you truly are i remember i would go from highs to absolute sh*ts...he would tell me how im someone he could envision for long term..but he just wasnt ready for that...and in my melodramatic romantic foolish head...i was sigh.. but then realised...when u really care about someone, i mean REALLY care about someone...u want them now...forget circumstances, forget 'not ready' etc...u cannot bear the thought of losing them..or maybe its just me! oh well:S Link to post Share on other sites
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