a letter to my MM's BW

[child_of_isis]

ummm....I think you may need to recheck the threads. I said the child may be becoming traumatized.

 

You have brought the child into this by sleeping with her father. You are not the victim but a willing accomplice. The sooner you face up to that fact, the sooner you can get a grip on your erratic thinking.

 

I don't think this child is evil. I think that the child is being coached into saying things that will help child's mother out. I would NEVER demonize a child. You don't really know me so please, keep that out of the thread. I don't speak one bad word about his child. I hope that the child has a happy life. I am not giving a gender so as not to give TMI. But, the child is out of bounds with me. Also, I do believe that any child greatly benefits from seeing their parents in a happy and loving relationship. I do know that this child has been exposed to too much fighting. Questioning why Mommy is always crying, why daddy is always sad....Child overheard him on the phone to me crying. Please leave child out of this.

 

I have dated and lived with a man with children before...they were happy to see their dad in a loving relationship with affection and respect. What MM child observes is dsyfunctional at best, I would never wish their child to emulate thier relationship of lovelessness and disdain.

[spinningwheels]

When he is with his child, which is only when she is working, as they work opposite shifts...I suggest that he not call me...he still does, but I always cut it short so that they can spend time together. But, as I said, I heard messages, and I hear W in the background saying to tell daddy this or that....I even heard her coach to tell daddy that mommy doesn't feel godd so (child) couldn't see him that night. I hear her on VM telling the child exactly what to say...call me daddy, love you daddy, thanks for the soda daddy, what are you doing daddy?? She says it and then child says it.

[jj33]

Think about what you just wrote why Mommy is always crying why daddy is always sad. Your job is not to save him from his marriage.

 

You are lost in your disappointment and anger. You are fueling things every time you contact them and every time you demand things from him. Why do you want to interfere with his family vacation? He is married. He lives with his family.

Accept the reality of the situation. You are an adjunct to his family life if you choose to play that role. You are the only one that keeps you in the middle.

 

If someone wants to leave a marriage its one thing but to actively try to break up a marriage is another. No matter how many times he leaves he has always gone back and your actions are designed to break up the marriage. Stop now before it gets even worse.

 

There are no excuses for your actions here. I know you are hurt. I know you are angry. You need to channel it elsewhere. Leave them alone.

[NoIDidn't]

Questioning why Mommy is always crying, why daddy is always sad....

 

I'm sorry but this man is a pathetic parent and spouse. Mommy is crying because Daddy is cheating on her an it hurts like hell but he keeps throwing it in her face.

 

She's already hurting and you considered hurting her wih more proof? She's not playing games but you and her H certainlt are.

[child_of_isis]

I'm not seeing anything sinister in this.

 

But, as I said, I heard messages, and I hear W in the background saying to tell daddy this or that....I even heard her coach to tell daddy that mommy doesn't feel godd so (child) couldn't see him that night. I hear her on VM telling the child exactly what to say...call me daddy, love you daddy, thanks for the soda daddy, what are you doing daddy?? She says it and then child says it.

[spinningwheels]

She e-mails him on the same e-mail address that I e-mail him on. Believe, I read a lot of pathetic e-mails from her. Voice mail access to his phone, only phone, I hear all of his messages. Child still doe not e-mail, but she sure does. All kinds of remember 12 years ago the song that we danced to when we met. There is no secret e-mail, she sees mine, so I see hers. OUr deal, or relationship PERIOD. Which is why I said I tempered my letter, I could totally humilate her by mocking her attempts at trying to get him to remember when 12 years ago we did this, 10 years ago we did that.....oh here is our wedding song??? but I don't... Does it really bother you that I get full access??? It is the only way I could continue on. By the way I also see all the inane e-mails from his friends and work. We have No secrets.... Sorry to diissappoint you bent.

[jj33]

You have seen all this and you still want to hurt her? Im at a loss for words. Do you have no conscience and no empathy for other people?

[NoIDidn't]

When he is with his child, which is only when she is working, as they work opposite shifts...I suggest that he not call me...he still does, but I always cut it short so that they can spend time together. But, as I said, I heard messages, and I hear W in the background saying to tell daddy this or that....I even heard her coach to tell daddy that mommy doesn't feel godd so (child) couldn't see him that night. I hear her on VM telling the child exactly what to say...call me daddy, love you daddy, thanks for the soda daddy, what are you doing daddy?? She says it and then child says it.

 

You don't have kids, do you?

 

I wish someone would accuse me of coaching my kids when I tell them what to say on the phone to others sometimes.

 

Maybe she just wants to remind the child to be polite (thanks for the soda). Maybe the child mentioned to her that he wanted Daddy to do something and she was reminding him to say it in the background and then he said it.

 

He's got you snowed. Step back as you are judging her far more harshly for doing nothing other than fostering a relationship between THEIR child. You admit to doing it yourself. But you can't say "tell daddy you love him" trying to make sure that everything that needs to be said during the span of the voicemessage is actually recorded in the time alloted.

 

(I know I am assuming a lot, but I don't think this woman is using her child to keep her H. She's being lied to by her H.)

[NoIDidn't]

She e-mails him on the same e-mail address that I e-mail him on. Believe, I read a lot of pathetic e-mails from her. Voice mail access to his phone, only phone, I hear all of his messages. Child still doe not e-mail, but she sure does. All kinds of remember 12 years ago the song that we danced to when we met. There is no secret e-mail, she sees mine, so I see hers. OUr deal, or relationship PERIOD. Which is why I said I tempered my letter, I could totally humilate her by mocking her attempts at trying to get him to remember when 12 years ago we did this, 10 years ago we did that.....oh here is our wedding song??? but I don't... Does it really bother you that I get full access??? It is the only way I could continue on. By the way I also see all the inane e-mails from his friends and work. We have No secrets.... Sorry to diissappoint you bent.

 

Bent didn't say that. I did.

 

I see nothing wrong with her trying to save her marriage. I hope you never get the kind of judgment from someone that you are heaping on your victim.

[spinningwheels]

Sure, telling child when to say thank you is is polite. But after she and I got into a phone exchange, that same day, he was expecting to see his child. So the message child left was very sad to me. Her in the background with child repeating, "Daddy, Mommies stomach hurts so we are just going home, I can't stop and see you tonight. Love you, bye" (and then her saying hang up now) All coached by her, because of her anger for me, and trying to stop him from being with me by witholding child. Sick in my mind!

[child_of_isis]

How humiliating is it freaking out when he goes on vacation with his child?

 

How humiliating is it knowing that the only way you will ever have him is for her to throw him out?

 

How humiliating is it being involved in a drama that is traumatizing a child?

 

I could totally humilate her by mocking her attempts at trying to get him to remember when 12 years ago we did this, 10 years ago we did that.....oh here is our wedding song???

[child_of_isis]

Again...I see nothing sinister in this.

 

How can you see this as sinister?

 

He is only with the child when she is working (your words).

 

It sounds as if she wasn't working??

Her in the background with child repeating, "Daddy, Mommies stomach hurts so we are just going home, I can't stop and see you tonight. Love you, bye" (and then her saying hang up now) All coached by her, because of her anger for me, and trying to stop him from being with me by witholding child. Sick in my mind!

[bentnotbroken]

Disappointment wouldn't be the word I would use to describe what you are doing, more like disturbing.

[bentnotbroken]

Sure, telling child when to say thank you is is polite. But after she and I got into a phone exchange, that same day, he was expecting to see his child. So the message child left was very sad to me. Her in the background with child repeating, "Daddy, Mommies stomach hurts so we are just going home, I can't stop and see you tonight. Love you, bye" (and then her saying hang up now) All coached by her, because of her anger for me, and trying to stop him from being with me by witholding child. Sick in my mind!

 

 

If you have never been in a situation where your life is in constant turmoil, you wouldn't know anything about a stomach ache would you. I ended up with an ulcer and lost over 20lbs in 2 weeks. She doesn't have to life about that. Man you are reaching.

[NoIDidn't]

Man you are reaching.

 

 

And all because he has a vacation planned with his FAMILY for a week.

[NoIDidn't]

Sure, telling child when to say thank you is is polite. But after she and I got into a phone exchange, that same day, he was expecting to see his child. So the message child left was very sad to me. Her in the background with child repeating, "Daddy, Mommies stomach hurts so we are just going home, I can't stop and see you tonight. Love you, bye" (and then her saying hang up now) All coached by her, because of her anger for me, and trying to stop him from being with me by witholding child. Sick in my mind!

 

 

Why would the child be stopping to see him if he lives with them? This is getting really confusing. Was she to be expected to drop the child by your place? I wouldn't have either.

[child_of_isis]

Spinningwheels: Your thought process is VERY disturbing. Your thinking is so erratic at this point, I believe you to be treading on very dangerous ground.

 

Trust me when I tell you that you are horribly confused.

 

Get away from this man & his family for your own sake.

[spinningwheels]

that message was recieved whe he was working--she doens't work on weekends, he does.. schedule is he see child on Sunday after work when she is on her way home from parents. She only works 3 days a week, during the day, he works 5 at night. He does that to avoid her, and said he will change scedule for me!!! Kills you doesn't it child of isis?? He stays away to avoid her.!!!

 

I understand the stomach pain, believe me months before I was not able to eat and sufferred horrible pain and cramps and bleeding. I lost weight that I never needed to loose. I need to try to eat. I did not do anything but drink two cups of coffee this morning...I tried to push down some oatmeal tonight--please don't talk to me about stomach issues. I am on the toliet the minute I take a sip or bite of anything, I went to two doctors and got an interutral sonagram for bleeding and pain. As I said this site was about support. I have had pain.

 

She must eat in pain.

 

Bent if she lost 20 pounds she would still top the scales at almost 250. Another reason for her to stay, not to mention the moles on her face and the gaps in her teeth!! Or the tatoo on her saggy breast!

[NoIDidn't]

Bent if she lost 20 pounds she would still top the scales at almost 250. Another reason for her to stay, not to mention the moles on her face and the gaps in her teeth!! Or the tatoo on her saggy breast!

 

 

Oh I get it now. This is the stereotypical sexier-than-life-better-than-the-wife OW vs the stereotypical fat, ugly, child-influencing BW.

 

Poor BW. She's being abused by her H. She should let the loser go so she can get some peace.

[child_of_isis]

Why do you think this kills ME???

 

It sounds as if it is killing you.

 

that message was recieved whe he was working--she doens't work on weekends, he does.. schedule is he see child on Sunday after work when she is on her way home from parents. She only works 3 days a week, during the day, he works 5 at night. He does that to avoid her, and said he will change scedule for me!!! Kills you doesn't it child of isis?? He stays away to avoid her.!!!

 

I understand the stomach pain, believe me months before I was not able to eat and sufferred horrible pain and cramps and bleeding. I lost weight that I never needed to loose. I need to try to eat. I did not do anything but drink two cups of coffee this morning...I tried to push down some oatmeal tonight--please don't talk to me about stomach issues. I am on the toliet the minute I take a sip or bite of anything, I went to two doctors and got an interutral sonagram for bleeding and pain. As I said this site was about support. I have had pain.

 

She must eat in pain.

 

Bent if she lost 20 pounds she would still top the scales at almost 250. Another reason for her to stay, not to mention the moles on her face and the gaps in her teeth!! Or the tatoo on her saggy breast!

[spinningwheels]

As I said they work opposite schedules and he works weekend which child spends with parents because she works days on weekend. Sunday, child is picked up from grandparents and wife takes child to say hi to daddy while at work. He gets home after she is in bed, as he does 5 nights a weeks. He is asleep when she goes to school and gone when he gets home. The two days he is off he has child afterschool until wife gets home around 10pm. so not alot of time to go around. Sundays around 6 or seven when she picks child up from her parents she stops to let child see him for awhile, or it won't be unil tuesday. He does cherish those few minutes of seeing his child, so this is one of her cards to play.

 

However, if we were together, schedules would be changed. He has the ability, he doesn't want to spend more time with her, with me he would work 8-4 period. And he agrees, he just can't stand to be with her at that house without the child.

[NoIDidn't]

that message was recieved whe he was working--she doens't work on weekends, he does.. schedule is he see child on Sunday after work when she is on her way home from parents. She only works 3 days a week, during the day, he works 5 at night. He does that to avoid her, and said he will change scedule for me!!! Kills you doesn't it child of isis?? He stays away to avoid her.!!!

 

Again. I am the one that asked about that. Not Child of Isis.

 

Why do you think the posters here would be jealous of you because of lies that some gaslighting MM has told you.

 

Sounds like he works that schedule so that they save money on childcare with him home during the day.

 

You're reaching again.

[child_of_isis]

Count alimony in the divorce settlement.

 

She only works 3 days a week, during the day, he works 5 at night.

[child_of_isis]

I bet this is where the confusion & erratic thinking is coming from. She has been gaslighted beyond reason.

 

What is obvious to us, is incomprehensible to her.

 

 

Why do you think the posters here would be jealous of you because of lies that some gaslighting MM has told you.

 

.

[spinningwheels]

He has no family here, but her family happily would continue to support free child care.

 

It is not about money for that.

 

If he wanted his marraige they would have switched to work the same hours with less child care. Do you know how hard it is for him to get childcare to go out in the evenings with me after child is in bed. Babysitter's are 10 bucks an hour. 2x a week times two hours each. $40 dollars not including dinners, drinks....by the way, we don't go out until child is asleep and then sitter comes.

 

Everyone wants to tell me i am wrong, but as I said, I will give hime the next few days to show me how it will be. It all started out with a letter written in anger, and maybe I should rethink sending the letter.