my girlfriend says I only care about her appearance

[ImAScorpio]

my girlfriend of about two months has said to me more than once recently that all I care about is her looks, IE that she is really hot. She says that I blow her off a lot, that I don't really respect her opinions, I don't really listen to her, etc., etc.

 

Granted, she IS very hot and likes to dress up a lot so I'm not sure what she is trying to say. I compliment her on her looks a lot, which I know for a fact that she likes so why does she try so hard to look good and then get upset when I acknowledge it?

 

Is she trying to say that I am only dating her for the sex? Is she just insecure? Does she want me to STOP complimenting her on her looks and instead compliment her on how smart she is (even though she is honestly not very bright at all)?

 

I don't get it.

[Ronni_W]

According to what she told you, her upset is that you are ONLY acknowledging her looks, as if nothing else about her is important or valuable. She wants her thoughts and her feelings to be acknowledged AS WELL...not instead of. Why can't she have ALL of her aspects appreciated?

 

She is asking you to START showing that you also respect and value her thoughts, feelings, ideas, beliefs, etc., for what they are...another part of her. She's not asking you pretend she's Einstein, but to demonstrate that you recognize and appreciate that she ALSO has mental and emotional aspects, not just a physical one.

 

How I did I get all of that from the information that YOU provided? Basically, I listened to (did not blow off) what she told you.

 

So. Maybe it's possible that she is right? -- that you DO you blow her off a lot, dismiss her opinions, and ignore her when she talks with you? -- maybe because of your judgment that "she is honestly not very bright at all"?

In which case, seems she is brighter than you've been giving her credit for, yes?

 

Plus, you're the one with the confusion ("I don't get it") and resorting to sarcasm ("Does she want me to STOP complimenting her?") ... or maybe I'm just reading that as sarcasm because you didn't say she's uncomfortable with the compliments about her looks...so why would she want you to stop, I mean? She is asking for something MORE, not less, if you will only listen to what she actually says.

[Trimmer]

She is asking you to START showing that you also respect and value her thoughts, feelings, ideas, beliefs, etc., for what they are...another part of her. She's not asking you pretend she's Einstein, but to demonstrate that you recognize and appreciate that she ALSO has mental and emotional aspects, not just a physical one.

Agree.

 

Apart from her hotness and her appearance in general, what is it about her that draws you? What interests you about her? What about her are you passionate about?

 

Answer those questions, and then make sure that you communicate to her in a genuine way that you value these things about her.