For Shirley

[Shawn]

Shirley,

 

You helped me a couple of weeks ago with my long term relationship problem. March 12 or 13. Way down there.

 

Thank you so much for the help.

 

To bring you up to date, she told me the other day, at the beginning of our weedend, that she wanted to work on our relationship again, but just be friends for now, and take it slow. I didn't ask her if she is still talking to him or not, but am trying to not let it bother me. Even though it does. We spent the weekdend together, and just hung out as friends, even though the whole time I just wanted to get closer to her and she knew that. Things went pretty good. We had fun.

 

It has been very hard for me to back off, and now she is starting school back up after Spring Break, and not calling me much, and putting me back on the back burner.

 

I don't want to screw things up, and I also don't want to rush things, because I know we kinda did the last time. She is keeping that distance, and I am just READY for something more.

 

I know I am giving her the upper hand, and I think if I could just not be trying so hard it would help. But I am having trouble doing that.

[Shirley]

Shirley, You helped me a couple of weeks ago with my long term relationship problem. March 12 or 13. Way down there. Thank you so much for the help. To bring you up to date, she told me the other day, at the beginning of our weedend, that she wanted to work on our relationship again, but just be friends for now, and take it slow. I didn't ask her if she is still talking to him or not, but am trying to not let it bother me. Even though it does. We spent the weekdend together, and just hung out as friends, even though the whole time I just wanted to get closer to her and she knew that. Things went pretty good. We had fun. It has been very hard for me to back off, and now she is starting school back up after Spring Break, and not calling me much, and putting me back on the back burner. I don't want to screw things up, and I also don't want to rush things, because I know we kinda did the last time. She is keeping that distance, and I am just READY for something more. I know I am giving her the upper hand, and I think if I could just not be trying so hard it would help. But I am having trouble doing that.

hi!

 

It's sounds like for right now, school is what's important for her. Which is okay. From what you've said, the control issues are slowly fading. And that's the most important thing. But now, you're noticing that your needs are different than hers. She still wants that distance. And you want more than that. Maybe her needs will change some day. But you don't know how long that will take or whether or not they will change. So you shouldn't just sit around and wait, making yourself miserable thinking about it. Go out and have fun once in a while, and even date other people. Enjoy other people's company. This is not cheating. It's being good to yourself. Positive interactions with other people is what makes all of us feel more alive.

[Tony T]

Shirley has hit the nail on the head. If we take time out in life to wait for every person that puts us on the back burner hoping things will get better one day...we could see ourselves in our golden years on social security without anyone to fetch our Geritol. Please study Shirley's advice.

[Shawn]

Shirley has hit the nail on the head. If we take time out in life to wait for every person that puts us on the back burner hoping things will get better one day...we could see ourselves in our golden years on social security without anyone to fetch our Geritol. Please study Shirley's advice.

Oh My God, I don't even know where to start to explain what has happened in the last 24 hours. Last night when I left for work, I left a note- No pressure, but explaining how I feel. "I had a great weekend, I am glad you want to work things out now, and I really want to make it happen" Stuff like that. She didn't call me all night, and she even said she was going to. Then this morning, when I was about to leave work, she called me, and I kinda had to get it out of her, but she felt like things seemed like they were going a little fast and she didn't want to jump right into it. I said that it helps when she talks to me about it, rather than avoid it with me. And she started telling me all the things she had to do after school, so she wouldn't see me for a couple of days again.

 

Anyway, I freaked out after I got off the phone, and cried the whole way home. I felt like I was regressing, for some reason. As soon as I got home I went straight to her work purse, and found a letter in it. This was an unfinished letter, undated, to the other guy. Telling him that she is sorry for putting him through this, and what he means to her, and how he is the only one that can totally read her. She even said that there is no one else in the world she would rather kiss. She then went on to say that our 7 year relationship was emotionally bad, and that we are just like brother and sister, so it is hard to get away from that. Then started going on about how she is just stringing me along, and that she is telling him the truth, and we really are sleeping separately. She tells him that she is not going to change in the situation that she is in, and something about these beeing reasons that she is not leaving me... and then it stops dead. Unfinished. If you read further back to the other post I mentioned, you would see that I thought the whole time that this guy was nothing to worry about, he was just a crutch, and a friend to her, and she would soon get rid of him. I mean I knew they were phsically close at one point, but that was over.

 

I came out of my skin, and freaked. After I calmed down a little, and talked to my parents some, I decided to leave the note sitting out and wrote a note saying, "I needed some answers, and this says enough, I now know what my position is, I will be back Sunday and expect you to have a new place to live by then." I packed some stuff and went to my parents, on their advice. I was hurt, but this was so hard to do.

 

Next, she got home early in the afternoon, and freaked. Called my phone, my parents, their cell, leaving messages of her freaking out saying "Please call me you don't understand, that was an old note." I decided not to call her back tonight, to let both of us calm down a little first. And she finally left me a long message on my phone saying that the letter was from a long time ago, when she decided to get rid of him, and he is now out of the picture, and she really did want to try to work it out with me, and she Really loves me. She kept saying that this is her fault, and it is her turn to hurt now. And crying the most, she said that she was going to look for a place to live, and why don't I call her, please!!

 

Now, I know that when she started staying at home again, in the other room, that she told me she hasn't talked to him anymore, and I really was scared to bring it up anymore. So, this letter could not have been written to long ago. And I know that she did tell me a week ago that she wanted to start working on us, but I don't know to believe that she is still talking to him, or if not, that she won't do it again.

 

That brings me to now. I am now just feeling like I wish that we could eventually get through this and be together. But I am still pissed that she did this crap behind my back, whether it was last week, or a month ago. I still don't know to believe that this is from a while ago. I am confused, and know that it would be best for now to be separated, but I guess I really don't want her to move all of her stuff out.

 

I have to go, thanks for reading. I know that there will be some big changes soon, I just don't know what yet. But I know one thing, I do still love her.