Shygirl15 Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 It's about a male friend of mine. I don't know, but sometimes he comes across sorta gayish. Maybe I should mention that he has been married before, for a long time. Well, he has been planning this vacation with his best buddy for about a month. Today, they flew out to the Virgin Islands, for a weekend of 'relaxation'. He mentioned that they'll also share a room, and added as a joke "but we're not gay!". I was like mmh, okay. Thing is, when he was still married, the best buddy and the wife didn't get along at all. Sometimes, he would go on a business trip, and invite his buddy along with him, but will not tell the wife that he's going with his buddy. He says the reason his wife didn't like his friend, is that she didn't like him hanging out with single friends. I can write a whole page, but at least these are what I consider to be somewhat red flags. What do you guys think of all this? Gay? Not?
rod_in_gtown Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 Not gay, going on a vacation with a buddy allows you to have a wingman when meeting women. I went to PR with a buddy of mine from work. We had an awesome time and met a couple of VERY cute girls from NYC.
Author Shygirl15 Posted September 11, 2008 Author Posted September 11, 2008 Not gay, going on a vacation with a buddy allows you to have a wingman when meeting women. I went to PR with a buddy of mine from work. We had an awesome time and met a couple of VERY cute girls from NYC. Did you share a room with him? The whole idea of two guys sharing a room is a bit creepy..
rod_in_gtown Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 Not on this particular trip but I have shared room with buddies before. Incidentally the two girls we met were also there sharing a room. that did not scream "lesbian" to me.
rod_in_gtown Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 Part of the trip was business so some of the hotel was covered by work
Author Shygirl15 Posted September 11, 2008 Author Posted September 11, 2008 Grogster, why do you think that? How do you think about this sneaking with a friend to a business trip without the wife knowing? Yesterday he was really panicky about his buddy; he said the buddy (he lives out of state) wanted to arrive in early morning so that they just go straight to the airport, but he wanted him to come at night so that they could relax, spend the night together then drive to the airport in the morning . Lol, he was clearly upset the buddy didn't want to spend the night with him.
rod_in_gtown Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 You've watched brokeback mountain way too many times. If the wife was a chore and his buddy was fun, I could understand why he wouldn't want to tell her. specially if they did things like go to strip clubs or other male activities together before they married. women tend to be insecure when their husbands are out having fun. I would be concerned about cutting it to close to take off, if there's traffic, or something happens then the whole trip could be ruined. But let's entertain your POV, what does it matter if he is gay?
Author Shygirl15 Posted September 11, 2008 Author Posted September 11, 2008 But let's entertain your POV, what does it matter if he is gay? I was hoping to date him when his divorce is final..
audrey_1 Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 The former guy I was seeing went on a mountain climbing expedition with his best guy pal. They flew out together and stayed in a bunk house. His ex-girlfriend left a comment on one of their photos they took together on his Facebook that says something like, "you guys still make a great couple..ha ha ha ha." And he's told me before both she and his mother have accused him of being gay and laughed it off.
audrey_1 Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 I don't think he is gay. Maybe not, but right now, with day 2 of NC, and my struggling to get past him no longer being in my life, it helps me to think that he is.
JoeNewbie Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 Maybe he's gay - or perhaps even bi... But regardless, I think two guys going on vacation together is perfectly normal, including the room sharing part.
carhill Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 **Gasp** I used to even sleep in the same tent with other men. Really out there gay. We'd even write our names in the snow together OP, perfectly normal. Men do things together. Believe it or not, we actually enjoy the company of fellow men
Quinch Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 He's broadcasting gay-rays across the valley Seriously, you might go with a mate on holiday (I've done that but always seperate rooms) but you don't drag him along on a 'business trip' paid for by the company.
JoeNewbie Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 Seriously, you might go with a mate on holiday (I've done that but always seperate rooms) but you don't drag him along on a 'business trip' paid for by the company. I agree with the business trip part...
Author Shygirl15 Posted September 11, 2008 Author Posted September 11, 2008 Maybe bi then, because he likes women as well. I mean, I know for a fact he likes women..
Author Shygirl15 Posted September 11, 2008 Author Posted September 11, 2008 Anyway, what bothers me is that he cares for his buddy the same way a guy would care for his girlfriend. He just called me: "we're in transit in Miami, my buddy is really tired. He will need to take deep rest when we reach there. I'm worried, he's not talking much. I hope he's not sick" etc etc. Anyway, maybe he's just caring. And he didn't offer me to greet the "buddy".
carhill Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 OP, I hope you understand that men run the gamut of personalities, emotional makeups and situational responses. If I had heard this kind of discourse from my wife about she and her close girlfriends (the couple of women who she shares everything with), I would think nothing of it. I'd be happy she was sensitive to the needs of her friend. What you need to discover is that there are men out there like that too. They're not gay, rather just have a different emotional makeup than "normal" (you define what normal is, as I have no idea). My point is why agonize over such things. Just be glad he's a caring guy and hope that he treats you with the same care. At least you know he's capable of it, yes?
rod_in_gtown Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 It makes me think of the relationship I have with one of my very good friends back in my home country. We love each other lilke brothers, we care about what the other is going through. That doesn't make us gay or bi or anything less than men.
Author Shygirl15 Posted September 11, 2008 Author Posted September 11, 2008 Yeah, I know Carhill. Honestly, after I posted this thread I somewhat felt guilty for even having such thoughts about him. He's generally very caring and sensitive to everyone, myself included. See, I once was in a relationship with a bisexual, and didn't realize he was until much, much later. Everyone laughed behind my back; I was the only one who didn't know. I guess since that incident, I have become a bit wary when I see certain chain of behaviours that I ignored from the bisexual ex.
Author Shygirl15 Posted September 11, 2008 Author Posted September 11, 2008 I'm going to meet the buddy next weekend anyway. We are going to his town to watch a football game. I will be very observant.
tanbark813 Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 Years ago I went to Vegas for 5 days with my best friend and we shared a room. But I also wasn't seeing anyone at the time and I guilted him out of bringing his gf with him. No gay relations took place.
Recommended Posts