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I finally told the ex not to contact me anymore

serendip

By serendip,
in Coping

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serendip

serendip

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She was basically contacting me on a monthly basis

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/show...light=serendip

 

While it didn't affect me as much as I would have thought...it would keep her in my mind space. Most of the time I don't think of her anymore only when she contacted me. It was a bit annoying.

 

Her last contact was this Sunday...

 

Hey serendip im in (your town) now

how r yu doing

 

I wasn't going to reply but I just wanted her to stop b/c if I didn't say anything I would receive a text every month

 

So I replied with this yesterday

 

could u stop contacting me

in the future

what ever we meant to each other is

rendered meaningless b/c of your cheating

and my stupidity afterwards

i don't think about u or us at all

only when u contact me

 

It's the first and only time I ever told her not to contact me anymore. I think she got the message. I think I might have been harsh but I just have to move on once and for all.

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FadedSign

FadedSign

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Well done! I did the same thing and told all common friends to not tell me anything news about her and it helped a lot, I was doing great!

 

Unfortunately a common friend did tell me she was moving in worth someone else and moving out of state a few days ago and for some reason I had a total meltdown that I am slowly recovering from :-(

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serendip

serendip

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I do feel somewhat bad about it...I think some of the things I said were unnecessary(while truthful) but I wanted to guarantee there would be no contact from her in the future.

 

Now I know we are finally done for good and she won't be in my life in any capacity. While I find a sense of peace that I won't hear from her again...it's still a little sad b/c this person was in my heart for 14 years(even though we weren't together in all that time).

 

I forgive her and I forgive myself.

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foxh1234

foxh1234

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I do feel somewhat bad about it...I think some of the things I said were unnecessary(while truthful) but I wanted to guarantee there would be no contact from her in the future.

 

Now I know we are finally done for good and she won't be in my life in any capacity. While I find a sense of peace that I won't hear from her again...it's still a little sad b/c this person was in my heart for 14 years(even though we weren't together in all that time).

 

I forgive her and I forgive myself.

 

Hey serendip, I feel for you. I had to do the same thing and I haven't received anymore letters since I did. It is really hard to put someone who meant so much to us out of our lives completely. In my case and I suspect yours, it was the only way. Good for you in taking the step, it takes alot of strength.

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Art_Critic

Art_Critic

Posted
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Who broke up with who? If she broke up with you, maybe she's trying to get back with you...

 

Who broke up with who is meaningless.. this text he sent says why..

 

 

what ever we meant to each other is

rendered meaningless b/c of your cheating

and my stupidity afterwards

i don't think about u or us at all

only when u contact me

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tealeafbud

tealeafbud

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good for you. I applaud your strength and courage. The text was a bit much, but I guess each person has their own style. But it's pretty obvious that you're still trying to get over this person based on your text, or maybe you were just pissed that she texted you.

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serendip

serendip

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I felt like crap this weekend. I know I had to finally tell her to stop contacting me or else it would have continued til who knows when.

 

But I might have come off as cruel...and I'm never cruel. I just didn't want her to contact me especially when she got back together with the dude she cheated on me with. I wanted contact to end since she was using me to validate that she was a good person(me responding to her).

 

So I felt bad this weekend and some old emotions came back b/c of what I said. But I did managed to push myself to go out on a date and had a fun time.

 

Hopefully this is just a phase and it won't last too long...but one thing is for sure...there is no way I am going to hear from her again after what I said...it's good to cut it off...while sad...it gives me a sense of peace.

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sid3

sid3

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I don't think it was the least bit cruel. I appluad your honesty. Your right, she was seeking validation. When a person makes a choice to cheat, you owe them nothing. You are wise to do what was best for you. Never for a mintue doubt your convictions. While you were left heartbroken and hurting she was having a great time with her new guy. Hopefully this will lead to your being able to move on and find happiness in your life. People are always when does it end, how can I stop the pain. As CaliGuy says "we choose to be happy or not. When we have truly had enough is when we force ouselves to move on..... Getting tired of feeling like crap is the big secret. You did what you needed to do for you, be proud of yourself, you put you first.

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Mary3

Mary3

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She was basically contacting me on a monthly basis

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/show...light=serendip

 

While it didn't affect me as much as I would have thought...it would keep her in my mind space. Most of the time I don't think of her anymore only when she contacted me. It was a bit annoying.

 

Her last contact was this Sunday...

 

Hey serendip im in (your town) now

how r yu doing

 

I wasn't going to reply but I just wanted her to stop b/c if I didn't say anything I would receive a text every month

 

So I replied with this yesterday

 

could u stop contacting me

in the future

what ever we meant to each other is

rendered meaningless b/c of your cheating

and my stupidity afterwards

i don't think about u or us at all

only when u contact meIt's the first and only time I ever told her not to contact me anymore. I think she got the message. I think I might have been harsh but I just have to move on once and for all.

 

Wow I love this !

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0hpenelope

0hpenelope

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...but one thing is for sure...there is no way I am going to hear from her again after what I said...it's good to cut it off...while sad...it gives me a sense of peace.

 

It's a little overwhelming, isn't it?

 

And cutting off someone who was once important in your life is a sad thing. The reality is, some people we think the world of sometimes do not feel the same about us - friend or romantic partner. It is what it is.

 

Anger helps get us over that hump of loneliness, I think. But where anger becomes wrong is when we allow it to eat and gnaw at us and we dwell in it. I don't like anger in any shape, way or form, but I haven't really allowed myself to feel angry (in the entire sense of the word) towards Lawrence at all. Perhaps it's why I'm taking a while with my healing process, but I'm taking steps that are only going forward. :)

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  • 2 months later...
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serendip

serendip

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Hey fellow loveshackers

 

It's been a while since I've been on...been away traveling and enjoying life.

 

I thought my contact with the ex was over and final after I responded to her in a text with this...back in early September

 

"could u stop contacting me

in the future

what ever we meant to each other is

rendered meaningless b/c of your cheating

and my stupidity afterwards

i don't think about u or us at all

only when u contact me"

I felt bad for a couple of weeks for being so harsh in asking her not to contact me again. But I thought it worked in that October was the first month since our break up(a year and a half ago) that there was no contact btwn us.

 

But today I get this email...

 

"Hey.. Just wondering how you are doing?

I know you said you don't want to hear from me...so sorry...

Just thought of you that's all...Ran across some old emails today...and saw Love in the Time of Cholera yesterday.

Anyways, just a quick note to say Hi and hope you're doing well!!

I'm still enjoying life on the coast...it's so beautiful and healthy out here...making some good friends too. Getting better at surfing and doing lots of yoga!!!"

 

 

....my question is why bother? She says nothing of substance and after what I said in that harsh text...you would think there would be no possible way she would contact me again.

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Geishawhelk

Geishawhelk

Posted
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Well, you could either do the childish thing and tell her that -

 

'All that wonderful sea air and healthy yoga has played havoc with her memory and reading ability, so maybe she could get a friend to read this to her:

 

Stop Contacting me! I don't ever want to hear from you again!

I don't know why you bother!

We're over!

Let me move on - and you do the same!!"

 

or -

you could just forget it, ignore it and hopefully, she'll still get the message.... ;)

 

Though the former might be tempting, the latter carries less risk factor..... I'd recommend that one really.

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gwynieatpain

gwynieatpain

Posted
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What she thinks she's doing ???

 

I hope I'm as strong as you. Just got the first email yesterday from him after 7 weeks of NC it already sent me back to hell again.

 

Your last message to her is really 'inspiring' me. Not harsh at all she deserves it since she cheated.

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serendip

serendip

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Yeah I don't understand why my ex would be contacting me now after what I said to her back in September

 

I mean I thought it was really harsh and kind of cruel (and I'm never cruel)...I felt like crap for 2 weeks after I said those things even though all my friends told me I did the right thing and that I had to do it.

 

So after that I thought I would never hear from her again...but she contacts me and acknowledges that she knows I don't want her to contact me again but then proceeds by saying she was looking at old emails

and saw the movie "Love in the time of Cholera" (this is emotional blackmail since it's the first book I gave her back in 94 - it's one of my fave books) and thought about me...wondering how I'm doing.

 

Seriously what does she want?

 

I have moved on with my life...we've been broken up now longer then we've been together.

 

I've tried ignoring her for mths and mths...that didn't work and I finally told her in what I thought was a harsh way of leave me alone. That didn't work.

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lofi_tokyo

lofi_tokyo

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I really doubt this is the case with men (I haven't seen much proof to show otherwise), but I think women (some women) really do not believe men they jump and just shut the door after a while. They like being on friendly terms for whatever reason... not necessarily to keep you as a back up, not necessarily out of guilt, but more so I think to just know that you are not mad at them, and that they can safely pretend you are friends.

 

If Caliguy's story about his ex at work has proven anything, its that some ladies just do NOT like to be ignored. These kinds of women could care less about a guy, but the minute the guys shows complete disinterest in her, its a stab on both their ego and I think it just irks them.

 

I kind of think I'm this way, so thats why I'm able to write about "these kinds of women" ;p

 

I like to think that if I really tried, I could win over any guy in a room. That does not mean I want any of those guys, I may be completely disinterested, but the idea of knowing (or thinking I know) that I have that kind of allure... well its fun! The minute a guy shuts me out completely? I feel utterly choked! How DARE they!

 

hahah I have to laugh at myself - thats a bit of an exaggeration of how I get, but I wanted to sort of show what your ex is maybe up to. She refuses to leave you alone because you've shut her out and she can't handle that.

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