2 weeks after the split, pain is unbearable...

[Rafa]

The pain doesn't seem to ease off at all. It's been almost 2 weeks since we broke it off (which was mainly her decision). We'd been together for a year and 8 months.

From the moment I wake up in the morning, a second or two passes before I remember the reality - "oh no, we've split up, it's over... I miss her", and I know I have to get through another painful day. I tried NC, that lasted 9 days and then I called her. She said she was glad I phoned, and had wanted to call me too, but we had agreed on NC. She gave me what sounded like a version of the "it's not you, it's me" routine. She needed to solve her own problems with herself. Also she has taken on a new job and will have very little time. These are all just excuses, I know we could find a way if she really wanted us. She has left things vaguely open for the distant future, "you never know", etc, but I think it's unlikely and and I don't want to be kept on the back-burner in case things don't work out for her. Things would never be the same again anyway.

I can't do the things I enjoy anymore. I am preoccupied with missing her and feeling very lonely, trying to come to terms with this. I live away from my home country so don't have many friends in this place.

On Saturday she will be staying over at my neighbors house. That's how we met in the first place - my neighbor is her best friend. It will be so tough knowing she is just next door. I feel like I need to leave town for the weekend or something.

Sorry I just needed to "talk". This is killing me.

[motive2002]

It's alright Rafa.. I know how you feel. The first couple weeks is brutal, but trust me, in time it gets better.

I had a strong circle of friends and family for support, but after sounding like a broken record for so long I wound up here. I know you're far from home, but we're here any time you need someone to talk to.

 

I wish there was something I could say to help ease the pain. Just have faith that you will recover. We all do eventually. Hang in there!

[Rafa]

Thanks motive2002 for your kind words, I appreciate it.

 

She's now saying that she has some of my clothes, and should she drop them around on Sunday... I'm thinking it will just be too painful to see her.

Last night was the worst I've had so far. There was no-one I could phone, I didn't realize how horrible that could feel.

[Dolorian]

I know EXACTLY how you feel. My ex still wants to be friends with me, but it's really hard on me. She already went back to her ex boyfriend (the one before me) and is in a relationship with him. Within a week of our "breakup". It's been two weeks now and although I meet new people and make new friends, I always end up checking my phone for her text. We just have to get through this somehow. Time heals all wounds...i hope.

[sedgwick]

At two weeks I was still sniveling in bed and unable to eat. You're not supposed to be over this relationship yet! You have to give it time, unfortunately.

[RogueAC]

Rafa, I’m sorry you have to go through this. My ex gave an extreme version of “it is not you it is me” break up. Sometimes I wish it was me or someone else or something else but it is not. It is not us – it is them.

 

Do you have anything that you like to do that doesn’t remind you of the ex? Maybe try new activity. It might give you an opportunity to meet some new people where you live. Also, if you have the energy try working out, it really helps. Even a 10 minute walk will help.

 

Things will get better. You will be okay.

[ahhhchooo]

I can't do the things I enjoy anymore. I am preoccupied with missing her and feeling very lonely, trying to come to terms with this. I live away from my home country so don't have many friends in this place.

I can most certainly relate with this... the first few weeks are really bad, except for work, I pretty much didn't move from my bed except to contact her for about 3 weeks. I still can not engage in the activities that I relate to her without anything but feigning interest (even though I met her through those activities, and had a strong interest before meeting and dating her).

 

It took me over a month to realise she really wasn't coming back. It's about 2 months since she distanced herself now, around 7 weeks since we broke up, and it's still anything but easy, but things definitely get better. As RogueAC said, a new hobby really helps - even if you need to force yourself to be interested in it.

[Intergalactic]

it DOES get better. i know that's hard to believe now, but you WILL get past this. at two weeks, all i did was cry, EVERYWHERE, and i couldn't sleep, i couldn't eat, i couldn't do anything. all i did was think up long speeches i needed to give him to try and make him come back, or at least think about giving me another chance, and keep calling him until he picked up.

took me about a month to realise that right now, he isn't coming back. he simply doesn't want a relationship. that isn't my fault, it's his decision. we can be friends and that is all. i still feel crappy when i think too much, i still wake up at night sometimes and i still get the sick feeling in my stomach when i realise that i can't do those same things anymore, can't touch him whenever i want and all that. but it's not so bad anymore, it really isn't.

and now, at two months, i know that i will get past this, that i have a lot of life left to live and that i WILL love again. whether it's him, in the future, or someone else, is beside the point. i WILL love again. and someone will love me, and i will be happy. and that is what i focus on, when i start thinking too much. the past is gone, the future is all there is to think about.

[Dolorian]

Those are all great replies. It sucks right now, but it'll end some time. Like I said, I'm going through the same thing right now. So if you need someone to talk to, you know where to find me (us!).

[EmperorR]

I still feel horrible she already has a crush on a new guy, I'm trying no contact she txt ms today it took weryrhing within me not to txt back I'm still barely eating all

I want to do is sleep, cuz the hours go by faster

[Rafa]

Thanks for the replies. It's now 10 days later. She came around with my clothes and we talked for an hour. She said she still loved me, missed me, etc, but that the split somehow still "felt right".

I told her that not contacting her had been difficult and that I still felt we could be happy together. She left saying "I'm not promising anything....".

 

We then went back to NC for a few days until she called me and said "I want to see you, can you come and have lunch with me".

I dropped my plans (was going to watch live Davis Cup tennis) and drove up to see her (a 1.5 hr drive). She said "I've been thinking a lot about us".

She then told me all the same things again, that she still loved me and missed me (there were tears), but that the split "felt right". It was horrible. She'd given me hope by asking to see me... but it ended again, just the same, with her saying "who knows in the future, if it's meant to be..", etc. I was only there half an hour, but now I'm back home and I feel awful again. What does this all mean? Why does she say she wants to see me only to reject me again? ("I just wanted to see you" she said). It was a dream come true that she wanted to see me, but now I am totally devastated again. Should I go no contact again?

 

If she loves me and misses me, then why can't we be together. It feels like we just reached a crunch point in the relationship, which most relationships go through, and she has just given up on us. It is a very difficult time, I feel like I should ask her to stop contacting me.

 

Thanks for all your company.

[Saros200k]

You will feel bad for a while, but the thing to keep notice of is how the frequency of you feeling bad keeps decreasing. It might always seem like it's there, but it does get small and smaller. It's been over 6 months for me, and although she pops in my mind, she pops out just the same.

 

If I can give you some great advice, exercise a lot/work out a lot. It really helps get your mind of things, since you have to stay focused on what you're doing. Also biologically, it will put you in a good.