staying friends or getting back together

[amory62]

My boyfriend and I were seeing each other for about two months. He was (and is) and kind, compassionate person. He always respected me, and constantly made sure that I was comfortable with all aspects of our relationship. He is a fun, outgoing person, and I always had fun when I was with him. However, at the same time, he was also always willing to listen, and we both had a very open level of communication. I always had a great level of respect for him, for he was incredibly true to his morals and beliefs. More than simply an eager boyfriend, he was a wonderful person, as well.

 

Perhaps because our relationship took place towards the end of the school year, into the summer, we began spending a lot of time with one another, to the point where we'd both express missing each other if we did not see each other for even one day.

 

Everything was well, until one day my intuition told me that he was acting a bit distant and that something was wrong. At the time, I was worried that I had something to do with his change of attitude.

 

However, he spoke to me candidly, and told me how he was going through a lot, and how he was under high stress. (School, his future, financial problems, car problems, familial problems, and the death of a friend....) A week later, he explained to me that he was too overwhelmed to be in a relationship, and that he couldn't bare knowing he wasn't treating me as I needed to be treated. When I offered him a break, he said he'd miss me too much. He told me that he had never cared for anyone as much as he cared for me, and that he wanted to remain friends. I assured him that I would be there for him, no matter what, and that I would try my hardest to help him through his problems.

 

When leaving my house that night, he seemed worried that I might never speak to him again, and each time I approached my door, he pulled me back and hugged me. He told me if I ever needed to talk to him at three o'clock in the morning, just to call him, and he asked if I would be willing to go out to lunch with him the following day. Five minutes after leaving my house, he called me up just to make sure I'd be alright.

 

The compassion he offered to me was perhaps painful, because I wasn't able to simply "get over" him. I still loved him dearly.

 

A few days later, I wrote him a letter, expressing how I was glad to simply have met him, for his friendship was precious to me.

 

I still feel that way, but...

 

Sometimes I feel as though it is too hard to remain friends with him. We are both entirely willing, but sometimes too much so. He often playfully teases me about talking to some of my other male friends, and is hurt when I cancel plans, or tell him I already am busy with my friends. I am trying to maintain all of my relationships, and I am finding that I am becoming increasingly grateful for my friends. I cannot bare to stay home and mull over my break up. I am trying to move on, while still remaining friends with him, as well.

 

However, the night he broke up with me, he expressed the fact that we might get back together in a few weeks, a few months, however long it took him to straighten out what was wrong with his life, which, quite honestly, is overwhelming for even me to just think about.

 

I respect him immensely for how he is trying to get through these problems in his life, and I want to be patient, but I am not sure if that is the healthy thing to do. Because honestly, honestly, I still want us to get back together.

 

Unfortunately, he was the first person I ever trusted enough to have a true relationship with, and so I may be unreasonably attached to him. I realize that our early excitement to see each other constantly was a factor of the freshness of the relationship, and perhaps it was too much for him to take. I have expressed, repeatedly, that I would be fine with a casual relationship. But he said that wasn't what he wanted. So, I am not sure what to do... If I should maintain this friendship, or if I should just give him both time and space. Yet, when I do the latter, he expresses being upset, whether subtley or forthrightly.

 

(I also think its important for me to express that although he is going through a lot, he never complains, and only mentions his problems occasionally).

 

Since he commutes to college, distance is of no issue, but yet, if I really wanted to, I could also avoid him completely.

 

I am certain that I should express myself to him, yet I am apprehensive to. I am frightened that he may feel that I am making too much of the situation. I'm just lost and in need of some help. Thanks for reading this... and thanks for your advice...

[truthley]

Be true to the way you feel. If you feel you have to speak to him. Give it a go if he chooses to turn the other cheek. At least you tried and can move on with a clear conscious. Thats what he did for you. Allowing you to know his thoughts and being straight forward is honorable. He also might have been asking for help. Sometimes people have a hard time being close to others, and need reassurance that the relationship is strong enough to survive, when the rest of the world is falling a part.