Can't stand the dog!

[JackJack]

Please tell me what are the right things to do? We are gone 16 hours a day, the dog has been sufferring from seperation anxiety barking/chewing for 3 months now.. The neighbors are complaining and calling... I don't like being the a-hole of the neighborhood giving my neighbors lip service.

 

At some point, can't you get rid of a dog? Is there ever a set of circumstances where some of you would get rid of an animal? This dog is soo needy it is impacting the marriage. How much is a marriage worth versus a problem animal?

 

Seems some here would divorce their spouse and cut off thier left arm to save their dog??

 

You have been given suggestions on what to do and things to try. There are people, trainers who specailize in certain behaviors of dogs, you were told this before. They can help with the crate issue, barking/yelping/chewing, and seperation anxiety issues. I honestly do not know what else to tell you or what else you want others to tell you, unless you're looking for others to agree with you on just giving up on the dog and getting rid of him. maybe this is something you and wife should have discussed beofre getting married.

[carhill]

We are gone 16 hours a day, the dog has been sufferring from seperation anxiety barking/chewing for 3 months now..

 

IMO, you likely shouldn't have a social animal like a dog, not because you're cruel or insensitive but rather because the animal needs more human attention than you can effectively give. I think the fact that you're here discussing this and asking for help is a good sign

 

I'd really push adopting your animal out. Really push it. I have a feeling she had the dog as a surrogate (I don't know your/her backgrounds) because she seems inappropriately attached to an animal she spends so little time with and energy on.

 

There is no magical quick fix for this. No option is going to be easy and painless.

 

You might consider calling a no-kill shelter in your area, sharing your story and getting their input. I know there are some real smart and compassionate people working the shelters in our area and they can and are very willing to help. It sure beats the alternative (insanity or killing the animal)

[Ocean-Blue]

IMO, you likely shouldn't have a social animal like a dog, not because you're cruel or insensitive but rather because the animal needs more human attention than you can effectively give. I think the fact that you're here discussing this and asking for help is a good sign

 

I'd really push adopting your animal out. Really push it. I have a feeling she had the dog as a surrogate (I don't know your/her backgrounds) because she seems inappropriately attached to an animal she spends so little time with and energy on.

 

There is no magical quick fix for this. No option is going to be easy and painless.

 

You might consider calling a no-kill shelter in your area, sharing your story and getting their input. I know there are some real smart and compassionate people working the shelters in our area and they can and are very willing to help. It sure beats the alternative (insanity or killing the animal)

 

What a thoughtful response, carhill.

[Billy Bob]

IMO, you likely shouldn't have a social animal like a dog, not because you're cruel or insensitive but rather because the animal needs more human attention than you can effectively give. I think the fact that you're here discussing this and asking for help is a good sign

 

I'd really push adopting your animal out. Really push it. I have a feeling she had the dog as a surrogate (I don't know your/her backgrounds) because she seems inappropriately attached to an animal she spends so little time with and energy on.

 

There is no magical quick fix for this. No option is going to be easy and painless.

 

You might consider calling a no-kill shelter in your area, sharing your story and getting their input. I know there are some real smart and compassionate people working the shelters in our area and they can and are very willing to help. It sure beats the alternative (insanity or killing the animal)

 

Problem was the 15 YO daughter was given the dog as a gift by her biological dad, my wife was a single mom with 2 kids for about 10 years and didn't even hardly date anyone. Her kids have had the dog for 9 years, but suddenly the 18 YO boy has moved out and the 15 YO daughter is hardly home and shows no interest (except for not wanting to get rid of) in the dog.

 

It's just the living situation for everyone has changed. Her kids grew up and the dog is neglected now.. but they still have an emotional attachment to the dog. I understand that, but the dog is causing problems with it's behavior and the neighbors are getting pissed.. Maybe I can convince her to adopt it out? May be hard with a 9 year old dog.

 

Maybe a dog trainer could help... kind of skeptical on that though.

[Kasan]

How about trying some music for now, while you decide what you are going to do. There are cds available such as Dog Laughter, and Pet Music which are soothing.

 

But I usually play classical music in the background when I know that I am going to be gone longer than usual.

 

I've never had a problem with chewing and as I mentioned before, my dogs have never been crated and stay in the house when we are at work.

 

You can break a chewing habit.

[carhill]

The way I see it, if you and your wife are on the same page about the dog, everyone else would fall into line. IMO, that's your goal.

 

You say the dog was given as a gift to step-daughter *after* your wife and her ex divorced. Hmm...

 

I would agree that emotional attachments to animals are strong. I was the midwife to our cat's kittens back when my wife and I were dating years ago and that cat follows me around like a dog and I give her milk in the middle of the night when I should be sleeping. I understand these things That said, there comes a time when one must see beyond their own personal attachment and think of the well-being of the animal they love. That time comes for nearly everyone who loves animals, often many times, as people tend to out-live their pets.

 

Again, speaking to someone who works professionally with such situations (like the paid and volunteer help at a no-kill shelter) will likely bring options to the table that I and others might have missed.

 

IMO, it is kind of hard to expect a 15yo to feel responsible for an animal when her parents (in the habitation sense) are gone 16 hours a day. I was thinking about that.... I don't sleep much, maybe 3-4 hours a night, but most people sleep 6-8 hours a night, so, doing the math, yikes.......

[Stung]

look, i don't agree with some of the knee-jerk bashing that's occurred in this thread, at some points this conversation seriously devolved. that being said, OP, what is riling most people up at this point is that you say you're looking for advice, but you don't seem to be hearing it when people hand it to you. okay, fine, you are skeptical of engaging a dog trainer. does this mean that you are unwilling to try it? it dismays people to read that you seem to be considering voice box removal surgery more seriously than dog training.

 

you are not a dog person, probably not an animal person at all, and most of the people responding here very clearly are. you seem to expect the animal to be either 'good' or 'bad', and to follow your rules automatically, as if it were a robot rather than a live animal. don't feel too bad, though, this is a mistaken perception that a lot of people have. there are a lot of things about animal intelligence and behavior that you simply don't know, which seem so obvious to most 'animal people' that they are incredulous and taken aback by some of the things you have said here, if that helps explain some of the discord. animal people vs. non-animal people, a lot of it is just about priorities and perception, kind of like the battle of the sexes, which can get heated too.

 

still, you have been given a lot of good advice.

 

first, talk to your wife and stepdaughter. you're going to have to insist on some things. since they already know you actually want to give the dog away, they should be more than willing to compromise. it sounds like your wife has been pussyfooting around the stepdaughter on this issue, whether because she's reluctant to fight with her teenager or because she's sympathetic to her feelings on this, but letting her daughter get away with taking no responsibility while imposing a bad situation is, in the long run, bad for all of you. anyway, tell them that the situation is BAD FOR THE DOG, and you want them to help you make it better. explain that the daughter needs to make it a priority to brush and play with the dog, that she needs to spend quality time with him, and that if training is going to work, EVERYONE in the family, including the youngest kids, need to attend the classes and work with the trainer.

 

then call a trainer. there are many out there, so make sure you have one with qualifications, who has worked with animals suffering from major transitions and separation anxiety before. just like teachers and therapists, there are both good and bad animal trainers out there; try to find one who works well with both your family and your dog.

 

give the training some time. it's not a magic pill, it takes work and consistency. but isn't it better to at least give it a shot than wrest away your stepdaughter's pet despite the objections of your wife? i mean, what a fast way to alienate your new family and make your stepdaughter hate you. i assume that's not something that you want. anyway, ask your trainer about some of the concepts you have introduced here i.e. crating and shock collars, etc. i am against those, as a general rule, but i'm not there working with your dog and your kids. talk to somebody who is.

 

also consider some of the other options previous posters have brought up. can you use a babygate to confine the dog to one area of the house during the day or night? what about letting the stepdaughter have the dog sleep in her room at night, and only crating the dog during the day while everyone is at work/school? can your stepdaughter make it more of a priority to get home earlier on certain days to walk the dog? is your wife willing to pay for a dogwalker to come by every day?

 

if the training doesn't work, if none of the other options work, after you've given it some time...well, then, yeah, of course giving the dog away is an option. maybe a good option. at least then you will be able to look your stepdaughter and wife in the face and say that you tried. i think what most people were objecting to here was the feeling we got that you just wanted to throw the dog away despite your new family's objections without having tried any alternatives to locking it away or putting it in a crate. just please keep your mind open about educating yourself about animal behavior and trying other methods, and if nothing is working THEN and your wife and stepdaughter can't pull it together to try to help, find another, more suitable family for him.

[2nd-Best]

Sorry If I don't sound too sypathetic to you and your marriage but I think the dog in this case needs more help than you guys do.

 

If this dog has been suffering from neglect from the wife and daughter these 9 years then I think the dog should be placed in a loving home with people who want a dog and can take care of the dog...willingly, not as if it is a chore.

 

NOW, CHORES... chores are great things to teach your kids to do so they can get a sense of responsibility.

Tell the daughter that she is 15 years old and old enough to take care of her own dog, and unless she wants to get rid of it that she must walk it once a day before or after school.

Go for family walk after dinner and take the dog with you!!

make a calender with different chores for each day and rotate/alternate the days that each person in the family is responsible for brushing/bathing/walking the dog.

 

Parents now days are really lax and dont teach there children any sense of personal responsiblity for themselves or their possessions, which results in spoiled lazy brats like the 15 year old who wont take care of her own dog.

I'd take away her phone privilages, tv , music and computer if she didnt do her homework, take care of her dog or do her chores.

 

I'm only 25 so im not too far removed from a teenager, and I can tell you this.. that even though you're her step dad.. without you becoming too overbaring and mean that is.. that she will be gratefull later on in life that you tought her this.

Especially when she has her own children. (this goes for your own kids aswell)

[LakesideDream]

This is a sad post. I'm not a "dog person", but I certainly feel for this dog. It's your responsibility to make the best of the situation. The dog was in his home before you were.

 

Give this old pooch some love!

 

I lost the fabulous Super Cat, Mister Kitty, last September, and my life hasn't been the same since. I'm just as emotionally sad about losing him as I was over my divorce. I am forever greatful that we could be cuddle buddies, and best friends right up until minutes before his passing.

 

I'm sure your new wife, and her daughter are attached to their hairy retreiver as well. Tread wisely, and give the animal a break, he can't create his own happiness like we can.

[Groovy]

You say your skeptical about training but haven't even tried it. I went through awful things with my dog and training class failed. So I got a home trainer who trained dogs for military work. He is the best dog ever now!!!!

 

I just think it sucks you'd take the low road of passing him along to a shelter or locking him outside before you spend money on a trainer because of your own convenience. At least make an effort before you give up on something that needs you.

 

But if you really just don't care about the animal our suggestions are useless and I think the dog should be adopted out. I know people on Craigs List will take pets if you post....

[IfWishesWereHorses]

Why not look up the website for Golden Retriever Rescue Group in your area. There are enormous breed particular rescue groups in each demographic area. The websites of these groups have incredible success stories. Why not arm yourself with the appropriate information and then make an attempt to convince your new family that you love them enough to want to do what is best for everyone involved including the dog.

 

Try googling GRREAT. Its worth a shot.

[Geishawhelk]

A trainer/behavior professional is an option I guess. I haven't looked into it. I did look at some of the barking deterrents.. sonic, shock collars.. but not sure they really work? Voice box removal?

This is an absolutely abhorrent suggestion.

If you were getting on my nerves, should I put a shock collar on you maybe, or remove your vocal chords? Would you be happy for me to use those solutions on you?

I doubt it.

So bin those ideas straight away.

 

For the dog's sake, re-home it. With or without your partner's permission or approval. The sooner that dog goes to a willing and loving family, the better.

If it were a child, you'd have all been prosecuted for cruelty long ago.

I'm a dog behaviourist, and I cannot even begin to imagine how sad and distressed this poor animal is.

 

And it is all your (combined) fault. Not the dog's.

Take some responsibility, for crying out loud.

 

You should all be thoroughly ashamed of yourselves.

[reddog63]

My God, when did a beloved family pet become so expendable?

 

What you are doing to this poor creature is abuse, plain and simple.

 

Be forewarned that giving it to the local shelter almost 100% guarantees that he will be put down (at his age, it's likely he'll be adopted...plus, they only give them a few days to a week anyway before the animal is terminated).

 

You knew your wife had a dog BEFORE you got married to her, so you can't all of a sudden decide it's inconvenient for you. A dog, like a child, is a part of the family and comes with the package - you either accept the dog or find some safe, happier alternative.

 

I am appalled that YOU are complaining that he whines away when you crate the poor guy for so damn long. Do you have ANY idea what it's like to stay in a confined space for this long? Imagine being stuck in a large coffin and you'll get a feel for it.

 

He is scared. He doesn't belong in a damn crate.

 

This post makes me sick to my stomach.

 

Get off the OP's ass already...................he knows it is a problem and he is asking for solutions............he wants to do the right thing but his wife and kids wont let him get rid of the dog.

 

HE KNOWS it is not good to have dog in crate that long............HAVE YOU READ his dam post..........

 

If you want to be productive, give him suggestions on what to do to get out of this situation.

[blair08]

Wonder if we will hear a follow up to what he decided to do about his dog situation?

[Ville]

Get off the OP's ass already...................he knows it is a problem and he is asking for solutions............he wants to do the right thing but his wife and kids wont let him get rid of the dog.

 

HE KNOWS it is not good to have dog in crate that long............HAVE YOU READ his dam post..........

 

If you want to be productive, give him suggestions on what to do to get out of this situation.

 

We all have read his post. Now what part of "Get a Trainer" do you not understand? So many people on this post have given him great suggestions. He has made excuses for everyone of them, and even used "skeptical" for training. He should be skeptical of training, it is going to involve him and his family having to do some work to help this dog and they are not going to do it. He wants the dog gone and is not going to do the work necessary to help this poor dog.

 

You need to tell your daughter and wife that the dog needs a trainer and you three need to do the work to help the dog and give him the love and attention he needs. Or you need to contact a no-kill shelter and hope they have room for him or contact a golden retriever rescue and hope they can take him.

 

No excuses, its one of these options. There is no pill to fix this.

[spinningwheels]

google golden retriever rescue...they will help you find a wonderful home for the most spectacular breed of dog! I have had many golden's in my life. I was raised with them. They are FAMILY dog's. They live for their human companion's. They want nothing more than to be included with thier people. My golden's get a five mile hike a day, which keeps all of us in shape and wears them out! At home they have always been well adjusted, mine is sleeping at my feet now. Golden's really only want to please their people, and yes they shed. But to me, it is a small price that I pay for their companionship and love. I feel lucky to have had the devotion and love of that particular breed. If your dog is showing negative behavior, it is NOT his fault...he is disregared and does not have a place in his family. It breaks my heart to think of such a sweet dog being so sad and negleted.

 

PM me if you need to I will bring that dog to my house if I had too. Do not further punish him with shock treatment, collars, confinement. My friend has a dog that is known for excessive barking (golden's are not), she bought it a citronella bark collar. (her dog's have free run of the house) it stopped barking...My dog was barking once at her house for food, I put the collar on ONCE--he got it. All I have to say is bark collar, and he looks down and doesn't make a peep. Golden's want nothing more than to please their people!

 

I totally incorporate my dog in my life. He goes with me to the store, outdoor dinners, outdoor bars, and we take a family trip to the beach each year. He can stay in the house, free run all day without a problem. However, if he didn't get the excersize and attention that he recieved, I believe he would have every right to act out.

 

If you can't incorporate him into your family the kindest thing to do would be to give him to another golden retriever person. Someone who understands the breeds love of family. Do not go to a shelter....google golden retriever rescue. They will drive to wherever you are to pick up the dog and rehome it with a family that can provide the love and attention they need. It really seems from your posts that you don't want to give the love and attention as far as long hikes and games of fetch, let alone allowing the dog to participate in the family within the family home at all times. Give that dog to someone that can treat him well.

 

I adopted my last golden at age 7 from a neglectful home and he was the best dog I ever had. He was very greatful for the life I provided for him. And his death will always be viewed as one of the worst days of my life. Allow someone to love your older golden that same way.

 

Stepping off my soapbox for now.

[whichwayisup]

Now what part of "Get a Trainer" do you not understand?

 

That and hiring a dog walker to come afew times a day. I didn't see the OP mention or acknowledge those suggestions and I KNOW I suggested the dog walker twice. As well as afew others. Seems to me, he is just hellbent on getting rid of the dog.

[spinningwheels]

he can't afford a dog walker--they charge about $15 bucks for 15 minutes...which is still not really what that dog needs, although it may help. What the dog needs is to be a member of their family. Silly as it sounds....My dog knows what birthday cake is and barks along to the song. He also knows hike, beach, lake, swim, walk. Golden's are not couch potatoes.....Get a grey hound for that....also great dog. The biggest mistakes are people choosing the wrong breed and then being dissappointed by their behaviors. Any doodle (lab,golden) don't shed. but they still need to be a part of the family.

 

Trainer's won't help if the family won't participate.

[jmargel]

People who treat an animal so cruel should not be allowed to have children. I have four dogs and they are members of our family. Unfortunetly people buy puppies because they are 'cute' and once the novelty wears off and the work begins then some people try to find the easy way out by throwing it to the pound or stuffing it in a create for 20 hours a day.

 

That dog can give you ALL so much joy, that's why this dog is whining and barking so much. He's trying to tell you to PLEASE allow him to do this. Poor thing is totally confused on why it's in this small crate all it's life.

 

Get a trainer and have ALL of you work with this dog. And this issue goes way beyond the dog, it seems probably like none of you do anything together as a family.

[Geishawhelk]

Oh, and by the way, as a minor and virtually insignificant aside....

 

Dog moult a LOT less if you take care of their coats, and brush them regularly.

 

The neglect of this animal is unbelievable.

I'm astonished that all the neighbours have done, is complain.

If I were a neighbour, the dog would be mysteriously missing - and in my home, being looked after properly.

 

it seems probably like none of you do anything together as a family.

 

That sounds logical too....