smithandwestern Posted September 11, 2008 Share Posted September 11, 2008 Hey I need some help with a complicated situation. Here goes: Lets just call her Z. Ive known her for over a year now and we have been best friends since we first met. About 6 months ago i developed very strong feelings for her. I ended up telling her and her reaction was: you are an amazing guy and i love you but just not in the way you love me. Anways to cut a long story short. It has gone on like this for a while now and last friday she came over. We got a lot more "friendly" then usual and she seemed to be ok with it. Then after going over her house yesterday the issue of me liking her came up. I found out that she enjoyed friday night but it kept running through her head " why am i doing this we are best friends". She loves me as a person and she doesnt have any problems with the physical side of things its just that she is unsure of taking the next step because we are friends. What can i do? Everything just seems to be saying that the relationship should happen and that it would be an awsome one its just the fact that she is unsure because we are friends. if anyone has any advice it would be greatly appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
Green Posted September 11, 2008 Share Posted September 11, 2008 Have you ever kissed her? what physical things have u done with her? have you ever had a gf? need more info like how old you guys r, if you met in college or whatever stuff like that. Anyways I say actions speak alot louder then words, so just make out with her, romance her. Its less important to put a label on things and talk out your feelings then to just get physical ! after all the spoken word is suposedly only a small part of what is comunicated. And oh yeah Your going have to completly risk losing her if you want to get her. You see in order to win over a girls heart you have to be willing to lose her... that mean agresivly going after her to the point where she will either be swept off her feet and go for this or relize shes going to have to say goodbye to you... you cant have ur cake and eat it too... but man you don't be her just a friend and see her dating other guys... you want to be her bf or what ever so go for it! GO FOR IT! Link to post Share on other sites
Author smithandwestern Posted September 11, 2008 Author Share Posted September 11, 2008 Well that friday night when she came over we ended up outside sitting under the gazebo with her sitting on my lap while i was kissing her shoulders and neck . When we normally are together she curls up against me and i wrap my arm around her. Last night she was really distant though. We met through a friend of mine. And i have never had a GF because i have never felt this way about a girl before. we both get along so well and we just "get" each other. Shes 16 and im 18 so i know there is a age difference but that has never affected us. (even her parents are cool with it ). I dont know if going after her aggresively is the right thing im afraid it will just make her feel trapped and that will just make things worse. I am thinking of taking her out for a day in the city this weekend there is this little coffee shop that i know of that she would like Link to post Share on other sites
Green Posted September 11, 2008 Share Posted September 11, 2008 you pretty much have to risk making her feel trapped. You really should have kissed her on the mouth when you had that romantic mood going. Look you can't change the fact if she wants you as a friend and your willing to just be a friend then your done. If you make the aggresive moves I'm telling you to she may feel trapped and not want to see you or what ever but unless you risk that you'll probably never get her. You have to challenge girl, take control, you cant just let them get there way, you want kiss her then go and kiss her. If your willing to be this little friend of hers who she views with little or no sexual intent then ur just going to end up regretting this. Be respectful, be kind, be cool, but go in there and make out with her, get romantic. DO NOT go and just talk friendly talk, its confusing, Good luck with your first relationship Link to post Share on other sites
Author smithandwestern Posted September 11, 2008 Author Share Posted September 11, 2008 Hey thanks for the advice i shall try it and see how it goes. If there is anyone else reading this who has got any clue on what to do you can you please leave a post I need all the help I can get. Link to post Share on other sites
Byren Posted September 11, 2008 Share Posted September 11, 2008 I'm going through a similar thing at the moment too, maybe my experiences can help you. So, a friend of mine of 2 years recently moved into a house with me (and a few others). We were the first to move in and were alone for 2 months, over these 2 months we formed a bond with each other that neither of us had had before, she rapidly scaled the friend pyramid from somewhere in the middle right to the top to became one of my best friends, if not my #1 friend! Anyway, one night we shared a drunken kiss and we were like "woah... um, we should prolly talk about this?" and we shared that we've both had felings for each other pretty much since the beginning of our friendship. Since then "other" things have happened that you wouldn't normally do with a friend... Skip forward a month or so and we're now dancing around other people's feelings, which isn't great; one of our best friends and housemate has strong feelings for her also, and she doesn't want to hurt his feelings, so until she can get around this we're not going to be official. (If anyone knows anyone that I can hook him up with, please let me know! =P) ANYWAY, from what I've learnt from my discussions with her and moving from friends to more than that is this: Usually logic doesn't come into it, actions will often speak a hell of a lot louder than words, and will show a strong character. But AFTER you've acted and shown that you're a strong, capable character you should probably talk about the situation with her, this is your friendship you're talking about. Me and my friend have talked for hours about this stuff, about what could go wrong, would we still be friends if it were to end? How would other people in your friendship group react? Bascially, you need to both be sure and know about the pitfalls and know that it could potentially kill your friendship with her. (but don't forget to point out all the positive stuff too, like how awesome you think you 2 will be together etc...) Sorry to seem like such a pessimist here, I'm just warning you. I've spent dozens of restless evenings thinking about this potential "friends first" relationship, and it scares the crap out of me, but i've decided that I'm willing to risk it all for a shot at her, and luckily she seems to emulate my feelings. Personally I think that what you guys could have would be wonderful, and i wish you the best of luck, just be careful and be positive that it's what you want! Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted September 11, 2008 Share Posted September 11, 2008 Be careful with your heart. There are plenty of women out there who use their 'friend guys' as cuddle buddies when they are in the mood to be treated like a girlfriend without actually having to be one. Link to post Share on other sites
Author smithandwestern Posted September 12, 2008 Author Share Posted September 12, 2008 Hey its me again I have been talking to her lately and she still seems rather distant. i'm afraid that i have scared her off. I need to know is there anyway that I can try to help bring back her confidence in the relationship and get it to work. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted September 12, 2008 Share Posted September 12, 2008 The only option you have is to let her entirely guide the direction of your relationship. Let her do all the contacting, all the requests to hang out, etc. Do not initiate anything, not even a hug. She is only going to let you come within a certain distance, and if you do anything to move closer she will simply move that much farther back to keep you at an emotional arm's length. You'll have to make do with being 100% passive for now. Anything you do to the contrary will simply run her further away. Link to post Share on other sites
SexinmyCity Posted September 14, 2008 Share Posted September 14, 2008 Tell her there is nothing better in the world than falling in love with your best friend! In fact, having the friendship as the foundation of your relationship for a year is amazingly wonderful! All you are doing is adding a physical part to your already fantastic relationship. What could be better? Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
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