Noos Posted September 2, 2008 Share Posted September 2, 2008 I'm almost 36 and I've been the ugly fat girl in the friend zone in my teens and twenties, the friend who is the confidante to the guy dating the Barbie doll because he can't talk to Barbie, the pity date, the attractor of lesbians (i'm straight), the invisible girl, the hot girl no one apporaches and then the hot friend used like a piece of meat when she thought he wanted a serious relationship. I think I'm at the point where I've done everything i can to find someone, but i can't even find someone mediocre who won't lie to me, use me or betray me. No male outside my dad, brother and two brothers-in-law have ever loved me, let alone given romantic love. Is anyone else at this point? I'm giving up because emotionally, it's better for me - I can't take being burned again. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueEyedGirl Posted September 2, 2008 Share Posted September 2, 2008 I have been at this point for couple of years now. I have simply given up and faced the fact that I am more than likely to end up alone. I was even willing to give a chance to men that I wasn't that attracted to, to find that they betrayed me also. It's sometimes better to accept this and live your life the best that you can without men. Link to post Share on other sites
ed-205 Posted September 2, 2008 Share Posted September 2, 2008 I agree completely. NO relationship is better than a BAD one! I got sick and tired of being a special-friend/meal-ticket/safety-net for women "between relationships" myself. Link to post Share on other sites
curiousnycgirl Posted September 2, 2008 Share Posted September 2, 2008 I've been there - most recently when I had just turned 39. I had just about given up all hope of ever meeting anyone. So I went about just enjoying my life. 2 months later I met my b/f (been seeing him for just over 4 years now). I cannot tell you it's been perfect. In fact if you look at some of my posts, you'll see that everyone on this site has advised me to leave him, as he'll never give me what I want - however I'm both happy with what I do get from him (when not thinking about what I want) and I'm very reluctant to go back to being alone. So I guess I'm settling - does that make sense? My overwhelming suggestion is that you pursue your own interests and live your life to the fullest, if someone comes along, great, if not you're happy anyway! Link to post Share on other sites
chacha7 Posted September 2, 2008 Share Posted September 2, 2008 I know how you feel. Compared to my best friend, I am the invisible girl and hate how every guy is always attracted to her. I guess I feel like that in general too, but mostly when I am around her. She is also much better at the flirting stuff, and I am more of the shy awkward one. Sooo annoying. Anyway, I think you will find what you are looking for when you least expect it, be it a bf or just being content on your own. I knows it's hard not to think about it, but whenever you do, let your feelings out here, see that others are going through the same thing, and then I think it will be easier! Link to post Share on other sites
audrey_1 Posted September 2, 2008 Share Posted September 2, 2008 Yes, I do. I've been so close, yet so far. Situations seem promising, but not quite right. It is frustrating, but the more you try to force, the less it will happen. So giving up may be the best thing. Then WHAM, it may hit you when you're not expecting it. Or so they say... Link to post Share on other sites
ddnnee Posted September 3, 2008 Share Posted September 3, 2008 men sucks. i got cheated so many times its not even funny. Link to post Share on other sites
Suiyobi Posted September 3, 2008 Share Posted September 3, 2008 I've been the ugly fat girl in the friend zone in my teens and twenties...to...the hot girl no one apporaches and then the hot friend used like a piece of meat when she thought he wanted a serious relationship... You were meeting up with the wrong kinds of men. Link to post Share on other sites
Jaytb Posted September 3, 2008 Share Posted September 3, 2008 awww. I hope there's at least one nice guy out there for you. I think every girl should find a nice guy (like me lol) Link to post Share on other sites
You'reasian Posted September 3, 2008 Share Posted September 3, 2008 I'm almost 36 and I've been the ugly fat girl in the friend zone in my teens and twenties, the friend who is the confidante to the guy dating the Barbie doll because he can't talk to Barbie, the pity date, the attractor of lesbians (i'm straight), the invisible girl, the hot girl no one apporaches and then the hot friend used like a piece of meat when she thought he wanted a serious relationship. I think I'm at the point where I've done everything i can to find someone, but i can't even find someone mediocre who won't lie to me, use me or betray me. No male outside my dad, brother and two brothers-in-law have ever loved me, let alone given romantic love. Is anyone else at this point? I'm giving up because emotionally, it's better for me - I can't take being burned again. Hi Noos, As a male who wants a serious relationship, I find myself apprehensive about committing to a woman who has too many close male connections - whether that be explicit photos of her ex-lovers or males whom have overtly sexual communications with them (i.e. friends). These are the barriers to getting my whole heart; and with enough time together these things reveal themselves. We all share these kinds of frustrations, but I've decided not to ever give up hope, because at one point (or another) I am going to meet the gal whom also wants a serious relationship and would make herself trustworthy and available for one and only one man. I wish you luck Link to post Share on other sites
FadedSign Posted September 3, 2008 Share Posted September 3, 2008 Hi Noos, As a male who wants a serious relationship, I find myself apprehensive about committing to a woman who has too many close male connections - whether that be explicit photos of her ex-lovers or males whom have overtly sexual communications with them (i.e. friends). These are the barriers to getting my whole heart; and with enough time together these things reveal themselves. We all share these kinds of frustrations, but I've decided not to ever give up hope, because at one point (or another) I am going to meet the gal whom also wants a serious relationship and would make herself trustworthy and available for one and only one man. I wish you luck Right there with you. Looks are only a small part of the equation. Link to post Share on other sites
paddington bear Posted September 3, 2008 Share Posted September 3, 2008 I hear you. Think I'm kind of at the same point myself. I am 36 and don't know if I can take any more. And no offence to audrey_1 but I'm so sick of people saying 'just when you give up it will happen'. I've given up on the whole thing many times (rather like cigarettes!) and have just got on with my life, thrown myself into other things, and nothing happened, just as nothing happens when I try to be positive about my woeful situation and be proactive and on and on. I'm tired of being always single, tired of being rejected, tired of, well basically everything that Noos said struck home. I've been all that too. Sick of trying to better myself, learn from my mistakes, sick of trying to just be myself, sick of being secondary to every other bloody girl on the planet - I like you....just not as much as that girl over there, or your friend or some strange homeless woman wandering down the street or anyone. At the moment I just think, well, you know, my life is pretty good otherwise, good friends, good social life, other interests which I can amply fill my time with...it's more, well, that's fine for now, but will I still be happy with this life when I'm 46 and will no longer be going out to clubs (I'm a little old for that right now, but don't give a toss) and when every body I know will be in a couple...what then? Will I turn into mad cat woman, with 6 million cats...probably...this is what's ahead, and yet I'm not going to settle for some guy just for the sake of having a man. It would be nice, for once if I fell in love with someone and they fell in love with me too, at the same time. It doesn't seem like too much to ask for, but in actual fact right now it seems like an utter impossibility. Sorry I'm not being more positive Noos, I'd love to say 'it's all going to be ok, don't worry'...but not even I, who has tried so hard to turn my situation around, think positively and just be happy with life, can do that as I'm in the same damn boat as you. Link to post Share on other sites
motive2002 Posted September 3, 2008 Share Posted September 3, 2008 I've already given up. I'm a 37 year old white male with nothing to offer. Link to post Share on other sites
You'reasian Posted September 3, 2008 Share Posted September 3, 2008 A woman can be 5 feet or 6 feet...she can be thin or curvy (so long as I can still bench press her )...she can be brown, bronze, olive, light complected...if she takes good care of all these things, she'll look her best, feel her best and someone will find that attractive. If you're attracting lesbians and the pitty-party guy who wants to talk to you about barbie, then you're either in the wrong part of town, hanging out with the wrong crowd or some mix thereof. Link to post Share on other sites
freckles73 Posted September 6, 2008 Share Posted September 6, 2008 Ever since my ex dumped me I have had only three dates in three years, and neither led to a second. I almost dread when the weekends come because then I don't have work to focus on, and unless I have a bunch of volunteer activities scheduled back-to-back, then I end up spending too much time alone putzing around the house or driving aimlessly while my friends are on "date nights" with their boyfriends or husbands. I am approaching 35 and feeling very depressed as each year passes without someone special to come home to, because I know that time is not on my side. Each year I become less and less of a desirable commodity. People tell me that I'm beautiful and a great catch, but it's very hard to believe when I feel so invisible to men who never approach me, never flirt with me and show no interest in me whatsoever. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueEyedGirl Posted September 6, 2008 Share Posted September 6, 2008 You don't meet someone when you least expect it and you most certanly don't meet someone when you give up. I have given up 2 years ago and if anything I was meeting a lot more men when I was actually trying to meet someone. There is no magic in giving up - it's just bleak and empty just as it's bleak and empty forcing myself to date men who I am really not that attracted to. The ones that I want never want me. If you actually still want to meet someone your best bet are dating sites. Upload the most attractive picture of yourself you can find and get ready to play the numbers game. Personally, I can't be bothered. Link to post Share on other sites
freckles73 Posted September 6, 2008 Share Posted September 6, 2008 If you actually still want to meet someone your best bet are dating sites. Upload the most attractive picture of yourself you can find and get ready to play the numbers game. Yep. Get ready for a lot of "I'll call you" and then no call. Get ready to be dumped as soon as the next piece of hot ass comes walking along. Get ready to think you have both agreed to exclusivity only to find him trolling online again the morning after he told you how much he loves you. Oh yes, get ready to meet such qual-a-tee men online. Link to post Share on other sites
sailing Posted September 6, 2008 Share Posted September 6, 2008 You don't meet someone when you least expect it and you most certanly don't meet someone when you give up Thanks for being so refreshingly honest! Strangely, this thread has cheered me up. Link to post Share on other sites
ed-205 Posted September 7, 2008 Share Posted September 7, 2008 <rant> OK, so let me give you all a little glimpse into the future..... I've been on 3 very disappointing dates since my ex left me. The last one was about 18 years ago. I haven't asked anyone out since, and have managed to successfully avoid *any* woman who has even hinted that she finds me attractive, (and there have been several). Those of you who are genuinely afraid you're going to spend the rest of your lives lonely and alone had better learn to deal with it, because it CAN and WILL happen to you. I'm not exactly sure what killed the "Cupid" in my life, but one thing I am *absolutely* certain about is that it is a *ME* problem, and not the fault of Fate, Random Bad Luck, or because "All Wo/Men are (fill in the blank with your favorite gender slur). I *KNOW* that I could Fix Myself, if I really wanted to, the problem in that the older I get (currently in my 50's), the more pointless and less worthwhile that seems to be. So, those of you who are feeling like life is passing you by, you all have a choice.... You can figure out how to FIX YOURSELVES ...NOW! ... .... or you can join my online chess club. </rant> Link to post Share on other sites
BlueEyedGirl Posted September 7, 2008 Share Posted September 7, 2008 <rant> OK, so let me give you all a little glimpse into the future..... I've been on 3 very disappointing dates since my ex left me. The last one was about 18 years ago. I haven't asked anyone out since, and have managed to successfully avoid *any* woman who has even hinted that she finds me attractive, (and there have been several). Those of you who are genuinely afraid you're going to spend the rest of your lives lonely and alone had better learn to deal with it, because it CAN and WILL happen to you. I'm not exactly sure what killed the "Cupid" in my life, but one thing I am *absolutely* certain about is that it is a *ME* problem, and not the fault of Fate, Random Bad Luck, or because "All Wo/Men are (fill in the blank with your favorite gender slur). I *KNOW* that I could Fix Myself, if I really wanted to, the problem in that the older I get (currently in my 50's), the more pointless and less worthwhile that seems to be. So, those of you who are feeling like life is passing you by, you all have a choice.... You can figure out how to FIX YOURSELVES ...NOW! ... .... or you can join my online chess club. </rant> Great post! Yes there actually are people who end up alone, it is very real and I am fine with that. I also agree that it's ME that's the actual problem and chances are, if you have been single for that long it's YOU that's the problem too. I can't be bothered making an effort to fix myself as I don't find being alone that horrible. But for those of you that do, you have to keep trying, therapy, finding ways to increase your chances of meeting potential dates. The WORST thing you can do is sit back and wait for fate to take its course... And BTW for those of you who wish that they are hotter, thiner etc, I am well above average looking (and I am actually being quite realistic here) and I can tell you right now that looks don't have much to do with it at all. Link to post Share on other sites
FleshNBones Posted September 7, 2008 Share Posted September 7, 2008 And BTW for those of you who wish that they are hotter, thiner etc, I am well above average looking (and I am actually being quite realistic here) and I can tell you right now that looks don't have much to do with it at all.Looks give you a lot more options, and a lot more opportunities. It doesn't make you any less screwed up. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueEyedGirl Posted September 7, 2008 Share Posted September 7, 2008 Looks give you a lot more options, and a lot more opportunities. It doesn't make you any less screwed up. Maybe so, but if you looked at all the women that have gotten married and are therefore able to get and keep meaningful realtionship (I'm assuming here that most of them didn't marry out of pure desparataion to the first man that showed any interest in them) and then say women >35 that have never been married and scored their looks on the scale from 1 to 10 and then taken the average, I can almost gurantee you that there wouldn't be much difference between the two groups at all. Link to post Share on other sites
sam light Posted September 8, 2008 Share Posted September 8, 2008 nobody, is MUCH better than a scumbag. Good things happen in a good pairing, but some Sh*t comes with it too. At least you are skipping the negatives. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Noos Posted September 8, 2008 Author Share Posted September 8, 2008 I went to get therapy because I had depression and low self-esteem because it was me. But I'm better now - I have heaps to offer a guy - I'm non clingy, have my own life, heaps of interests, my own money, my own house, better than average looks, dry sense of humour and am above average in intelligence. I have heaps of friends (some from childhood), a great, close family and I like to travel and go out, go to theatre, art galleries, movies, stand up comedy, etc. I just don't understand why men don't recognise my worth. Link to post Share on other sites
jen's mind Posted September 8, 2008 Share Posted September 8, 2008 Maybe so, but if you looked at all the women that have gotten married and are therefore able to get and keep meaningful relationship (I'm assuming here that most of them didn't marry out of pure desperataion to the first man that showed any interest in them) and then say women >35 that have never been married and scored their looks on the scale from 1 to 10 and then taken the average, I can almost guarantee you that there wouldn't be much difference between the two groups at all. What a great response! I was certain you were going to take a defensive stance against the "screwed up" comment. Instead, you provided a really insightful perspective that actually has brightened my day. Woo hoo! Link to post Share on other sites
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