Don't know if my GF is dating co-worker..

[Christian]

I don't know what to do.. a few weeks ago I really screwed up and was ignoring my GF by playing a game on the computer.. this lasted two weeks.. she introduced my to this game (I never play games) and I became obsorbed..

 

Ok know for the problem.. she has always been very sexual and always calling me from work and always asked me to spend time with her.. for the 16 months that we've been together she has always been like this. Now for the past 3 weeks that she has been on a new client (she is an accountant) she has totally changed.

 

She doesn't call me and if she does it's very quiet. she isn't into sex very much and it just seems like she doesn't care to see me..

 

She has told me half truths about everything at her new client.. such as.

 

I ask her how lunch is and the first week she told me that she was going with her senior (a guy) and when I questioned her she said "ohh stop.. all my girlfriends know I have a bf and I talk about you all the time"

 

I later found out that it's only her and this guy going out to lunch everyday.. and they take his car..

 

then I was always wondering why she wouldn't say "I love you" and acted so strange on the phone. And I found out that it's only her and her senior in the same office (conference room).. for the day and he is always there.. if they also go out for frquent cigarette breaks.

 

she told me when she started this client that she would be home by 5:30 everyday and it was cool.. takes her 25 minutes to get home.. everyday she leaves at 6:10 or later and gets home almost 7pm..

 

I then found out that the only people in the entire office is her and her senior after 5pm because the business closes at 5pm..

 

everytime I talk to her on the phone, she doesn't seem happy and winds up laughing at something this guy says.. I'm sure she doesn't rudely interrupt him when he is on the phone..

 

and all of the sudden everytime I call her after 5pm it's always sooo busy.. when I ask her earlier and she says it's not busy.

 

I ask her about us and she says I'm insecure (I am) and she loves me and is very happy with us and doesn't want anyone else..

 

I even brought up the fact that if she was flirting with him and he is showing her attention that it's affecting our relationship..

 

I asked her if he had a GF and she said yes.. then I told her that we should invite him over for a barbeque over the weekend with his GF and she changed her tune and said well he kinda has a GF..

 

I went so far as to take a day off of work and bring her a single rose.. he wasn't there at the time and she said " it's nice, but I can't keep it here, what am I going to do with it, it's a professional invironment and it's not good"

 

So I called up this guy and asked him if he would say "hay, nice rose" I also kinda introduced myself as her BF and said I'd here it when she came home.. this way her knew that we lived together.

 

I hurt so badly because I really think something is happening with him and my GF and I'm too late.. I love her so much and I don't know what to do..

 

Please help..

 

Christian

[christian]

I must apologize for all the typos in my first post.

 

I'm so emotional and just type away. I need to also mention that she never wore perfume before and now she does and she is going heavier on the makeup too..

 

I'm so confussed as she tells me she loves me and I feel that we are not connecting and that I'm playing second fiddle to someone else for attention.. I'm scared that it's both attention and sexual..

 

I met this guy a few yesterday with her in the room and shook his hand being introduced and I think something is just not right with the both of them.. It's driving me crazy

[Arie]

Christian,

 

I don't know what advice to give you to help but one thing is clear to me as I read your post. You need to stop! Stop letting your thoughts get away from you. Stop thinking about the two of them. It is clear to me that what you are doing now is going to drive her away. The one thing that you are so scared of happening IS going to happened if you don't get control of the way you are thinking.

 

I'm not saying that there is nothing going on between your gf and her co worker but you are going to drive yourself crazy if you don't stop.

 

IF she is going to cheat on you there isn't a whole lot you can do about it. You can't control what she will do. I know this does not help but it is the truth. You need to show her that you are confident with yourself even if you have to fake it. She is not going to respect you if she sees you like this and will eventually fall out of love with you.

 

I'm also not sure how you can acomplish what I suggest you do. Hopefully someone else comes along and gives you some better advise then myself.

 

Sorry I couldn't help more.

[Tony T]

What you describe doesn't sound good at all. However, you have to judge the relationship by the way she treats you when the two of you are together. Has that changed? Is she now cold as compared to before? Has any of her behavior towards you changed when she is away from the office and with you? If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, you need to have a talk with her and point these changes out to her.

 

Don't wimp out. Be matter of fact and firm. Tell her you care dearly about her but you're not about to sit back and watch the relationship degenerate into nothing...and mean it. Let her know how you feel about her recent changes in behavior while she's at work...and get some answers. Be kind but be firm. If you don't get answers that satisfy you and she still insists she's behaving herself at work, seek counselling for the both of you...together.

[christian]

I want to thank you very much for replying.. I have spoken to her and for the most part said in a nutshell that I'm afraid of losing her and admitted my faults in the past and told her I love her.. she said she is very happy and would never cheat on me and loves me very much..

 

I don't know why, but I still have doubts.. I look into things too deeply sometimes.. such as why did she tell me that this guy didn't go with her out to sushi (her favorate) with another girl.. he told her he had to go back to the main office to check mail, she was meeting a gf at the bar and he pretended to cancel out then met up with them..

 

she told me no it was just me and my gf he had to go back to the office.. but the receipt I found says 3 meals not two.. I let it go.. I don't want to argue.. love is not argueing..

 

I think this guy may be seeing how much she likes him by constantly inturrupting while she is on the phone with me..we only talk for a couple of minutes, but he always has to sing loud to the radio or say something to her.. maybe to see if she will reply to him and ignore the conversation with me.. which she does..

 

I will do some research on counciling for couples and see if she would like to do that..

 

I'm turning into a paranoid guy and I hate it.. she told me that they don't talk about personal things at lunch.. then later she tells me that he has a gf and then he doesn't and he knows about all the improvements to the house we did and what she does everyday.. it's too personal and I think I'm more paranoid about because I had an ex gf years ago do the same thing to me.. she said I love you and when her personality changed it was exactly the same and she fought it to the end until I found out clearly and confronted her and broke up..

 

I don't want to make the biggest mistake in my life and break up.. so I think I'll go meditate (zen) and seek some council..

 

please keep in contact.. any comment is greatly appreciated..

[bryanp]

This is just a thought but there is an old saying that says go with your gut feeling. I wonder how your girlfriend would be feeling if the roles had been reversed. I agree something does not sound right because her stories are so inconsistent. The fact that this happened to you before and the signs are now the same should tell you a great deal. I do not think it sounds good and I would continuously keep my guard up. Why are the stories always inconsistent? I wish you luck.

[christian]

Thanks for another reply!!

 

this weekend was one of the best weekends I've had in along time with my sweetheart!

 

we made love alot and spent alot of quality time together etc..

 

now it's monday and I'm in the same doubting mood.. I talk to her once when she called me, but as soon as he came in the room, (I heard him talking to someone else) she had to go.. and then they went to lunch alone together and then I talked to her later and said "I love you" before hanging up and she said " mmm.. hmnnn.." so I said" what sweetie I can't hear you" and she laughed and said " I love you too"

 

in the past her senior (who is an immature young guy 25 years old) said to her after listening to our conversation " I love you too.. nooooo.. I love you more.. nope I love you more etc.." to tease her..

 

she has only known this guy for 3 weeks and it's evoved into a very close personal relationship at the least..

 

that's not proper in the business world if you are in a committed relationship.. she told me noo we talk small talk.. but it's apparant that this guy gets personal information and now they are good friends..

 

I don't know if I'm over reacting again but I need some help on this one..

 

anytime we made love in the past, I would call it making love and she would as well.. Now.. she also mentioned to me a few weeks prior that our love making was getting boring (flat out) and we should do it earlier or in another room.. spice it up etc..

 

the first time in my relationship with her that she didn't care if we didn't have sex.. and also said to me "I want you to f... me"

 

ok.. we are all adults here, but really if she NEVER used that verbage before and is now using it and doesn't care if I fall asleep or she does.. does it mean anything???

 

she said that she is feeling comfortable with me.. (just like my cheating ex said)

 

she is concerned with fixing up the house more (just like my ex was)

 

there have been a couple of numbers from madison, NJ (same location her cliet is) on the phone bill during off hours..

 

once in awhile if her phone rings while I'm there she will turn it off after only two rings..

 

there was a call on her cell from north NJ a few weekes ago that had a 973 area code and she was expecting a call from a gf.. she checked her email with me there and saw her friends cell and home number and said "yup that was holly (her friend)

 

I said "noo.. it was a 973 area code and the last 4 digets were etc.."

 

she replied "oooohh.. hmmnn.. I don't know who that was then.."

 

I replied " call it back like you did last week when it was a strange number"

 

She replied "nooooooo"

[bryanp]

Christian,

 

I have some bad news for you. She has all of the signs of someone in an affair.

Look at the facts you just gave us:

1) When the client (close friend) is in the room she will not respond to your l love you on the phone

2) Tells you that her sex life with you is boring

3) Change in vocabulary

4) Strange unaccounted phone numbers from the area of her client (other man)

5) Turning off the phone ringer when you come over

6) Lied to you about the message from her girlfriend

7) Refused to call back the number like she previously when you realized it

was from the client's area code.

 

Your girlfriend sounds very much like a cake woman who enjoys her relationship as boyfriend

and girlfriend but also enjoys engaging in a hidden affair. I have to tell you that my exwife did about 5 of the things you listed.

I think the fact that this happened to you before has clued you in to her behavior which has changed. If you have a friend then have her followed. If you are living with her tap your phone and put a spyware program on her computer.

The bottom line is that she is enjoying her double life. A boyfriend who is loving and kind to her and a lover on the side where she can be the bad girl. I know what I am saying hurts but she is displaying a lot of the classic signs of a person engaged in an affair. I am really sorry that this is happening to you again. You will need to protect your heart. It really sounds like she is seeing this guy behind your back. I also think it is a matter of time until you bust her. I wish you luck.

[christian]

I know.. it's so hard because she tells me that she wants to be with me forever and we have a wonderful time the past couple of weeks on the weekends.. but as soon as the work week starts, she has to work late..

 

she said that sex isn't boring now.. but we need to do it earlier when shes not so tired or in another room etc..

 

there have been a couple of calls that were strange during this time period..

 

during the past year she has told me that she hated work and used to come home not too happy.. now she loves it and comes home the happiest I've ever seen her..

 

she went to lunch yesterday at 12:20 , called me at 1:20 and then told me she had to work even later tonight because it was so busy..

 

she comes home at 7:30 usually 6:30 (place closes at 5:00)

 

and she went to her old college for the heck of it.. the receipt I found says 3:22 pm

 

well.. I am sure she didn't go to lunch and come back and then go out again and come back..

 

so she took a 3 hour lunch and she told me he went with her (and mentioned that he drives)

 

she was however at the office at 6:20 when I called..

 

I asked her if he went with her to the college and she said no..

 

I hate head games.. she was getting mad so I refrained from any further questions..

 

her best friend gf says she would never cheat.. and she liked me for 2 years before we went out.. but why does it look like she is seeing this guy??

 

worse comes to worse, I will have to call him and ask him (in a nice way.. not flip off on him)

 

she would find out and be really upset..

 

what should I do??

[bryanp]

It certainly sounds like head games. Again the change in behavior is a classic sign. She hated her job now loves it working with this guy and coming home late all the time? I would call the guy and ask if he had seen somethng you left in the car when they went to that college place with your girlfriend.

If you trick him and he admits then you know for sure she was lying to you. When a person is cheating on you it is not one thing that is conclusive rather it is an accumulation of small things that when put together points to an affair. I agree try to be sly with this guy and get him to spill the beans. Almost all of the time your gut reaction is usually correct. She is on to you that you are suspicious so it will be difficult.

When you hire a PI they will tell you to tell your girlfriend or spouse that you will be visiting someone or have to go on a bussiness trip and be gone the entire weekend. This is when the PI or a friend follows them and catches them because they think it is safe because you are gone. This is just a thought for you to consider. Good Luck.

[Sad Petal]

I just noticed that she said it isn't professional to have a rose in the office, but it's ok for the guy to make that "I love you. nnnoo I love you more.. etc" remark.

 

*Sigh* I'd hate to say it, but you need to get ready for the truth, be it bad news or good news...the longer this situation lasts, the more it'll hurt everyone.

 

(PS . I found this site on the google search engine because I have some troubles too, but my story isn't as bad as some I've read here. You're all troopers)

[christian]

sigh..

 

I feel like such a jerk.. I'm a grown man.. 32 years old and have been involved in the martial arts and meditation since I was 5.. and I feel like i could cry..

 

I have cried about this.. already.. too many times..

 

I was so close to calling this guy today and asking him flat out about my gf.. and also telling him that I think he's a nice guy, but respectfully if he would not go to lunch with my gf anymore because i have a problem with it.. this way it wouldn't seem like I'm being an a hole..

 

problem is.. she might get so upset when she finds out that she might break up.. and if I do happen to be wrong.. well.. (I don't think I am..) I honestly feel that this guy is pursuing her and it is only a matter of time before she gives in if I don't do something.. or they have had sex and she feels guilty and is only doing him once in awhile because she feels so guilty..

 

she asked me the other day after flipping on me for no reason.. "why do you love me, I'm a horrible person"

 

she wouldn't say why she felt horrible..

 

and when I tell her I think she is beautiful.. she sometimes she says.. "that's because you love me.. if you didn't love me it would mean more"

 

she's seeking outside flirtation.. (

 

 

anyway.. I really love her deeply and don't want to screw things up.. in the same token.. I hate when she has to go away on business because I don't want someone to get close with her.. at first flirting is innocent, but if you keep going to lunch everyday with them it is like your dating them and more personal info gets out and if your attracted to them look out.. it's a definate affair..

 

so I'm kinda stuck.. maybe she didn't plan for this to happen but it will if she doesn't stop.. or it may be happening right now..

 

thank you everyone for giving me your perspective.. I am so happy that there are good people who will share thier outlook on things when people are in need of advice..

[niko1999]

Ok, Im going to go out on a whim, and use my femal point of view here(since it seems all guys have posted). First off, you failed to mention the age of your girlfreind, I assume she is younger than you, yes? You made mention that she didnt tell you back that she loves you when her boss is in the room. Well, maybe SHE is trying to remain more professional than HE is, especially if he is picking on her. Now, the fact taht she told you with him there that she loves you, shows that for one, she doesnt seem afraid to show her feelings to you with him around anymore. If there was something going on between htem, I dont think she would blatantly express feelings toward you on the phone with him there.

 

Now, with him being her superior, how much job experience does she have? Especially if she is younger, and this is her first executive job of sorts, it could be very easy for her to be persuaded feeling that she is obligated to go to lunch becuase he IS her superior. Than again, she may just have a freindship with him he may just be something new and exciting and different to her at the moment, and at times, we all need change in our lives. She herself may be feeling an infatuation for him, but that doesnt necessarily mean she is going to act out on that feeling. AS for her saying she is enjoying her job more, he may just make the work place a little more fun, maybe he is a little crazy and insane, and just fun to be around at work, when you get a new person into a work envioronmment, and they are able to make things more enjoyable, then I would hope someone would be able to enjoy thier job just as much. Now, what does your girlfreind do for work? YOu said she is always sayin it has gotten more busy, well, what with school going back and everything, than that could very well be the truth.

 

As for her saying she wants to fu*ck, as opposed to make love, like I said earlier, change is good. Who is to say she got that idea from her boss? SHe very well could have gotten the idea from her girlfreind. Females have a tendency to talk a lot more than guys, whoever came up with the idea of locker stories being striickly guys, was wrong. ITs mostly woman, because we like to talk. Trust me, we talk about our sex lives ALL the time. Its a major point of topic.

 

For the client calls, clients arent the smartest people in the world. They will call when the person is not at work, becuase a lot of them have no respect for that fact, they figure that the person is working for THEM, and should be available whenver they need them, have a question, ect. Your girlfreind may have just not wanted to interupt her off time with client calls, she very well could honestly be buys with a new client. It does happen. If I were you, I would talk to her gently, and let her know exactly how you are feeling, let her know that you are feeling a bit insecure and neglected. If she cares, shell try to do something about it.

[bryanp]

Hello Christian:

 

I think you now have your answer. When she said " why do you love because I am a horrible person" and then would not tell you why she said that. You know why she said that and it is because she is being intimate and cheating on you behind your back. Anytime one of my friends would tell me their girlfriends said the same thing it was always because of their guilt of cheating.

 

Time for some tough love here. Why would you want to be with someone who will cheat on you behind your back? My guess is that your self-esteem is very low. Would you really want to marry someone who is willing to cheat on you and already thinks of herself as a horrible person to begin with? She is involved with you but seemingly dating this guy for lunches and drives to colleges and so forth.

 

Again I would call this guy and say your girlfriend has told you everything and that you are extremely disappointed in him. He will then say what did she say? You reply she told me everything now what do you think I should do about it? My guess is that he will crack.

 

The bottom line is why would you want to be with a person who perceives herself as a horrible person. The reason they perceive themselves as horrible people is because they engage in horrible acts. Is it really worth it to you to be in a relationship where your girlfriend acts as if she is single when you are not around.

 

My final thought is that you have come out of a past relationship where your significant other cheated on you and now you are in another relationship where this is happening. Do you think you have a pattern of picking these types of women who are prone to cheat on you? This is just some food for thought. I wish you luck.

[christian]

sigh!!

 

I am very confussed.. I talked to her every other day about this and she is getting tired of talking about it and gets mad..

 

problem is.. last night we made love.. I will try to keep this clean.. her vigina was extremely hot.. I mean like after we make love it's hot from the friction or whatever.. she worked later then normal with this guy and it just seems weird..

 

there are too many small things that point to her cheating, but when we are together, i feel like she wouldn't do that..

 

she also seems happy about going away out of state next month when in the past she hated it.. she told me that it's not in the budget for her to come home every weekend and her first week out there she will be staying the weekend.. but she said she will be alone the first week..

 

there is no way in the world that she would stay in another state for the entire weekend alone..

 

I don't know if she will change her mind or not.. but I doubt it..

 

I really need to end this affair thing with this guy..

 

I know he will be back to work at the place where they were at on monday..

 

I am going to call him monday and try to get some answers.. I am also going to tell him that if there is something going on to respectfully stop..

 

my gf is 24 years old and her senior is 26 or 25.. she said he's not her boss just call him senior because he has been there an extra year..

 

she yells at me that there is nothing going on and he doesn't like her and says.. I need to chill and no matter what job she's on if she loves me that's all that should matter and she would never cheat on me..

 

then why is she lying about the sushi bar with the 3 meal receipt and the college (which is 5 minutes away from that client)

 

she is not a student there anymore.. she just went a bought a pair of shorts and shirt.. by herself 2 hours after her 1 hour lunch.. like he dropped her off back at the office and then she left again?? I feel like such an idiot..

[Leikela]

You feel like an idiot? WHY?

 

Maybe because all the evidence that points to her cheating IS THERE and you still refuse to actually believe that she would cheat on you.

 

Also, calling up the potential "cheater" won't do any good. It's not your place to confront him directly and ask him to STOP. It takes TWO to tango. It's just as much your girlfriend's fault as it is his. He isn't drawing her away from you. She's making that choice consciously herself. You should tell HER to stop!

 

Confront HER! Tell her that you know she's cheating and that she has two choices: 1) Stop the affair or 2) Get out of the apartment. If you lay down the law, then maybe she'll confess. You have to be strict about what you will and will not tolerate. If you're not, the end result is exactly what is happening. She'll walk all over you.

[christian]

I feel like I could burst.. I am so confussed..

 

now.. I called the previous client yesterday and talked to to receptionist..(she is an older woman and very nice)

 

I asked for Erica (my gf) and she said that her and Derick(the a hole) won't be back until monday, but she said she is sure she will call me as soon as she has a chance and commented on how beautiful the rose i gave her was..

 

I think this woman was very cool because anytime I would call she would say loudly (without me saying anything but asking to speak to my gf)

 

"the rose is soooo.. beautiful it's really nice, you should see how she has it out in a vase etc.."

 

I'm guessing that my gf told her that I originally had a problem with her not wanting to keep it in the office and maybe that's why the receptionist is being a nice person to let me know that it's out and displayed..

 

it was displayed because I made her lunch one day when I took off of work and brought it to her.. (when I met this jerk Derick)

 

sorry.. he actually seems like a very nice guy.. I'm just so worried about this whole thing..

 

 

I am going to show up in the state she is in on that friday when she stays over, if she really does.. she ordered some things from an online company like new clothes and other household things and they called and said there was a problem with the order..

 

she was upset and said to me "damn.. it's not going to get here in time"

 

she told me she ordered a new dress and also something for me.. she never would get something for me..

 

I asked her why for me.. she said because I want to..

 

is it that she is really going to work with this guy in another state and is spending the weekend with him and wants something nicer to wear and then felt guilty and decided to buy me something so I don't seem suspicious?

 

or am I just being paranoid?

 

hard to say.. I love this woman with every once of my being and am not trying to find fault..

 

I just don't want to be hurt.. kinda too late I guess because I've beenh hurting for over a month now.. and she keeps putting it back on me.. saying that your suppose to go out to lunch with the people you work with etc..

 

I know better.. she didn't like some people in the past and didn't go out to lunch with them..

 

and all the tiny lies about him with a gf when he doesn't have one and him not coming to lunch when he did etc.. and it's sooooo busy after 54pm when she has time to take over an hour lunch with him and then go do something else..

 

she used to rush home to see me.. is she just yesing me to death and lying so she won't have to deal with a confrontation?

 

if I must and I truely find out concrete facts, I will see this man and grab him by the troat and tell him that if he continues to pursue my gf that next time I will make him cease to exist..

 

yes, I can get in alot of trouble for that, but I KNOW for a fact that he would not call the police or anything of that sort.. he would just call her and tell her what happened etc..

[bryanp]

Christian, Christian Christian.

 

You are really displacing your anger. If she is cheating with him and you end it don't you think it will be a matter of time until she finds someone else? The anger is misplaced. It is her choice to spend lots of time with him even though she knows it is killing you. If the roles were reversed do you think you would continue being friends and spending a large amount of time with a woman if your girlfriend was physically upset about it? Of course you would not.

It sounds like she and this guy are going away for a fun weekend together and she is upset that the special clothers she purchased will not arrive on time. I am sorry Christian but it like she is getting a thrill shoving this in your face. What she should be doing is asking you to spend as much time with her as possible and out of respect stay away from this guy but she is doing just the opposite. If you have the money contact a private investigator and have a friend follow her or you follow her and surprise her if they are sharing a room together. I am sorry but it really sounds like you are being played and she is getting a kick out of seeing you fall apart. She clearly has low respect for you to continue this behavior. I hope you catch her and then get rid of her before you go completely nuts. I wish you luck.

[Rod]

Break up with her - if she is cheating, then you did the right thing. If she is not, you will tell by her surpise and her strong desire to get you back (then relent and go back with her). Dude - it is poker. I dont know how anyone gets ahead in life without being good poker players and bluffing now and again.

[christian]

well.. of course i didn't call this guy.. I can't unless I have concrete evidence.. we had a long talk this weekend and she told me that there wasn't even a tiny chance that this guy could get with her..

 

I still feel very strange about this whole situation.. she says she didn't feel good yesterday so we didn't make love, same thing a few days ago..

 

you must understand something about my gf.. she used to complain if we didn't have sex every single day.. and she was like this for over a year.. two times a day was a great day for her.. but she would get VERY upset if we didn't once a day.. even when she would tell me that she felt sick.. I would say we shouldn't have sex because she was sick and she would say - no it'll make me feel better.. now she really doesn't want to..

 

I tried to take care of her asked her if she wanted tea.. then later asked if she wanted to take a bath and I would rub her back or give her a massage..

 

she was very cranky and yelled at me because she said that she didn't want to be asked a million questions and make decisions when she wasn't feeling well.. (I wasn't in her face and just asked her a question from time to time) like if she wanted tea or if I can do anything for her..

 

what the hell??

 

after being home for about 20 minutes she told me how sick she felt and then took my hand and put it on her vagina (moved her panties over) and said see it's hot.. I'm sick..

 

what the heck is that.. I know when you've had sex within the last three hours it will still feel very hot if you have intercourse again.. but she was really at work until 5 pm - although the entire morning 8:30 until 12:15 I couldn't find her and she wouldn't answer her cell and the office (new client) phone no one would pick up..

 

anyway.. I'm loosing my mind.. I believe her mostly when we are together - but my God.. all the tiny signs point to her cheating on me..

 

damn......................

 

 

she tells me that she hasn't changed.. at all..

[wideawake]

Originally posted by christian

after being home for about 20 minutes she told me how sick she felt and then took my hand and put it on her vagina (moved her panties over) and said see it's hot.. I'm sick..

 

 

Weird...that's a new one on me....perhaps a woman can chime in here and let us know if that has any truth to it...never heard of anything like that myself.

 

chris - Who knows really, this may very well be all in your head, or it might not. I'd be pretty damn pissed and suspicious myself.

 

Have you done any detective work like others suggested about monitoring the computer at your place, or perhaps taping the phone (no idea how you would do that though…)??

 

I think you’re nuts if you call the guy though, why bother to give him the heads up? If he’s enough of a scum to screw around with a girl in a relationship, I don’t think he’s suddenly going to become this honest person that opens up and confesses everything to you. I’d play it cool and do a little detective work, try and find out what’s going on without tipping them off and getting their guard up.

 

I think I would certainly install some spy-ware on YOUR computer. Then maybe get something to tap YOUR phone and go from there. If she’s using your stuff for this kind of thing than you have a right to know.

 

Good luck man, I feel for you.

 

I guess another point is that if you’re not happy, and you don’t trust this chick, why even bother? Just kick her ass to the curb and go find yourself a girl that you can trust. I mean do you really want to put yourself through this crap?

[christian]

hmnnnnnnn..

 

she has been more active sexully.. now.. yesterday she dressed up more then usual and came home on time, said she just had pizza for lunch by herself and she called me 4 or 5 times.. she usually just calls one time..

 

I totally don't trust this one guy and think he is a scumbag.. I think she might be torn between two guys.. me and him and when she is with him, because it's someone else and he flirts with her and gives her compliments etc.. talks.. she is turned on..

 

I tell her often that I lve her and she is beautiful.. always have.. but the excitement of some one else saying or acting might make her excited..

 

how far will she go??

 

I think she would only go further if this guy brought her out for drinks etc..

 

she would NEVER tell me if he does.. she knows how much I am against it with anyone at work except if there are women present as well..

 

not sure what to do..

 

can't hire a PI - don't have that kind of $$

 

I have to just pray that she will be faithful and this stuff will end..

 

if these two aren't assigned together for awhile, then that would be awesome..

 

maybe he'll find a gf and leave mine alone..

[lovedogs]

christian,

 

female perspective here....

 

your girlfriend is cheating. if not, then she's playing the field with this guy to see what his interest level is. i too have a high libido, and i have cheated in the past. she is doing just about EVERYTHING that i did when i cheated. all of the red flags are there.

 

you need to break up with this girl before you drive yourself absolutely crazy!!! i have also been cheated on and while this guy was cheating on me it completely ruled my life. reading into everything that was going on.... drove me nuts and all for nothing. i wasted so much time and energy on this guy.

 

as far as a hot vagina, i have no idea where this is coming from. i have never heard of anything like this before. this temp is regulated by your body temp and it has no bearing on how recently you've had sex. sorry.

 

stop beating yourself up and just let her go. if she wants you, she'll come to you and try to work things out.

 

-a

[Goatsbreath]

Christian, you need to step away from the situation a bit. Someone said something at the start of this post that was real important. If this girl is not cheating then you are certainly going to drive her away. Im not saying this is the case, she very well could be. Its hard to tell.

 

On one hand, we have you- Paranoid Crazy guy looking through all her receipts and tracking her every minute of existance. Then on the other hand we have her, the girl that keeps a bunch of lies on her tongue.

 

It is clear that she is aware of your insecurites about this other guy. It is possible that she is telling you lies in order to tame the paranoia that has become her boyfriend. Maybe she likes the company of this guy at work, he brings a fun atmosphere or whatever. Maybe they do have lunch and its strictly a co-worker type thing but she tries to cover it up so you don't freak out and become all insecure about it. Now Im not saying this is the right thing for her to do. Its NOT! and will just lead to this type of situation.

 

However, theres also that other hand. Yes- she could be cheating and unfortuanately is one of those girls that just won't come out and admit it. I will not try to understand this girl because there is no way for me to understand that girl right now- (this is my situation).

 

Anyway, in listening to you It seems clear that this girl does love you. The "I want you to F**** me," thing is possibly her way of bringing the realationship into a new place. Maybe she was not comfortable about saying that to you but as your realationship progressed she felt more at ease. Go with it- stop analyzing every little thing. Maybe she felt it would be a good time to take the realationship to a new place based on your insecurities. Maybe she thought this would help. You have a couple options.

 

One- continue down the road your on trying to open every little door until eventually you find your way into the one that your looking for. Is this what you want. You already know where it leads.

 

Two- Give your attention back to the realationship and start to explore these new sides of her. Take her hand and start to open some new doors together and prey those other doors dissapear. I mean really- you guys are living together. If she is cheating on you, sooner or later its going to come knocking on your front door. You dont need to go dig it up. She can only go home once - she will need to make a choice.

 

Three- Break up as some others have suggested. A good way to angle it might be to direct it toward your self. Tell her that you feel bad for continuously grilling her with questions. Tell her that these are some left over insecurties that you have with your past realationship and that you love her very much but you need to deal with them before you can truely feel like your treating her fairly. Well, these are just some ideas.

 

Good luck