lilbo Posted August 31, 2008 Share Posted August 31, 2008 Ok well I have been reading a lot of posts about people around my age mostly women that want to get married and seen a lot of people saying they are to young. But when you are in my position and it has been 8 years is it different at all? I am 23 and he is 25. My family is very religious and already looks down upon me for having sex before marriage. To be honest it bothers me to. When we go out with friends or to social events people are always asking us if we are planning on getting married. He says yes the dreaded word "someday". The main reason for my concern is, I feel he is doing the same thing his mother and her boyfriend of about 15 years have done. Her boyfriend has propossed to her over and over and yet she keeps putting it off in the same exact way that my S/O does. It feels really frustrating. He is commited to me, but I feel he doesn't see the importance of marriage. Should I just get over it and settle for boyfriend/girlfriend status that we have for life? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 31, 2008 Share Posted August 31, 2008 You two have been together for 8 years, and are now 23 and 25 - That's all of alot of your teens and into your early 20's as a couple. The thing is, people DO change in their 20's, ALOT - So if you feel like he's settling to be with you, talk to him. Or, if you feel you're settling for him, discuss it. Don't get married just because others are asking alot. Ask him about your future? Does he see kids, a house, a life together? Or is he just happy as things are now.. If you want more, then tell him what you expect. It's up to you to decide if his answer(s) match your idea of what 'life' should be like between you two. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted September 1, 2008 Share Posted September 1, 2008 Should I just get over it and settle for boyfriend/girlfriend status that we have for life? I agree with WWIU. Your decision to marry should be based only on when the two of you are perfectly ready for it, and not because of some belief that marriage makes it okay to have sex (and/or whatever other beliefs people are trying to force on you.) Other than to "legitimize" your sex life, what is the importance of marriage to you, right now? That is, what MORE will marriage bring into your life at this stage, that you want but do not already have? Because that might be the place to start talking with your b/f. Keeping in mind that his own life path may not be at that place, though. What he wants out of this phase of his life may not align with yours. That's fine. I think there are frequently differences that are gender-based as well as based on individual goals and dreams. If that turns out to be the case, I wouldn't see it as anything over which to become anxious -- as you say, he IS committed to you and openly acknowledges that his future is with you. I also wouldn't look to his mother's behaviour on this matter as having anything to do with his -- she and he are at very different phases of life. She's "been there, done that". Marriage for her will likely have a very different meaning, and offer very different benefits (and hurdles.) Also, staying in this relationship RIGHT NOW does not mean settling "for life" without getting married to him. You could also look at it as choosing, for right now, to keep building a rock-solid foundation for your long and happy marriage that will follow...in your next life phase. Link to post Share on other sites
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