I really love this guy, have spent 3 years running away from him, Is it too late

[soxy]

 

 

I have been good friends with E for many years, we are on the same wave length and have spent a lot of times in each others company, and he is 16 years older than me (37-54). There has always been chemistry between us, but I respected the fact he had a girlfriend and we would just be friends. She always claimed they were soul mates, but in truth they were never that compatible.

I moved to work in a different area a few years ago, and we always kept in touch, he was always asking when I was going to come and see him, which I did frequently.

Until the time I was in New Zealand, talking to him during one of our weekly calls, when he basically asked me straight out if we could meet up when I got back and be more than just friends. I must admit it was a bolt from the blue and I really wasn’t expecting him to ever ask me that, but I was very interested (overjoyed) and also very scared of the situation, mainly because of the age gap and the other peoples reactions.

So I never admitted my true feelings for him, too scared to go and see him on my own, worried about the chemistry taking over and maybe spoiling our friendship.

This was a few years ago, we have always kept in touch, with him commenting a few times on us maybe getting together, as lovers. Many times I made a arrangements to go and see him but kept standing him up as I was scared of what might happen between us. Last year he asked me if I would come and help him on a job for a few weeks as I was out of work, offering me a room at his house, which I turned down as yet again I was scared of what this might led to.

 

He called me to say he had met some one nice and was entering into a relationship and buisness with this lady, he talked about it like he was asking my permission that it was ok with me.

Last summer he was doing plans for his new house and rang me up to indirectly asked me how I would like the kitchen set out and what I would like in the house, which I thought was a bit strange as surely he should of been asking his new girlfriend!

I then sent him a birthday card saying that he was always on my mind and I missed his company. Then I didn’t hear from him since before this mass, it’s normal to go a few months without speaking to each other. I texted him asking for his postcode and he rang me straight back apologising for the fact he had not been in touch, but he had lost his mobile and contact numbers. We chatted for ages, and one of the first things he asked was when was I coming to see him and then asked for my address. ( He does not send xmas cards!!!).

I sent him some wine and a funny xmas card signing it "All my love" . A first time I have mentioned love.

I called him on new years eve and he was quiet upset , as he was sorting out his late mums belongings, I was surprised that he was by himself, not with his girlf. We talked for quiet a while he found her old wedding rings and reminisced, I think we would of been talking all night long, but I had to go to a party, so reluctantly had to end the call but he did say he would like to drive down and see me soon.

 

After that call, I was shocked at my feelings for him and realised that life is too short to ignore them, BUT I think it may well be too late and he has grown tired of forever dropping hints, I did tell him when he made those passes at me previously, it made me scared of my own feelings and I ran the other way.

That night at 2am I sent him a text message saying I wish we lived closer so I could give him a hand if he needed it and told him I was always here for him.

He did send a happy New Year text the next day.

 

7 months on:

 

After the new year I basically told him that i felt we would be good together and he asked if I thought he was Mr Right, I said "maybe"

I also told him I have been running away from him whenever he suggested we got together, not because I didnt want to but because of the fallout it would create within the village he lives in now and where I used to live 5 years ago. After this I didnt hear from him until 2 weeks ago in August, there has been no contact either way, since new year, but our friendship has always been like this with months in between.

 

Then he texted me asking how I was? My heart was doing sommersaults... I replied, then he told me his Mums dog had died that day. Next thing I knew he called me (very unusual as he is pretty tight when it comes to paying for phone calls), we talked for about 2hrs about life, his mum dying and reminissing the old days. Then he made some comment about he would only run up the stairs at his age, if I was waiting in bed for him. My heart skipped a beat I laughed and told him on that note I was going!!! Falling into the same old routine of getting flustered and excited when ever he hinted about us being intmate.

 

I texted him a few days later saying that he still made my heart skip a beat and that i really regret not being there with him for his mums funeral.

 

We talked last night on the phone for ages, he was ploughing a field in the dark, it was arranged for us to meet up at the end of October, when we will both be free and he has time to show me round where I used to live.

 

 

I don’t want to pressurise him, I totally respect the fact he has a girlfriend, but I would just like to know how he feels about me and whether I have run out of chances to see if we can be more than just friends. He has high morels and will not have affairs, but every time we talk there is such a strong connection I’m confused. Plus every time he gets upset over something he calls me and talks rather than the gfriend.,

 

So after waffling on for ages, I would like some advice on what to do, I have wasted 3 years of us possibly being together, I cant imagine life without him, in either a friend or lover composite. I have told him that he means a lot too me, I miss being in his company, I regret not going to see him years ago and that perhaps we should elope to new zealand and start a new life together.

 

Surely That would scare any man to run a mile, but it hasnt, when we talk its like sooo easy, its like hes in my head, knows me so well. My friends have told me not to waste any more time and just go and see him, asap and that lifes too short.

 

Any advice would be highly appreciated, I cant even say its love with him it runs deeper than that, we are connected.

 

What should I do wait even more, as he waited for 2 years for me to realise we could have a future and I coped out. Now I have grown up realised I may have blown it with the one guy who knows the real me and likes me for being me, the one guy who has been there for me constantly over 10 years, and there has never been one bad, nasty or hurtful word said in all our years of friendship. Or do I grab the bull by the horns as such and open my heart to him????????

 

Sorry its so long, any advice would be appriciated

Tracey

[jen's mind]

Are you really, truly sure that you're meant to be together? It's been an awfully long time, really, that your relationship could have gone to the next level but hasn't, for whatever reason. It does seem like you are very close, and that you have some chemistry, but why not just stay friends? Are you certain that the reason you want him to be more than that, after all this time, is because now he has a girlfriend?

 

I guess I'm a little skeptical that on the deepest, truest level this is what you really want. I think the flirtation and sexual innuendos have you caught up and a little confused.