Is there any excuse for cheating?

[eh18]

Do you think cheating on a partner is forgivable? Is cheating just plain wrong or are there two sides to the story?

 

I know someone who has been in a situation where they have been cheated on before, yet they still stick up for their ex saying that it wasn't the ex's fault. Let's say A is the dumpee and B is the dumper a.k.a cheater.

 

Hearing this story got me fired up a bit, because how is that logical? How can A remain so loyal and still not admit that B was at fault. If B cared enough for A, then B wouldn't have cheated on A in the first place. even if B was tempted by another person, B wouldn't have given into temptation if B loved and cared for A. So I don't see how A can stick up for B like that, even after all these years.

 

Could it be that A loves B so much that A is in denial of admitting B's betrayal? Even after all these years.. it just baffles me that there are people like this who can stick up for a person so much.

[LucreziaBorgia]

1. Do you think cheating on a partner is forgivable?

 

2. Is cheating just plain wrong or are there two sides to the story?

 

3. How can A remain so loyal and still not admit that B was at fault.

 

4. If B cared enough for A, then B wouldn't have cheated on A in the first place.

 

5. even if B was tempted by another person, B wouldn't have given into temptation if B loved and cared for A.

 

6. So I don't see how A can stick up for B like that, even after all these years.

 

7. Could it be that A loves B so much that A is in denial of admitting B's betrayal?

 

1. Yes, but both partners have to work on it hard to overcome it and repair things

 

2. Cheating is wrong, and there is never an excuse - there may be excuses to leave a partner, or to take a break, or to separate - but to cheat? Nope.

 

3. Because A loves B, and wants to preserve his/her mental and emotional image of B. A wants to believe that B was led astray, not that B chose to stray. It is less painful that way. I'm sure B isn't doing anything to challenge that in order to keep the peace.

 

4. Caring for someone has a lot more facets than just monogamy. B could love A as a friend, a parenting partner, a family member, a confidant, etc. but still find some sort of disconnect in the 'sex/passion/spontaneity' department that 'C' just happened to tap into. While monogamy is part of the vows, it is not by itself the 'glue' that holds together a marriage. There are a lot of other things going on that hold two people together.

 

5. See above.

 

6. Perhaps A feels that her marriage is stronger than infidelity, and no amount of cheating or affairs can sever their ties to one another. Some people connect on a much deeper level than exchanging vows, and when they have that connection they can and often do overlook what to them is the 'small stuff' in comparison to everything they have shared over the years. When you mix that with the mindset I mentioned in point 3, you have someone who stands up for their 'B' regardless of how much it seems like a hopeless thing to do.

[Spectre]

No, there isn't any excuse. People who take back cheaters are, well, for lack of a better word they're stupid. People who are willing to settle for a tainted relationship just don't understand love. They are so afraid of being alone they will settle for someone who shows no respect for them.

 

The people who cheat and then get back with the one they cheated on are just as bad, as they should simply walk away.

[Ruby Slippers]

Cheating would be a deal-breaker for me. No excuses, no exceptions.

[mark982]

there is no excuse for cheating. if you feel that strongly about someone else, just leave the present relationship you're in before you cheat.

[whichwayisup]

One can justify it all they want, make excuse's and try to blame the non-cheating spouse all they want, but at the end of the day, noone pointed a gun at the cheating spouses head and said CHEAT! That choice was made by the CS.

[Rooster_DAR]

Is there any excuse for cheating?

 

 

Yes, and I've heard them all.

[eh18]

i was actually hoping to hear from people who have been the cheater. why they did what they did and if their partner forgave them.

[Javelin]

Cheating in anyway, shape, or form is bad. There are no excuses for it and you'll never be able to look at someone the same if they've done it to you. Period.

 

Is it forgivable? Yes, but we as humans tend to never forget. It'll always stay with us and it'll always haunt us. Therefor, it probably isn't worth forgiving.

[Walk]

i was actually hoping to hear from people who have been the cheater. why they did what they did and if their partner forgave them.

 

I cheated on my exh. He forgave. I didn't want to stay in the relationship so I left.

 

 

 

A very few of my excuses were:

• He spent all our money and would leave me with nothing to eat, and no money to buy food. I looked aneorexic.
  
• His car died and he used mine while I walked 3 miles to work and 3 miles home from work every day (manual labor job).
  
• He had no job for quite a long portion of our relationship, yet refused to help with household chores.
  
• He used a power of attorney (I was deployed in the marines) on me to get loans to purchase motorcycles, computers, new vehicles, etc. Didn't ask me about it first. He drained my bank account, but never paid a bill.
  
• He would come home with other girls numbers (old crush, girls he met at the bar).
  
• When I told him I was leaving, he threatened to kill himself (I stayed).
  
• Months later when I left, he called me at work 10-12 times every hour until my boss threatened to release me for it. He then showed up where I was staying and refused to leave..
  
• Months later, I start an affair with the guy my exh has invited to live with us in the house I bought (all on my dime).
  
• Numerous months later... I left and filed for divorce. I continued paying the mortgage on the new house in hopes it would sell (prior to housing bust). He intentionally sabatoged the sale by rejecting reasonable offers.
  
• My exh fought me on the divorce for over a year, the day the divorce was finalized he sold the house I'd paid for (sale price: $250,000) and I didn't get a dime.
  

He stalked me for nearly a year from the day I left him for good. I couldnt' turn a corner without him there. He refused to sign the divorce paperwork. I guess adultery didn't seem that heinous of a crime compared to his, so he was willing to forgive me for my "crime".

 

Those are my excuses for it... I still don't feel those are justification for cheating. Cheating hurts more then just the partner cheated on. Hurts everyone you know, affects all the people you care about.

[LucreziaBorgia]

i was actually hoping to hear from people who have been the cheater. why they did what they did and if their partner forgave them.

 

I was a chronic and serial cheat. I cheated in nearly every relationship I have been in. Why did I do it? See my post above. When I cheated it was never about how I felt about my SO - it was how I felt about myself, my need for validation, my addiction to the rush of the 'new', my need to see that I still 'had it' objectively, etc. If anything was missing in the relationship, it was because I was creating the gaps through my own emotional shortcomings. If there was something missing and I wasn't the cause, I would simply break up with them.

 

Cheating (the sort where the cheater insists on staying together/married/etc. and is not otherwise unhappy in the relationship) doesn't mean you don't want your SO. It means you want everything you can get from your SO, and everything you can get from an outside lover as well.

 

The times I confessed were times that I wanted out and was using that as a handy way to make my exit, and to make it so painfully that the soon to be ex would not try to 'win me back'.

 

All that is behind me now, though.

[Shygirl15]

I believe most people are forced to cheat because of a number of issue/problems with their partners/relationship.

 

I personally was once forced into cheating when my ex-HB was not responding to my sexual needs. I tried and tried and tried to have conversations with him and express how I feel about our sex life, but it all fell on deaf ears. I became very sexually frustrated, therefore cheated.

 

Do I regret? No. Did I confess? No.

 

Lesson learned: it's always important to keep communication lines clear in your relationship, and try to respond to your partner's needs.

[bish]

Do you think cheating on a partner is forgivable?

 

No. But thats just my opinion.

 

 

Is cheating just plain wrong or are there two sides to the story?

 

Its just plain wrong. If there is some so-called excuse to cheat, then leave the relationship.

 

 

I know someone who has been in a situation where they have been cheated on before, yet they still stick up for their ex saying that it wasn't the ex's fault.

 

Thats called being a fool and making excuses to people won't think any less of them for staying with a cheating dog.

[reason&control]

Is there any excuse for cheating? Well........yes! We're guys. We see a hot girl and we want to have sex with her. It's that simple. no matter how commited to our relationships we are, it doesnt change the fact that it doesnt take much to turn us on and the vast majority of us would, if we could and suffer guilt-less after effects, have sex with every woman that walked the planet. Being faithful is something that has been imposed on us by higher powers; i.e. the church, govenment and many other bastians of purity. But that's not how we are; not on a genetic level.

Sex is sex, it doesnt mean anything without love. And if you love your girl but want to have sex with other women, I say go for it. I mean its not like it's just gonna go away is it? As a guy, I know, once the ideas in there, it doesnt shift.

So basically you've got two options:

 

• Dont cheat and spend the rest of your relationship dreaming about other girls; checking them out on the streets or from your car or wherever. you'll feel better in yourself for being faithful to your loved one.
  

• Do cheat. you love your girl to pieces, you'll do anything for her, she's your world and you wanna build a life together. You've introduced her to your parents. She's a real stable girlfriend, the sort of down-to-earth girl we always settle down with. But................one sexual parter for the rest of our lives? We're not designed that way. JUST MAKE SURE SHE DOESN'T FIND OUT!!!!! Sex is sex. It's meaningless without love, so just have meaningless sex and go home to the woman you love. Hope i helped anyone
  

[Walk]

Is there any excuse for cheating? Well........yes! We're guys.

 

Being faithful is something that has been imposed on us by higher powers;

 

But................one sexual parter for the rest of our lives?

 

Sex is sex. It's meaningless without love, so just have meaningless sex and go home to the woman you love. Hope i helped anyone

 

Just curious.. is it okay for your gf to cheat on you?

 

What about STDs? Sleeping with anyone that catches your fancy is like playing russian roulette. At some point you will get an STD and you will give it to your gf. Is that something you're okay with doing?

[Lizzie60]

This is how I see it... let's say the couple are passionate.. just got married.. still in their honeymoon ... yadayada.. then slowly, kids, work, stress, routine gets in the way.. one of the partner has lost all interest in sex.. the other partner tries everything.. the nagging, etc... nothing works.. the nagging partner gets upset and goes outside the M to get his/her needs taken care of..

 

Do I think it's cheating.. yes.. but both partners are at fault and both are cheating each other..

[porter218]

I believe most people are forced to cheat because of a number of issue/problems with their partners/relationship.

 

I personally was once forced into cheating when my ex-HB was not responding to my sexual needs. I tried and tried and tried to have conversations with him and express how I feel about our sex life, but it all fell on deaf ears. I became very sexually frustrated, therefore cheated.

 

Do I regret? No. Did I confess? No.

 

Lesson learned: it's always important to keep communication lines clear in your relationship, and try to respond to your partner's needs.

But don't you agree that the right thing to do would have been to leave him first??

[djhall]

When I cheated it was never about how I felt about my SO - it was how I felt about myself, my need for validation, my addiction to the rush of the 'new', my need to see that I still 'had it' objectively, etc. .... cheating doesn't mean you don't want your SO. It means you want everything you can get from your SO, and everything you can get from an outside lover as well.

 

LB - When I read your post I thought for sure you've been in my head! If you were to ask me why I struggle with the concept of remaining happy in a monogamous relationship, and why I would feel the urge to seek sexual attention outside the relationship, I think I would have said almost the exact same thing. To see that you are female and still have the exact same feelings was amazing to me.

 

You said that is all in your past now. What changed for you?

[LucreziaBorgia]

 

You said that is all in your past now. What changed for you?

 

I found what I was missing, I guess. I still enjoy flirtation and attention but I don't necessarily 'need' it like I used to.

[Trialbyfire]

Do you think cheating on a partner is forgivable?

No.

 

Is cheating just plain wrong or are there two sides to the story?

Cheating is just plain wrong.

 

I know someone who has been in a situation where they have been cheated on before, yet they still stick up for their ex saying that it wasn't the ex's fault. Let's say A is the dumpee and B is the dumper a.k.a cheater.

 

Hearing this story got me fired up a bit, because how is that logical? How can A remain so loyal and still not admit that B was at fault. If B cared enough for A, then B wouldn't have cheated on A in the first place. even if B was tempted by another person, B wouldn't have given into temptation if B loved and cared for A. So I don't see how A can stick up for B like that, even after all these years.

 

Could it be that A loves B so much that A is in denial of admitting B's betrayal? Even after all these years.. it just baffles me that there are people like this who can stick up for a person so much.

You can't draw a parallel between these two situation. At least the dumper has the guts to leave.

[johan]

What if the cheater simply said "I forgot".

[Trialbyfire]

"In case you forgot, the exit is three steps to your left and one step behind. Don't let the door hit you in the arse on your way out."

[nopainnogain]

or like roger clemens says " i mis-remembered" lol

[nopainnogain]

I cheated on my exh. He forgave. I didn't want to stay in the relationship so I left.

 

 

 

 

A very few of my excuses were:

• He spent all our money and would leave me with nothing to eat, and no money to buy food. I looked aneorexic.
  
• His car died and he used mine while I walked 3 miles to work and 3 miles home from work every day (manual labor job).
  
• He had no job for quite a long portion of our relationship, yet refused to help with household chores.
  
• He used a power of attorney (I was deployed in the marines) on me to get loans to purchase motorcycles, computers, new vehicles, etc. Didn't ask me about it first. He drained my bank account, but never paid a bill.
  
• He would come home with other girls numbers (old crush, girls he met at the bar).
  
• When I told him I was leaving, he threatened to kill himself (I stayed).
  
• Months later when I left, he called me at work 10-12 times every hour until my boss threatened to release me for it. He then showed up where I was staying and refused to leave..
  
• Months later, I start an affair with the guy my exh has invited to live with us in the house I bought (all on my dime).
  
• Numerous months later... I left and filed for divorce. I continued paying the mortgage on the new house in hopes it would sell (prior to housing bust). He intentionally sabatoged the sale by rejecting reasonable offers.
  
• My exh fought me on the divorce for over a year, the day the divorce was finalized he sold the house I'd paid for (sale price: $250,000) and I didn't get a dime.
  

He stalked me for nearly a year from the day I left him for good. I couldnt' turn a corner without him there. He refused to sign the divorce paperwork. I guess adultery didn't seem that heinous of a crime compared to his, so he was willing to forgive me for my "crime".

 

Those are my excuses for it... I still don't feel those are justification for cheating. Cheating hurts more then just the partner cheated on. Hurts everyone you know, affects all the people you care about.

 

How could someone not cheat when faced with this situation.

[porter218]

I cheated on my exh. He forgave. I didn't want to stay in the relationship so I left.

 

 

 

 

A very few of my excuses were:

• He spent all our money and would leave me with nothing to eat, and no money to buy food. I looked aneorexic.
  
• His car died and he used mine while I walked 3 miles to work and 3 miles home from work every day (manual labor job).
  
• He had no job for quite a long portion of our relationship, yet refused to help with household chores.
  
• He used a power of attorney (I was deployed in the marines) on me to get loans to purchase motorcycles, computers, new vehicles, etc. Didn't ask me about it first. He drained my bank account, but never paid a bill.
  
• He would come home with other girls numbers (old crush, girls he met at the bar).
  
• When I told him I was leaving, he threatened to kill himself (I stayed).
  
• Months later when I left, he called me at work 10-12 times every hour until my boss threatened to release me for it. He then showed up where I was staying and refused to leave..
  
• Months later, I start an affair with the guy my exh has invited to live with us in the house I bought (all on my dime).
  
• Numerous months later... I left and filed for divorce. I continued paying the mortgage on the new house in hopes it would sell (prior to housing bust). He intentionally sabatoged the sale by rejecting reasonable offers.
  
• My exh fought me on the divorce for over a year, the day the divorce was finalized he sold the house I'd paid for (sale price: $250,000) and I didn't get a dime.
  

He stalked me for nearly a year from the day I left him for good. I couldnt' turn a corner without him there. He refused to sign the divorce paperwork. I guess adultery didn't seem that heinous of a crime compared to his, so he was willing to forgive me for my "crime".

 

Those are my excuses for it... I still don't feel those are justification for cheating. Cheating hurts more then just the partner cheated on. Hurts everyone you know, affects all the people you care about.

 

Wow, no wonder you walked!! It sounds to me like your cheating was a technicality. You weren't with him at the time?? I feel like during a separation before the divorce is such a grey area. I don't really consider that to be 'cheating'.