shanny Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 I don't know what to do. This is like the 4th time he's done it. Is it just an innocent slip or should I be mad? Link to post Share on other sites
audrey_1 Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 I don't know what to do. This is like the 4th time he's done it. Is it just an innocent slip or should I be mad? Wow. Are your names similar? Four times? I honestly don't think that would be an innocent slip. Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 When my mom was stressed or her mind was on something else, she would start at the top of the list "Don, Beth, Chip (he was the dog)" and then finally get to "Anna". I wouldn't worry too much about it. Unless, of course, you have been dating for 3 years and he only dated his EX for 6 months. When our minds are not focused, it is easy to grasp the most common (longest used) name in our head. Link to post Share on other sites
Carmen87 Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 I have called my current boyfriend by my ex's name twice. Both times it was when I was raging mad over an argument. My ex was abusive and the arguments seemed so similar that I just slipped up. It depends the circumstances. Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 I think it is quite normal to slip up, dont make a huge issue out of it or his nerves will cause him to do it again! Just laugh at it, I have done this so many times and it didnt mean I was thinking of my ex! Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 You can choose to be upset or you can choose to find humor. He's with you now, not his ex. Your choice Link to post Share on other sites
nopainnogain Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 Nothing you can do about it now. Dont show him that it bothers you. Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 I'm going to take a different approach and say one or two times slipping up is one thing , but four, is another. He must have her on his mind right much to do that 4 times. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 I don't know what to do. This is like the 4th time he's done it. Is it just an innocent slip or should I be mad? Once is enough! But four times??? Yes, you should be mad as heck! It isn't just an innocent slip - It means he is talking to her and calling her by name which is why he keeps slipping up. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 She'll be "on his mind" forever, as emotional memories live on, even through terminal mental illnesses. Those memories will sometimes invade his conscious state and words will result from them. It's normal. The important factors IMO are his actions and intent. I have studied this phenomena in detail because it has happened to me and because my mother is terminally mentally ill. I have seen many similar occurrences during her illness, of course completely involuntarily. The human mind is incredibly complex. IMO, when such things occur in an otherwise healthy relationship, they should be considered "brain farts", akin to a partner passing gas. Kind of stinky, but kind of funny too. Perception... Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 I don't know what to do. This is like the 4th time he's done it. Is it just an innocent slip or should I be mad? If he has been with his X for a long time, its an honest slip up. I have been saying my XW's name for years. And when talking with my current SO, I will slip and use her name. And she will do the same with her X to me. Not because we are hung up on our X's, but because its an old habit. nothing more. Its like changing phone numbers and writing your old phone number down on paperwork because you have been doing it for years. Link to post Share on other sites
PandorasBox Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 I'm kind of shocked at the responses that seem to be passing this off as not a big deal. That would be something someone might say if this had been a one time deal, not four times. Bottom line, its up to you if you feel its acceptable or not. So let's say he calls out his ex's name a few more times, then what? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 I'm kind of shocked at the responses that seem to be passing this off as not a big deal. I would like to know when he says his ex's name. Is it just in passing or is it in bed? Because if he's saying his ex's name while having sex, that's not a good thing at all. Link to post Share on other sites
PandorasBox Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 I would like to know when he says his ex's name. Is it just in passing or is it in bed? Because if he's saying his ex's name while having sex, that's not a good thing at all. That's what I was thinking too. However, I assumed it was in bed with her. I shouldn't have assumed, but anyway I still stand my ground on the issue though. Link to post Share on other sites
nicki Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 That's what I am thinking. It all depends on context. Overall, if he's saying her name during a fight or simply because it's an old habit he's breaking, then I wouldn't worry about it. It can take a while to deprogram the old mind, especially if he was with his ex for years and years. My boyfriend was married for many years. Once in while he will call me his ex's name during a fight (which they did a lot.) Once in a while he will call me by her name because our names both begin with the same letter. He did a lot more when I first met him, and then less and less as time went on. How long have the two of you been together? I will also tell you that I have called him my ex husband's name during times that must have sparked my memory, like on car trips, which I took a lot of with my ex. We've always laughed about it. When he would call me his ex's name, I'd say "Okay, (insert MY ex's name.)" But, if he had said it in bed, or in a tender moment, I would have been hurt and extremely alarmed. Link to post Share on other sites
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