http://i seriously need some good advice!!

[http://Gina]

Okay here's the deal. i'm a 21 year old virgin. i have only had one really serious boyfriend, but we broke up 2 years ago.he lives about an hour away. so we don't see each other often but, we are still very close and still mess around occassionally. I have always assumed he would be my first. i know i love him and he loves me.i just wanted to be ready. He's my first love.Here's the problem.now i'm ready, but recently one of my friends,whom i adore, expressed interest in me. he's perfect for me. i am falling harder for him everyday. He and i haven't started dating yet. he doen't know i'm still a virgin. he assumes i lost it with my ex. i am thinking about being with my ex before i get into this new relationship. mostly because i've known him longer and he and i have a very trusting history. what do you think??

[Tony T]

I'm a guy so my view is from the male perspective. I really find it odd that a woman would play roulette with losing her virginity...actually planning strategies...making calculations...looking at all the angles.

 

Whatever happened to old fashioned romance. First, how can you say "OK, now I'm ready" and rush back to a guy you broke up with TWO years ago to do the deed? That just doesn't seem romantic or rational...in my own personal perspective. Did you wake up one morning and just feel the time had come?

 

I would think that losing one's virginity is something that happens fairly spontaneously during a very magic moment in the right place at the right time with the right person...without all the planning.

 

But this is your show and yours only. You have to do things the way YOU want to without the advice of others. If you want an evening produced, directed and choreographed by yourself, that's what you should have. What wonderful memories that will be!!!

 

My opinion is that for you to go to to your ex for the purpose of losing your virginity so you won't be a virgin for the guy you are now interested in is like ramming your new car into a utility pole so should you have an accident in the future your car would already be damaged. Makes sense(?)

 

If I was this new guy and I found out you went and lost your virginity with your ex just for the hell of it as an intro to our relationship, I would send you down with the Titanic.

 

I hope you will give this a lot more thought. You waited a long time for this so just be sure YOU are very comfortable with all the circumstances. Regardless of what I or anybody else thinks, it's how YOU feel that really counts.

[Nicky]

Okay here's the deal. i'm a 21 year old virgin. i have only had one really serious boyfriend, but we broke up 2 years ago.he lives about an hour away. so we don't see each other often but, we are still very close and still mess around occassionally. I have always assumed he would be my first. i know i love him and he loves me.i just wanted to be ready. He's my first love.Here's the problem.now i'm ready, but recently one of my friends,whom i adore, expressed interest in me. he's perfect for me. i am falling harder for him everyday. He and i haven't started dating yet. he doen't know i'm still a virgin. he assumes i lost it with my ex. i am thinking about being with my ex before i get into this new relationship. mostly because i've known him longer and he and i have a very trusting history. what do you think??

I agree with Tony's comments. I can understand that you want to lose your virginity to somebody special. But I think you may be misplacing "special".

 

Just because for a long period, you thought that your EX was "the one", doesn't meant that that now still applies.

 

You split up two years ago.

 

Is sleeping with a friend, which is what your EX now is, special? I don't really think so. There are (I assume) few truly deep meaningful sexual feelings between you, otherwise surely you'd be together. You have said nothing of his feelings for you. So if you want somebody special, wait and see if the new guy is the one.

 

Also, you seem to be putting the cart before the horse: you aren't even in a relationship with the new guy yet. You may think something will happen between you, but trust me: there are NEVER EVER any absolute certainties in life. A relationship with him may not happen, as you never know what's round the next corner.

 

So instead of looking to the past, I think you should look to the future. At some point you will be in a relationship with somebody, who AT THAT POINT IN TIME is special. Wait for him, you'll know when you feel ready.

 

All the best.

[Shirley]

Okay here's the deal. i'm a 21 year old virgin. i have only had one really serious boyfriend, but we broke up 2 years ago.he lives about an hour away. so we don't see each other often but, we are still very close and still mess around occassionally. I have always assumed he would be my first. i know i love him and he loves me.i just wanted to be ready. He's my first love.Here's the problem.now i'm ready, but recently one of my friends,whom i adore, expressed interest in me. he's perfect for me. i am falling harder for him everyday. He and i haven't started dating yet. he doen't know i'm still a virgin. he assumes i lost it with my ex. i am thinking about being with my ex before i get into this new relationship. mostly because i've known him longer and he and i have a very trusting history. what do you think??

Hi!

 

Sex for the first time is scary enough as it is. But you need to go with your feelings, not your logic. The trusting history has nothing to do with your hormones. Two years is a very long time to hold back if you are really in love with someone. If you feel the chemical attraction for this new man, then he's the one you should have sex with. Practicing with someone you know better, will not help to ease your fears.

[Tony T]

Nicky put it sweetly and perfectly. I'm sorry I get so passionate with my answers sometimes. Some things just don't make sense to me and that is my shortcoming. I really do care about how you get through this situation.