My sister betrayed me

[bigmanpayne]

i have been having some work troubles for a while (well documented). i work with 120 women and my sister is one of them. i dated a couple of people (which of course made a couple of people jealous and angry). i have been having so much trouble with people, saying things that arent true, etc. but i recently found out that my sister was behind the whole thing. she has been telling people things that arent true. she told everyone that i think i am a player, she told this one girl that i liked her when i didnt, and several other things including who i was dating, how much money i made from other jobs, where i got my new car, how much i paid, whether i was divorced or not, etc.

 

truth is i never told her who i was dating. i never told her how many people i was dating, what other jobs i had or anything. i never discussed many personal things because i was paranoid about her saying different things to people. any info she got was from her checking my myspace to see who left comments or trying to pump my sisters or mom (who also know nothing) for information so most everything was totally made up. people believe the crap she says because they see us talking all the time and we are brother and sister.

 

the thing is her boyfriend died a month and a half ago and during this time my kids and i stayed at her house with her, spent all of our free time with her and generally did whatever she needed us to do no matter what other plans i had, school for the kids, or my own personal work schedule. needless to say i am devestated. she has always had a "middle child" type attitude and been a little jealous of certain things but i never ever thought she would do something like this.

 

i feel like crap. i am not mad, i am completely devestated and crushed. i have tried to talk to her but when i do she is so ashamed and such a coward that she hangs up the phone or wont answer at all. i have to walk into work 2morrow looking like a complete idiot. where do i go from here?

[citizen67]

she has always had a "middle child" type attitude and been a little jealous of certain things but i never ever thought she would do something like this.

 

i feel like crap. i am not mad, i am completely devestated and crushed. i have tried to talk to her but when i do she is so ashamed and such a coward that she hangs up the phone or wont answer at all. i have to walk into work 2morrow looking like a complete idiot. where do i go from here?

 

I'm curious - What is the middle child type attitude?

I'm sorry that you are having trouble with your sister, that's painful. Is there anyone else in the family who can act as an intermediary? You arent the one who looks like an idiot

[bigmanpayne]

I'm curious - What is the middle child type attitude?

I'm sorry that you are having trouble with your sister, that's painful. Is there anyone else in the family who can act as an intermediary? You arent the one who looks like an idiot

 

 

the middle child thing means that she is ultra jealous. she has always been jealous of the attention i received from our family - i am the oldest, the oldest boy of all the grandchildren, was very smart, generally a good human being and i think that kills her.

 

my whole family knows how she is and isnt surprised that this happened. they just act like nothing - dont say much to her about it, but stay as far away from her as possible, only dealing with her when they really need too. i know most sain people wont think i look like an idiot, but all of the women at work are just loving this.

[sfsassy]

the middle child thing means that she is ultra jealous. she has always been jealous of the attention i received from our family - i am the oldest, the oldest boy of all the grandchildren, was very smart, generally a good human being and i think that kills her.

 

my whole family knows how she is and isnt surprised that this happened. they just act like nothing - dont say much to her about it, but stay as far away from her as possible, only dealing with her when they really need too. i know most sain people wont think i look like an idiot, but all of the women at work are just loving this.

No real advice, but I feel for you. Maybe you should just try to stay clear of her as much as possible. And just stay calm at wwork. Don't act like it gets to you because that is what your lovely sis wants.

[ed-205]

I used to work at a place where one group of women inspectors celebrated "Rumor Thursday", in that every Thursday they would start a rumor just to see how fast it would spread through the assembly area which was mostly women, (not that women alone are guilty of spreading gossip!).

Every Thursday, the inspectors would come up with some fantastic lie that no-one in their right mind would believe, like washing out and re-using the paper coffee cups to save money. Then, they would tell it to one random assembly person, even reminding them at the time that it *was* rumor Thursday, and that the rumor was completely false.

 

It didn't make a bit of difference. The rumor always spread like wildfire, covering 200+ people in less than half an hour, and by the end of the day some of the people would even swear they actually had seen evidence that it was true! It was amazing what those people would believe. We had a lot of laughs over it, and a lot of people made complete fools of themselves in the process.

 

The moral of the story is:

People will talk crap, and they will believe whatever they want to believe. There is nothing you can do about it, so learn to ignore it.

Yes, your sister ought to know better. She needs to grow up. Refuse to talk to her at work about anything not work related, and only within earshot of a third party.

Having a My Space account is like putting your personal life on an electronic Billboard. Censor it, or consider taking it down altogether if someone is using it against you.

[bigmanpayne]

I used to work at a place where one group of women inspectors celebrated "Rumor Thursday", in that every Thursday they would start a rumor just to see how fast it would spread through the assembly area which was mostly women, (not that women alone are guilty of spreading gossip!).

Every Thursday, the inspectors would come up with some fantastic lie that no-one in their right mind would believe, like washing out and re-using the paper coffee cups to save money. Then, they would tell it to one random assembly person, even reminding them at the time that it *was* rumor Thursday, and that the rumor was completely false.

 

It didn't make a bit of difference. The rumor always spread like wildfire, covering 200+ people in less than half an hour, and by the end of the day some of the people would even swear they actually had seen evidence that it was true! It was amazing what those people would believe. We had a lot of laughs over it, and a lot of people made complete fools of themselves in the process.

 

The moral of the story is:

People will talk crap, and they will believe whatever they want to believe. There is nothing you can do about it, so learn to ignore it.

Yes, your sister ought to know better. She needs to grow up. Refuse to talk to her at work about anything not work related, and only within earshot of a third party.

Having a My Space account is like putting your personal life on an electronic Billboard. Censor it, or consider taking it down altogether if someone is using it against you.

 

 

i understand all of that about the rumors, it is still very hard though. i am trying real hard to ignore it, but they are making it extremely tough. my sister does know better, but she has been like this since we were kids and i doubt that she will change. i know she doesnt like that she did this but i honestly think that she cant stop - there is something inside of her that will probably always make her extremely jealous of anything that i do and i guess i will just have to deal with it. and you might be right with the myspace thing too, thanks.

[Ronni_W]

she has always been jealous of the attention i received from our family - i am the oldest, the oldest boy of all the grandchildren, was very smart, generally a good human being and i think that kills her.

my whole family knows ... stay as far away from her as possible, only dealing with her when they really need too.

It sucks that your family stuff has followed you to work -- we ought to be able to be 'safe' somewhere, huh?

 

OTOH, I feel for your sister. The WHOLE family knows that, growing up, she was short-changed on the positive attention all kids need and deserve -- and that we need and deserve as adults, too. Yet everyone is still ignoring her despite the sense and/or knowledge that it is "killing her" on the inside.

That's got to be rough for her, too, yes?

 

Like Ed said, though, the gossip mongers will be having a field day and those who have better things to pay attention to won't bother to give your situation too much mind.

[bigmanpayne]

It sucks that your family stuff has followed you to work -- we ought to be able to be 'safe' somewhere, huh?

 

OTOH, I feel for your sister. The WHOLE family knows that, growing up, she was short-changed on the positive attention all kids need and deserve -- and that we need and deserve as adults, too. Yet everyone is still ignoring her despite the sense and/or knowledge that it is "killing her" on the inside.

That's got to be rough for her, too, yes?

 

Like Ed said, though, the gossip mongers will be having a field day and those who have better things to pay attention to won't bother to give your situation too much mind.

 

 

i do feel sorry for her. fact is, she will probably never change, and she will probably be alone for the rest of her life if she doesnt change. i dont think she can see just how bad this looks for both of us and how much of a clown she really looks like in this situation. as for the gossip, i hate it, but i am of course just dealing with it.

[Lucky_One]

You have dated numerous women at work, and that made some of the women jealous and angry. You are already having troubles at work.

 

Your sister may have indeed said that you think you are a player, but your own behavior leads itself as evidence to the statement. People will tend not to believe rumors if they see the primary person as being non-participatory in the accusations, but when they see you having multiple GFs, they will say, "Oh it must be true."

 

A good tip for the future would be "don't crap where you eat." Workplace romances typically lead to jealousy and trouble and lack of attention to job performance.

[bigmanpayne]

You have dated numerous women at work, and that made some of the women jealous and angry. You are already having troubles at work.

 

Your sister may have indeed said that you think you are a player, but your own behavior leads itself as evidence to the statement. People will tend not to believe rumors if they see the primary person as being non-participatory in the accusations, but when they see you having multiple GFs, they will say, "Oh it must be true."

 

A good tip for the future would be "don't crap where you eat." Workplace romances typically lead to jealousy and trouble and lack of attention to job performance.

 

 

very true. i learned this lesson very late - but i know better now, believe me!!

[Terminator]

Ever considered moving jobs?

 

Seems like it would solve a few problems for you in one hit.

[bigmanpayne]

Ever considered moving jobs?

 

Seems like it would solve a few problems for you in one hit.

 

 

that would be great, but this job is a MONSTER! we come and go as we please anytime between 6 a.m. and 11 p.m. just as long as you get 8 hrs in - great pay, no boss yelling - the job is too good. i am about to get my business back off of the ground so i will probably quit once that is up and running but until then i will take any crap anybody has to dish - they will have to fire me before i ever quit there!

[vintagecat]

I think not too much damage was really done except to your feelings which of course aren't to be diminished but rather it remains in the personal realm. Your sister is likely known for the gossip monger that she is, you have made some personal mistakes which added to the scenario but by and large, it's yesterday's news and not that important to the uninvolved hearer.

 

Unfortunately if you try to rumor control or get defensive it is like one of those Chinese finger puzzles the harder you buck against it, the tighter it gets and more immpossible to remove. Digging a bigger hole or adding fuel to the fire are two decent analogies.

 

Let it die out. (And it will die out.) Express your disappointment to your sister for her ridiculous and disloyal behavior once and then let it go. That doesn't mean trust her with your secrets but just understand that's how she is, warts and all.

 

Acting the wounded beast or wallowing in misery for what in relative terms is a fairly minor betrayal of trust (I think minor considering that you advertise your life in the net and you know how she is and so does everyone else) only makes you look bad.

 

Best of luck to you. I'd remove any personal items from My Space (just basic wall action if that) or get rid of it altogether and ask your family members to not pass any tidbits that could get all blown out of whack by your gossipy attention seeking sister.

 

Families, you can't live with em sometimes.

[bigmanpayne]

I think not too much damage was really done except to your feelings which of course aren't to be diminished but rather it remains in the personal realm. Your sister is likely known for the gossip monger that she is, you have made some personal mistakes which added to the scenario but by and large, it's yesterday's news and not that important to the uninvolved hearer.

 

Unfortunately if you try to rumor control or get defensive it is like one of those Chinese finger puzzles the harder you buck against it, the tighter it gets and more immpossible to remove. Digging a bigger hole or adding fuel to the fire are two decent analogies.

 

Let it die out. (And it will die out.) Express your disappointment to your sister for her ridiculous and disloyal behavior once and then let it go. That doesn't mean trust her with your secrets but just understand that's how she is, warts and all.

 

Acting the wounded beast or wallowing in misery for what in relative terms is a fairly minor betrayal of trust (I think minor considering that you advertise your life in the net and you know how she is and so does everyone else) only makes you look bad.

 

Best of luck to you. I'd remove any personal items from My Space (just basic wall action if that) or get rid of it altogether and ask your family members to not pass any tidbits that could get all blown out of whack by your gossipy attention seeking sister.

 

Families, you can't live with em sometimes.

 

 

i dont think this is minor. i actually think this is quite major. i was floored. still cant believe this has happened.

 

you are right about controlling rumors. the more that i say it isnt true, the worst my sister and the rest of them will get. i have just been keeping to myself and not getting involved in any personal conversations at all. i know it will die down, it will just be hard on me until it finally does.

 

i dont advertise my life on the net. there is really nothing on the myspace page which was my whole point. someone from another state leaves a comment for me and she assumed that is where i went... someone from a different city leaves a comment for me and she too because one of my "whores" in my sisters eyes. i dont have a ton of personal stuff on my myspace which was my point to begin with, she's taking the little bit she gets and flat out lying and running with it.

 

i have taken all family members and friends of hers off of my friends list altogether so that should help.

 

i cant tell her my displeasure because as soon as i say something about it she hangs up the phone or walks away. she knows she is wrong and can not take it. she will never apologize which i understand but i do want to tell her how bad i feel at least once, but i doubt i will have that opportunity.