Boyfriend

[Losing It]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 5 years (I'm 23 he is 24) we have had our share of problems but this one I can't seem to handle.

 

We broke up in December, but only for a month, so we could decide what we both wanted. We have been back together since Jan 22 and live together like we always have. During this time he found a friend that is a girl (19) they slept together a few times. He has told her that he wants to be with me and not her. The problem is that she won't go away or leave us alone. She is in the circle of friends that we hang out with and tries to cause trouble between us all the time by lying that she has stayed the night at our house and she sleeps with him to our friends. I know that she is lying because we sleep together everynight and he is never around her alone. She asked me one day what I had that she didn't have and I just look at her and said "Jeremy!" (that is my boyfriend)

 

She is making me very stressed out and now I am starting not to trust my boyfriend because of all the stories I hear. He tells me not to worry, but I'm always worried about what I am going to hear next that I can't eat, sleep and I have been getting sick to my stocmach. I confront him and he gets mad because he thinks I don't trust him. Its not him, its her. I just want her to get out of our life so that we can plan our wedding and future. I am scared to start planning or annoucing it until I know that this girl will not do anything to ruin it. Does anyone have any advice for me. How can she keep doing this to me? to us? Jeremy is the love of my life and I will not lose him to a home wrecker like my mother did with my father.

 

Any Advice for me????

[Tony T]

It's not wise to hang around a circle of friends of which this girl is a part. Your boyfriend did not serve your relationship well by sleeping with someone who is part of your circle of friends during the period he was deciding what he wanted.

 

All that behind, there are two things you can do. Simply advise your friends of what this girl is up to and urge them to ignore her. Eventually, when she knows she doesn't have an audience she will stop. You can also get an attorney to write a letter to the girl advising her that if she does not either show evidence that her slanderous and damaging remarks are correct or cease and decist from making the remarks, you and your boyfriend will sue her for real and punitive damages in excess of $100,000. An attorney would probably charge about $75 for writing such a letter.

 

Until the day you die, there will always be these types of people around to screw up love relationships and friendships. They are sick, mentally deranged people. On the positive side, if she wasn't saying nasty things about you, she might go around shooting people or worse.

 

Do what you can as suggested above but don't let some low class slime a relationship that you feel very good about. I would still give a whole lot of thought to why your boyfriend chose this kind of trash to have a fling with while he wasn't seeing you.

[Linda]

It's not wise to hang around a circle of friends of which this girl is a part. Your boyfriend did not serve your relationship well by sleeping with someone who is part of your circle of friends during the period he was deciding what he wanted.

 

All that behind, there are two things you can do. Simply advise your friends of what this girl is up to and urge them to ignore her. Eventually, when she knows she doesn't have an audience she will stop. You can also get an attorney to write a letter to the girl advising her that if she does not either show evidence that her slanderous and damaging remarks are correct or cease and decist from making the remarks, you and your boyfriend will sue her for real and punitive damages in excess of $100,000. An attorney would probably charge about $75 for writing such a letter. Until the day you die, there will always be these types of people around to screw up love relationships and friendships. They are sick, mentally deranged people. On the positive side, if she wasn't saying nasty things about you, she might go around shooting people or worse. Do what you can as suggested above but don't let some low class slime a relationship that you feel very good about. I would still give a whole lot of thought to why your boyfriend chose this kind of trash to have a fling with while he wasn't seeing you.

Hi there,

 

You will always meet people like this in life. There has to be some percentage of the population that is defective, it's the law of averages.

 

You have to be strong. You have to show her that you and he are stronger than her lies. She is only continuing because she knows her plan is working. She's getting to you. Pity her for the sad pathetic creature she is.I recommend you both keep away from this group of friends for a while. If you see them, do it together. And preferably only when you can guarantee she isn't there.

 

You can plan your wedding or future regardless of whether she is on the face of this planet or not. Trust your BF. If you do not, this will gradually eat away at your relationship even more, and she'll have won. Is that what you want????

 

This entire problem is about perspective. Your perspective. Unless you can change your reaction to her, she could ruin something precious. Don't let her get away with it.

 

Good luck!

[Nicky]

Sorry- friends ID still on system Before Hi there, You will always meet people like this in life. There has to be some percentage of the population that is defective, it's the law of averages. You have to be strong. You have to show her that you and he are stronger than her lies. She is only continuing because she knows her plan is working. She's getting to you. Pity her for the sad pathetic creature she is.I recommend you both keep away from this group of friends for a while. If you see them, do it together. And preferably only when you can guarantee she isn't there. You can plan your wedding or future regardless of whether she is on the face of this planet or not. Trust your BF. If you do not, this will gradually eat away at your relationship even more, and she'll have won. Is that what you want???? This entire problem is about perspective. Your perspective. Unless you can change your reaction to her, she could ruin something precious. Don't let her get away with it. Good luck!

[Shirley]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 5 years (I'm 23 he is 24) we have had our share of problems but this one I can't seem to handle.

 

We broke up in December, but only for a month, so we could decide what we both wanted. We have been back together since Jan 22 and live together like we always have. During this time he found a friend that is a girl (19) they slept together a few times. He has told her that he wants to be with me and not her. The problem is that she won't go away or leave us alone. She is in the circle of friends that we hang out with and tries to cause trouble between us all the time by lying that she has stayed the night at our house and she sleeps with him to our friends. I know that she is lying because we sleep together everynight and he is never around her alone. She asked me one day what I had that she didn't have and I just look at her and said "Jeremy!" (that is my boyfriend) She is making me very stressed out and now I am starting not to trust my boyfriend because of all the stories I hear. He tells me not to worry, but I'm always worried about what I am going to hear next that I can't eat, sleep and I have been getting sick to my stocmach. I confront him and he gets mad because he thinks I don't trust him. Its not him, its her. I just want her to get out of our life so that we can plan our wedding and future. I am scared to start planning or annoucing it until I know that this girl will not do anything to ruin it. Does anyone have any advice for me. How can she keep doing this to me? to us? Jeremy is the love of my life and I will not lose him to a home wrecker like my mother did with my father. Any Advice for me????

 

Hi!

 

This other girl will not be able to "ruin" anything between you and Jeremy if he doesn't want her to. Love is not something that you can win or lose. It's a feeling. And either you feel it, or you don't. Talk to Jeremy about this other girl and find out what his feelings are toward her. Five years is a very long time to just date someone. And okay, you're living with him too. But do the two of you share intimate conversations with one another? And actually share feelings? There are millions of people in this world. And the two of you will get many chances to stray from the relationship. But love creates a bond that will be impossible to break. And all of those temptations will be easily resisted.

[Losing It]

 

Thank you! All of you for responding to my posting. I know that our love (Jeremy and mine) will prevail through this like we have other tough times. I will seriously think about everything everyone said. (I love the part about $100, 000) that would fix her "Little Red Wagon." Jeremy is not a bad guy and he made a mistake by sleeping with her (PS he wasn't sober either time he did it). He doesn't usully drink so I can see how a little is too much for him. I am not making excuses for him because every time I think about it I want to shoot nail from my eyes - I just love him. Last night we talked about weddings (he brought it up). I just don't want him to think that I want to rush into a marraiage because we are back together, this has never really be a discusion, until now. I wonder if he thinks I will feel more secure about the relationship if we marry. Maybe he will be more secure, but I have never given him a reason not to. Love is so confussing. Does it ever get any better??

 

Thanks again

 

G-