Love, Pain, Confusion

[MGL]

This is a long story I meet Jackie two years ago on a game called Ultima. She was on to hide from her husband and me to hide from my wife. I started out by not telling her the truth about myself I told her I was 41 and in the process of a divorce. She was 34 at the time. My wife and I had been long distant from each other She had and affair I could never get over But I was not in the process of a divorce and I was 50 instead of 41. Jackie told me of the horrors of her present marriage a terribly abusive one and the problems of her first marriage she had a son die at 17 months and her husband leave her for another woman after she had a second son. We became online companions instantly. Well after a few weeks I told her I was 46 (Still lying). I worried about this lie for the next to years. I was so In love with her and doubted my self so much.

 

As the months progressed we talked all the time I told her she needed to leave him because she wanted to not because of another person. Finally in June she left him and he filled for divorce. It then became two years of hell for her running and being tempted back in to the abuse she was going through.

 

I believe the two of us really found the right person we share so many things well together and most of all there is a yearning, passion and intellect between us that only the right person could bring out.

 

I finally filed for divorce in Feb of last year. There was a lot of financial problems for me. I have business that was doing very well but because I borrowed the money to start it 15 years ago from her parents I would lose it all. My biggest problem was my 3 boys who mean so much to me.

 

Jackie and I have been living together off and on for the past year and 1/2. She was extremely jealous of me going back to my home in NY every other week and would just think I was sleeping with my wife nothing could be further from the truth. During the last year she has gotten into a game called everquest because of friend from the ultima game. Well this friend is 29 and seems to have all kinds of financial and love problems. He is a person that wants to be a rock star and looks the part.

 

A few months ago last October she decided to move back down to VA to be with her parents after my refusal to go to VA with her to see her parents the week before. I was to upset by the problems just before and did not want to deal with VA. I wanted to give her and myself some space. She did not understand that a she was extremaly jealous and thought I wanted to go to NY just to be with my X. Not true. Three weeks before she left she had told me she still loved her X husband and that hurt a lot. She also had an online Everquest marriage to her friend and that hurt even more. She left me while I was in NY and said she did not want to see me again she went to where her X husband lives and stayed the weekend with him and her daughter. Well I ran right down to VA. After a lot of working on it she came back to me. Her parents and brothers and sisters are great people they helped get us through it. We set up a place for her down there but I had to live away some to work. At the end of this year, I was terminated from my company by my wife and her parents.

 

Well now the problems Jackie has wanted to meet the boys for along time I have resisted that because of all the hassles I would get from my wife and company. Her children lived with us the oldest a boy 14 by her first marriage and the youngest a girl 9 from her second marriage. I think she felt I was holding back maybe I was. I don't think I explained it to her I just avoided the subject.

 

About two months ago I was in NJ staying with a friend trying to find a job. Well Jackie had been talking about her x again and was playing all the time online with this everquest game. I played it to just to keep her away from this guy. I know she would say that was not true but it was the way I saw it. We were a little upset with each other. I had talked to her mother about my fears about her online partner and was told that Jackie was thinking about meeting him.

 

While in NJ I heard my middle son had a seizure I told Jackie about it but said it was minor and I would not go to NY. I even yelled at her online about me not going there. Well in-reality I was very fearful My mother 30 years ago had died from a seizure related stroke. She had seizures all the time and seeing them can tear you up inside. Well I went up to NY, and low and behold, Jackie calls NY and guess who answers the phone me. She was very angry and hurt and for good reason.

 

I went back to VA and she seemed to deal with it but told me she was going to visit her X husband with her daughter for visitation. Sense her online friend had moved back into his parents house in Ohio from Fl I suggested she go meet him. (I was always worried that her Ex would do something to her while she was there.) I thought it would be better if she meet her friend and got that over. Well she came back from that meeting telling me she did not want me around anymore she could not trust me. And I don't blame her she has been through so much.

 

I decided that things could not be any worse in NY anyway so I drove home and got my boys and brought them to VA to meet Jackie. She did not know I was coming with them. They are 13,12 and 9 On the way down I remembered my age and told my boys to say I was 48 not 52. A little while later I told them no they should tell only the truth I did not want them to lie to the woman I am so much in love with. Well as soon I got there I told her the truth about my age. I could see the horror in her eyes. We left there that weekend and all the trouble I expected showed up in NY. Jackie told me she did not want to see me again.

 

I came there anyway and asked her to give us so time to work this age thing out. She said ok but was going back to MI to bring her daughter there again for the spring break. When she came back she told me to get out. She said I lied to her and the person she grew to love was a fake I said I am the same person she always new just had a different birthday I have been lucky I look much younger than 52 and have no health or sexual problems at all.

 

She has told me she is going to stay with her online friend and his parents for the next two weeks. If she finds a job there she will stay there.

 

I don't know what to believe anymore. I have so much guilt about the way I have handled this.

 

She is a warm sweet wonderful person that just wants some piece in her life. She tells her relatives she still loves me but is confused and can't trust me.

 

I believe the life we could have in front of us despite the age difference would be wonderful, something neither of us would ever regret and most of all so full of real love

 

I do love her more then life.

[Tony T]

Good Luck!!! I hope it works out for you. If not, you can always sell the book. You just wrote it.

[Shirley]

This is a long story I meet Jackie two years ago on a game called Ultima. She was on to hide from her husband and me to hide from my wife. I started out by not telling her the truth about myself I told her I was 41 and in the process of a divorce. She was 34 at the time. My wife and I had been long distant from each other She had and affair I could never get over But I was not in the process of a divorce and I was 50 instead of 41. Jackie told me of the horrors of her present marriage a terribly abusive one and the problems of her first marriage she had a son die at 17 months and her husband leave her for another woman after she had a second son. We became online companions instantly. Well after a few weeks I told her I was 46 (Still lying). I worried about this lie for the next to years. I was so In love with her and doubted my self so much. As the months progressed we talked all the time I told her she needed to leave him because she wanted to not because of another person. Finally in June she left him and he filled for divorce. It then became two years of hell for her running and being tempted back in to the abuse she was going through. I believe the two of us really found the right person we share so many things well together and most of all there is a yearning, passion and intellect between us that only the right person could bring out. I finally filed for divorce in Feb of last year. There was a lot of financial problems for me. I have business that was doing very well but because I borrowed the money to start it 15 years ago from her parents I would lose it all. My biggest problem was my 3 boys who mean so much to me.

 

Jackie and I have been living together off and on for the past year and 1/2. She was extremely jealous of me going back to my home in NY every other week and would just think I was sleeping with my wife nothing could be further from the truth. During the last year she has gotten into a game called everquest because of friend from the ultima game. Well this friend is 29 and seems to have all kinds of financial and love problems. He is a person that wants to be a rock star and looks the part. A few months ago last October she decided to move back down to VA to be with her parents after my refusal to go to VA with her to see her parents the week before. I was to upset by the problems just before and did not want to deal with VA. I wanted to give her and myself some space. She did not understand that a she was extremaly jealous and thought I wanted to go to NY just to be with my X. Not true. Three weeks before she left she had told me she still loved her X husband and that hurt a lot. She also had an online Everquest marriage to her friend and that hurt even more. She left me while I was in NY and said she did not want to see me again she went to where her X husband lives and stayed the weekend with him and her daughter. Well I ran right down to VA. After a lot of working on it she came back to me. Her parents and brothers and sisters are great people they helped get us through it. We set up a place for her down there but I had to live away some to work. At the end of this year, I was terminated from my company by my wife and her parents. Well now the problems Jackie has wanted to meet the boys for along time I have resisted that because of all the hassles I would get from my wife and company. Her children lived with us the oldest a boy 14 by her first marriage and the youngest a girl 9 from her second marriage. I think she felt I was holding back maybe I was. I don't think I explained it to her I just avoided the subject. About two months ago I was in NJ staying with a friend trying to find a job. Well Jackie had been talking about her x again and was playing all the time online with this everquest game. I played it to just to keep her away from this guy. I know she would say that was not true but it was the way I saw it. We were a little upset with each other. I had talked to her mother about my fears about her online partner and was told that Jackie was thinking about meeting him. While in NJ I heard my middle son had a seizure I told Jackie about it but said it was minor and I would not go to NY. I even yelled at her online about me not going there. Well in-reality I was very fearful My mother 30 years ago had died from a seizure related stroke. She had seizures all the time and seeing them can tear you up inside. Well I went up to NY, and low and behold, Jackie calls NY and guess who answers the phone me. She was very angry and hurt and for good reason. I went back to VA and she seemed to deal with it but told me she was going to visit her X husband with her daughter for visitation. Sense her online friend had moved back into his parents house in Ohio from Fl I suggested she go meet him. (I was always worried that her Ex would do something to her while she was there.) I thought it would be better if she meet her friend and got that over. Well she came back from that meeting telling me she did not want me around anymore she could not trust me. And I don't blame her she has been through so much. I decided that things could not be any worse in NY anyway so I drove home and got my boys and brought them to VA to meet Jackie. She did not know I was coming with them. They are 13,12 and 9 On the way down I remembered my age and told my boys to say I was 48 not 52. A little while later I told them no they should tell only the truth I did not want them to lie to the woman I am so much in love with. Well as soon I got there I told her the truth about my age. I could see the horror in her eyes. We left there that weekend and all the trouble I expected showed up in NY. Jackie told me she did not want to see me again. I came there anyway and asked her to give us so time to work this age thing out. She said ok but was going back to MI to bring her daughter there again for the spring break. When she came back she told me to get out. She said I lied to her and the person she grew to love was a fake I said I am the same person she always new just had a different birthday I have been lucky I look much younger than 52 and have no health or sexual problems at all. She has told me she is going to stay with her online friend and his parents for the next two weeks. If she finds a job there she will stay there. I don't know what to believe anymore. I have so much guilt about the way I have handled this.

 

She is a warm sweet wonderful person that just wants some piece in her life. She tells her relatives she still loves me but is confused and can't trust me. I believe the life we could have in front of us despite the age difference would be wonderful, something neither of us would ever regret and most of all so full of real love I do love her more then life.

Hi!

 

I guess I don't understand what you are asking in your message. Or are you really asking for anything? Your life with this woman is full of drama, that's for sure. And maybe if you're together twenty years from now, the two of you can sit back and laugh at the whole thing. But you're lying to yourself if you think that the main problem in your relationship is the age difference. Maybe next month you'll tell her that you're really sixty. Sorry for that comment, but I do think that your love for drama is what's keeping you attached to this woman. Or maybe you think that women love this kind of drama.

[Nicky]

This is a long story I meet Jackie two years ago on a game called Ultima. She was on to hide from her husband and me to hide from my wife. I started out by not telling her the truth about myself I told her I was 41 and in the process of a divorce. She was 34 at the time. My wife and I had been long distant from each other She had and affair I could never get over But I was not in the process of a divorce and I was 50 instead of 41. Jackie told me of the horrors of her present marriage a terribly abusive one and the problems of her first marriage she had a son die at 17 months and her husband leave her for another woman after she had a second son. We became online companions instantly. Well after a few weeks I told her I was 46 (Still lying). I worried about this lie for the next to years. I was so In love with her and doubted my self so much. As the months progressed we talked all the time I told her she needed to leave him because she wanted to not because of another person. Finally in June she left him and he filled for divorce. It then became two years of hell for her running and being tempted back in to the abuse she was going through. I believe the two of us really found the right person we share so many things well together and most of all there is a yearning, passion and intellect between us that only the right person could bring out. I finally filed for divorce in Feb of last year. There was a lot of financial problems for me. I have business that was doing very well but because I borrowed the money to start it 15 years ago from her parents I would lose it all. My biggest problem was my 3 boys who mean so much to me.

 

Jackie and I have been living together off and on for the past year and 1/2. She was extremely jealous of me going back to my home in NY every other week and would just think I was sleeping with my wife nothing could be further from the truth. During the last year she has gotten into a game called everquest because of friend from the ultima game. Well this friend is 29 and seems to have all kinds of financial and love problems. He is a person that wants to be a rock star and looks the part. A few months ago last October she decided to move back down to VA to be with her parents after my refusal to go to VA with her to see her parents the week before. I was to upset by the problems just before and did not want to deal with VA. I wanted to give her and myself some space. She did not understand that a she was extremaly jealous and thought I wanted to go to NY just to be with my X. Not true. Three weeks before she left she had told me she still loved her X husband and that hurt a lot. She also had an online Everquest marriage to her friend and that hurt even more. She left me while I was in NY and said she did not want to see me again she went to where her X husband lives and stayed the weekend with him and her daughter. Well I ran right down to VA. After a lot of working on it she came back to me. Her parents and brothers and sisters are great people they helped get us through it. We set up a place for her down there but I had to live away some to work. At the end of this year, I was terminated from my company by my wife and her parents. Well now the problems Jackie has wanted to meet the boys for along time I have resisted that because of all the hassles I would get from my wife and company. Her children lived with us the oldest a boy 14 by her first marriage and the youngest a girl 9 from her second marriage. I think she felt I was holding back maybe I was. I don't think I explained it to her I just avoided the subject. About two months ago I was in NJ staying with a friend trying to find a job. Well Jackie had been talking about her x again and was playing all the time online with this everquest game. I played it to just to keep her away from this guy. I know she would say that was not true but it was the way I saw it. We were a little upset with each other. I had talked to her mother about my fears about her online partner and was told that Jackie was thinking about meeting him. While in NJ I heard my middle son had a seizure I told Jackie about it but said it was minor and I would not go to NY. I even yelled at her online about me not going there. Well in-reality I was very fearful My mother 30 years ago had died from a seizure related stroke. She had seizures all the time and seeing them can tear you up inside. Well I went up to NY, and low and behold, Jackie calls NY and guess who answers the phone me. She was very angry and hurt and for good reason. I went back to VA and she seemed to deal with it but told me she was going to visit her X husband with her daughter for visitation. Sense her online friend had moved back into his parents house in Ohio from Fl I suggested she go meet him. (I was always worried that her Ex would do something to her while she was there.) I thought it would be better if she meet her friend and got that over. Well she came back from that meeting telling me she did not want me around anymore she could not trust me. And I don't blame her she has been through so much. I decided that things could not be any worse in NY anyway so I drove home and got my boys and brought them to VA to meet Jackie. She did not know I was coming with them. They are 13,12 and 9 On the way down I remembered my age and told my boys to say I was 48 not 52. A little while later I told them no they should tell only the truth I did not want them to lie to the woman I am so much in love with. Well as soon I got there I told her the truth about my age. I could see the horror in her eyes. We left there that weekend and all the trouble I expected showed up in NY. Jackie told me she did not want to see me again. I came there anyway and asked her to give us so time to work this age thing out. She said ok but was going back to MI to bring her daughter there again for the spring break. When she came back she told me to get out. She said I lied to her and the person she grew to love was a fake I said I am the same person she always new just had a different birthday I have been lucky I look much younger than 52 and have no health or sexual problems at all. She has told me she is going to stay with her online friend and his parents for the next two weeks. If she finds a job there she will stay there. I don't know what to believe anymore. I have so much guilt about the way I have handled this.

 

She is a warm sweet wonderful person that just wants some piece in her life. She tells her relatives she still loves me but is confused and can't trust me. I believe the life we could have in front of us despite the age difference would be wonderful, something neither of us would ever regret and most of all so full of real love I do love her more then life.

Hi there,

 

Did you have a question?

 

I'm not sure, but I'll answer what I think you may have wanted to ask!

 

There's no problem with the age-gap, only the way you handled it. My BF's 15 yrs my senior. I would be distinctly unamused if I had been told several different ages, especially over a two year period. The problem exists in your mind alone. She probably doesn't have a problem with your age at all, only whether to trust you or not. And I can hardly blame her.

 

See how little things can be blown out of all proportion, and come to represent something entirely different? She is now questioning what to believe.

 

I have no idea what else to recommend, I'm not sure how this has ended. I had to have a lunchbreak halfway through reading!!

 

All the best

[MGL]

Yes I guess there Is a lot of drama. But when I wrote this i wanted to get it strait. I did not I guess. She has had such a bad life you cannot believe it. Her first husband was a run-around and a bad one he was even sleeping with someone else when they had there second child. Her second husband was a junkie that converted to religion and the bible so he could control her verbaly and assult her when he wanted. When she was young she was abused by a family memember and a family friend. She has several physical problems that probably mean I will out live her. She is incredably beautiful. She has a soul that is so beautiful She is so kind to all even after things she has gone through. I understand that I lied and the age should not be a problem. I would have told her much sooner. If she was not so messed up from her feelings from her second marriage. Till she final got divorced last August she had gone back to live with her ex several times. I know that is not an excuse but I am human also. I kept trying to help with no strings attached. I guess i should have told the truth. But given the state she was in mentaly I know she would be sitting back there in hell again.

 

What I would like to know is what should I do I dont want to lose her.

 

She still loves me. This online friend of her is an escape and a bad one. It is not fair that I say that but given the way I see him minipulating her it has to be.

 

Let me pose this question. If you where him would you condone her giving her daughter back to her x husband and telling him she was thinking about coming back just so you could use him as a baby sitter. So she could come to you for the next to weeks If her ex ever found out she would lose the child I think.

Hi there, Did you have a question? I'm not sure, but I'll answer what I think you may have wanted to ask! There's no problem with the age-gap, only the way you handled it. My BF's 15 yrs my senior. I would be distinctly unamused if I had been told several different ages, especially over a two year period. The problem exists in your mind alone. She probably doesn't have a problem with your age at all, only whether to trust you or not. And I can hardly blame her. See how little things can be blown out of all proportion, and come to represent something entirely different? She is now questioning what to believe. I have no idea what else to recommend, I'm not sure how this has ended. I had to have a lunchbreak halfway through reading!! All the best

[Nicky]

Yes I guess there Is a lot of drama. But when I wrote this i wanted to get it strait. I did not I guess. She has had such a bad life you cannot believe it. Her first husband was a run-around and a bad one he was even sleeping with someone else when they had there second child. Her second husband was a junkie that converted to religion and the bible so he could control her verbaly and assult her when he wanted. When she was young she was abused by a family memember and a family friend. She has several physical problems that probably mean I will out live her. She is incredably beautiful. She has a soul that is so beautiful She is so kind to all even after things she has gone through. I understand that I lied and the age should not be a problem. I would have told her much sooner. If she was not so messed up from her feelings from her second marriage. Till she final got divorced last August she had gone back to live with her ex several times. I know that is not an excuse but I am human also. I kept trying to help with no strings attached. I guess i should have told the truth. But given the state she was in mentaly I know she would be sitting back there in hell again. What I would like to know is what should I do I dont want to lose her. She still loves me. This online friend of her is an escape and a bad one. It is not fair that I say that but given the way I see him minipulating her it has to be. Let me pose this question. If you where him would you condone her giving her daughter back to her x husband and telling him she was thinking about coming back just so you could use him as a baby sitter. So she could come to you for the next to weeks If her ex ever found out she would lose the child I think.

Hi again!

 

Re: your last question. It's kind of difficult to say, because I have a very different history. I'm a different individual, so to sit in judgement of somebody else (though that is to an extent what we do by answering these questions) should be avoided. At the end of the day it's down to individuals to decide what is right and wrong for them in the circumstances. Also, I'm sure I've only glimpsed a fraction of the picture, so how can I TRULY say?

 

I would say she's had a rough ride, and with this comes a hell of a lot of baggage. You obviously care very deeply for her. All I can recommend is that you continue to be there for her, and maybe she'll come back. In the meantime, you should look after yourself, and get on with life. You cannot wait and hope for her forever- it might never happen.

 

Even if she does return to you, I think she needs to try and get herself straightened out. People have a habit of walking down the same path time and again, even when we know it's not the right path. We keep on making the same mistakes. I think if she wants a better life, she has to look to herself for the answers, and look after herself too. I suspect this will take some time.

 

I wish I could offer some miraculous solutions, but sadly cannot.

 

All the best