John Who Posted September 3, 2008 Share Posted September 3, 2008 It has been 3 years since my wife and I divorced,for those of you who not familiar with my story I had a EA on my W and she D me. My W is the first person I think of in the morning and the last one I think of at night. I'm at the point where I want to sleep,just so I can be with her in my dreams. I have not spoken to my exwife in about 7 months,I have let her go physically but my heart can not let her go. I want her to be happy,I know I hurt her for my EA that was the worst choice I ever made. I feel in my heart that oneday she will come back to me. Even though we are not together I still have not givin up onher coming back,she is apart of my heart,I do not feel complete without her something is missing in my life. I have tried moving on with my life I go out with friends and family,I even date alot,but those women are not the woman that I love and want. I thought after 3 years it would be easier,but it's not. I go on with my life and I am a fairly happy person friends and family love being around me,but my exwife never leaves my thoughts or my heart. I miss her smile,her laughter I miss her scent I miss her late night talks until I feel asleep,I miss her touch. I hope oneday she will give me another chance to show her how much how much she means to me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
audrey_1 Posted September 3, 2008 Share Posted September 3, 2008 I think what you've said comes from the heart, but you had a hand in breaking hers. Breaking trust in such a severe way is not something that can be easily repaired, if ever, even after three years. If I gave myself to someone in marriage, and he cheated on me, I'm not sure my pride would allow me to take him back, no matter how much I loved him. It's the ultimate betrayal. That's why it's so important for anyone considering cheating on a spouse to really think about what it is they're about to do, the possible consequences, and try and talk it out before it's too late. I'm sorry that you're hurting. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted September 3, 2008 Share Posted September 3, 2008 John, Sorry that you're still hurting over this. It's great that you are living your life as a fairly happy person, and otherwise seem to be well-functioning. Have you considered individual therapy to go a bit deeper into your thoughts and feelings about your ex-wife? It's just that there appears to be a LOT of mental and emotional energy being expended there, when it might bring higher gains elsewhere. (((hugs))) Link to post Share on other sites
gd26 Posted September 3, 2008 Share Posted September 3, 2008 I agree very much with what Audrey has written. I had a guy friend who was married and his ex-wife cheated on him twice. The first time he managed to forgive her... as she PROMISED she would never cheat again... but then two years later she cheated. After that they split up, as he can no longer trust her. I hope that your ex-wife gives you another chance. But you need to ask yourself... are you really capable of being faithful this time? Don't just say 'yes' because you want her back, but really think about this. Do you know to the absolute bottom of your heart that you won't do something like this again? I think these are things you need to think about. If you want to convince her that you'll truly never do what you did again, you really need to show her how you've changed and why this will never happen. It may be too late now, and you may just have to move on with your life. But if there is any chance at all... the first step is that you need to be 100% sure that you can be faithful to her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author John Who Posted September 4, 2008 Author Share Posted September 4, 2008 I have been in IC,my feelings for my exwife still stand,don't get me wrong IC did help me open my eyes towards other things IC was good for myself. I know this my sound odd but I feel like I will never stop loving my xW. Lately I have really been missing her,I just keep thinking about the past the times when we were happy the first time I ever seen her.I can still remember what she was wearing how her hair was fixed the smile she gave me the look in her eye,the first thing she ever told me "I could see me in your eyes". I know how my life is without her and I don't like it,no matter how many times I go out not matter how many woman approach me,no matter how much I make other's laugh I'm still not going ot be complete without her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Rooster_DAR Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 It has been 3 years since my wife and I divorced,for those of you who not familiar with my story I had a EA on my W and she D me. My W is the first person I think of in the morning and the last one I think of at night. I'm at the point where I want to sleep,just so I can be with her in my dreams. I have not spoken to my exwife in about 7 months,I have let her go physically but my heart can not let her go. I want her to be happy,I know I hurt her for my EA that was the worst choice I ever made. I feel in my heart that oneday she will come back to me. Even though we are not together I still have not givin up onher coming back,she is apart of my heart,I do not feel complete without her something is missing in my life. I have tried moving on with my life I go out with friends and family,I even date alot,but those women are not the woman that I love and want. I thought after 3 years it would be easier,but it's not. I go on with my life and I am a fairly happy person friends and family love being around me,but my exwife never leaves my thoughts or my heart. I miss her smile,her laughter I miss her scent I miss her late night talks until I feel asleep,I miss her touch. I hope oneday she will give me another chance to show her how much how much she means to me. I think you should try again, tell her everything you said here. The worst that can happen is nothing. I say go for it! Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 I'm still not going ot be complete without her. What are the benefits that you are deriving from feeling "incomplete"? That is, what is it preventing you from doing, that you don't want to risk doing? And/or. What does it allow you to have that you would not have, if you were able to "complete" yourself? I'd honestly not recommend to try for a reconciliation until you know how to be complete within yourself. Otherwise, you'd really only just be putting that huge responsibility (to "complete" you) on your ex's shoulders, and creating the perfect opportunity for patterns to repeat themselves. Do you know if that's what led to your EA? -- were you feeling let down because it became evident that it was impossible for your wife to "make you" feel "complete"? Because it is impossible, and a burden, and not her job (or anyone else's, for that matter.) OTOH, your therapist ought to have covered that in IC. Or has the feeling of "incompleteness" surfaced since IC? Link to post Share on other sites
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