Is looking at internet porn cheating? I need advise!

[lisaanne]

Hi:

My name is Lisa. I am 35 years old, a professional woman and mother of a 13 year old daughter. I am in a relationship for 4 years now with a 52 year old man. We live together and have built a very good business together. We have purchased a beautiful home togehter and we work 7 days a week together. We have made everything work as best as possible, and we enjoy a nice lifestyle together. The only problem is, I feel like our relationship is really troubled. He doesn't seem to think so, but maybe that's because he's not the one that feels hurt all the time.

 

Let me explain. Even from the beginning of our relationship, I would stumble across all of his internet porn sites that he looked at very often. Then I came across the videos. I asked him about this stuff, and I got a really nasty and hostile responce, he was upset that he got "found out" I guess you could put it. He said that was his personal business and not my place to go there or question him about it because he was not doing anything wrong.

 

I was so hurt and upset, but I managed to put it out of my mind as time passed. He wakes up much earlier then I do in the mornings, usually a few hours earlier, and that's when he looks at it mostly, while I'm still sleeping. This is something he has always done, even before he met me.

 

Well, sometimes I have to go on his computer to do software updates because he doesn't know how to do it, and it's right there in my face. I didn't go looking for it, but I still saw it. I can't help but feel so hurt everytime I see these things, it's like he needs more then me or something like that. It makes me feel completely rejected and not good enough. I feel betrayed and it's so painful that I can barely stand it. Our sex life is ok, we have sex about 1 time every week or two weeks. He says that's about all he can handle because we work so hard. I'm fine with that, I could have more or less, it's not a big deal. But, I can't help but feel like he's not attracted to me. If he was still attracted to me, why would he have the need to look at all of those pictures of naked women? I dont' even understand the things that he looks at, it's old women and hairy women and strange things like that mixed in with just ameture photos of housewives and things like that.

 

Now when I"m with him, I feel like I"m not attractive to him at all. He never tells me that I'm pretty or sexy or desirable, or anything like that at all. Once in a blue moon he will say "You look nice today" or something like that, but it's just always nice. Never wow, you look great, or anything like that, just "nice". I'm confused and not sure if maybe it's that I have a problem with my self esteem? I"m not sure. I think I'm attractive and I think i'm sexy, and I always feel very good about myself and how I look when I go out alone without him. I see other men look at me, and I enjoy that. But, when I"m with him, I feel unattractive and part of the reason is because I know he has the need to look at all these pictures of other naked women. I think it's done some serious damage to my self esteem. I've even gone so far as to do a search for naked pictures of men and leave them on the computer for him to see just to see how he would feel. He saw them, and didn't even care. That just made me even more frustrated.

 

This is a subject that he will not talk about at all, and he does not care about my feelings in refence to this at all. It's off limits for discussion. Last night his computer frooze up and I had to fix it, and I saw it again. Now I'm just withdrawn from him and I don't want to interact with him today because I feel so hurt, betrayed, unloved, and alone. He has no idea why I"m upset, and I can't even tell him how I feel.

 

Sometimes I"ll ask him if he is still attracted to me, and he says yes. I don't believe him. He never shows any desire twords me at all or says anything nice about my appearance. When we have sex I think he is probably thinking about the women in the pictures that he looks at, and this makes it more of just a sexual act between the two of us, without any intimacy. He never kisses me unless I initiate it, it's just raw sex. Which is even ok with me, if I felt that loving at other times, but I just don't feel it.

 

In every other way he is wonderful, and I really love him so deeply. More then I have loved any other man in my life. We have a life togehter. Am I the one who needs to change my way of thinking? If so, I really don't know how to do it. I have tried so hard not to feel hurt by this, but I can't get the feelings to go away. I really don't know what to do, and it's eatting me up inside and I have nobody to talk to about this.

 

I feel like we are almost "best friends" who live togehter, work together, and occasionaly have sex about once every week or two. I dont feel any intimate connection with him anymore, and it's not because I don't want to, I desperately do. But, I feel rejected by him, and now I don't feel attractive or sexy around him at all. I didn't used to feel this way, I used to feel like he felt that I was sexy and beautiful, but not anymore. Now I feel like he "needs" to look at pictures of other women to get excited, so I must not do it for him anymore, and this causes me more pain then he could ever possible imagine. I cry when I think about it, then I have to run into the bathroom so he does not see me crying. I have to hide my pain.

 

After we have sex, I always tell him how wonderful he was, and I always make sure that I make him feel good about himself. Unfortunately, he doesnt' do the same for me. The sex between us feels very impersonal with no connection at all, it's just sex and that's it. Sometimes I even wonder if he just does it out of obligation, and doesn't even want to at all. I think he would be fine to look at all the pictures as that is what he likes to do. When we have sex it's like making an appointment to have it. There is no spontanious sex, nothing exciting. Yes, it feels good, but I don't feel like he really wants to, it's just obligation for him to do it every now and then.

 

I can't even complete with the women in the pictures that he looks at. I'm not a hairy woman, so I can't grow anymore hair, and I"m 35 years old, I"m not an old woman. So, how can I complete with people that are nothing like me at all? I can't, it's impossible. I used to think, well, maybe if I grew my hair long he would like that. Or if I got a tan he would like that. Or, if I lost some weight and got toned up he would like that. Or, just about anything at all, but then I'm feeling bad about myself all the time now and it's making me depressed. I'm not a type of person that is depressed, I"m really an upbeat person who is happy most of the time, but this is making me so unhappy, and I don't know what to do.

 

Am I the one with the problem? If so, I desperately want to change as I can't stand the pain, and I don't know how to change the way that I feel about all of this. Sometimes I even get so upset about it that I start thinking of things that I could do to make him feel the way I do. I know if I did something like that it would be disasterous to our relationship, but the feelings to do that are getting stronger and stronger. Every time I see that porn on his computer, I want to make him hurt the way that I"m hurting right now. Is that a terrible thing? I dont' like feeling this way at all.

 

Is there any hope at all? How can I fix this if it's something that he is not even willing to stop, discuss, or change? Do I just put the wall up between us and not care? Do I try to find another outlet that will give me what I desire?

 

Doesn't he love me enough to stop doing something that causes me so much pain and anguish? It's this little "secret thing" that he does and I really do feel like it's cheating. I can't help but feel this way. To me, it's almost the same thing. It's emotional cheating, and if there is nothing wrong with it, how different would it be for me to do it to him? Chat with men online or that sort of thing? But, I don't think he would even care. I really dont.

 

If there is anyone out there that can give me some advise on this, please respond. I feel so alone with this, but I know there are alot of women out there who are probably going through the same things too. I just don't know where to find them.

 

Thanks for listening.

Sincerely,

Lisa

[joidevive]

You are not to blame for his needing to feel like a man. Porn is not all bad, if he is using some of what he is researching on you. That's how creative juices are used, BUT... as you stated you don't feel good when you're with him. You are being denied your ability to love and show love. I am going through similar situations, except my so called man is paying for sights to meet people, emailing them, getting responses, and requesting 3somes and 4somes searching for long term relationships. Is your man just looking??? I wish that he was just looking maybe that could be worked through, if the love was that strong. Is your relationship strong enough to get through the porn. Offer to look at the tapes with him. Maybe that will turn him on some more. Is your unhappiness evident to your daughter because at 13 she's more able to pick up on feelings of insecurity than anybody. Aroung her you need to be queen inform her that she is the princess. She should be your focus because since he's not your husband after four years and he's not getting YOUNGER, she's the one who will be there helping you through everything. I wish you luck. The decision is yours, but it sounds like you need to focus on yourself and your daughter.

[maskee28]

I think you're probably right, I'm sure there's many women (and probably men too) who have had to deal with this situation with their spouse/partner. I feel bad for you but I don't really know what advice to give....

 

I think it's really sad that your boyfriend is doing something he knows is extremely upsetting to you, and has no intentions of stopping it or even discussing the issue with you. But at the same time, this is something he's been doing for a long time - before he even met you - you knew about his habit before the relationship began. Perhaps part of blame for the situtation lies with you since you chose to start something with someone who does this?

 

I don't know what to advise you to do now...but if this is something about him that you know you will never be able to accept, you may not have a choice if you want to be happy.

[lisaanne]

Hi Maskee:

 

Thanks for your reply. Well, I didn't know about it at first. I happened to find it after we had moved in together and I had relocated my daughter and we were already involved. Yes, it did still bother me in the beginning, but I still felt sort of "ok" with it and could ignore it because he was very affectionate with me and made me feel loved and desirable. Over the years, that has trickled off to nothing, but the porn is there. So, you see there was a balance at first, but now there isn't. So, I feel hopelessly upset about it. Atleast if I could talk to him about it, I might not feel so frustrated and upset, but it's not even something that we can discuss becasue of him. I'm just trying to hide my hurt and pretend that everything is ok, but it's not ok. I'm so upset today that I can't even look at him or talk to him. He has no idea why, so he just figures that I"m having PMS or something like that. He always blames everything on that. Like I never have a real valid reason to be upset, it's always my PMS reaction. That's a lot of bull. I just wish I could make him feel the pain that this is making me feel just for one day. Maybe then he would realise the damage it's doing and then he can make an informed decision whether or not to continue with the porn or to stop. I really don't think he knows how I"m feeling about it. But, it's his fault that he doesn't know because he won't talk about it. It's not open for discussion. Because we work together we are together all the time, so it's hard to hide my feelings, but I think I"m quickly becoming a pro at that. I even tried to get into looking at porn, I figured that if I was doing it too, I might not be so upset about it, but it just doesn't do anything for me at all. I would rather look at handbags on ebay. That's more exciting to me. Really, I am not even kidding. So, what can I do. I've even thought about going into some sex chat rooms and chatting with people online, perhaps he might get upset about that and then he would know how I felt. I don't know. It sounds like a good idea, but then again, it doesn't. My daugther has no clue, like i said, I've learned very well how to hide my feelings. So, maybe I just have to learn to live with it and just not feel free to trust him so deeply with my heart and my feelings. I really had thought I had found my soul mate, and in every other way he is my soul mate, but this thing is just so big to me that I don't know if I can deal with it and still love him just as much at the same time. It's like I have to kill part of my feelings for him to be able to accept that. Does that make any sence at all? It sounds crazy, but I think if I don't care so deeply for him that this might not bother me so intensely. I don't know, just thinking of what my options are.

 

Lisa

[lisaanne]

Hi Joide:

 

Oh my, you are in a similar situation I see. I'm so sorry. I think that would be even more difficult to handle. He has a secret screen name and email account, so I have no idea if he is chatting or emailing with people. I don't think he is, he's not that type. He is very private, he is the type that would look at anything that is on the internet to look at, but would shy away from any one on one contact or chat. I Just wish he would talk to me about it. Maybe that would help, reassure me that he's not doing it because of the lack of interest at home, or something like that. What are you going to do with your situation? Do you have children too? My daughter is not his. She is from my ex husband, he was very abusive and used to hit me on regular occasions. I guess that has something to do with why I just accept this situation that causes me so much pain, it's still better then being beat on. Terrible thing to say, but sometimes I think it's true. I'm starting to believe that all men are really incapable of real and completel love with one person for their entire lives. I don't think it's in their makeup. Maybe I'm expecting something that is impossible. Still doesn't make it easier to deal with though. You would think that he would appreciate me, I'm a great person to be with. And, I think he does love me very much, but more of a best friend love. He is divorced and I'm very close with his ex wife who is the most wonderful person in the world. The same things happened to her, and she tells me not to take it personal, that it's just his "hobby". She is remarried to a wonderful man now, so that's easy for her to say. I still don't understand why I don't turn him on anymore. I've gained a few pounds over the years, but I ask him about it all the time and he says that I look exactly the same to him. And, some of the porn sites that he looks at are chubby girls, so he does not have a hang up with weight. So, I don't think it's that. I shower everyday, I put my makeup on and fix my hair everyday, and I get dressed everyday. I don't walk around in my pajamas with messy hair and no makeup. I try to look nice. So, I really don't understand. Maybe it's just the excitement is gone for him now. We have a good life together, so I can't see giving up everything that we have worked for because of this issue. But, I still have a hard time dealing with the fact that I feel like more of a friend then a lover. He is trying to me more affectionate sinse we had a talk about that a few months ago, but it's just not enough. I want that man to walk up to me and grab me and kiss me in the middle of the day. I want that man to tell me that he wants to make love right now because he wants it. I want that man to look at me like I'm beautiful to him. I want that man to treat me like I'm the best thing that has ever happened to him. Even if he doesn't really think these things, it's just nice to think that. I think this is probably most women's dream man, and he really doesn't exist in the real world. In the real world, we have to deal with "oh you look nice" while they sneak away and look at their dirty little pictures and get their rocks off. It's really disgusting and it's a big turn off. I think that best sums it up for me, it just plain old turns me off that he does this.

Sincerely,

Lisa

[maskee28]

It's totally understandable that you feel like this - I would feel the same way. You feel betrayed, and I think rightfully so, since this bothers you so much yet your boyfriend won't even consider how you're feeling.

 

I especially don't like the bit about him blaming anything you're upset about on PMS... personally, I don't even believe PMS truly exists. And him just writing off any of your concerns as the fault of PMS is ridiculous - why won't he give your feelings their deserved attention? That's not how you treat your 'soulmate'.

 

I think this habit of his could be described as a powerful addiction - whether or not he sees it as such.

 

I really don't think that you can stay with him AND be truly happy and satisfied with your life. There's no way you're going to just 'come around' one day and decide that all this is acceptable to you. And even if you did, won't it always bother you to know that your boyfriend doesn't seem to consider your feelings to be legitimate enough to discuss?

[ThisGirlNameKD]

From the way your husband responded to you when you addressed him about the porn, he is definitely an addict. Addicts always become defensive when you confront them about their problem. This addiction is psychological, physiological and emotional. Yes he does experience good feelings when he's looking at it. It's like a high for him just like a drug. So you do have a reason to be concern. An addiction of any kind is not healthy. His habit is unhealthy, and you're becoming unhappy in the process, and so is your marriage and sex life. He also had this habit before you got married and one thing that people don't realize is that if a person has a bad habit before they get married and they don't work on it, that habit is going to go with them right in the marriage, and now it become someone else's problem. However, you are not the cause of his problem. So don't feel that you're unlovable, you're unattractive just because he no makes you feel that way. The majority of psychological and sociological studies suggest that watching pornography over a long period of time can be harmful. For instances, Ted Bundy, the famous serial killer loved watching violent pornography, and in his own words said that he felt that's how women liked to have sex. Study groups have been conducted where men said they didn't feel that women wouldn't mind being raped or having sex rape style because in the porno movies, they portray women enjoying being rape. Many feel that porno is not harmful, but each year many behavioral health specialists and mental health specialists have to respond and treat situations where long time expose to pornography was the cause. Now I'm not saying that your husband is going to become the next Ted Bundy or that anyone who watches pornography over a long period of time will become a Ted Bundy, but as you can see in Ted Bundy's case, his expose to pornography over time led him to objectify women, see them as sex objects, and that's why he was able to do what he did to them without any remorse. He had no feelings for them.

 

When people look at porn over a period of time, they may begin to objectify the individuals, and just see them as sex objects. Maybe that's why your sex life feels impersonal. To him it's only about having raw sex and not making tender love or taking the time to please you in the process. Also because of seeing people as just sex objects, there is no intimacy in pornography. It may look like it because of all the foreplay and techniques they do, but let's face it, you don't have to love the person, you just have to be good at having sex with them and that's all. But you want more than just good sex. You want affection and genuine attention. Since your husband is not up for discussion about it, the best thing I can suggest to you, is to educate yourself. Go to your bookstore or a counselor, look up and learn any information about pornography addiction that you can. This way you will know what you are truly dealing with and how to handle it if you want to continue to.

[lisaanne]

HI ThisGirl:

 

I really believe that is true. I think he is addicted to it, but he would never even think that for a minute. I mentioned that to him one day, that perhaps he was addicted to it, and he flew off the handle. He got so mad that I would never even bring it up again. It was not worth it. I do believe that is true though, it's an addition for him, and that is so disturbing to me. I think that I"m addicted to window shopping online, but I don't buy a lot of stuff, I just love to look, so maybe you could call that an addition too. But, the only difference is that my addition is not personally hurting him and if it ever did, I would stop immediately. That's the difference between us. He really refuses to see that he is hurting me with it. He has the attitude that "it's my problem, not his, and he is doing nothing wrong and any man that is 52 years old deserves some privacy". That's what I hear. So, what can I say? I say nothing becuase the few times that I did bring it up just to talk about it turned into a war that lasted for days and I can't deal with the turmoil it causes. So, he gets his cake and eats it too. He gets to do what he wants even though it hurts me, and I don't say anything to him about it at all. Feels like a control thing to me, but I don't think there is anyway to fix that at all. I think if it ever came down to a choice between me or the porn, I think he would pick the porn. It seems that it's that important to him, even more important to me, he has already established that. Problem is, we have a life together, a business together, a house together, everything is combined. I also have a teenage daughter who is difficult to handle and he helps me with her. So, I feel that I have to suffer with this situation just to have a decent life. It makes me so angry that this crap is so easily available to anyone for free. I think if he had to pay for it, he might not do it. But, it's the free drug, how nice. And, it's ruining so many relationships and so many people get hurt from it. It's not innocent fun. If both parties enjoy it, then it is innocent fun and there is nothing wrong with it at all. But when one person does it in secret, and knowing that it hurts the other person and makes them feel bad about themselves, then it crosses the line and is not innocent entertainment at all. It becomes a weapon, and that's what it feels like to me. Every time I see that crap, or I come home from shopping and he didn't hear me coming in the door and he is scrambling to get the stuff off the screen before I see it, I feel like he just shot me, it's actual physical pain that I feel. I think I might be crazy for having such a strong reaction to it. I'm not a perfect angel either, and I"m not a perfect person by a long shot. I look at it every once in a while, just out of curioisity mainly because I know he is looking at it, and it does not get me excited. It's more like looking at a freak show and it basically turns me off sexually. But, the difference is that it doesn't bother him if I look at it, and I only do once in a blue moon. And, if he ever told me that it bothered him even a tiny bit, that would be the very last time. It's not important to me at all, I could care less and I would be very happy never to have it here again. So, yes, I think its' a big problem, but I still can't figure out how to deal with it. My feelings of inadequacy are overwhelming now. It's actually starting to give me a real inferiority complex. I check myself in the mirror several times a day, and it's just the two of us here. I never used to do that. I'm taking diet pills now to desperately loose weight, never used to do that either, and I"m growing my hair because he likes long hair. I've had short hair all of my adult life and I love my hair short because it's so comfortable. But now, I feel myself struggling to be somebody else to make a desperate attempt to make him attracted to me, but I'm afraid it's not working because he's still looking at the porn all the time. So, I feel like I have failed and I must not be pretty enough or sexy enough or whatever. So, I feel like I'm not attractive now, and I didn't feel that way before. So, it's almost like I have a problem too now, but it's a result of his actions. I just don't know how to get back on track and concentrate on how to build up my own self esteem again as a strong intelligent woman who is beautiful, and sexy, and desirable and worthy of being loved. Easy to say, but very hard to do.

 

Lisa

[ThisGirlNameKD]

As I suggested earlier before you decide to do anything else with this relationship, learn all that you can about pornography addiction. The sad truth about this is that if he does not see the need to change, the problem is not going to change no matter what you do or no matter how you tried to fix yourself up. Even in the beginning of the relationship when things were fine he was still engaged in looking at, so how do you feel that you improving yourself is going to make him change or stop? It's not going to, because the problem is not YOU. It's not about you being unlovable or unattractive. If you take the time to learn about pornography addiction you will learn that and other things that you need to be informed about and it's important that you learn all you can because it will be instrumental in building your self-esteem back up. You have alot of questions that needs answering, so start informing yourself about the addiction.

[Shiane]

Lisa, I am curious to know how you are doing? If are still in the relationship. You see, reading your story felt like I was writing the story. Except we did not live together. We met online (yahoo) and we were together over three years. We lived separately. He was never married and had no children. I was 47 and he was 42. He had everything going for him: a great job, a beautiful home, a great sense of humor, intelligent and a wonderful lover. About six months into the relationship I found out about his internet addiction. The only reason we ever broke up was because of his addiction. He would tell me it was nothing, and then he finally admitted he had an addiction. I caught him online in an adultfinder website and I was devastated by his bio. I pretended to be someone else and he bit. We broke up recently and I will not go back. He cannot change because he will not change for me. I finally realize it was not about me. I am attractive, intelligent and make a good living (aka, not dependent). But it was not enough. I read everything I could my hands on and now realize that my decision to finally break it off was what I needed to do for me. I am getting my self-esteem back and feeling good about life again. Please let me know how you are doing.

 

Shiane

[mymojo]

Do the math here, barring serious illness or disability sex x1 every 2 weeks means that he's just not that into you sexually and most likely uses the porn as an alternate form of release.

 

My suggestion to you is this, you're not going to get him to give up the porn, nor can you force him to feel sexually attracted to you.

 

Buy some sex toys for yourself, start surfing porn and erotic literature sites for your own pleasure,soon you'll discover that self pleasure is better in every single way than being thrown an obligatory mercy boning once every 2 weeks!

[d'Arthez]

Shiane and mymojo, this post is almost 2(!) years old. It is of little to no value to respond to threads that have been dead for such an extent of time.

[Shiane]

I found the post that I replied interesting and I'm sorry if I offended you by responding to such an old message, but oh well.

[d'Arthez]

You don't offend by replying to old messages - but you must realize that chances are low that the people who posted in the thread are going to read your response - because most of them will have in all likelihood solved their issues, and moved on in their lives - and that includes not visiting this website anymore.

 

Just as a cautionary note, and nothing else.

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

Oh lighten up, already! Geesh. This is still a very valid topic for many people, and her suggestions can be helpful to others....specifically about understanding that this issue was not about her, and that she can regain her self-esteem and find a sexually healthy and non-addicted partner to share life with.

[Shiane]

Jen, thank you. I agree. it is a topic that many people will find useful as it is becoming more and more an issue among couples.

[Sal Paradise]

I feel like a broken record but there is nothing wrong with your SO masturbating to porn (unless its a live feed and there is interaction with another person). Its not cheating and you shouldn't feel threatened by it.

 

Its only becomes an issue when women are overly insecure and or its an addiction. Though most of the cases I've seen on this board are not addiction, they're just uptight insecure women or women in a bad relationship looking for something to blame.

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

Originally posted by Sal Paradise

Its only becomes an issue when women are overly insecure and or its an addiction. Though most of the cases I've seen on this board are not addiction, they're just uptight insecure women or women in a bad relationship looking for something to blame.

 

Maybe women wouldn't have to be so "uptight" or "insecure", as you so crassly put it, if there weren't so many dishonest, sick, porn-addicted f***s amongst the male species.

[mymojo]

Originally posted by Sal Paradise

I feel like a broken record but there is nothing wrong with your SO masturbating to porn (unless its a live feed and there is interaction with another person). Its not cheating and you shouldn't feel threatened by it.

 

Its only becomes an issue when women are overly insecure and or its an addiction. Though most of the cases I've seen on this board are not addiction, they're just uptight insecure women or women in a bad relationship looking for something to blame.

 

Porn used to make me feel bad, his ogling tiny,petite women with huge racks used to make me feel bad, his sighing in frustration while trying to grope my tiny tits while we had sex used to make me feel inadequate as did his inability to orgasm and lose of erections. All that's changed now, I bought some sex toys, I surf pron nightly, I eye well endowed young men hungrily and openly, I dress and groom to show off my slim body and accenuate my tiny breasts when men smile and flirt I flirt right back whether he's standing there or not.I find I'm so satisfied and so gratified by my own hand and the extra visual stimulation I am receiving that sex with my husband is rather like eating a peanut butter sandwich on wonderbread, cheap, easily available but oh so bland and boring that I'd rather not bother.You should see the look on his face when he asks me if I feel like fscking and I say nah, I'm good, took care of myself earlier. With porn I can get a different face/body a diffrent experience every single minute,the orgasms are far more intense , I come away from each session feeling sensual and alive instead of inadequate and sad .From my POV the men are definately onto something here,why bother with marital sex at all?

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

Mojo...

 

I suppose it's good for you that you have a satisfying sex life. I just feel sorry for you that you no longer make love.

 

Sex is just sex....as commonplace and as cheap as an apple. Making love is divine....like a ripe, exotic, juicy mango.

[shygurl]

Originally posted by mymojo

Do the math here, barring serious illness or disability sex x1 every 2 weeks means that he's just not that into you sexually and most likely uses the porn as an alternate form of release.

 

My suggestion to you is this, you're not going to get him to give up the porn, nor can you force him to feel sexually attracted to you.

 

Buy some sex toys for yourself, start surfing porn and erotic literature sites for your own pleasure,soon you'll discover that self pleasure is better in every single way than being thrown an obligatory mercy boning once every 2 weeks!

 

Well why even be in a relationship if the only pleasure you get is from something with batteries? Why not just find a guy who's not a porn addict, who values sex and intimacy, etc.

[Sal Paradise]

Originally posted by jen_jen_heartbroken

Maybe women wouldn't have to be so "uptight" or "insecure", as you so crassly put it, if there weren't so many dishonest, sick, porn-addicted f***s amongst the male species.

 

Men wouldn't lie about porn if women didn't nag them to death. Viewing porn doesn't make a person sick.

 

And whats your definition of porn addiction?

 

I've never had a problem with it in any of my relationships. I probably watch porn on an average of twice a week (which is pretty low compared to some guys). None of the women I've been involved with have had problems with it. If they did I would of left them. Of course I'm pretty honest about my porn viewing in the beginning so if they did have a problem with it then its their fault for getting with me and have no right to ask me to stop.

 

And really is it the porn or is it the masturbation. Before there was internet porn guys had the playboys hidden in the house, or he masturbated to some mental image of a woman he saw at the supermarket. Is any of that really any worse or better than porn? Guys have been jacking it since the dawn of man the only thing thats changed is the means by which he visually stimulates himself.

 

Unless you get with a guy who is extremely religious and scared of god you're most likely going to have to deal with him masturbating to porn. I don't personally know 1 guy (whether in a relationship or not) who doesn't masturbate to porn at least twice a week. There are guys who masturbate to porn and admit it, and the rest who lie about it. Those are your two main choices.

[Grinning Maniac]

MyMojo:

 

Hooray for you. You're in a marriage where you use sex to get back at your "spouse". You kick so much ass. You go girlfriend...or whatever it is you broads say these days. Reading your post it sounds like you were getting off to the idea of your "sexual revenge" as you were typing. That must be a happy home. Somehow I'm doubting that your husband beat off to porn out of any sort of anger.

 

Your brilliant sexual renaissance has been born entirely out of spite. Isn't that great? Mmmm the chewy taste of bitterness and hatred. Congratulations. You win Psycho of the Month. Free coupons for a divorce lawyer for you! ^_^

[mymojo]

Originally posted by Grinning Maniac

MyMojo:

 

Hooray for you. You're in a marriage where you use sex to get back at your "spouse". You kick so much ass. You go girlfriend...or whatever it is you broads say these days. Reading your post it sounds like you were getting off to the idea of your "sexual revenge" as you were typing. That must be a happy home. Somehow I'm doubting that your husband beat off to porn out of any sort of anger.

 

Your brilliant sexual renaissance has been born entirely out of spite. Isn't that great? Mmmm the chewy taste of bitterness and hatred. Congratulations. You win Psycho of the Month. Free coupons for a divorce lawyer for you! ^_^

 

No,I'm in a marriage where my partner isn't sexually attracted to me, I'm not his "physical type" and I got pretty tired of his only initiating sex with me after he'd viewed porn.his obvious lack of interest/pleasure in being intimate with me, his inability to orgasm coupled with his loss of erections made it pretty clear how he feels about me sexually.

 

I'll say this, at least I'm decent enough to eat where I get my appetite rather than degrading my spouse by only having sex with him after I've clearly been viewing porn,I don't insult him by using him as a human kleenex or by offering him obligatory,let's get it over with mercy sex as he did me. I no longer want him and quite frankly could care less how or with whom he relives himself sexually,he's free to pursue the young,nubile big busted princesses of his dreams free from any obligation or expectation whatsoever from me.

[mymojo]

Originally posted by shygurl

Well why even be in a relationship if the only pleasure you get is from something with batteries? Why not just find a guy who's not a porn addict, who values sex and intimacy, etc.

 

because no matter how good it is or how hard you try eventually sex with the same person is going to get

boring.Why breakup an otherwise great relationship over sex when the matter can be easily rectified by taking yourself in hand?