Are we friends or something else?

[oktoberblues]

Here's the facts: I work in retail, I've been with the company long enough to train new employees, and I've developed a weird sort of friendship with a newer manager who just transferred maybe two or three months back from another store. We are both legal adults and are only eight years apart (he's the older one). He is married with kids. I'm not even in a relationship.

 

Now here's where it becomes complicated.

 

I'm fine with the friendship. In fact, I wish we could have a better friendship -- not to say it isn't good now, but the only time we get to talk is during work; usually the only things we discuss are work-related with some personal stuff thrown in to pass the time.

 

However, he isn't as popular with other employees, and the other managers absolutely don't like him. In other words, our getting along so well is an anomaly in the workplace. As friendly as he is with me, I don't really know how to interpret some of the things he does.

 

For example....

 

He seems to make it a point that we take our dinner breaks at the same time and eat together. I usually go get our meal. At his request, I've even brought in some of my own cooking. However, I've heard from other coworkers that he never eats during any other shifts.

 

He asks me to come work when he's on shift even if the extra help isn't needed. The first time he called to ask me to work on one of my days off, his exact words were: "Hey (employee), this is (first name). I was wondering if you would be available this morning to come work with me...." Managers are always referred to be their last names; i.e, Mr./Ms. Surname. I thought it was strange he referred to himself by his first.

 

He treats me kind of like his assistant; i.e, he gives me instructions on things to do to give to everyone else, puts me in charge of projects, asks my advice on things I sometimes feel I really shouldn't have any say in, etc.

 

Sometimes -- and I can't really be sure of this, as I have no proof -- it seems like he gives me a bit of special treatment. Sometimes it seems like we're flirting... a lot, actually, heh....

 

Sorry if this is kind of long, but I really don't know how to condense it any more. Bottom line is I'm confused if he's interested in me or if he's just overly friendly. I'd like to get to know him better, but I'm really not sure about starting anything romantic with him. Any thoughts?

[stillafool]

As far as starting anything romantic you seem to ignore the fact that he is a married man. The most you could expect is a roll or two in the hay and your heart broken. He will not leave his wife and family. Don't you think it selfish to plot to have an affair with a married man. One day you may get married. How would you feel if you were his wife?

 

My suggestion: Put an affair with someone else's husband out of your mind. He may just like the way you work and look up to him. If you are not his assistant you should stop acting like you are. He isn't worth destroying your work reputation. You may think you are the only one who knows you have a crush on him but trust me others see it to.

[oktoberblues]

Sorry if I didn't make this entirely clear, but I don't really have a crush-crush on him. I would just like to be friends -- starting something more would be treading on dangerous territory, and I really don't think I'd like to do that.

 

I just want some advice on how to proceed. Is it possible to remain friends while squelching any ulterior motives?

[jen's mind]

What is your motivation in being "friends" with him? Are you titillated by the wagging tongues in your workplace? Do you think you're doing your relationships with your co-workers any benefit by carrying on this way? Try looking at it from their perspective. What would you think?

 

Plus, you're heading straight into a minefield by even thinking about messing with a married man with kids.

 

Do yourself a favor: cease and desist.