GFs past bothers me

[under_score]

Just to add that me "ruining things" can be from me voicing my concerns over me feeling lonely, or that we don't talk or don't feel close sometimes - not accusing her about her past. It's just me bringing up things in the relationship so if I can't even do that, I can't begin to imagine bringing up her past.

[manugeorge]

I don't want to be judgemental but it's really interfering with my psyche and I can't be happy day to day but I don't know how to leave her because I love her and I've loved her for two years and she loves me. It'll just be tragic. I don't know what to do I feel like I'm going mental and barely keeping it together.

 

Trust me, leaving will not be that tragic, not with everyting you've said here. You will get over the breakup, so will she.

 

What do you gain from continuing this torture? It seems like you've both sucked all the fun and life out of the relationship and yet you still somehow think you have a relationship??

[under_score]

Manugeorge: I guess I'm the only one that is tortured at the moment cos she thinks everything is ok. She's fine and even happy it seems.

[AAlike]

under_score - wow.

 

as extreme as your case is, you're still doing the one thing that is going to continue to confound you and depress you, and that is that you are searching for an answer to someone else's behavior. you will NEVER EVER get that answer. that's probably why she fluctuates so much, because she doesn't know what you want to hear. if she tells you it was mistakes, then you think that she's insecure and weak, and nobody wants their partner to think that about them. if she tells you that she was comfortable with it and enjoyed it, then you're jealous as heck, especially if it was with men. so she's probably as frustrated as you because there's nothing more that she can say.

 

now - I think that the apparent sexual incompatibility between you two is a signficant problem.

 

if you are as depressed as you say, and it's been this long, I think that it might be a good idea to take some time off and reevaluate things. sometimes you don't know what you got 'till it's gone, and that time apart will either make you miss her enough that it will hopefully help you a little, or at least put some fight back into you to get over it (it seems like you have lost your drive to do so), or you'll be so relieved that the feelings are gone that you'll be able to move on without looking back. right now you're in that toxic state where you can't imagine continuing like it is but yet you can't imagine losing her either. not good.

[hanson]

See i've experienced a bit of this too, my exgirlfriend slept with over 40 guys before we got together. Never again will i sleep with a girl before i ask them how much men they've been with. She told me all about her past, the men, the cheating, the criminal activity, the drugs, and so on. Now when i bring it up, she says "the past is the past", It doesn't work that way when you've been reckless for so much years and especially keeping in touch with the same dudes on myspace. Which is the reason why i broke up with her, she was a great person that i loved regardless but thats how it has to be.

[george35]

See i've experienced a bit of this too, my exgirlfriend slept with over 40 guys before we got together. Never again will i sleep with a girl before i ask them how much men they've been with. She told me all about her past, the men, the cheating, the criminal activity, the drugs, and so on. Now when i bring it up, she says "the past is the past", It doesn't work that way when you've been reckless for so much years and especially keeping in touch with the same dudes on myspace. Which is the reason why i broke up with her, she was a great person that i loved regardless but thats how it has to be.

 

 

Personal observation; and I may be totally wrong but the majority of the people who are insistent that the past is the past seem to be those who have a past that they aren’t particularly proud of.

 

Hanson; I’m wondering how not sleeping with a girl before asking them how many men they’ve been with will work and at what point do you assume your going to be sleeping together to feel comfortable enough to ask? And why would you believe her?

 

But then I do know 2 different people who will not get into a serious, sexual, relationship until they and their partners are tested and reveal the results openly. I’m not sure how that works but ironically both of them have had scares in their pasts and both are now in serious relationships.

 

Is it an issue of moral incompatibility with some of these people who are suffering from RJ? I realize that excuse could be used as an easy copout but in some cases is it truly legitimate? I mean, someone who has been with twenty plus people and someone who has been with seven or less, does this almost automatically point towards lifestyle or life-choice difference that are going to inevitably or likely to cause tension in a relationship. I once dated a girl from an effluent, (rich), family. It didn’t work out simply because she was a bitch princess and I was trailer trash, (not latterly in either description), but it was what it was.

[TruthCrushedToEarth]

Don't listen to this nonsense about the past being the past. The past is a great indicator of the make up of a person. If the past experiences are what make her who she is, then she is a WHORE! That is alot of people for a 20 year old girl to have been with. Plus a 3-some? Not to mention the sex-as-weapon she pulled on her ex. Shows alot of character issues.

 

Two people who were much smarter then all of us (well, maybe not Terminator since he has everything figured out LMAO) have said:

 

1) "You like what you like and you don't like what you don't like"

If your values don't match up, in they way she gave herself away so freely and you rationed your desires, then she is a bad match. YOu will ultimately struggle to respect her, especially in tough times.

 

2) YOu need to learn to accept yourself for who you are. If this type of things 's bothers you, thats fine. You are not a terrible person who needs to be soemthing they are not. A free spirited person might not be bothered by her past. Good for him. But if that is not you, that's fine too.

 

BTW, George25 makes two great points about, the people who usually want to move on from the past are those who's pasts are most troubling (high promiscuity, drug use, etc.)

Also, someone who has shown that type of decision making is a future liability with someone like yourself who seems more level headed and conservative.

[george35]

upwards of 20 men and probably more (she lied the first time and likely did again as well) is very high for a 20 year old. im guessing most weren't boyfriends either? has she ever been tested for stds? dont you think you should get yourself tested as well now?

 

i also disagree with the notion that a lot of partners means the girl likes lots of sex. there are a lot of women that do it for the VALIDATION, to escape their problems, or because of their low self-worth, NOT because they are sex fiends. a lot of prostitutes hate sex and some women who've been promiscuous dont particularly enjoy it either as much as you think they do.

 

 

I think that was me who said; “maybe she just likes sex”, I was giving her the benefit of the doubt because a woman I dated for awhile told me; “I just like sex”. That relationship could be an interesting subject for a post in it self.

 

I’m curious, how many do most people think are too many? I know what the accepted average is, (and yes, it is the same for men and women as that is a good litmus test of a credible survey). But how many are too many? I’ll through out; more than 2 in any given 12 month period and… double digits at any point in your life may be getting up there. I realize there are going to be the two extremes; “only the person you are married too” on one side and people with “over twenty” on the other.

[AAlike]

i also disagree with the notion that a lot of partners means the girl likes lots of sex. there are a lot of women that do it for the VALIDATION, to escape their problems, or because of their low self-worth, NOT because they are sex fiends. a lot of prostitutes hate sex and some women who've been promiscuous dont particularly enjoy it either as much as you think they do.

 

I think when the guy said "she just likes sex" I don't think he was saying that as evidence that she is some kind of sexual dynamo - more likely he was just trying to imply that there wasn't necessarily something wrong with her because she chose to do this.

 

you are certainly correct that there are people that have sex for validation and without true enjoyment...both women and men...and promiscuity certainly does not imply a healthier sex life nor does it make someone "better" in bed (in fact, I think that it's having sex with the same person a lot that makes people "skilled" per se) - but it also does not imply that someone is fundamentally flawed.

 

I think that when people try and go over their partner's sexual past with a fine-toothed comb, they get too caught up in the "why" of it when in reality oftentimes sex is driven by the "why not". short-term companionship, validation, curiousity, and simply being horny while you're single - all of these things probably play some role in most casual liasons. all that you are doing by trying to dissect your SO to "explain" why they did what they did is confounding yourself, because there is most likely no explanation that's going to be good enough for you.

[AAlike]

 

I’m curious, how many do most people think are too many? I know what the accepted average is, (and yes, it is the same for men and women as that is a good litmus test of a credible survey). But how many are too many? I’ll through out; more than 2 in any given 12 month period and… double digits at any point in your life may be getting up there. I realize there are going to be the two extremes; “only the person you are married too” on one side and people with “over twenty” on the other.

 

ideally circumstance is way way way more important.

 

let's put it this way - would you rather attempt to get serious with someone that casually dated a lot in college and her early 20's, maybe had a silly ONS or two, has slept with, say, 14 men, but is now in her late 20's, has not had any NSA sex for five years and is looking for a serious relationship? Or would you prefer a girl that married her high school sweetheart with whom she lost her viriginity, got divorced at 26, and has only been with 4 men total, but the last three of them were ONS within the past year?

 

Girl A has been with ten more men, so does that mean that she is more "tainted" per se?

 

The point that I am making is that the number should become immaterial so long as both of you are currently ready for a relationship and have moved on past the desire for casual sex. Some people have an exploratory period, some are not interested in that or find the right person right away...but eventually we all arrive at the same point where we find the one person that really pushes our buttons...why else would we choose monogamy in our oversexed culture? so as long as both you and your partner have arrived at that point, it's senseless to map out how you arrived there - all that you're doing is wreaking havoc on your emotions.

[stillafool]

Would 20 sexual partners be a lot for a 20 year old man? Why is it when it comes to women men have a problem with their sexual past? Yet when men have had a lot of sexual partners no one even blinks an eye. Then, men complain that women are frigid and don't give up enough sex. Yet when a girl loves sex they don't like that either. What's up with that guys? I swear women these days are so confused about what you guys want. You seem to flip flop alot. Why?

[Stockalone]

Would 20 sexual partners be a lot for a 20 year old man? Why is it when it comes to women men have a problem with their sexual past? Yet when men have had a lot of sexual partners no one even blinks an eye. Then, men complain that women are frigid and don't give up enough sex. Yet when a girl loves sex they don't like that either. What's up with that guys? I swear women these days are so confused about what you guys want. You seem to flip flop alot. Why?

 

I believe that only a small part of the male population believes in that double standard.

 

What appears to be flip-flopping is because we men aren't in agreement about this subject.

 

If you want to generalize men, IME you have basically three types of men:

 

1. Doesn't care about a woman's past and thus doesn't judge her.

 

2. Does care about a woman's past and evaluates/judges her, but also applies the same standard to himself and other men.

 

3. Does care about a woman's past and judges her but does not apply that standard to himself or other men.

 

I don't believe that Type 3 is the majority, I would think that Type 1 is the most common type. Women just have to find the right type of man for themselves. The same goes for men, they need to find a woman that is compatible with their values.

[Crow9726]

Two meaningful relationships...

 

One was a long long marriage. She was much more sexually experienced than I was (8 previous men vs 1 previous lady for me) and her partner before me was extremely adventurous. They did things I hadn't even read about and she was able to use what she had learned to bring me up to par with her. Her attitude toward sex was healthy, she was very open and spontaneous and there was no jealousy on my part...only wonderment and enthusiasm.

 

The second is the polar opposite. Didn't start off sexual but when it reached that point, she had a few rules which I could live with. Unfortunately, she had emotional barriers that I couldn't break through and intimacy issues began to arise at an alarming rate. After much frustration and talking, she finally admitted to a lifetime of abuse (from age 8), promiscuity, cheating, ONS's galore, drunken casual sex more times than I can count and running from bad boy to bad boy...always looking for love with her legs spread or on her knees.

 

The amount of sex a person has had is not indicative of their character, and the number of partners can be explained away as mentioned by many other posters. I enjoy a partner who is experienced and has had a healthy relationship with sex. When they can convey that confidence and self-assuredness in our sexual life together, there is no jealousy at all.

 

However, when a partner's sex life is tainted for reasons not entirely of her making...when it has had a severely negative emotional or mental impact on her...when it is used for empowerment or validation...when it creates intimacy issues such as disassociation...that is what is hard to deal with.

 

In my case...I had troubles dealing with her ability to have so much casual sex yet she couldn't make love inside of a healthy relationship. This caused me to suffer a form of retroactive jealousy...only because I could picture her having meaningless sex with wild abandon...but I never felt any true intimacy, attraction or emotional connection coming from her.

 

The issue to me isn't the number. It's the reasoning behind her past actions, how they affect her now and what kind of impact it will have on our sexual future.

 

We are no longer together...but now I suffer from the lingering effects. If I am out and see a lady who has been drinking and is obviously trolling for sex...I picture my XSO and it makes me feel horrible. When there are sex scenes in a movie...I imagine her in that same scenario...and have to change channels. I can't even fantasize anymore. Where once my fantasies ran the gamut...now they center on what I could have done to make our sex life better...how I might have been able to "reach" her...to save her from her demons.

 

Instead...now I am the one with issues...and a certain feeling of inadequacy as a result.

 

Just my $ .02

[AAlike]

I believe that only a small part of the male population believes in that double standard.

 

What appears to be flip-flopping is because we men aren't in agreement about this subject.

 

If you want to generalize men, IME you have basically three types of men:

 

1. Doesn't care about a woman's past and thus doesn't judge her.

 

2. Does care about a woman's past and evaluates/judges her, but also applies the same standard to himself and other men.

 

3. Does care about a woman's past and judges her but does not apply that standard to himself or other men.

 

I don't believe that Type 3 is the majority, I would think that Type 1 is the most common type. Women just have to find the right type of man for themselves. The same goes for men, they need to find a woman that is compatible with their values.

 

stock I agree 100% with what you are saying here.

 

however, this is not an issue of judgement or lack thereof. if it were, people would be able to deal with it in a logical manner.

[Stockalone]

stock I agree 100% with what you are saying here.

 

however, this is not an issue of judgement or lack thereof. if it were, people would be able to deal with it in a logical manner.

 

I was only trying to explain what the underlying cause is, that makes it seem like men are flip-flopping.

 

It's the huge discrepancies among men that cause women to be confused. I actually believe that the different type of men are very consistent with their views on the topic. However, as a whole gender, we can never agree on an unanimous opinion.

 

You are type 1, I am type 2. Our views regarding caual sex or "the past is the past" are very different, dare I say antithetical. There is no universal truth to it though, there is no impenetrable logic that can be applied here.

 

There is what works for the individual, and there is what won't work for the indivual. What will work for one, might never work for the other.

[onlyicansee]

Wow Crow I can relate to you my friend. I know how you feel about the lingering effects, even though I am still in the relationship. Though, when I am out with my friends and I see a chick who is obviously on the hunt, it twists my stomach because generally it reminds me of my gf. Another friend of mine recently formed a FWB, and everytime I see her or him now, it sickens me at my core to think my gf was FWB to a handful of people before me.

 

This issue has caused great turmoil in not only my relationship, but my head as well. I see myself differently, I feel differently, I dislike any promiscuous behavior and anything regarding sex is starting to offend me. Every time we have sex, I imagine how she had sex with all the men before me. I get lost in a plethora of negative thoughts. Always trying to reason the situation, come to terms with it, but never able. It has altered my moods, im more negative now more cynacle, I become agitated easier and feel more frustrated. I feel ugly, I feel small, and I feel almost completely non sexual.

 

I think though, the biggest problem for me and why it has become so difficult, is because during times of great heartache over her past, I would try and get some type of sexual validation from her. She would never tell me anything gratifying about me sexually, or about our sex together. So, I figured I would ask, hoping that her answers would abait my emotions. So, I asked her a few questions, and her answeres were the exact opposite of what I really wanted to know... Like, do you think I have a large penis? No, your penis is average. Do you think I am your best lover... Well, we have had good sex, but its not always good... Etc etc. I mean, not to that exact word, but close.

 

Now, I feel as though I dont compare to her past, and every single day it eats away at me. Every day I submerge myself in this negative cycle probably upwards of 50 times a day. It is even getting to the point where I am dreaming about it.

 

I love her so much, I just want this to work out, but I feel so sexually insecure with her that it really eats away at myself. How I veiw myself. And how I value myself.

 

Im starting to wonder if there is even a way to get around this issue, if it is even possible. I dont want to supress my unhappiness any longer. I ache so badly inside, I feel so depressed. I often feel sick and unhappy, I sleep a lot, I am not nearly as productive, I drink heavily now so that I can fall asleep because if I am sober I will lay there and obsess about this stuff in my mind. Help! I fear that I am falling into a depression about this entire thing and I dont know what to do...

[AAlike]

 

You are type 1, I am type 2. Our views regarding caual sex or "the past is the past" are very different, dare I say antithetical. There is no universal truth to it though, there is no impenetrable logic that can be applied here.

 

 

i agree that our views are different. you see casual sex as unequivocally bad - this I totally respect. but I think that this makes you an outlier in this day and age.

 

I would like to point out, however, that i have never once said "the past is the past", nor do I think that the past, sexual or otherwise, should not be taken into account when evaluating a partner. in fact, I would say that I avidly disagree with "the past is the past."

 

All I'm saying is that by applying a strict bright-line test of acceptability and saying "the girl/guy that has slept with 12 guys is twice as 'bad' as the girl/guy that has slept with 6" without understanding circumstances or, more importantly, giving the girl a chance to demonstrate that he/she has learned from her experiences, whether bad or good, we are not being fair to that person.

 

therefore, unless that threshhold is zero, then there should be no number that all of a sudden flips a switch and renders that person's past to be "unacceptable". A person's past is very important...but people are complex and thus their past should be delved into in a similarly complex manner.

[Crow9726]

Hey onlyicansee...

 

You put it into words better than I could have.

 

Sex is the one area that was most affected...but then it bled into other areas as well.

 

The worst thing about it was when her intimacy issues arose...there went almost all words of affirmation...as well as verbal and physical affection. Just the little stuff...touching, holding hands, kisses, hugs...they were done but without conviction.

 

It has left me almost emotionally bankrupt...and starving for the things I gave but didn't get back in return.

 

I'm not sure when...if ever...I will be over this.

 

I am scarred...deep inside...

 

It sucks to be me right now...lol...kinda

[stillafool]

Wow Crow I can relate to you my friend. I know how you feel about the lingering effects, even though I am still in the relationship. Though, when I am out with my friends and I see a chick who is obviously on the hunt, it twists my stomach because generally it reminds me of my gf. Another friend of mine recently formed a FWB, and everytime I see her or him now, it sickens me at my core to think my gf was FWB to a handful of people before me.

 

This issue has caused great turmoil in not only my relationship, but my head as well. I see myself differently, I feel differently, I dislike any promiscuous behavior and anything regarding sex is starting to offend me. Every time we have sex, I imagine how she had sex with all the men before me. I get lost in a plethora of negative thoughts. Always trying to reason the situation, come to terms with it, but never able. It has altered my moods, im more negative now more cynacle, I become agitated easier and feel more frustrated. I feel ugly, I feel small, and I feel almost completely non sexual.

 

I think though, the biggest problem for me and why it has become so difficult, is because during times of great heartache over her past, I would try and get some type of sexual validation from her. She would never tell me anything gratifying about me sexually, or about our sex together. So, I figured I would ask, hoping that her answers would abait my emotions. So, I asked her a few questions, and her answeres were the exact opposite of what I really wanted to know... Like, do you think I have a large penis? No, your penis is average. Do you think I am your best lover... Well, we have had good sex, but its not always good... Etc etc. I mean, not to that exact word, but close.

 

Now, I feel as though I dont compare to her past, and every single day it eats away at me. Every day I submerge myself in this negative cycle probably upwards of 50 times a day. It is even getting to the point where I am dreaming about it.

 

I love her so much, I just want this to work out, but I feel so sexually insecure with her that it really eats away at myself. How I veiw myself. And how I value myself.

 

Im starting to wonder if there is even a way to get around this issue, if it is even possible. I dont want to supress my unhappiness any longer. I ache so badly inside, I feel so depressed. I often feel sick and unhappy, I sleep a lot, I am not nearly as productive, I drink heavily now so that I can fall asleep because if I am sober I will lay there and obsess about this stuff in my mind. Help! I fear that I am falling into a depression about this entire thing and I dont know what to do...

 

Wow, I don't know if you are still in a relationship with this girl but I think you should break up if you are. You clearly can't handle a relationship with her and it's dragging you down. At least this girl is honest with you and it's never a good idea to ask how you were in bed or about your penis unless you want the truth. However, most women will lie to prevent hurt feelings. We know how sensitive men are in that regard. I think you need someone who feels the way you do about sex and relationships. It's clear she doesn't.

[Stockalone]

i agree that our views are different. you see casual sex as unequivocally bad - this I totally respect. but I think that this makes you an outlier in this day and age.

 

No argument there.

 

 

All I'm saying is that by applying a strict bright-line test of acceptability and saying "the girl/guy that has slept with 12 guys is twice as 'bad' as the girl/guy that has slept with 6" without understanding circumstances or, more importantly, giving the girl a chance to demonstrate that he/she has learned from her experiences, whether bad or good, we are not being fair to that person.

 

I am not saying 12 is twice as bad as 6, in fact those numbers would be acceptable to me under the right circumstances. I actually care more about how a woman came to that number than the number itself. As a result, 12 could be acceptable while 6 isn't.

 

I even agree that it is very hash to dismiss another person for one single thing they did in their past. Still, I do it. I don't enjoy doing that, but I don't feel bad about it either. Nor do I have second thoughts about making the decision to walk away.

 

What I disagree with, is that people might have changed. I won't stick around to find out if people have outgrown certain behaviour and/or changed. Most people don't change, they only pretend to have changed. True change is rare, so I rather take risks with another person where I feel the odds are more in my favour that it will work out longtime.

[AAlike]

 

I am not saying 12 is twice as bad as 6, in fact those numbers would be acceptable to me under the right circumstances. I actually care more about how a woman came to that number than the number itself. As a result, 12 could be acceptable while 6 isn't.

 

Fair enough - I actually wasn't responding to you directly with that statement...more to the guy that was asking what an "acceptable" number is (a commonly asked question, BTW). I think we're on the same page here.

 

I even agree that it is very hash to dismiss another person for one single thing they did in their past. Still, I do it. I don't enjoy doing that, but I don't feel bad about it either. Nor do I have second thoughts about making the decision to walk away.

 

well I will say that having these definitive lines probably puts you in a better position than those who are straddling them!

 

What I disagree with, is that people might have changed. I won't stick around to find out if people have outgrown certain behaviour and/or changed. Most people don't change, they only pretend to have changed. True change is rare, so I rather take risks with another person where I feel the odds are more in my favour that it will work out longtime.

 

well, again it depends on what you mean by "change". if you would require someone to do a moral 180, then yes, I would agree that generally doesn't happen, and I would therefore agree that given your views, that you would have a tough time connecting with someone that had a liberal view on sex, whether she had acted on it in the past or not.

 

but people definitely do outgrow certain behaviors...and with sex, it's not even necessarily that they outgrow it so much that they find that it's better with a connection, so why would they want to go back? again, we all blossom hormonally at 13 or 14 - an age where we're not even close to being able to fully appreciate and love a member of the opposite sex. it's only natural to want to tinker around, eh?

[pxranger]

She is such and amazing person and doesn't deserve a person that cant give her their all.

 

To be honest, with a history like that, I don't think that she deserves a person like you. Plus, you're 22 and she's 20; you're too young for thinking about marriage, cause you don't have a lot of experience.

 

Dude, she's 20 and has slept with 17 guys. Once a party girl, always a party girl, as far as I'm concerned.

[Stockalone]

I meant to say harsh, not hash.

 

 

Fair enough - I actually wasn't responding to you directly with that statement...more to the guy that was asking what an "acceptable" number is (a commonly asked question, BTW). I think we're on the same page here.

 

I understand that. It's the same reason I used "the past is the past" as those are some of the reoccurring sound bites of these discussions.

 

 

well I will say that having these definitive lines probably puts you in a better position than those who are straddling them!

 

That is what I thought when I first read one of the retroactive jealousy threads here on LS. I am pretty sure I would have had huge problems to get those images out of my head had I stayed in my relationship and not walked away. I went from WTF?! to and back for a couple of weeks after the break-up and then I was fine. Thankfully, I was never haunted by vivid images as some people are.

 

 

well, again it depends on what you mean by "change". if you would require someone to do a moral 180, then yes, I would agree that generally doesn't happen, and I would therefore agree that given your views, that you would have a tough time connecting with someone that had a liberal view on sex, whether she had acted on it in the past or not.

 

I like predictability and continuity, I don't really understand the need to experiment.

 

 

but people definitely do outgrow certain behaviors...and with sex, it's not even necessarily that they outgrow it so much that they find that it's better with a connection, so why would they want to go back? again, we all blossom hormonally at 13 or 14 - an age where we're not even close to being able to fully appreciate and love a member of the opposite sex. it's only natural to want to tinker around, eh?

 

I didn't have my first date until I was at the university and had already served in the army. And that first date turned into a 2+ year relationship. I guess that makes me different (at least dating experience wise) than most people and that certainly has influenced/reinforced my thinking on those issues.

 

And to be honest, the smartest thing I could have done would have been to marry that woman. Maybe I am just wired differently.

[AAlike]

To be honest, with a history like that, I don't think that she deserves a person like you.

 

the lesson here being, obviously, that sex is something that decreases a person's worth.

 

Dude, she's 20 and has slept with 17 guys. Once a party girl, always a party girl, as far as I'm concerned.

 

you're definitely right about that. people pretty much act the same way that they did when they were 20 for the rest of their lives. I know that I do. I think that we should just shoot her. or at least make her wear a spiked chastity belt (or bhurka).

 

Plus, you're 22 and she's 20; you're too young for thinking about marriage, cause you don't have a lot of experience.

 

this I do agree with.

[norajane]

the lesson here being, obviously, that sex is something that decreases a person's worth.

 

I know you said that ironically, but boy, that does really get to the heart of the matter, doesn't it? It's too bad that it is a prevailing view about sex partners, and particularly about women who have had multiple sex partners.