For Those with Bulimia Experience (Bulimic, Friend, etc.)

[0hpenelope]

Thanks for taking the time to read this.

 

I'm not asking for a Medical opinion as I know that it's beyond the scope of a forum such as LS, but I'm asking for personal experience.

 

One of my friends whom I consider a close friend has been a Bulimic for most of her life, but it's gotten worse. She was able to control her urges and now that she lives with her boyfriend, there were times when he was actually able to catch her.

 

And today, he caught her as well.

 

I'm not very coherent right now as I'm too concerned to even think straight... Her parents don't know and as far as I know, it's just me and her boyfriend (who is also my close friend) who know. She has gone to counseling, but she hasn't been consistent.

 

I don't know what else to do... she's well-past the age of 18 to be forced by hand to see the appropriate doctors. I have suggested to her bf that he should talk to her parents, but he's essentially afraid to break her trust - even though he has said that he would if it meant she'll be healthy... I offered to go with him as well.

 

I want to know other people's experiences with bulimia. The reason I went on LS first is because this place has been supportive to me in a lot of ways and I know that it has the potential to do the same again.

 

I'm really worried... I feel like she's deteriorating right in front of us and there's just got to be a way to help us push her in the direction she needs to go.

 

Has anyone else successfully gotten help for their bulimic loved ones? Thank you...

[sedgwick]

I was bulimic for 10 years. The way I finally came out of it was by finding other things I loved as much as I loved food, and wanting to be well to enjoy them.

 

You should absolutely inform her parents. Can you stage some sort of intervention?

[Melrapuo]

I started off as Bulimic, ended up going Anorexic instead (it helped lose weight faster. Not defending my actions, but its true). And I was very obsessed with my weight.

 

Know what took me off it? The break up with my ex. She didn't do anything that made me develop either of the disorders. It was me instead. OCD sucks sometimes.

 

Usually takes a really traumatic or life changing experience. It really is up to her to stop doing it, but if she continues to the point where you think her health is deteriorating rapidly (and it may very well be doing that now) then you should try to find help elsewhere. I'm sure theres a part of her thats ashamed of it, but can't stop doing it. I didn't tell my own parents about it until afterwards. The only people that knew about it were my ex and her bff.

 

Do what you think is best. She may hate you if you tell her parents at first, but I think her health is more important than anything else. And yet, it really is all up to her to stop.

[Final Girl]

Do you have any idea why she is bulimic? What are the root causes? There must be something inside her that is compelling her to do this.

[0hpenelope]

I was bulimic for 10 years. The way I finally came out of it was by finding other things I loved as much as I loved food, and wanting to be well to enjoy them.

 

You should absolutely inform her parents. Can you stage some sort of intervention?

 

Thank you for responding, Miss Sedgwick...

 

I'm still thinking about how to approach it with my friend. He doesn't want to anger her and yet, it's one of the very few options that I see that may work. He's been trying to help by buying food that she says that will be hard for her to purge - vegetables, fruits, ingredients for their smoothies - and yet he caught her in the morning throwing up.

 

It's about an hour away from where we go to university, her parents' house I mean. Her bf's thinking of the possible reactions that her parents may take and I said to him "You don't know, though. We're trying to find justifications for not telling them so she doesn't get mad at us and yet we're not equipped to help, either."

[0hpenelope]

I started off as Bulimic, ended up going Anorexic instead (it helped lose weight faster. Not defending my actions, but its true). And I was very obsessed with my weight.

 

Know what took me off it? The break up with my ex. She didn't do anything that made me develop either of the disorders. It was me instead. OCD sucks sometimes.

 

Usually takes a really traumatic or life changing experience. It really is up to her to stop doing it, but if she continues to the point where you think her health is deteriorating rapidly (and it may very well be doing that now) then you should try to find help elsewhere. I'm sure theres a part of her thats ashamed of it, but can't stop doing it. I didn't tell my own parents about it until afterwards. The only people that knew about it were my ex and her bff.

 

Do what you think is best. She may hate you if you tell her parents at first, but I think her health is more important than anything else. And yet, it really is all up to her to stop.

 

Oh gosh, that's really not what I was thinking of hearing - the traumatic experience as a trigger for change, I mean - but really, thank you for sharing. I just hope she's spared from this kind of reality check.

 

She has admitted to feeling her vision blacking out and low energy days and these symptoms aren't really surprising, considering that her food intake is seriously out of order... I am hoping that a family intervention might be something that she needs.

 

This girl... she's very intelligent. She knows what she's doing. She's done her research on this disease and yet she can't stop. It hasn't shown on her teeth yet and she has one of the more beautiful smiles I've ever seen grace a person. It's just unfathomable to me how she can know so much and yet still keep going in spite of the information she knows. She's more learned about this that her bf and I are... her plans for the future requires her to be in a healthy shape and since she's planning for a family, I've talked to her about how it might affect her ability to have children.

 

Acquaintances see a healthy person, but her bf and I see someone else... She monitors what she eats conscientiously, exercises like a fiend at the gym (to the point where she's not even really burning anything anymore - there's nothing to burn because she hasn't eaten anything!), and yet still thinks that she's fat. Do these mentalities sound familiar to anyone?

[0hpenelope]

Do you have any idea why she is bulimic? What are the root causes? There must be something inside her that is compelling her to do this.

 

Thank you, Final Girl.

 

It has to do a lot with her as a child. Her brother teased her for being fat and I don't know how long it lasted - whether it was just one time or a prolonged period. He has apologized for it (I suggested to her bf that perhaps a simple "I'm sorry" might help lead her healing to the direction it needs to go), but his remarks have stayed with her. Then it snowballed into other stuff: weight issues, self-image issues, thoughts of being inadequately physically attractive, etc.

 

I want to understand. She knows that it's a problem, but that hasn't helped out much at all either...

[Final Girl]

Eating disorders can be triggered by one comment about weight, but the issues go very deep, and when the sufferer hears a negative comment about herself, her unhappiness suddenly finds a release...she has a new focus. Binging and purging is really, REALLY hard and really disgusting - but there is a pay off for her, otherwise she wouldn't do it. The pay off is that this secret/this illness/this addiction whatever it is to her, is HER'S!! Her life in so many other ways might be unhappy or not how she wants it...her self worth might be on the floor..other people might despair at her and she sees that...but at LEAST she has this one thing that is her's and her's alone. It gives her a sense of power.

 

Eating disorders are an addiction like any other in many ways. She has got into a habit probably, of acting and living in a way that is now automatic to her. The only way she can beat it is to find a better way of coping..a new habit to replace the old one, but one that is MUCH healthier for her.

[porter218]

Eating disorders can be triggered by one comment about weight, but the issues go very deep, and when the sufferer hears a negative comment about herself, her unhappiness suddenly finds a release...she has a new focus. Binging and purging is really, REALLY hard and really disgusting - but there is a pay off for her, otherwise she wouldn't do it. The pay off is that this secret/this illness/this addiction whatever it is to her, is HER'S!! Her life in so many other ways might be unhappy or not how she wants it...her self worth might be on the floor..other people might despair at her and she sees that...but at LEAST she has this one thing that is her's and her's alone. It gives her a sense of power.

 

Eating disorders are an addiction like any other in many ways. She has got into a habit probably, of acting and living in a way that is now automatic to her. The only way she can beat it is to find a better way of coping..a new habit to replace the old one, but one that is MUCH healthier for her.

She is absolutely right. I have been in the modeling industry for many years and have seen it time and time again. It usually is about finding 'control' in their lives. These are unhappy women who don't know how to fix what is really wrong in their lives. She could get to the absolute 'perfect' body and still will not feel happy because it is more deep seeded then that...it isn't about her body it is about the state of her life. Bulimia has a little bit better recovery rate then Anorexia, but you definitely should tell her parents. She will be mad at first but she will thank you later. She needs a strong support system of people who genuinely love her. How long has she been suffering from this?? And has she had any short term recoveries since starting??

[JamesM]

My wife was bulimic for years from about 16 or so until we met. And then she had a lapse during our first couple of years of marriage. She went to counseling voluntarily the second time, but the first time she was discovered by her sister.

 

She was sexually and physically abused as a child and this was the root of her troubles. She moved out and lived with her sister as a way to escape. Shortly after she was there, she was vomiting and her sister caught her. Her sister convinced her to seek counseling and it was the best thing for her.

 

Was she happy with her sister at first? No. Was she happy later after she had been helped? Yes.

 

Sometimes it takes a confrontation to set us on the better path. IMO, it is highly likely that your friend actually wants to be caught in a way so that she can get the help she needs. The fact that she is trying to eat food so that she has a hard time of purging is one indicator. And the fact that she did it again does not mean she does not want to quit. I am guessing that unknown to him she is filling up on other foods when she feels sad and lonely. I doubt he knows everything she eats.

 

My guess is that emotionally the times are stressful. So as a way to keep control she is purging. Yes, there are probably root causes. It could be stemming from being called fat, or it could be more. Either way, if I was the boyfriend, I would definitely persuade her to seek counseling. She may be angry, but I doubt she will resist too strongly.

[Final Girl]

I third James and Porter..she NEEDS help, whether or not she wants it. I was diagnosed with anorexia at 15 and my parents were so wrapped round my little finger that the only approach they used was the softly-softly approach, skirting around the issue hoping I would come to my senses.

 

That worked so well that at 21 my spine began to tear through the skin on my back..I was a walking skeleton. I finally had no option to get well, when my family and friends and gp gently but firmly made it CLEAR that by hook or by crook, I was going to address this. The police were also involved as I was a prolific self harmer by this stage too!! I was kicking and screaming...and threatened to disown everyone!! But now, a few years later, I hold down a managerial post, I eat well, go out with friends and am pretty confident.:)

 

When i look back at how I was...well, thanks to the support I received against ALL my wishes, I've come a long way, baby!!!

 

It was a long, hard road...but it is worth it! It really can mean life or death.

 

One thing you MUST remember, people with eating disorders aren't thinking clearly at ALL..it IS after all, a mental illness. Their brains are not being nourished. So they need good, loving, clear thinking people around them, to do what is right for them.