Fwb

[bananabread]

Hi

 

I have been on here before but for the life of me cant remember my password and my email address is invalid cos it was a uni one.

 

Anyway you guys have always been here for me so im back.

 

I started seeing a guy about 10 months ago, October last year and by this i mean we are sleeping together, but not dating. We had a break from Feb to July this year, but have been seeing each other again since July.

 

Im just wondering about other peoples experiences regarding sex, and how it might differ depending on the relationship.

 

We have had quickies etc, but last night it felt different. We had sex for about 5 hours in total, with a bit of a snooze in the middle.

 

but i guess im just feeling a little blown away, as last night it just felt like making love, i dont know, more intense. Not to be graphic, but I am quite sore. It was pretty full on. Lots of kissing and caressing, I mean there always is, i dont know it was just different. If he didnt have to leave for work (graveyard shift) it would have gone on im sure.

 

i think the main issue is that usually he will leave in 15 minutes, average time in total being about an hour and a half session. But he just stayed, and I thought "is he just not going to work? whats going on here? But he stayed and went to work about 2 hours late.

 

He's never stayed over night. I thought maybe he was going to.

 

IS there any way i can tell if things are moving to a different level for him.? Or am i just an idiot for thinking it?

[pandagirl]

The best thing to do is just to ask him. FWB really only works when everyone is honest with their feelings.

[bananabread]

I don't think i can ask him about this. Is too upfront, and risky

[pandagirl]

I don't understand why you can't just be honest with him. I know it might be a little uncomfortable, but listen -- you've been having sex with this guy for quite awhile and that is a very intimate act.

 

There are only 2 or 3 possible outcomes:

 

1. He says he want no commitment, just sex. In that case, now you know and can stop wondering and wasting your energy on wondering.

 

2. He wants to official date you/be in a relationship with you. Great!

 

3. He is unsure of what he wants. So then you guys just talk about it.

[bananabread]

When we stopped seeing each other in february it was because I told him I had feelings, and it all came to a head, and yeah he freaked out.

 

It was an absolute full-on hollywood movie 10 minute declaration (over the phone).

 

So the answer was no.

 

Since we have been started seeing each other again (since July), we havent spoken about it. All I have said is that i just want fun, and at the time i also said i didnt want a relationship. The time apart had cured me of those feelings for him.

 

But now, after sleeping with him about 5 times, they are creeping back.

 

We are physically heaps more in tune now.

Ofcourse I suppose I am attached because of sex, not because of who he is, because I guess i dont really know him that well, outside of sex.

 

but its funny how strongly sex on its own can attach you, I mean me anyway.

 

I also am really really surprised that we are back seeing each other, and that he will still sleep with me, after that "love declaration". I guess he thinks the feelings have gone away, and its ok to bonk me senseless.

 

but last night I think those feelings came back.

 

I'm going to try NC for a while. A couple of weeks at least.

[Kamille]

There is no need for a big declaration. After all, you say yourself you hardly know him.

 

Just tell him you'd be interested in figuring out if the two of you could be more then FWB and that he should call you if he's ever up for it.

 

And then go NC. And focus on finding someone who would be interested in a relationship.

 

He might never call, but at least you'll have spared yourself months and months of emotional torture.