How to react when a guy seems to be losing interest?

[Walk]

I don't get the whole "mirror his actions". So his actions confuse a person, so the person then adds to the confusion by doing the same actions that created the confusion in the first place. Therefore adding to the mixed messages and misunderstandings. That's not terribly responsible to do. I'm not saying a person won't lie, but what ever happened to asking someone a question first? Is that taboo now? Asking questions shows your weak or something?

 

Personally... I've always had great results with asking some simple, open ended questions. I.e. I've noticed you haven't called or text msged as much, why is that? He'll either agree and attempt to increase the calls. Or he'll agree and say he's been too busy. Express what you would like, and then leave it up to him to follow through or not. If he doesn't, then let him know you need someone who's able to invest more fully in a relationship with you. If he does follow through, then you two have a shot a good relationship.

 

End of issue.

[Gottabestrong]

Alright, it is monday and he has not called all weekend, which brings the period of no contact to 7 days. If you don't count his one-liner last tuesday it has been 10 days since I last heard from him.

 

I guess I got my answer, for whatever reason he has decided that he doesn't want to be with me anymore. This really stings and I especially hate the way he did it; just disappearing on me.

 

On the one hand I tell myself that if he is no longer interested I should just let it be and not chase after him, but another part of me tells me that he might not be calling because he waits for me to get in touch. Does that make sense? I have read a few posts by guys on here who say that they stop contacting a girl at some point to see if she will chase after him, and if she doesn't then they move on. Maybe that's what is happening here? Or maybe I am just lying to myself because I don't want to aknowledge the obvious.

 

Help me out guys, would it be a mistake for me to drop him a line asking "Hey, how have you been" to see whether he replies or not, or do I have nothing to lose as it is? I know one thing is that I can't stop thinking about him and the situtation and I'd really like to get some kind of closure. On the other hand it is day 10 of my NC with him, and from past relationships I know that the first few days of NC are always the hardest and if I contact him I would have to start from scratch.

 

I'd really appreciate some advice on this. Thanks a lot!

[beautiful_stranger]

I would never make up excuses for a guy who doesn't call. Whatever he's reasons are, it doesnt take much effort to make a phone call or shoot an email just to drop a line of hello... even if he's testing you, he'd be sticking around if he's cared enough, true? Besides, you did try to contact him without receiving much response?

 

I think you should move on. You probably struggle through everyday missing the guy.. but time does cure.. if you are strong enough to stay NC, you will find yourself missing him less and less everyday.. the thing is, you should prioritize your own happiness, if the current situation is making you miserable, then you ain't doing yourself a favor by hanging onto it.

[Noos]

I tried NC and lasted four months before breaking it because I didn't get closure. Now that I've got closure, I find it much easier to move on.

 

Ask him what's happening and if the answer is lame, generic or unsatisfactory in anyway, don't push for any further info and move on.

 

And move on for good and don't respond to contact because chances are he's started seeing someone else and if it doesn't work out, he'll want you around as Plan B.

 

what's this crap about testing each other?? why can't people just act naturally and if they are keen, act keen??

[stillafool]

Alright, it is monday and he has not called all weekend, which brings the period of no contact to 7 days. If you don't count his one-liner last tuesday it has been 10 days since I last heard from him.

 

I guess I got my answer, for whatever reason he has decided that he doesn't want to be with me anymore. This really stings and I especially hate the way he did it; just disappearing on me.

 

On the one hand I tell myself that if he is no longer interested I should just let it be and not chase after him, but another part of me tells me that he might not be calling because he waits for me to get in touch. Does that make sense? I have read a few posts by guys on here who say that they stop contacting a girl at some point to see if she will chase after him, and if she doesn't then they move on. Maybe that's what is happening here? Or maybe I am just lying to myself because I don't want to aknowledge the obvious.

 

Help me out guys, would it be a mistake for me to drop him a line asking "Hey, how have you been" to see whether he replies or not, or do I have nothing to lose as it is? I know one thing is that I can't stop thinking about him and the situtation and I'd really like to get some kind of closure. On the other hand it is day 10 of my NC with him, and from past relationships I know that the first few days of NC are always the hardest and if I contact him I would have to start from scratch.

 

I'd really appreciate some advice on this. Thanks a lot!

 

No I say do not contact him. He knows you are interested and he's trying to break it off. It sucks when people break up this way. To get your closure you should write him a letter and pour your heart out. Then burn it or put it away but don't mail it to him. As another person said he is probably seeing someone else now and I wouldn't contact him because he is only going to make you feel worse than you do now. It hurts enough that he isn't calling and if you call him and don't get the response you want it will set you back even more.

[Gottabestrong]

Thanks a lot to everyone who has given me advice, and for those who want to know how my saga continued because they are in a similar situation (I know I always look for threads that I can apply to my own situation) here is what happened:

 

I could not stand it anymore and so I gave him a call. I figured I could not feel any worse than I already am and I'd rather have closure instead of always wondering what happened and why that great guy disappeared from my life.

 

The conversation went something like that:

 

Me: Hi, how are you doing?

Him: Hey! It's been a really long time.

Me thinking: (Yeah, no kidding. It's been 10 days since you last called me.)

Me: So what have you been up to lately? (Hoping he will say he has been extremely busy or had his phone and laptop stolen).

Him: Not much, just been relaxing.

(Great, so he just did not feel like calling, I guess I got my answer right there.)

 

At this point I figured I had nothing to lose so I decided to ask him a straight question and find out where I stand.

 

Me: So what are your plans for next weekend?

Him: Why?

Me: (Duh!) Do you want to get together and do something?

Him: I don't know. I am probably working.

 

(Great, he is PROBABLY working, so he can't make plans. No offer that he will call me back once he knows, no suggestion to meet on a different day.)

 

So I decided to force him to put his cards on the table, because if I did not I'd probably wonder in the future if he was just busy that weekend, but might have been interested in getting together some other time. (Pathetic, I know).

 

Me: What about the weekend after that?

Him: I am going to a hockey game.

 

(Oh really?! Yeah, I heard they always take all weekend and you can never do anything else.)

 

Me: Pity, it would have been nice to see you again.

Him: Yes, it WOULD have been nice to see you again.

(But I guess not if it involves contacting me in some shape or form, or making actual plans to meet up. I guess he is talking about the kind where you run into each other on the street and fake delight, as in: Oh my Gawd! How are you, I have not seen you in ages...)

 

At this point I said goodbye and got off the phone.

 

So here it is, I definitely know now that he is not interested anymore. I still don't know what changed, but I am not holding my breath anymore and staring at my phone willing it to ring 18 hours a day. Even better, I can now think of him as a jerk, and don't have to mourn "the one that got away".

 

So it might have been humiliating to call him up and ask him out even though he clearly signalled he was no longer interested, but I am feeling much better now as I got closure and am ready to move on. And that is the most important part, isn't it?

 

So to those who find my thread because their guys seem to have lost interest too and they are looking for advice, here is my advice: Wait a few days to see if he is really not calling you anymore, once you are sure - if you need closure -, call him up and ask him out on a date. At this point you got nothing to lose and it is defintely better to know where you stand than to keep on wondering. Surprisingly it did not hurt that much when I learned the truth and I can now focus all my energy on moving on instead of obsessing about him and hoping he is going to call.

 

Good luck to all of you!

[audrey_1]

The same closure came for me yesterday via text message, but it dragged on for over a year. That's a year I could have spent with someone who was interested.

 

Good for you in seeking closure, though. That took strength. Now be secure in your decision and that you will be okay.

 

Next.

[Mahatma]

Just go back to where you were before him. Forget playing stupid games to "get him back." If he is on the line between liking and not liking you and that is all it takes to bring him back into being interested, it is probably not going to last very long anyways.