Married And Engaged Friends

[STALLION21]

PLEASE HELP I AM IN LOVE W/ A MARRIED MAN. WE STARTED AS BUSINESS RELATIONS, WHICH LEAD TO FRIENDSHIP WHICH LEAD TO STRONGER FEELINGS. WE HAVE NOT ACTED ON THESE FEELINGS, BUT I WANT TO KNOW IS IT OKAY TO KEEP IN TOUCH BY PHONE, EMAIL, AND OCCASIONAL OUTINGS AS FRIENDS UNTIL WE BOTH DECIDE TO LEAVE THE OTHER PERSON. HE IS 30 AND MARRIED, I AM 21 AND ENGAGED. IF IT IS OKAY, ANY SUGGESTIONS ON HOW TO KEEP IT FRIENDLY W/ THESE STRONG ATTRACTIONS?

[Tony T]

Hold on to your pants. You have no idea where this is going. And, NO, it is NOT OK to keep in touch with a married man by any means with the intention of breaking him up with his current wife. And why would you want a man who would so freely cheat on his wife without conscience? I think you need to hold off on any decisions until you think about thisvery carefully. Starting a relationship out like this is not good for the soul. You will regret being in the middle of the mess it could create.

 

You are young and impressionable. He is 30 and obviously very fickle. He got married to someone and now met you and changes his mind and committment to his wife, the woman he promised to remain with forever. That doesn't show a great deal of character??? You are engaged and certainly free to change your promise at this time. Your marriage has not taken place. I do recommend you cancel your engagement but not to marry this guy...because you simply aren't yet ready to make a committment to anybody and this situation clearly shows that. That's OK. Marriage is a very important decision and you should not take it lightly. You need to stop taking your heart and exposing it all over the place so freely...especially where married men are concerned.

 

Now if you absolutely must go somewhere with this, tell him before you will have anything more to do with him he needs to get a divorce. And tell him you want to see the divorce papers. You don't want him getting a divorce because of you. You want him to get a divorce because his marriage is irretrievably broken and can no longer function. If she gets a divorce just to be with you and it doesn't work out, that's a very heavy burden on you. But, as I said, you need to break up with your fiance NOW!!! You are clearly not sufficiently in love with him to make a lifelong committment to him right now.

 

I have a very strong feeling that this may be more of a challenge, game or power play for you. You are screwing with people's feelings here. Just, please, do yourself a favor and don't get enmeshed in this kind of horrible situation any further until he has a divorce degree granted by the appropriate court, has settled all his property issues, and is free to be with you. You can also bet this guy will cheat on you in the future if you get involved with him further. Print this out and keep it for future reference.

[STALLION21]

TONY,

THANKS FOR RESPONDING, DO YOU FEEL THAT B/C WE HAVE NOT HAD ANY TYPE OF SEXUAL CONTACT AND WE HAVE PROMISED TO BE FRIENDS AS LONG AS HE IS MARRIED IS CONSIDERED CHEATING?

HE DID NOT SAY HE WAS GONNA LEAVE HER BUT HE SAID THAT, WE MET AT THE WRONG TIME AND HE HAS CONTINUALLY SAID THAT'S IT BUT NEVER ACTUALLY LEFT HER. HE ALSO SAID EVEN IF HE LEFT HER, WE WOULD NOT START ANYTHING UNTIL WE BOTH

WERE SURE ABOUT OUR RELATIONSHIPS.

NEITHER OF US HAS DONE THIS BEFORE, IT STARTED INNOCENTLY.

[bryanp]

What you have is called an emotional affair. I have a question for you. How would you feel if the man who is engaged to marry you was in the same situation with another woman? I suggest that you end the engagement since it is unfair to your boyfriend and disrespectful to him. You either are too immature at this point to be contemplating marriage or not totally in love with your boyfriend. You are engaged and thinking about a married man? You are already emotionally cheating on your boyfriend? Again would you want your boyfriend to be doing to you what you are doing him? Have you told your boyfriend about your feelings about this man and what you talk about? My guess is that you don't which means you have already started to lie and keep secrets from your boyfriend? Don't you see how wrong this is that you are planning to get married and thinking about how great it would be being with this other man? You are in for a world of hurt and pain from everyone around you. I wish you luck because you will need it.

[STALLION21]

So bryan are you saying married men cannot have female friends?

I guess I forgot to mention that my fiance has cheated before once, and I still have that implanted on my mind, therfore I feel I cannot trust him anyway. Do you think I am really having an affair? We have not done anything besides phone convesations, although he has asked me what are we gonna do. On one hand I feel bad thinking about being w/ him, on the other I don't want to end it and always ask myself was he the right man @ the wrong time? I will not have sex w/ this man as long as he is married.

[EnigmaXOXO]

You can't trust your fiance.

 

Your fiance obviously can't trust you.

 

So Why are you even engaged??

 

Has the whole world gone absolutely nuts!!??

[Tony T]

EnigmaXOXO ASKS: "Has the whole world gone absolutely nuts!!??"

 

Yep! Where have you been?

[aries]

"Has the whole word gone nuts?"

 

Come on people, sin has occurred since the beginning of Adam and Eve. If you think affairs are just a new thing that people are doing because they are crazy and this world is just going down the tubes immorally your wrong. It has always been this way. People today are just more open about these issues and are just more willing to talk about it and ask questions, especially on forums like this because no one knows who you are and it is very discreet. If you talk to older generations of people they will tell you the same thing. People have made bad decisions since the beginning of time, I do not understand why some of you seem so shocked at this.

 

I am not condoning any sin, but to think that this is a "new" occurance is just plain wrong and naive. To be honest, I think talking about these issues and people getting their guilt and emotions off their chest or just seeking advice from others is a very positive thing. If we could all be so open about our faults and our darkest desires it could probably prevent a lot of these actions occuring before they do. I am sure many people considering an affair or even that are still in an affair come to these sites and realize they are not the only ones in this type of situation, and by reading other peoples stories and advice it helps them get more perspective on their own situation. I say it most likely prevents affairs or ends affairs that are occuring, just because they realize that every story has the same elements, their story is not much different than everybody elses and the issues that are driving people into affairs are usually all the same.

I think that is very enlitening.

 

The Internet can be a great learning tool, you have people from all walks of life and different backgrounds coming together on issues that have been timeless. You get an array of opinions and stories and it helps you come to a clearer answer to your own situation, or at least greater insight than you ever would get if you were dealing with things on your own because you do not have anyone to talk to about it, or you feel you can't because of the shame of the situation. I think this is very positive, education and awareness is the best medicine. Let's get off this "doom and gloom" kick and start dealing with some of these issues, the more we understand about ourselves the better people we will be in the long run and maybe we can offer better insight and advice for future generations.

 

Support Always,

Aries

[moimeme]

So bryan are you saying married men cannot have female friends?

 

Once the married man starts telling the 'female friend' that he met her at 'the wrong time', it is not a friendship. Friends end when people start thinking about leaving their partners, having sex, etc. Friends also end when you tell the 'friend' more personal thoughts and feelings than you tell your partner. So of course married men can have female friends, but the line of intimacy must be drawn very strongly between them and not transgressed.

[EnigmaXOXO]

Aries states: "...I do not understand why some of you seem so shocked at this."

 

I can only respond from the position of someone who has never had an affair, nor have I ever been tempted to explore a romantic and/or sexual relationship outside of the one I was already involved in. This does not make me feel self righteous or sanctimonious. Rather I worry that I, and the few others who share my perspective, may actually be the rare minority these days.

 

I am not “shocked” that such things happen. On the contrary, I have been on the receiving end of the ‘cheating partner syndrome’ MANY times in my life, and therefore know exactly how it feels. So I suppose my sympathies naturally go to the unwary victims, or ‘casualties’ of those confused individuals who make “bad decisions”…just as you may be more sympathetic towards those involved in affairs since you were once caught up in one, yourself.

 

True, this venue, and many others, offers good insight to the human psyche. Particularly in regards to inter-personal relationships. But while we may offer “support” to those seeking advice and/or opinions, it would be a disservice for any of us not to “support” that individual in making a healthier choice in regards to their particular dilemma. Particularly if that individual is not in the right frame of mind to come to any definite resolve for themselves. After all, why post at all if you are not already seeking objective insight and opinions? And, is it not easier to read a situation when standing on the outside, far removed from the emotional fog which prevents many otherwise “rational” individuals from seeing the full scope of their dilemma?

 

I think it’s fair to say that when we read threads like the one above, it touches each of us in a different way according to our own personal experiences. Perhaps it re-opens old wounds that may have never healed. For me…it’s the old feelings of pain and confusion, a lack of comprehension in how the people you love and trust the most could ever be capable of doing such selfish, cruel things. And perhaps, for you, it touches upon those old residual feelings of guilt and shame having once been “the other woman.”

 

But none of us should ever take personally those responses left for another person. Instead, it is best to use this forum as a learning tool, a mirror by which to gage our own behavior. Personally, I would rather learn from someone else’s mistakes than to ever find myself caught up in a similar circumstance! After 40 years, believe me when I say I’ve had all the “hard lessons” I care learn…and I’ve always been open and honest about sharing them all, in the futile hope that it might help prevent someone else from repeating them.

 

"You did what you knew how to do. When you learn better, you do better." --Maya Angelo

[aries]

I think it is great that people have a place to seek opinions from those that have been involved in an affair and those who have never been in one or those who have been hurt by being cheated on. It gives all perspectives and makes you think about things that you might not have thought about before. I think it is great that you respond and give your opinions to some of these threads. We all have something to learn here, even in giving advice or opinions to people is a learning process or even a healing process. Do not get me wrong, no matter what your position is on the question at hand, I think all views should be heard. I am just saying, have more faith in humanity, these things have always happened, but hopefully with better communication and understanding we can all learn more about why these situations occur and how to prevent them from happening or understand why they may happen in the first place.

 

Support Always,

Aries

 

P.S. Sorry to get off topic from the original post.

[STALLION21]

Everyone here has given some great advice and given me and him something to think about b/c I also shared your opinions w/ him. We both agree the best thing to do is keep OUT of contact but we are finding it more and more hard to do that. Do any of you have some advice on how to keep it on a friendly level, no sexual contact? Also I would like to know how can I nip these feelings in the bud w/ o losing contact w/him? We have never done this before and need just a little more guidance.

P.S. I have been introduced to a family member. What does that indicate?

[EnigmaXOXO]

Stallion,

 

First, as difficult as it may be, try to step outside of yourself for a moment and pretend that you are viewing your situation from the perspective of an outsider.

 

What advice would you give your closest friend, or even your own mother, if they were in your situation and came to you for advice? Would you tell them to continue down the road they're on with little regard for the consequences which might result? Or would you want to protect them...from themselves, and try to prevent them from the potential hurt and pain. We must all learn to become our "own" best friends, just as often as we are sometimes our own worst enemies.

 

Then, try to imagine for a moment how your fiancé might feel. Better yet, imagine if the situation were reversed and he was having another affair behind your back. How did you feel when he cheated on you the first time? Were you angry or hurt? Could it be that somewhere down deep inside you are not over the betrayal, and now the "pay back" has become an easy excuse to validate your own disregard for "self-sensor."

 

And do you really think the two of you can suddenly shift gears, and honestly become "just friends." Don’t you think it would be in your best interest to pursue a healthier closure…either with this relationship or the one you are already involved in?

 

Knowing what little I’ve read from your post, it seems you are not ready yet to commit to any single partner. Not as long as you are drifting about in your state of confusion. And it would be unfair to ALL of the people involved (including yourself) if you strung them along until you’ve finally made up your mind. Sometimes, just because we want a relationship, it doesn’t mean we are ready for one.

 

Take some alone time to process your feelings and get in touch with your more rational self. Reacquaint yourself with that dynamic person within, and decide what you really deserve, rather than what you are willing to settle for. You already have all the answers…you just need to learn how to listen to that wiser inner voice. We all have one!

 

Good Luck.

[aries]

I am really sorry to say this, but you CAN"T have a friendship with this person, it is just not possible, at least right now or maybe never. I have been through this and having NO CONTACT is the only way to get over the relationship. If you have contact or try to be friends you are just tempting both of yourselves everytime your together or in a situation when you could be together. You are still at that point where you think friendship is possible because you are not completely ready to let go of this man. Once you get away from the affair you will start to see things differently and hopefully you will realize that it was the right thing to do.

 

I really think you should think twice about getting married. I do not believe that you are in love with your fiance'. You would not be doing what you are doing if you were. I hope you do not go through this marriage because other people expect you to or because you are afraid of being alone, you do not want to hurt him, etc... It is not fair to you or him to go into this marriage without you being 100% ready. I do wish the best for you. You are just going to have to be really strong through all of this.

 

Support Always,

Aries

[STALLION21]

Maybe it will help to see where I am coming from if I say this: Wether or not me and the married guy get together, I am not getting married to my fiance unless alot of things are changed, he already knows this and I decided this before I met the married guy.

As far as the relationship w/ me and the married guy goes, we have never had any type of physical contact, therefore I think it is safe to say we are still at the friends stage.

I guess I really am trying to look for a way to validate this.

We want to be together, but not until he is no longer married and it's kinda hard to say well call me in a few mths when we are both free.

This is a man who I am very close w/ we talk about EVERYTHING IMAGINABLE, we just clicked from day one.

[EnigmaXOXO]

I guess I really am trying to look for a way to validate this.

 

So what are the reasons you have come up with?

 

Not being sarcastic...just want to know what your rational is behind this and help you figure out if your expectations are realistic or not.

 

There is no greater deceit than when we lie to ourselves.

 

PS...let me know if I'm making your head hurt, and I'll go away.

 

(I have an uncanny knack for doing that to people!)

[STALLION21]

Actually you are not making my head heart, you are what everyone needs in their life ,an honest person.

On the other hand the reasons I have come up w / are:

1. what if this was really meant to be and is just a test?

2. I cannot deny my felings.

3. As he states they were already having serious problems before I came in the picture and we would probably kickourselves if we let this friendship go, they get a divorce, and we do not know how to contat each other.

The only reason I am having doubts is b/c plain and simple it is wrong wanting to be together also I see nothing wrong w/ us being friends.

Again thanks everyone for the replies and keep them coming b/c they all give me something to consider.

[STALLION21]

Anymore cut and dry advice anyone[ males or females]?

[EnigmaXOXO]

1. what if this was really meant to be and is just a test?

 

Who or what would possibly be “testing” you? And what would be the “reward” if you were to pass such a test? You state that you have trust issues with your current fiancé because he’s cheated in the past. So why would you want to swap him out for someone else just like him??

 

If this were “meant to be,” there would not be so many SERIOUS obstacles in your way. It’s not just about bad timing, but there are real families involved, and I suspect children as well. (Please correct me if I’m wrong).

 

I am not suggesting that either of you should stay in your current relationships for the sake of “the children” … not if it only provides a convenient and easy excuse to remain within your cozy and “financially secure” environments while pursuing outside interests --- Self-serving interests which are detrimental to the very well-being of those family units you both try to convince each other you want to protect. It would be unfair for you to stay in your homes while pretending to be responsible, devoted parents and partners if you weren’t willing to put in 100% of your heart, time and effort.

 

2. I cannot deny my felings.

 

True, and so many people have justified giving into those ‘feelings’ by claiming “I’m only human.” Or… “It happens all the time, it’s just human nature.” So easy to blame our misguided motives on some wayward strand of DNA when we refuse to accept accountability for own our selfish behaviors. How about all those others who are somehow able to overcome their temptations and avoid putting themselves in situations like this in the first place? Are they any less human? While we certainly have individual weaknesses, each one of us is also blessed with a conscience and intellect. And isn’t that conscience and intellect; our inherent sense of right from wrong, constantly at battle with those primordial urges and “feelings?”

 

Am I wrong to suspect that you might be wrestling with the same thing now?

 

3. As he states they were already having serious problems before I came in the picture and we would probably kickourselves if we let this friendship go, they get a divorce, and we do not know how to contat each other.

 

So, what would this “friendship” consist of?...The two of you sitting around moaning and groaning about how miserable your relationships are, bashing your current partners who are naively waiting for you to come home, while proclaiming how much the two of you wish you could be together?

 

Why is it so much easier for you to talk about your relationship problems with someone else other than your own partners?? And what could this “friendship” possibly do to FIX what’s wrong in your current relationships? Do you plan to actually support each other’s decision to stay with your families and work things out or will your merely become co-dependants and eventually give in to temptation??

 

And let’s say your ultimate fantasy comes true…So who leaves their relationship first? Do you “trust” him enough to leave your fiancé first? Are you financially able or willing to take care of you and your child alone for the rest of your life? I think if you were, you would have already left.

 

And how will this new man be able to provide for you? If he does leave his wife (and it’s a BIG if) he’ll most likely be paying child support, and perhaps even alimony, too. I also suspect it’s the “money” issue that’s also keeping him from leaving his current situation.

 

So what will you be left with? Another disloyal man who gives into temptation and you can not “trust?” Another child, perhaps, that you will be responsible for should he grow tired of your relationship and pick up with a new “friend?”

 

Hardly sounds like the Brady Bunch to me…

 

I apologize for the long response and hope others will also join to give their insight and opinions. You are in serious need of an INTERVENTION, and there are some great people on this forum who can give you just that!

[aries]

Stallion21,

 

You really have got to put things into perspective. I KNOW how you feel. It was not to long ago that I felt the same as you. I felt like we were meant to be also, but you can't make a wrong right. If he says he wants to divorce, then wait on those divorce papers before you persue anything else. You say that you both are very close and talk about everything, well that is an emotional affair and that is just as bad as a full blown affair without the physical intimacy, which is sure to come if you keep the emotional affair going. It is real easy for this man to tell you he is very unhappy but to still go home to his wife and family. The reality is that a lot of men do this who get involved in affairs. They say they want to leave because the marriage is over and they are miserable but they never leave. They keep making excuses and drag you along hook, line, and sinker until you get so tired of the situation that you finally let go. I am not saying that your man will do this, but the majority do. They never get the nerve to leave or never had intentions to in the first place.

 

This did not happen to me. We both mutually agreed to end the affair, he couldn't leave nor could I, we would have hurt a lot of people and we did not want to do that. I am so glad that we did this because now that I am out of the affair and look back I realize how stupid and selfish we were being. I am just so thankful we did not get caught. I still care for this person and I hope he does me. I think in the long run we will have respect for each other for leaving it alone and neither one of us trying to persue a hopeless cause. I know in my heart we will always be "friends", but we just cannot be apart of each others lives.

 

I know you may be afraid because you think it might be "meant to be". If you believe in fate then you have to believe that no matter what if you are meant to be together you will be. It may be 10 yrs from now or next week. What you are doing is inevitably wrong as right as it feels right now. Move on until he is available. You cannot control situations like this--trying to make things happen to work out in your favor will most likely end up in things taking a turn for the worse. You want him to remember you as a positive in his life, not a negative. If you really love him or want the best for him, leave things as they are and let him make up his own mind about what he needs to do. If he can't live without you then he won't.

 

As for you, be patient and figure out what you want. You are still young and have a lot of time to find the person of your dreams. You say your fiance is going to try to make some changes but if he is already having to make changes, is this relationship really healthy or right? If this man decides to stay with his family, please do not marry your fiance because there is noone else. I just really have doubts about you marrying him. I do not know your full history, but it just sounds like you are going to settle and you are to young to do that.

 

I hope some of this advice helps you come to a good decision. The cards seem to be in married mans hands right now. He needs to do what is right also. You are still "single" but he is not. You have nothing to loose and he has everything to loose. Just do not let him string you along. You just might miss the love of your life being caught up in a man who has no intentions of ever being with you.

 

 

Support Always,

Aries

[STALLION21]

You both are exactly right but let me clear a few things up:

1. I am in my last year of medical school and will be able to support me and my daughter w/ no problem.

2. No matter what happens my engagement is postponed regardless until we get some counseling and I see some changes, I don't think he is cheating now but, it is just the little things that would take more space than I have to type.

3. I have not asked him and he has not said that he is gonna leave her. I don't think we are at the affair stage yet b/c since we discovered we had feelings for each other we have only talked on the phone twice. I don't feel that we are cheating but, I think that is where it is headed if we have the oppurtunity.

4. I definitely am not settling, I just happened to let the wrong man catch my eye. It's not hard to find someone single that wants to be w/ me. My heart is just torn in 2 different directions right now.

 

 

What I basicallly think you guys feel is that we are cheating emotionally, we cannot be friends, and if we were to somehow get together it would not work?

 

Again , thank you for your input, you don't know how much it means to me.

 

Also I have a question for the males: if it were you in the situation w/ me how would you feel about a friendship behind your wife's back? do you think this man could be stringing me along in order to gain an affair? kinda trying to have his cake and eat it too until I become so weak , I cannot fight it. I asked him had he done this before and he said no. he's constantly saying how much energy it takes.

 

This question is for everyone, how would you take it if your loved one had a close friend of the opposite sex and they asked you to trust them?

 

I am thinking about the next time I talk to him telling him, we can be friends only if you tell your wife about me. And just so you guys will know, we both point out reasons to each other why and how the other should or can work on their relationship. ex. he suggested counseling for me and my fiance and I suggested he owes it to his wife to communicate some of the problems they are having.

 

Finance wise w/ his job and my job that I have waiting when I graduate we will have no problem.

 

The only thing we see we will have to compromise about is children, he already has 2 doesn't want anymore, I have 1 and I want atleast 2 more. We have started discussing this already.

[STALLION21]

Sorry the other one got so long!!!!

Enigma ,

The answers I forgot to include were that God or whomever God has put in charge of destiny may be trying to see if we can figure things out with the reward being each other. There was a saying ' You are in charge of your own destiny' contrary to people believing that what is gonna happen is gonna happen. And your other question's answer was we both have tried to cmmuniicate but our partners don't like to participate.

 

Aries,

Where did you find the strength to let go?

[EnigmaXOXO]

This question is for everyone, how would you take it if your loved one had a close friend of the opposite sex and they asked you to trust them?

 

This was a MAJOR issue between my partner and I three years ago when our relationship was new. Personally, I would not be comfortable with him having a female friend if she were an ex-lover or someone he spent a lot of one-on-one time with while I was not around. Particularly if they were sharing intimate information about myself and our relationship. Perhaps this makes me somewhat insecure by some people's definition, but your situation, in particular, only validates my doubts and fears. I’d be the first to admit, unless she weighted 400 pounds and were missing her front teeth, I would never, ever feel “secure” about such a friendship or “trust” that at least one of them didn’t have ulterior motives.

 

Enigma ,

The answers I forgot to include were that God or whomever God has put in charge of destiny may be trying to see if we can figure things out with the reward being each other. There was a saying ' You are in charge of your own destiny' contrary to people believing that what is gonna happen is gonna happen. And your other question's answer was we both have tried to communiicate but our partners don't like to participate.

 

I think people are too quick to hold “God” responsible when they are unable to think and act on their own behalf. While opportunities may present themselves to us throughout life, whether they be good or bad, ultimately we have the freedom of will to make our own decisions, and therefore must be accountable for them. “God” didn’t place you in your unhappy relationship. “You” are the one who responsible for that. They were “your” decisions, not his/hers. (unless you were hearing voices, in which case I retract!)

 

Furthermore, “Destiny” does not dictate that you should enter into an affair, nor does “Fate” dictate that you must stay in an unhappy relationship. YOU are "in charge" of your own life, and those decisions are yours, and yours alone to make. Good OR bad...

[STALLION21]

Guys I have an update :

On my way to work I decided to leave him alone and we speak maybe twice a year on the phone. Unfortunately on my way home from I asked myself why do I have to leave him alone if I wanna be w/ him?

Your advice has definitely helped me see clearer now, I know the right thing to do just having trouble doing it. Any advice on leaving him alone?

[aries]

You ask "Any advice on leaving him alone?"

 

The answer is very simple, absolutely no contact with each other. If he calls you, do not answer and do not call back. If you are tempted to call him, be strong and ask yourself if you are doing the right thing by starting a bad cycle over again. The answer should be no. Think about him all you want-you probably will no matter how hard you try anyhow, but remind yourself that the relationship was wrong and that you are doing the right thing. DO NOT act on any emotions that you may feel day to day. Learn to let it go and put it in the past. As days go on it will get easier and easier. I still think of the other man, but I do not long for him like I used to. I think it is because the longer you are out of the situation you realize how wrong it actually was or you just start to rationalize what occured and why, without being caught up in the moment like you are day in and day out in a relationship. It is true-hind site is 20/20.

 

Stallion, I am not trying to be rude but you seem a little wishy washy about your situation. One minute you say you are just good friends, but then you say that you have talked about whether he would want more children by you in the future if you actually get together. That is not a "friend conversation". If you are just friends then he should not keep it from his wife. There should be nothing to hide. Whether you realize it or not this is leading to an affair, I think you know this or you would not be asking the questions that you have. Also, when I said I thought you were settling, I meant being with your fiance not the other man. Your relationship with your fiance does not seem healthy to me. It is of course your choice, but it seems like you are playing on both sides of the fence. I may be completely wrong, but it seems like if it does not work out with MM then you are going to stay with your fiance and if it does not work out with fiance then you may persue MM. If you are finishing up in school, why not take a break from both relationships and just think about you for awhile. You are still young and seem to be on the right track in being able to support yourself without needing anyone to help you out. That is great! I just hate to see you get involved in relationships that do not sound very stable to begin with.

 

Support Always,

Aries