xPrettyxBluexEyesx Posted August 13, 2003 Share Posted August 13, 2003 [font=arial][/font][color=violet][/color] I am probably going to cause a massive stormy argument again now but I joined this site because of the situation I am in, and to tell you guys about it so I am gonna go ahead with it anyway! One of the guys at work is 37 and married and takes me home every night when we finish. I am 21. So there's a little bit of an age gap there. Although nothing has really ever happened I've always had feelings for him and they just get stronger and stronger as time goes by. The other week he brought me home and leant over to kiss me. I didn't respond because of the whole marriage thing, but it's just made me want him more. We've got so close now that there are rumours in work that we are having an affair. They are nonsense but still, it proves there is the chemistry. I fully understand anyone falling for a married man. It's natural, it's not an option. It matters not if they are married. It's the person you fall for, not the ring on their finger. He & I always have a giggle on the way home about the affair we're supposedly having... I guess now if the chance arose I would jump in both feet forward And I'm far from a bitch, or a home-wrecker, or whatever, so I would welcome replies and messages especially from people who understand how I'm feeling and are in the same sort of situation Link to post Share on other sites
jalexy Posted August 13, 2003 Share Posted August 13, 2003 I will not and cannot understand your selfishness here. its very simple..hes NOT AVAILABLE. get a new ride home and stay away from this man. oh hell, just get a new job. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted August 13, 2003 Share Posted August 13, 2003 Nothing good will come of this. Take the bus home or get a new job. Seriously. These things start out fun and, more often than not, end in heartbreak for one or many people. There will be plenty of other men you can giggle with and kiss who do not have wives and families. The relationship boards are littered with letters from 'other women' who ended up alone and bitter. Don't go that route and flee, quickly, before you do get involved. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xPrettyxBluexEyesx Posted August 13, 2003 Author Share Posted August 13, 2003 Originally posted by jalexy I will not and cannot understand your selfishness here. its very simple..hes NOT AVAILABLE. get a new ride home and stay away from this man. oh hell, just get a new job. Hehe now, see people can't resist having a dig can they.. quite amusing really Well for your information I am happy in my job, I am happy with my ride home, and would you care to define selfishness? I said I didn't respond when he tried to kiss me... do keep up dear Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted August 13, 2003 Share Posted August 13, 2003 are you hot and intelligent enough to get your own man? sometimes people have to poach because they lack the long-term attractions that a more ethical and less cliche man would want; or sometimes they don't know they deserve better. i think you belong in the latter category - it sounds like you're just starting to date, and you sound lovely and fun- don't begin your romantic career with such a total loser. don't you want a guy who can obsess over you and love you without the lame-ass drama baggage of wife, etc? it's not really that hard to steal an insecure middle-aged man; he is no prize. plus it's always way more fun (and more challenging) to date the unencumbered. xox, j p.s. if you think stealing him would give you power, (or demonstrate your power) think about the splendid power of saying "nah... god, you're pathetic- i pity your wife." Link to post Share on other sites
Author xPrettyxBluexEyesx Posted August 13, 2003 Author Share Posted August 13, 2003 Originally posted by jenny are you hot and intelligent enough to get your own man? sometimes people have to poach because they lack the long-term attractions that a more ethical and less cliche man would want; or sometimes they don't know they deserve better. i think you belong in the latter category - it sounds like you're just starting to date, and you sound lovely and fun- don't begin your romantic career with such a total loser. don't you want a guy who can obsess over you and love you without the lame-ass drama baggage of wife, etc? it's not really that hard to steal an insecure middle-aged man; he is no prize. plus it's always way more fun (and more challenging) to date the unencumbered. xox, j p.s. if you think stealing him would give you power, (or demonstrate your power) think about the splendid power of saying "nah... god, you're pathetic- i pity your wife." Haha, no I'm not just starting to date, I've had 2 long term relationships, both which ended horribly! I'm not sure if I appreciate the first comments there though, I am not 'poaching', and I'm not unattractive or anything like that.. And I don't think stealing him would give me power either... I don't know where people have gotten these assumptions from, I don't see at all why I would even think it would give me power.. I'm not trying to destroy anything - I just like the guy! Link to post Share on other sites
midori Posted August 13, 2003 Share Posted August 13, 2003 Originally posted by jenny p.s. if you think stealing him would give you power, (or demonstrate your power) think about the splendid power of saying "nah... god, you're pathetic- i pity your wife." just felt that deserved to be repeated. Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted August 14, 2003 Share Posted August 14, 2003 hmm..ok: in my view, by kissing you while being married, this guy has provided you with empirical proof that he is not good enough for you. i know you dig him, i know firsthand how that feels, but you have decide your own value in life. i am suggesting you are worth more than rushed kisses from some shady scrub in a car. i am suggesting you are worth dinners, long non-secret talks, presents, the general benefits of a long term honest public relationship. giggles - i had to put it down to a series of equations: ( > = greater than, i don't know if the coding will work) worry about hurting another woman > pleasure with him sense of what i want longterm > short term pleasure with him concern about degradation of my value > experience with him love of myself (ahh..narcissism) >love of him i think a lot of single women go through this; i admire your candor for being so straight-up about it on a forum that is so fervently anti-adultery. finally, its really a choice you have to make for yourself - what kind of person do you want to be? maybe he is good enough for you, i have no idea, but i doubt it. xox, j Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted August 14, 2003 Share Posted August 14, 2003 I fully understand anyone falling for a married man. It's natural, it's not an option. It matters not if they are married. It's the person you fall for, not the ring on their finger. It is an option. You allowed yourself to fall for a man who is unavailable and off limits. If you want to crush on him from afar, do so to your heart's content. But the second you allow things to get physical or emotionally involved, you have made a choice to poach on property that is off limits. If he were your husband, would you want him off doing this stuff with another woman? I think not. Think of it like trespassing. You may really admire your neighbor's yard from afar, and may want to sit in their gazebo and stare at the stars, but their land is unavailable and off limits to you. The second you cross the border, you have made a choice to trespass. Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted August 14, 2003 Share Posted August 14, 2003 i generally agree with clia, except i think people just 'fall', they don't 'allow themselves to fall', but the line lies between acting upon it or not - and there, acting upon it is trespassing to me, as well, unless the wife is fully aware of what's going on. -yes Link to post Share on other sites
Clancy Posted August 14, 2003 Share Posted August 14, 2003 You know, PrettyBlueEyes, you knew the kind of reponses you would get posting your story here. And I know, PrettyBlueEyes, that you are so caught up in the thrillingly illicit sights, sounds, and sensations of your "affair" (and you are involved in an affair even now though you say you too haven't become physical yet) that you simply couldn't have resisted telling the world about this juicy romance you've got going. I don't mean to be mean but your writing shows you to be pretty damn pleased with yourself. I know quite a bit about what you are feeling and I know too that you won't listen, but you will most likely be miserably hurt and you will cause gut-wrenching, heart-ripping, life-long pain to this man's wife if you do not cut this fellow off from your life as though he had leprosy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xPrettyxBluexEyesx Posted August 14, 2003 Author Share Posted August 14, 2003 Originally posted by Clancy And I know, PrettyBlueEyes, that you are so caught up in the thrillingly illicit sights, sounds, and sensations of your "affair" (and you are involved in an affair even now though you say you too haven't become physical yet) that you simply couldn't have resisted telling the world about this juicy romance you've got going. I don't mean to be mean but your writing shows you to be pretty damn pleased with yourself. I'm involved in affair huh... I guess I slept through it because it's the first I've heard! Hm... here's me thinking this was a board about the subject ! And.... again.. pleased with myself, lol... and just what am I pleased about? Link to post Share on other sites
midori Posted August 14, 2003 Share Posted August 14, 2003 If you wanted others' takes on your situation, you're getting them. Were you expecting people to applaud and encourage you? Tell you that obviously you're onto a good thing? Some of us were having a little discussion a couple of weeks ago about how when one is in the midst of something it's easy to get too caught up in the little details and nuances, while missing the bigger picture that other people who aren't involved see perfectly well. I'm prone to doing that. And of course we all see what we want to see, no matter how much we have to warp things to fit our desired view. I repeat the question/point that clia and others have raised: why do you want to waste your time getting entangled with a married man? Why do you want to take on the hassle, risk to your heart's well-being, and general awfulness of having an affair? Is the ride home really that important? Think about it for a second: you fall more and more in love with him, things progress beyond snogging a bit in the car. Where are you? In love with someone you can't phone up when you want to, you can't cuddle with on a rainy Sunday morning, you can't spend Christmas with. Oh yes, and also trying to stifle gossip in the workplace, tolerating sniggers and whispers behind your back. What fun! You were lucky to find this ride home. Unfortunately it turns out that the guy who's offering it is attracted to you and you to him, but he's unavailable for a real relationship. So the ride home comes with a strong risk to your heart. Would you be so blase about the risk if the ride home were with a chronic drunk? I can see why you would want it to be OK. But I suspect you know it's not -- not OK ethically, and not OK pragmatically -- and that's why you're asking other people for their opinion. Maybe you were hoping people here would tell you to go for it, give you the encouragement you seek. But we're not. Because we see the bigger picture, and it ain't pretty my dear. Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted August 14, 2003 Share Posted August 14, 2003 so what? giggles, will only penetration convince you? continuing to take rides from a married dude who kissed you is sleazy. it's not hard to be sleazy, and it's not very interesting, either. but i'll actually put money on you starting something up with him before the end of august - my money is on oral sex in the car, half pay-out if its just a hand job, and full penetration around the first week september in the local by-the-hour motel. any takers? i'll start a pool. let's all amuse ourselves equally. cheers, j Link to post Share on other sites
ThisGirlNameKD Posted August 14, 2003 Share Posted August 14, 2003 That was funny Jenny, but highly probable. PrettyBlueEyes, you seem to already have your mind made up as to what you want to do with this man. You are free to do what you want to do, but what you do will come with consequences too. Some wives actually kill their husband's mistresses. I know, I know, you're going to say you're not having an affair with him....well, people get killed over misunderstandings too. The point is, you never know who you're messing with or messing over. Link to post Share on other sites
IRULE Posted August 15, 2003 Share Posted August 15, 2003 people are so naive if a married man tries to pick up on you hes done it before and he'll do it again(with someone else)hes a slut Link to post Share on other sites
EriBear Posted December 7, 2004 Share Posted December 7, 2004 Ya know, I don't think this girl posted on this board to basically be belittled and told 'some wives kill mistresses'. What kind of people are you? I have been through the same exact thing, and not that it was right, but people have to learn lessons for themselves. It's not something I would ever do again. But it started out just like that, at work. And I stayed away from him for a LONG time because he was married. But after so long, I just developed feelings for the guy. It's not something I could help, it just happened. And no, I wouldn't recommend it at all, obviously. You'll get nothing but hurt.. I went through a year of a psychotic like screwing with me. I even had to deal with the wife once. But I never quit my job over it.. that's just stupid. Especially since you like it. Just my opinion people, stop being so damn uptight and lay off the girl... Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted December 7, 2004 Share Posted December 7, 2004 Originally posted by xPrettyxBluexEyesx One of the guys at work is 37 and married and takes me home every night when we finish. I am 21. So there's a little bit of an age gap there. Although nothing has really ever happened I've always had feelings for him and they just get stronger and stronger as time goes by. The other week he brought me home and leant over to kiss me. I didn't respond because of the whole marriage thing, but it's just made me want him more. We've got so close now that there are rumours in work that we are having an affair. They are nonsense but still, it proves there is the chemistry. Sounds like there is emotional investment on both your parts. You don't have to be having sex to have an affair. He's cheating on his wife, no matter how you look at it. He's showing romantic affection for you, and you are showing romantic affection for him. Romance outside of marriage = affair. The sex is just a matter of time. If you are willing to accept that you will be a married man's 'secret' and that your only romantic interaction will be done on the sly, then more power to you. Enjoy it while you have it though. Its fleeting. You'll catch the bad end of it, as unfortunately society in general sees "other women" as sluttish homewrecking dickwarmers (even when they aren't). Think the rumors are bad now? Just wait. If you can handle it though, that's your perogative. I should mention too that both your jobs will probably be in jeopardy. Workplace romances, particularly those of an illicit sort are not generally tolerated. But then again, you can always find a new job when it blows up. I fully understand anyone falling for a married man. It's natural, it's not an option. It matters not if they are married. It's the person you fall for, not the ring on their finger. Falling for a married person is not unheard of. Having feelings for someone outside of marriage is not unusual. Acting on it though, is another story. I imagine if you told him that you would see him only if he shows you signed and notarized separation papers he'd dump you in a hot minute. But, it sounds like you are content with sneaking around for whatever time you can get with him, so enjoy your moments with him. He & I always have a giggle on the way home about the affair we're supposedly having... I guess now if the chance arose I would jump in both feet forward. Its pretty funny now. But, give it time. It won't seem so funny later on. It sounds like no amount of anything will stop you, even warnings from people who have been there and suffered through it. So, enjoy your affair - that really is what you came here to hear, right? Link to post Share on other sites
startingover1028 Posted December 7, 2004 Share Posted December 7, 2004 As someone who has been there... My advice to you is to stay away from this man... stay far, far away. I fell into the same trap as you, xPrettyxBluexEyesx , only we didn't work together. We were friends... his wife and I, my husband and he. After years of seeing each other and flirting at holiday parties, our kid's school functions and sporting events, we started an e-mail relationship and after 4 months of daily e-mails we talked about where it would go from there. I didn't stop it, in fact, I loved every minute of it - no doubt the same way that you are feeling now. It was so exciting and intoxicating. I fell hard and fast. I wanted to believe everything that he said to me... all the talk of future and what might be. The stolen moments and e-mails that made me weak in the knees. And then, one day... in what seemed like an instant... it was all over. He ended it and I felt as if someone had ripped my heart out of my chest. I still feel that way - 6 weeks later. So, my advice is to walk away and don't look back... not because it's wrong (even though it is) but because YOU will be hurt... devastated... lost.... and alone, once it's over. I still find myself bursting into tears, in the middle of the day. I can't listen to the radio because all the songs are about love and lovers. It hurts so much to see him. The people here might seem harsh but they are truly telling you like it is. It's wonderful now, the way you're feeling, but one day you will wake up and realize that he is not yours, never has been and never will be. And when that bubble bursts... it hurts like hell. I know you will probably not listen to me, or anyone else... I didn't. My friends all tried to tell me to open my eyes and see the truth. I jumped in with both feet and now I regret it. And if you ask me if I would do it differently if I knew the outcome... my answer would be yes. As wonderful as it was, it wasn't worth the pain. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Bella Mia Posted December 8, 2004 Share Posted December 8, 2004 Did you NOT notice that this board is for - - - The otherwoman/man - - - It doesn't say anything about being for those *complaining* about the other man/woman. Honesty, you are not going to change anyones minds or induce them into having an epiphany, so move on and spend your energy where it will be put to good use. Become a big sister or brother, feed the homeless, whatever. But don't come here waving your righteous flag where it's not welcome. . There are already forums for people with like minds as yours, they will welcome you and your point of views with open arms. Your wasting your time here. Sincerely, Not mother teresa Link to post Share on other sites
kellydontwanttasleep Posted December 8, 2004 Share Posted December 8, 2004 if i didn't want a real relationship i would f*** a married man and tell them i'm not intrested in anything but sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted December 8, 2004 Share Posted December 8, 2004 Originally posted by Bella Mia Did you NOT notice that this board is for - - - The otherwoman/man - - - It doesn't say anything about being for those *complaining* about the other man/woman. Honesty, you are not going to change anyones minds or induce them into having an epiphany, so move on and spend your energy where it will be put to good use. Become a big sister or brother, feed the homeless, whatever. But don't come here waving your righteous flag where it's not welcome. . There are already forums for people with like minds as yours, they will welcome you and your point of views with open arms. Your wasting your time here. Sincerely, Not mother teresa Link to post Share on other sites
Karina Posted December 9, 2004 Share Posted December 9, 2004 Im feeling where your coming from, and am actually happy I finally found someone who felt it was ok to be attracted to a married man. I am kinda in the same situation of which your in. But not kwite so. See my boss and I flirt allot. I mean he's married with 3 kids and I'm kinda involved too. Not married though ( doesn't make a difference). Well I can tell me and him gotta little something going on. At least it seems like it. We flirt we giggle, he comes to work drunk and hits on me only. LOL. i feel he uses it as an excuse to have a reason in front of our other coworkers. Nobody could ever imagine us being involved so its a little easier to go ahead and flirt back. Im 21 and he's 29. not to much of an age difference. I like older man anyway. Im sure if we ever got the chance to do something, we would deffenitly do it. I dont see anything wrong with being attracted too a married man, or having the time of your life with one. Dont hate bytches. Just hope you meet one someday. Link to post Share on other sites
Grinning Maniac Posted December 9, 2004 Share Posted December 9, 2004 Originally posted by kellydontwanttasleep if i didn't want a real relationship i would f*** a married man and tell them i'm not intrested in anything but sex. ...and then more than likely fall in love with him later on down the line. I don't know if you've paid much attention here, but there are a lot of chicks who post about getting with married guys "just for sex" and they end up catching feelings. So it's not like you're going to be re-inventing the wheel. It's been done. Generally doesn't work from what I can tell. @PrettyBlueEyes: I found a part of one of your posts very revealing. Something to the tune of "I like my job, and I like my ride home". You like your ride home because quite literally, YOU LIKE YOUR RIDE HOME. I always think it's funny how people never listen. I remember someone here once saying that the opinions of people who havent had affairs have no real weight to someone on the verge of one. I replied that the opinions of those who have don't mean much to them either. That's sort of funny considering the situation. It's also pretty funny how you keep trying to say you're not having an affair because you havent kissed him yet. The operative word here is YET. Do you really think that you can keep building sexual tension with someone and nothing will ever happen? Don't you think that's sort of nieve? Don't you also think it's nieve to ignore several people in this thread who've gone through the same exact thing and are telling you not to do it? That's like me making plans to piss on an electric fence after wandering into a support group for people who've mangled their dicks by......wait for it....pissing on an electric fence. Link to post Share on other sites
StillHurtin Posted December 9, 2004 Share Posted December 9, 2004 I am sorry if I sound harsh here but it really pi$$es me off when women (or men) think it is ok, or fun, to flirt w/ a MM or a MW. They act like it is something totally harmless. I have known a lot of marriages where the MM or MW started flirting or where the OW or OM started flirting and it ended up in an A. I am not saying that all MP have affairs b/c someone flirts w/ them but I have seen it so often. Go find a single, your age man and flirt w/ him. Leave the MM alone. And find another ride. You have no business getting a ride w/ a MM, especially now that he has shown interest in you. You will get nothing but heartache if you continue any further. And think how you would feel if you were married or in a serious relationship if your H/BF was doing the samething this MM is doing to you. Link to post Share on other sites
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