Changing from one minute to the next

[PandorasBox]

I really wasn't sure where to put this, but guess here is as good as any.

 

My question is, what makes a person be one way one minute, then change and is totally different the next? Say they seem fine, in a decent mood, then the next thing you know they seem angry or down and out etc. This is without anyone else doing or saying anything to change that persons mood, but it changes all of a sudden for no apparent reason.

 

I work with a lady like this. She seems really nice, she's a good worker etc, but her moods are just kind of weird and unpredicitable. I'm not saying she changes and turns into the devil or anything, it just seems to happen all of a sudden.

 

The other day this happened and another co-worker noticed it and just point blank asked her why she would do that, thinking maybe it was possible she wasn't even aware of it. She said, she was aware of it, and that she can be fine, then all of a sudden get something on her mind that makes her upset, depressed or angry and it just changes how she feels/acts.

 

The other day, she was acting fine, laughing, joking etc, I stepped out of the room to take some papers down the hall, wasn't gone two minutes I come back and she is in a depressed mood all of a sudden. This is how it is more so than not. I have even asked her to lunch and let her know if she needs to talk about anything I was here. Just to kind of lend a hand or ear, becasue maybe she neneds to talk to someone, but she hasn't taken me up on that yet.

 

So does anyone know what would cause someones moods to change like that so fast and so frequent? That's not like bi-polar is it?

 

Also, I understand we all can get things on our minds sometimes that might cause us to feel a little depressed or something, but this happens right much with her.

[Ronni_W]

Let's assume it's not bi-polar (which it could be but there's also a simpler dynamic that could be at play.)

 

She seems quite aware and in control of her situation. So, it may have become her habitual way of getting (negative) attention. Likely it works really well for her at home, too, and perhaps started in her childhood home. "Poor little Sue is feeling blue...have a cookie, or a hug, or a dollar" - whatever it was that she needed, that such behaviour got her.

 

It's a maladaptive way of getting genuine needs met. But if she "fixes" the problem (by taking you up on your offer for friendship/support or getting therapy), the unconscious fear is that she's gonna lose the attention of ALL the other people in her life who respond in the ways that they do.

 

It's normal behaviour (for being maladaptive, that is.) You can also see it in action in these forums. People post how depressed they are but, in the SAME post, express humour, light-hearted or sarcastic. Not knowing that humour and depression don't co-exist in the same thought-space. But everyone responds as the OP needed/expected...comforting, supportive, etc.

 

Your co-worker will have to come to her own conclusion that such behaviour is ultimately self-defeating...but that won't happen as long as most others respond in exactly the way that she wants and needs.

[PandorasBox]

Let's assume it's not bi-polar (which it could be but there's also a simpler dynamic that could be at play.)

 

She seems quite aware and in control of her situation. So, it may have become her habitual way of getting (negative) attention. Likely it works really well for her at home, too, and perhaps started in her childhood home. "Poor little Sue is feeling blue...have a cookie, or a hug, or a dollar" - whatever it was that she needed, that such behaviour got her.

 

It's a maladaptive way of getting genuine needs met. But if she "fixes" the problem (by taking you up on your offer for friendship/support or getting therapy), the unconscious fear is that she's gonna lose the attention of ALL the other people in her life who respond in the ways that they do.

 

It's normal behaviour (for being maladaptive, that is.) You can also see it in action in these forums. People post how depressed they are but, in the SAME post, express humour, light-hearted or sarcastic. Not knowing that humour and depression don't co-exist in the same thought-space. But everyone responds as the OP needed/expected...comforting, supportive, etc.

 

Your co-worker will have to come to her own conclusion that such behaviour is ultimately self-defeating...but that won't happen as long as most others respond in exactly the way that she wants and needs.

 

Thanks Ronni. This is a very good post, and an eye opener too. I never would have thought it could possibly be a way to get negative attention. That is highly possible. Of course I don't know her all that well, or what her situation may or may not be like, but still this makes sense that its a possiblity.

 

She does get attention from acting like this too. It throws people for a loop, because the change is so quick, and that's what leaves people wondering what in the world is going on, even if no one has done or said anything to maybe trigger her to react like this.

 

You know, maybe there are some people who are not really bi-polar after all. I'm sure there are alot who are, but maybe some are quick to say, "Oh that person sounds like they are bi-polar", when infact that might not even be the case at all. I also understand a doc would need to make that diagnosis too. However, I must admit I was one of those people who thought it might be bi-polar, or at least some kind of personality issue. But now I see there is another possibilty too.

[carhill]

I know someone with dx'd bipolar. She's my best friend's wife. A perfect example of her meds being off is we'll be having a great animated conversation and one word or phrase strikes her wrong and she'll flip in a moment, either to extreme emotional sadness (like crying) or extreme unreasonable anger (yelling). Later, she'll apologize.

 

Also, when her meds are off (my opinion), she vacillate from distance to almost inappropriate affection (kissing, caressing, etc) in a short period of time. I think I posted one example of this in one of the breast threads about her flashing me while her husband was in the shower in their RV. OK, really nice tits but what do you do about that?

 

I just wanted to post some examples; the main feature IMO is how I perceive the behaviors as inappropriate for her personality and how they rapidly change. Hope that helps.

 

IMO, if the moodiness is generalized and not focussed on one person, there could be other issues at work. One possibility is the person is battling an emotional issue and keeps it together most of the time except for some slips. I know I deal with this (more so in the past, prior to MC). My behavior will change when my control slips, and it has nothing to do with the current situation.

[Ronni_W]

You know, maybe there are some people who are not really bi-polar after all.

Definitely there are genuine, heart-breaking cases of bi-polar and all the other mental disorders. But yes, you are exactly right...and it's quite depressing to me that people are self-diagnosing, IMO, often so that they just don't have to change their "normal dysfunctional" (habitual maladaptive) ways of thinking, coping and acting. They need cognitive behavioural therapy, not drugs.

 

No self-control and self-discipline? "Oh, I'm ADD-ADHD." Can't be bothered to manage my moods and emotions? "Totally, I'm bi-polar."

You're right...when we try to fit others' behaviours into some medical model of what normal human emotions and behaviours "should be", we are also helping them to maintain their excuses and BS.

 

But BigPharma is always busy inventing the next disorder from which they can profit. It's totally normal to sometimes feel "down, blue, sad", but how successful was the industry in turning that into an extremely lucrative, seemingly never-ending, market for anti-depressants?

 

Now I'm seeing more and more about something called 'narcissistic personality disorder' -- guessing the ideal drug will soon be announced.

("Hey, they're just self-centered, delusional, egomaniacs, you money-grubbing morons! They don't need no freakin' pills for that...just some CBT!!!") [/end rant]

 

The worst part of it is that those who are really suffering from legitimate cases of ADD, ADHD, clinical depression, bi-polar disorder, etc., are losing out because too many resources are being misused and abused by those for whom the labels offer a break from personal responsibility.

 

Well, that's my 2 cents about it. I do get cranky when it seems that they're just trying to drug the whole lot of us into submission .

[carhill]

IME, as someone who cared for a psychotic dementia patient for a number of years, I found our medical team very conservative in their approach to psych meds. It was only when she was placed in a community situation (SNF) where the balance had to tip into the "submission" area, due to violent outbursts with staff and other patients. We still go minimal on the psych meds, but they are the same ones used with schizophrenia, so very strong atypicals. In everything there must be balance.

 

In my example above, unmedicated, my friend's wife was a constant bomb waiting to go off. It definitely interfered with relationships. IMO, properly dx'd and rx'd, brain meds are no different than cholesterol or heart meds, as examples. They seek to rectify/modify a chemical insufficiency or imbalance in the body. Our brains are just a big eletro-chemical factory

[Ronni_W]

medical team very conservative in their approach to psych meds.

I'm definitely not saying that medical and mental health professionals are a negligent and/or uncaring bunch, or that there are not (many, many, many) individuals who need help with stabilizing their body's own chemicals, hormones and normally self-regulating processes.

 

I am, though, referring to the misdiagnosed, the self-diagnosed and the non-professionally diagnosed -- the ones who will be far better served just going down the old cognitive therapy road -- I'm not trying to compare these over-medicated apples of whom I speak, to the genuinely afflicted, appropriately-medicated oranges of whom you speak

[carhill]

Yes, I appreciate that and too often see people being rx'd by a GP or other generalist, as opposed to being analyzed by a psychiatric professional. In our case, there was a team, from medical doctors (neurologist) to psychologists (behavioral analysis) to forensic neuropsychometrists (family and patient history and specific stimulus quantitative response analysis). Diagnostically, dementia is very similar to other psych issues, wrt the process of dx and treatment. Unfortunately, it's terminal in most cases.

 

Hopefully, by relating personal experiences, we can help others to see through our eyes and decide whether they or a loved one would benefit from such professional help. On the dementia forum I run, I have a disclaimer to that exact effect (get a professional opinion before proceeding) in my signature line.

 

Wrt the OP, unless this person was a friend, or presented a clear and present danger to self or others, I would just keep a polite distance and not concern myself. We all have to live our own lives