is it gone?

[thomas]

OK, i was dateing this girl for 2 years. We both was deeply in love with each other and even talked about getting married. She was soooooo into me and thought the whole world of me. She worshiped the ground i walked on. It was the perfect relationship. It was the first relationship either one of us has ever been in. About 4 months ago we had an arguement and she broke up with me. well, she said she "JUST WANTED TO BE FRIENDS" Well, i tried that and it seems to bother me alot even though she tells me that im her best friend in the whole world and that she needs me there for her. So the other day i told her that i still love her and i have a lot of feeling toward her and i asked her back out. She told me that she still has feelings for me but she wants to see what all is out there first and that im her very best friend in the whole world. I love her ALOT and i want to know if it seems like it is over between us for good or should i give her time? I haven't called her since then (like 3 days ago) and we usually talk every day. She has called me a couple of times since then but i have not answered the phone.What should i do? please help

 

Thomas

[Linda]

OK, i was dateing this girl for 2 years. We both was deeply in love with each other and even talked about getting married. She was soooooo into me and thought the whole world of me. She worshiped the ground i walked on. It was the perfect relationship. It was the first relationship either one of us has ever been in. About 4 months ago we had an arguement and she broke up with me. well, she said she "JUST WANTED TO BE FRIENDS" Well, i tried that and it seems to bother me alot even though she tells me that im her best friend in the whole world and that she needs me there for her. So the other day i told her that i still love her and i have a lot of feeling toward her and i asked her back out. She told me that she still has feelings for me but she wants to see what all is out there first and that im her very best friend in the whole world. I love her ALOT and i want to know if it seems like it is over between us for good or should i give her time? I haven't called her since then (like 3 days ago) and we usually talk every day. She has called me a couple of times since then but i have not answered the phone.What should i do? please help

 

Thomas

Both your first relationship, so I imagine you're fairly young. People can change a lot in their teens/ early- mid twenties, and it sounds like you've just grown apart.

 

I'm sure you are her best friend- you've been very close for two years, and have gotten into the habit of being close. But that is no guarantee that she'll come back or ever love you as she used to.

 

In fact she thinks that grass is greener on the other side of the fence, and would prefer to date around/ be single, which to me suggests that her feelings for you are no longer strong, and if she did come back it would be for all the wrong reasons. Also right now, I think she sees you as the backup. If all goes horribly wrong, and she gets lonely she can come running back to you, cos she knows you'll be there.

 

I think if this stands any chance of working, you should cease all contact with her. Right now she's getting everything from you that she always did, except the physical side. If you want her back, she must appreciate how much she needs you in her life, and she won't do that if you're always there for her.

[Tony T]

Give her time for what??? And don't you dare answer the phone. What you have told me is that this girl wants you to be her very best friend while she is out there looking for someone better. There are always new people out there to meet...and often they seem better at first. So what will happen to you is that when she meets someone else that rings her chimes a bit, all of a sudden you won't be quite the friend she sees you as now because she won't need you to be there as a spare tire, a fall-back, a second-string reserve, etc. DON'T LET YOURSELF BE USED!!!

 

Hey, I have been there...a number of times. It sickens me to see you used this way. This girl is NOT interested in you for romance. When a girl tells you she wants to just be your friend, that's the kiss of death for romance. And when she finds romance, that's usually the kiss of death for the friendship.

 

Move on, talk to her occassionally, be nice to her, but don't help her fill her time until someone else comes along. In subtle ways, show her you are looking for other alternatives for yourself as well. And I hope you find one.

[Shirley]

OK, i was dateing this girl for 2 years. We both was deeply in love with each other and even talked about getting married. She was soooooo into me and thought the whole world of me. She worshiped the ground i walked on. It was the perfect relationship. It was the first relationship either one of us has ever been in. About 4 months ago we had an arguement and she broke up with me. well, she said she "JUST WANTED TO BE FRIENDS" Well, i tried that and it seems to bother me alot even though she tells me that im her best friend in the whole world and that she needs me there for her. So the other day i told her that i still love her and i have a lot of feeling toward her and i asked her back out. She told me that she still has feelings for me but she wants to see what all is out there first and that im her very best friend in the whole world. I love her ALOT and i want to know if it seems like it is over between us for good or should i give her time? I haven't called her since then (like 3 days ago) and we usually talk every day. She has called me a couple of times since then but i have not answered the phone.What should i do? please help

 

Thomas

 

Hi!

 

Best friends to her means buddies. Someone she can talk to. She doesn't want you romantically. And there's nothing wrong with that. Those are her feelings. If you don't want to be "buddies" with her you should tell her. Ignoring her is a sign of being rude. And I know that telling you she wants to see what's out there first is not something you want to hear. But she doesn't understand her own feelings yet. If there comes a time that she falls in love with someone, she won't be saying that to him.

[thomas]

OK, i agree with you all 100%. I still have not talked to her since that day. I REALLY miss her friendship. I don't think it is as hard to be friends with her as it is to not be friends with her. I really enjoy her as a friend. I think the only thing that bothers me is the thought of someone else taking her heart. She never has had hardly any friends at all. She told me that she is not REALLY looking for anyone. She has trouble finding a guy to want to talk to her because she is a christian and is saving herself for marriage. 99 % of the guys she talks to doesn't want anything to do with her after they find out that she is a virgin and that she is saving herself.I ran into her mom at the store yesturday and she says that her daughter was REALLY upset and was crying because she thinks that i don't want to be her friend anymore. I would wait a thousand years if i new 100% that me and her would be back together.

 

But if not, i want to move on because its hard to do that if im still so much in love with her. So is there any suggestions what i should do or say to her? Should i just continue not talking to her to save my heart from being broke more? I could call and talk to her but what would i say? Please help!!!!!!!

 

thomas

Hi! Best friends to her means buddies. Someone she can talk to. She doesn't want you romantically. And there's nothing wrong with that. Those are her feelings. If you don't want to be "buddies" with her you should tell her. Ignoring her is a sign of being rude. And I know that telling you she wants to see what's out there first is not something you want to hear. But she doesn't understand her own feelings yet. If there comes a time that she falls in love with someone, she won't be saying that to him.

[Nicky]

OK, i agree with you all 100%. I still have not talked to her since that day. I REALLY miss her friendship. I don't think it is as hard to be friends with her as it is to not be friends with her. I really enjoy her as a friend. I think the only thing that bothers me is the thought of someone else taking her heart. She never has had hardly any friends at all. She told me that she is not REALLY looking for anyone. She has trouble finding a guy to want to talk to her because she is a christian and is saving herself for marriage. 99 % of the guys she talks to doesn't want anything to do with her after they find out that she is a virgin and that she is saving herself.I ran into her mom at the store yesturday and she says that her daughter was REALLY upset and was crying because she thinks that i don't want to be her friend anymore. I would wait a thousand years if i new 100% that me and her would be back together.

 

But if not, i want to move on because its hard to do that if im still so much in love with her. So is there any suggestions what i should do or say to her? Should i just continue not talking to her to save my heart from being broke more? I could call and talk to her but what would i say? Please help!!!!!!! thomas

hi!

 

I think you explain how you feel to this girl, but how this situation just doesn't work for you. It's honest.It's fair.

 

Of course this girl was upset at not being friends anymore, but she can't have her cake and eat it. It's the price she pays.

 

Nobody says it's easy to walk away from somebody you love, but at the end of the day, if you don't you'll just end up being hurt. I think you should just try and get on with your life the best you can.

 

Be strong. All the very best.