Easier to forgive: a one night stand or an ongoing affair?

[30f5years]

I have been working hard to forgive my husband who cheated on me with a girl he was very fond from his past, but I can't get passed it. He also had a one night stand with another girl and who knows what else; he had 25 girls numbers in a secret cell phone, five ongoing conversations via text or calls when I found the phone. He travels 100% of the time for his job, so it was easy to conceal over a two year period. But, the question is, had it been a one night stand, could I have forgiven him? When I first found out I was quick to fix things, I have three kids under 5 - one was only 3 months when I found out about this. My terms for him to regain my trust were to give up all porn and to be 100% truthful. He hasn't been able to do either. He made commitments and he has broken them over and over. He has continued to lie to me about the past, but tells me he never wants this to happen again, because of the damage it has caused. He now says he has gone 3 weeks without porn. It's been about that since he told his last lie about something that happened over his period of cheating. I am tired of all this and I feel drained. I need space and he now won't give it to me. I asked him to leave and he says it's his house. I just want him to go and let me be happy with my children. My oldest started school so it's not like I can just up and leave and I think he should respect me enough to leave for a while. I kicked him out for two days but he came back. I want to be done with this but I want to make the best decision for my girls who are and will always be afected by this. I asked him if he thought about the consequences and he said he never planned on me knowing. He thinks I should just get over it and forgive him. Bottom line he's not supportive, I am at a loss. Help???!!!

[2sunny]

oh man, i am sorry for your pain and situation.

 

his attitude is not showing much promise in repairing what might be left of your marriage.

 

his sense of entitlement is greatly concerning, so is his lack of empathy for your position.

 

in an ideal world his actions and ability to be upfront and honest would be the complete opposite.

 

i would stand firm on having him move out. when he's out - change the locks and combos on everything - including the garage door opener. that will allow you time to figure out what your priorities are and deal with reality in a clear minded state. time to get your game plan in place. this should involve moving money to your name only so that you can still provide for your children if he doesn't give you his paycheck.

 

i am really sorry this is happening to you. be strong.

[Shorterrun]

from a guy who has cheated and changed, trust me if he really cared then he would do unbelieveable things that show he loves you and only you and will never do it again .... such as I dont know tell the entire world. if you mean that much to him he will do it without even thinking twice. sounds like he is trying to push you over and have his cake and eat it too. sorry just wanted to give you the honesty.

[bish]

I wouldn't forgive a ONS or an ongoing A.

[quankanne]

cheating is cheating is cheating. And no, I wouldn't put up with it. Forgive, probably – forget, oh HELL no!

 

I want to make the best decision for my girls who are and will always be afected by this

 

the fact that daddy isn't living at home with the family will never EVER be as important as the fact that they are going to be affected by his continual cheating and lying, and by how you respond to it. Stay with him, and they're going to see that it's okay to be in a relatinship with someone who doesn't respect you enough to stay faithful, and the fun starts when they drag home little boys who treat them like shxt because that's what they think is a "healthy" relationship.

[30f5years]

I hear that you are not supposed to tell your children, but knowing my husband's family, the same thing happened to his mom and she remarried his dad. Then, years later, a child found him that he knew about and never told anyone, so it seams that dishonesty just runs in the family. I am trying to heal myself, but my biggest battle is that I am losing any feelings I had towards my husband and I know my girls will pick up on that. After 11 months my husband is finally getting it and showing me he understands, but I am so wiped out, I can't acknowledge it. I feel that I deserve time to myself, just to see clearly enough to way things out, because him around me all the time keeps me in a fog.